The conflicts between colleagues: as not to allow them and as to get out of them. Part 2. The price of a victory of
the Conflict - not always angrily and if you had to enter an open antagonism, should try to take out from it all possible lessons. Having been involved in quarrel, many try to become a winner at any cost. But often it is possible to feel the real victory, having only conceded.
Direct refusal of the conflict
If you feel for yourself guilty, do not want that the contradiction between you and the colleague dragged on and the management knew of it, it is the best of all to try to resolve it as soon as possible. The easiest way - directly to refuse trial, having recognized all claim made by the opponent. Or, at least, to try to transfer a problem to a stage of negotiations, having let know the opposite side that are ready for concessions. Such way most approaches when you feel that you are wrong, or some part of requirements imposed to you has under itself the essential reasons.However have not enough to recognize by
requirements in such situation, it is necessary to execute really them, only then the conflict will be exhausted. But direct refusal cannot be used if you continue to consider that you are right, otherwise not resolved question will continue to spoil your relations with the colleague, and new, perhaps, stronger quarrel as a result will break out.
Elena, 34, HR - the manager:“ I very much do not like to clash therefore if I see that the person was brought, I always give him an opportunity to express, without interrupting and without interrupting. Surely I try to find a share of common sense in his words. What I thought to the point in general, I will always emphasize that I agree with the interlocutor on some certain positions, such will always be. And when he will calm down and will feel my benevolent relation, I can quietly speak about an essence“.
Sense of humour often helps to get out of the difficult situations. Having presented a problem in the playful form, it is simpler to settle it as such negative factor as hostility is removed. Trying to relieve a charged atmosphere a smile or a joke, you show friendliness, show that in your words and actions there is no aggression, rage.
But if your opponent has no sense of humour or is found in a situation by nothing ridiculous, he will apprehend your attempts to amuse him as mockery, and as a result at it will be one claim more. Therefore if you are not sure that the interlocutor will understand your joke correctly, it is better not to risk.
Vasily, 26, manager of travel agency:“ We in department have one employee with very explosive character. It it is constant in a condition of confrontation nearly and a half collective. All do not love it and very much are surprised how I manage to maintain good relations with it. And the secret is simple. The matter is that it has a sense of humour therefore if it not in the spirit of, I try to make laugh her. We will giggle over some client, we will just exchange new jokes or tricks from the Internet, and intensity is discharged. She states claims already quietly, and even about them forgets“.
to Take the dominating position
More rigid way of an exit from the conflict - to try to show to the interlocutor that you - a master of the situation. Ways here a set, the majority of them - nonverbal. Not so much words, how many intonation, a mimicry, a look, behavior of people shows that it is over incident, this situation is indifferent for it and does not touch it in any way. Here the main thing - hundred - percentage confidence in a victory as the loser loses everything. It will not be possible to resolve a problem in such a way. That is the opposite side will be still offended on you, but if you well own this method and are able to apply correctly it, the opponent will hardly want new quarrel with you.
Galina, 30, accountant:“ We in the company had a new chief accountant. First of all she began to establish the rules, constantly carped at employees, forced all to write explanatory, than intimidated all accounts department. Tried to influence also me. Dug out ten some small defects, began to reproach with them (and from bank I returned at the wrong time, and what? that left paper not in that folder) and finished, as always, with the requirement explanatory. Without thinking twice, I wrote several notes which text represented the veiled mockery. Them numbered all and put it on a table. Calculation worked - she is not my employer therefore cannot cut down a salary or dismiss me, and complain to the management will be afraid: not to recognize that she does not own a situation. Therefore the chief preferred not to touch more me“.
to Resort to intervention of collective
In most cases the way the least effective. The more people it is involved in trial, the it becomes more difficult. At everyone the point of view differing from stated by conflicting parties. Thus, the contradiction can develop into a fight in the bar from the American western - all against all.
Dmitry, 25, system administrator:“ From the first work I took off with a crash! Came after institute, imagined specifics of creation of the relations in adult collective poorly. I was strongly irritated by one manager who absolutely barbarous handled the computer, did not want to master elementary things, and slightly that - called me. In a smoking-room I opened the heart with our courier, too, it is, having a grudge against this employee. And when he once again something salted to the courier, that stated everything that thinks of it, added, as others hold the same opinion, and pointed to me. The management knew of incident. The courier the student who was the director`s nephew earned additionally, the manager brought in to firm the solid income, and I was extreme, and I was dismissed to hush up scandal“.
to Resort to intervention of the management
Resorting to the help of the management for the solution of the disputes arising between employees, it is possible to handicap itself very and to stain own reputation. Besides and colleagues carefully or even unfriendly treat the one who allows quarrels in this way.Sometimes, however, the way helps
if you are sure that the administration will understand you, and you will be able correctly to inform it of a problem essence. Not to pass for the rowdy or the informer, it is the best of all to speak to the chief only about an essence, pressing not that offended personally you, and on what such state of affairs can damage to common cause. It is impossible to prompt the ready decision at all and especially to ask punishments for the opposite side.
do not threaten the opponent with the fact that you will inform the management, - he can make it for you. Having decided to address to higher instance and having reported about it to the rival, do not give him the chance to be ahead of you.
Larisa, 31, manager of sales department:“ I was taken a dislike by the head of department. He not only constantly carped at me, but also periodically just prevented to work. I lost from - for it perspective clients, constantly was angry and in general wanted to leave. Having understood that I will not work with it, and including the dismissal solved, I dared to use the last chance. Knowing his meticulousness and a pedantry, asked it to state in writing all remarks to my work and to dump to me by e-mail, and, having received the message, sent it to the management. Having read this nonsense, the director immediately dismissed him“.
to Trade places
One of the most effective ways of permission of the most different contradictions. For a start try to become on a position of the opposite side. The main thing - to get used to a skin of this person, to understand his habits, outlook, character, financial position and many other things. Perhaps, from his point of view it is really right. And is farther proceeding from it to explain him the position so that it approached you too, became on your place. Suggest it to make the decision for you. Providing to the opponent a freedom of action, you confer on him responsibility for the made decision which, most likely, will stop it from hasty steps or at least will set thinking.
Tamara, 37, director of studies: “Retiring, my predecessor warned:“ More carefully from Petrova. As the new schedule, so it is dissatisfied. Will go, will torture“. In total and it turned out. As soon as there was the slightest change in its schedule, it right there came and began to torment, it is possible to think, only it has problems! Then I suggested her to change the schedule as she wants, but that at the same time the overall picture did not “creep“. As she tried, could think up nothing. More it did not disturb me“.
also other ways of an exit from conflict situations Exist. The most reasonable of them - to try to reach compromise, to settle a contradiction on points. But they are good when the opposite side is also ready to dialogue. Threat, the ultimatum and other rough means most often lead to unpredictable consequences therefore it is better to avoid such methods. And here nobility yet damaged to nobody. Even if you defeated the rival, you should not scoff at him, to deride him before others. It is the best of all to show that you consider incident settled and to help the colleague to get with advantage out of the situation. Only when both parties are happy, the problem can be considered solved.