How to get on in a big family of
What the general between family life and dances? Both it is necessary to be able. Both that and another can learn. To be able to dance in couple - all the same what to be able to live together. It is possible to dance simply - two - three repeating movements. Here one condition - not to step on legs. And family life can be so plain, with a minimum of interactions. There are dances more difficult, a tango for example. Here not only own body it is necessary to own and to feel the partner, but to know sequence of figures (in translation into family language - it agrees to carry out certain rules), to be able to divide roles: it is your party, it is mine. As a result each partner, relying on support of another, can do a pas, impossible for the soloist. And in a family, each of her members has new opportunities in comparison with bachelorhood.
“It is soccer, the sir? No, it is tennis, the sir!“
Unfortunately, in many families does not have all recognized division of roles, uniform rules. The young woman considers that time she is a mother, knows better, than to feed the child and to dress how warmly. And the grandmother is sure of the correctness - how many children grew up! It seems to the husband: put not it the wife with mother to sort. They both on it in offense: everyone considers that it has to interfere and be on its party. Also rushed...
Everyone “the young family“ passes the period of “grinding in“: examinations who by what rules lives, and establishments of the general. Sometimes there is an impression that at new relatives “fishes walk across the field, toads on the sky fly“. You will get used to such not at once, and you will fall in love especially. Nevertheless both it will be endured, and it slyubitsya if spouses really want to live together.
the Consent and mutual understanding arise quicker and easier if disagreements are openly and kindly discussed. Though the proverb approves the return: “A lean compromise is better than a fat lawsuit“. Only it is unclear to me, THAN better. Sometimes even it seems that at all it is not popular wisdom, but the trick which is thought up by some cunning person to confuse people around and to exploit.
That you will think about a team in which players and the trainer never develop joint strategy, mistakes do not discuss, claims concerning the one who to whom did not give in, do not state... They are silent so, are silent, smile each other. And then somebody speaks: all this bothered me, I leave you I do not wish to see more. It also occurs in some families.
is considered to be that it is possible to sort out the relations, to assert the rights with strangers, strangers. With neighbors, colleagues, the administration, friends it is necessary to show patience. “Patient“ - sounds as encouragement, a compliment to the person.“ Impatient“ - on the contrary, censure. And all - a proven fact that in communication with neighbors and colleagues the patience can have a limit. As for intra family affairs, the boundless patience is considered necessary here. Any disagreement is perceived as aggression. We absorb these templates of perception and behavior with mother`s milk, without understanding that. And then we speak: “It is better to live in a communal flat, than with relatives“. Than better? And what can be told:“ It does not concern you“ - to close a door before a nose and not to feel later guilty.
If we can agree with the stranger, protect the interests and not offend him why it cannot turn out in a family? It is only necessary to understand and accept that between the closest and loving relatives there can be disagreements and nobody is guilty of it.
Us is spoiled by a housing problem
Today one mention that with you there live the family brother or the sister, causes in people around compassion. What is it? we so developed social services what we do not need the related help any more? No, it not so. To be more exact, that without the aid of the family we can manage hardly. And all - we part.
Reduction of number of people in a family often does not solve a problem, and changes one for others. Instead of disputes with the grandmother, how exactly it is necessary to raise children, there will be searches of the nurse, concern because that you left the child with the unfamiliar, in fact, person. If the senior generation has problems with health - means, separately living parents should be visited regularly. There are no problems if they live in the next entrance and if on other end of the city? Whether it is worth multiplying examples? Before parting, it is necessary to weigh well that you will really get and that you will lose.
Travel solves, perhaps, only one problem - physical narrowness. Each person for comfort needs some volume of personal space. It is known that this volume different for different people. If there is not enough physical space, the person feels bad what remarkable people it neither surrounded and as if it them nor loved. It is peculiar not only to the person, but also all living beings. Biologists also know well long ago that if the quantity of animals in the open-air cage exceeds some boundary (at each type of living beings it the), between them the number of fights inevitably increases, fights become more cruel, many couples in general cease to give birth to cubs.
Krom of space people need loneliness. Deprived of this opportunity, the person suffers. “Let though the gold fly creeps on the person, all the same there is a wish to kill her“ - this phrase, in my opinion, very successfully expresses feelings of the person deprived of personal space and an opportunity to be alone.
Each family which wants to escape has to take care of that all her members had an opportunity to remain to one and to have the personal space, maybe, the personal belongings and, of course, the intimate thoughts and feelings.