Quite so many practicing psychologists call extremely difficult period of life when the serious uncles who seemingly took place in a profession and in family life (and sometimes and aunts) suddenly unclear from what begin to behave in a queer way and throw out a trick, well precisely as difficult teenagers in awkward age.
Probably, people, many, even far from psychology, heard that to the middle of life (right after forty) the person quite often endures a disease state of the reconsideration lived and search of new meanings. Such heart-searching is frequent occurs against a long depression. Most often through roaring the fortieth there pass men, successful according to people around. The matter is that to the chronic loser occupied with eternal fight for existence happens just once to be engaged in introspection. But the person at whom all basic vital needs are already satisfied has time to think about eternal and of own role in a performance under the name life. And then questions appear: “And whether habitual business was worth it to spend for it the best years?“ or: “And the achieved success can - only a mirage, and actually it is necessary sharply to change everything, for the present there is time?“ By the way, if you, dear reader, having read these lines, ironically grinned, then, most likely, you are not thirty five years old. One famous modern psychologist told so:“ Crisis of middle age remains a horror story for nervous only until you do not enter a risk zone“.
B the trying to look younger Europe and America with their cult of eternal youth and indestructible optimism of a show-window of drugstores abound with the attractive boards guaranteeing to relieve you of wrinkles, extra kilos, that is of all that gives to people around your age. And nevertheless, in their safe world the sincere storm “on forties“ storm not less furiously, than at us. For example, according to the American psychological association, every fourth resident of the USA aged from 40 till 52 years is subject to a so-called syndrome of forty-year-old. However, difference nevertheless is. In the western culture long decades if not centuries, there was to solve a tradition own psychological problems in the civilized ways, for example, by means of regular visits to the psychoanalyst. Of course, and in some respectable Copenhagen at desire it is possible to find the fallen yesterday`s successful car dealer or bank a top - the manager who replaced a strict suit with shabby jeans and an undershirt of the free artist. And all - at them abruptly is much more difficult to change the life, than at us. Bye. All the matter is that under the developed capitalism of the person since youth entangles so many obligations (especially financial) that try to take only it a step aside as it will be put right there into place or will just make bankrupt that at them equivalently social death. However, we will become just the same soon: the bank credits and various payments for loans will make many of us from a student`s bench, and even earlier, hostages of the chosen professional way once.to
But for the present most of Russians has privilege like heroes of Chekhov and Ostrovsky to look for meaning of life and to grieve for an ideal. One my familiar psychologist whom I addressed for consultation for this article whether with grief, whether with secret pride declared to me that at us every second person after thirty five years in a varying degree endures crisis of middle age. And men play tricks generally. As they at us marry early enough, on average in 25-27 years, by 35 years many of them suddenly with melancholy find out that an outstanding career still somewhere in the long term, and family life already turned into routine. People are eager for an emotional shake-up. There is a terrible wish to make up for urgently missed opportunities, and it is desirable to receive everything and at once. But the main thing, often seems to the man that habitual chains of life and the grown hateful work as he will become at once that whom dreamed long ago - the playboy, popular with young ladies, the successful businessman, soul of the company are worth shaking. Here? that the gimpers and approximate fathers of families respected at work also have a ball. In such inadequate psychological state of the man often make acts which nobody expects from them including they are. The person enduring crisis quite often looks so as if to it suddenly demolished “roof“. Its attempts to change considerably died long ago - an invention extremely risky. The matter is that to destroy what was created for years in power by much, and here it is capable to build on ruins desired communism for individual use not everyone. Not the fact that the yesterday`s research associate will pull a role of the free businessman. And quite often after honeymoons with the very young girlfriend it becomes clear that all problems were covered not in the old grown hateful wife at all, and in the man. As a result the yesterday`s dissatisfaction with and life can seem to the poor fellow a ridiculous whim in comparison with those serious problems that he arranged to himself. As to be? >
For a start it is quite good to p to visit the expert. He will professionally tell that crisis of middle age - normal reaction of a human body to the physiological reorganization happening in it. Besides, the mature man, as a rule, should bear constantly on himself freight of the most various problems: from care of the growing-up children to the solution of eternal financial puzzles. Sometimes to get off sad mind, to the person to correct rather a little a way of life: to have a rest, do more favorite things, not to drive itself into a chronic stress invariable “I have to“, “I am obliged“.
the Mirror for the hero
Occurs opinion that in forty years of the man pass peak of a sexual and creative form. Unfortunately, among them the similar myth is quite distributed. Also it is only possible to envy the rare optimists following on life to Carlson`s motto. That, as we know, being not a young man, considered himself as the man in the blossoming of forces. Yes, let on service young lions it is bad glance in your party, obviously wishing to gobble up “old man“ and to take a vacant place in pack, that is in the company. Start up the higher administration does not forgive you mistakes, as in the first years of your professional formation any more. Let even at you indeed not that any more there was a business grasp as in twenty or in thirty years, but on your party invaluable experience, and it easily will move all listed minuses. Besides, never late to normalize the organism frayed by life. Give yourself good physical activity (surely in the regular mode), limit or absolutely refuse addictions, and in half a year - year of the granny in public transport will begin to call you the young man and to demand angrily that you did not take the place for elderly people and disabled people.
