Rus Articles Journal

I want to be fashionable!

of

the Problem

Will try to be laconic. My parents were the Soviet engineers, so, people of quite modest prosperity. As far as I remember, they did not speak with me about money. In a family was not got to ask the attracted clothes or expensive toy.

always felt

Ya that parents care for me, and did not beg them for gifts. My daughter is 9 years old. Nastya is the clever and diligent girl. But once she sees a bright thing or a beautiful toy, and she turns into the whimsical and cruel little woman. At first she asks tenderly and politely, then begins to bargain: buy me this game, I will always behave well. Having met refusal, begins to cry and accuse bitterly us that all girlfriends have such game and only at it is not present. If it does not help, she openly declares that we are the most greedy parents in all this world. We with the husband are very upset, we see how beautifully and expensively dress Nastiny girlfriends, what modern games at them. Alas, we did not learn to earn money. I am a teacher of elementary grades, the husband is truck driver. Our modest earnings do not allow to buy to Nastya expensive games or clothes from boutiques. We try to inspire in the daughter that it is necessary to live within means that we with the father care for her, but we have no money for fashionable and expensive things that material benefits not the main thing in life. Whether we are right, devoting 9 - the summer child in our material difficulties? What to answer it when it rigidly interrupts us:“ There is no money - look for work where pay more. Or borrow and buy me benetonovsky jeans“. We with the husband have sense of guilt and inferiority: the success and all achievements of the person are measured in today`s Russia only by existence of money. I am afraid that we put Nastya on the lowermost steps of public hierarchy. It turns out, our daughter has no chance to become successful in life because we accustomed her to deprivations and poverty. Whether it is possible to improve situation? If yes, that as? What to do to us when Nastya asks things which we are not able to buy? How to counterbalance material and cultural wealth?

Comment of the children`s psychotherapist, family consultant Madlena Sanchuk.

Already one-year-old baby wants to reach by

a subject which riveted her attention. The kid will show sharpness and persistence to overcome all obstacles in his way to desired object. To receive the desirable immediately - here that forces the child to use shouts, later - hypocritical: “Well please!!!“ And in a year: “Mummy, well only today, well only this toy, I will always begin to love and obey you - always!“

the Senior preschool children already try to enter in more difficult “torgovo - market“ negotiations with parents:“ You to me a toy, and I to you - good behavior“.

At school pressure of the public environment amplifies: children from the first day battle for leadership, for popularity. In fight for superiority not only personal qualities, but also riches which are possessed by children, to be exact, their parents are considered. The clothes code, unique for this school, the list of fashionable, “cool“, “cool“ things and toys is established. Any child will begin to seek to get those objects which are recognized as “cool“.

At this stage the child already well knows that it is necessary to cause in your heart sense of guilt for those deprivations to which you subject it. The parent having sense of guilt, obedient plasticine in hands of the exacting child.

to Parents with modest prosperity should not fall apart. Units of adults on the globe can keep up with all requirements of the nursery or teenagers. Parents should reconsider carefully the moral values and to state them in an available and sincere form to the child. It will sound approximately so:“ We understand, it is how important for you to be the leader. Compound popularity is not only things which you sport, but also your human qualities. The fashion on a thing changes very quickly, and here high qualities remain invariable“. Tell the child what merits in him you appreciate most of all. Think together what advantages in the child it would be desirable to develop. Talk about how it is possible to cultivate in itself high qualities.

Be honest

with themselves and the child: imperishable cultural wealth is necessary. Kindness, honesty, self-respect, generosity, disinterestedness, ability to be on friendly terms - without these qualities human life is defective and sad. However to assure the child that he has to be above material values and despise money, too it is incorrect. Your child lives among people, and for him a bright toy and beautiful fashionable clothes approximately the same as for adults the good car and the apartment.

Tell

to the child that you understand: it needs to look fashionably and beautifully. Attract it to a family council on drawing up the budget for the next month. Discuss the sum which this month you can allocate to the child for his toys or clothes. Learn that today at school the very best fashionable. Together with the child make the list of 10 things which he by all means would like to possess. Let will dream aloud together with you, and you listen and do not criticize. Suggest to choose one or two subjects from the list which are represented the most necessary, so the child learns about priorities. If the chosen thing fits into the sum which you together allocated, you need only to plan a visit of shop. And if is not present?

Count

with the child how many months it is necessary to save money for this subject. Suggest it to make a choice: to wait for quite long time or to make a compromise, having chosen from the list something the most available at the price.

Call to the aid resourcefulness. Attract the child to a creative solution.“ Cool“ the book can be taken in library, and the new movie, a computer game and the bicycle - for rent. To buy the desirable, it is possible to add money from a moneybox. Perhaps the child is ready to reduce a little consumption of ice cream, and money which parents daily give on a portion of ice cream, to postpone for expensive purchase?

Discuss

with the child and such option: it is possible to find parents - adherents who live in the neighbourhood. Together you will create “bank of fashionable things“ which can be bought by sharing the cost and to use in turn.

Attracted to a solution, the child will feel that the situation is under control that the task is feasible, it is necessary to put efforts and sharpness only. It will stop manipulating you and to appeal to feeling of parental fault. At parents and the child need for continuous opposition will be gone - they will become adherents who seek to make life even more colourful and cheerful.

Still the best gifts do not cost

not a stiver. It is a smile early in the morning, a gentle kiss before school, the kind word and good advice, undivided attention and participation which you are always ready to give to the child.