Reconcile to the fact that there is always not enough money
Experts say that though approximate time of approach of crisis coincides at different people, the reason for discontent with and died at all different. Most often money acts as one of the main catalysts of the long conflict. And unreliable financial position does not satisfy needy. On the contrary, poor people and low-paid workers usually consider the situation stable. They from the birth got used to a certain way of life and do not know anything else. In the same way offsprings of rich families do not assume any changes. They since the childhood got used that they had money and will be always. Worst of all it is necessary middle class. Such people at us become more and more every year. This category of citizens by the own sweat and blood earned to itself on more - less provided life and lives in dread of loss of the income, repetition of a default or the beginning of expropriation of expropriators. Especially painfully it can be shown then when spouses enter middle age. The husband is quite often dissatisfied that the wife does not seek to find to herself more highly paid work, and the wife is sure that he is capable to earn as “Petrov from the twenty second apartment“. Often spouses find out that they spend more, than earn, and accuse each other of squandering. Disputes from - for money, turning in regular, finally are easily capable to finish off any relations.
the Conflicts concerning shortage of money arise even then when spouses are well provided. But usually it occurs when the wealth falls down them unexpectedly. For example, so it happened in one, to put it mildly, not rich Russian family where it worked as the modest teacher in the small town situated near Moscow, and he earned additionally private carrying on old “Field“ as he after dismissal from defensive scientific research institute could not find to himself a congenial employment in any way. And, having turned off “steering-wheel“, our hero at a leisure scribbled detective stories. And here one fine day its novel was accepted with a bang in large capital publishing house. Moreover, the detective story was the present best-seller, and on it soon began to shoot infinite television series. Naturally, in a family there was money, and considerable. The newly made writer published one best-seller behind another, and the wife undertook the right to dispose of money. Expenses of a family grew: money for building of country giving, a trip for fashionable resorts, decent suits were necessary for secular parties etc. Soon the husband began to accuse the wife that she squanders him blood and then the earned money. Now they also fiercely quarreled from? for the wealth, how in youth - from? for the poverty. Eventually the wife demanded that the husband published not less than one best-seller a quarter. It even so adjusted members of household that they began to expect from the head of the family only of Stakhanov rates that he provided to children study in prestigious higher education institutions and rest abroad. Came to an end in the fact that in a couple of years he felt absolutely exhausted and devastated. Its novels lost originality and soon ceased to have success in readers. Circulations sharply fell, and the publishing house began to make investments in promotion of a new rising star.
Reconcile to thought that there is constantly not enough money. Financial difficulties - the everyday vital occurrence and if you so treat them, to you will become much easier to live. Understanding of that fact that money never happens enough, will allow you to avoid the eternal exhausting race to live not worse than others. It is constant to be anxious concerning money - the same as constantly to be anxious concerning death. All of us know that all of us will die sooner or later, but constant thoughts of inevitable death will not make you happier.
Hostages of the solid summary
Sometimes the paradoxical situation arises: creative and very successful person suddenly understands that he reached in a profession of the ceiling for a long time and further to develop in the habitual direction to it is already uninteresting. But here it becomes clear that own achievements do him by the hostage of the summary - professional reputation. The person is ready on? new to apply the not dissipated creative potential, but does not decide as is afraid to lose recognition of people around and steadily high standard of living. Sometimes the similar frustration (a psychological stress because that it is impossible to receive the desirable) for many years poisons to a shower with consciousness of the missed opportunities. The easiest to people of creative specialties. They can endure crisis, for example, having written the new book or having replaced the cameraman`s profession with the cameraman. The same whose activity is entered in a rigid framework of specialization, sometimes need cardinal changes.
Finally change of a profession at mature age - a serious and risky step. Especially, when powerful results are already achieved. Such act involves, at least, sharp fall of the income and downgrade. A maximum - complications in a family, problems with health. For example, Svetlana perfectly understood all this, but all the same did not refuse desire to change the direction of the career:“ I worked nearly 12 years the deputy chief editor of the solid economic edition. In recent years went to work as on torture - felt that long ago lost any interest in the business, but was afraid to undertake something simply as did not know how mine will treat a similar step the husband and the son. But as a result nevertheless once I admitted to the men that I am going to change cardinally work and to start everything from scratch. I cannot tell that such news pleased them, all? my editorial salary made a basis of the family budget, but as a result my relatives understood me and gave the good. After I tried to understand that is pleasant to me in my activity and what categorically does not suit me. As a result of introspection I found out that I was not satisfied by continuous monotonous fuss with boring texts, and live work with people that there was more communication, all movement and a creativity maximum attracts. But then I did not even know how such profession is called. Then I bought the specialized edition with announcements of work and training and, having checked it, joyfully found out that an ideal profession for me - the advertizing manager. Practically at once I signed up for prestigious year courses (having enclosed in them considerable part of family savings), and in two weeks found work on new specialty - in the small company. It is natural that as the beginning expert me was taken for kopeks. At first I was strongly tormented by conscience that from - for my whim close people are forced to suffer. For years of my work in the magazine we got used to eat and put on well, and here it was necessary to survive literally. But already later half a year I had excellent experience and reputation of the born advertiser behind shoulders. The new employer himself contacted me, having obtained information on the channels, and offered such fantastic terms of which I did not even dream, working in the magazine. However, before leaving the firm which hired me without any experience I prepared to myself replacement. Now I head advertizing service of large construction company. And I am grateful to myself and destiny for the fact that I all - despite all dangers, decided to change abruptly the life“.
Who in risk group
First of all those who when risk to be depressed? changed that to favourite business, or as speak in the people, stepped on a throat to own song for the sake of more profitable craft or for some other objective reason. And also those who were mistaken with choice of profession, darling. Psychologists say that if crisis of middle age is followed by alcoholism and drug addiction, is a result of spiritual limitation of the person. Keen people seldom have a requirement to go from life to alcoholic drowsiness or a narcotic dope. Rather creative person is often protected by internal philosophy, and it helps it to endure failures and doubts. Deeply believing people as they perceive the life not from the point of view of terrestrial age and as the road in eternity where all - invaluable experience and in everything is big sense are also free from age withdrawal pains. When the person realizes that is only today and now, and there is no past any more, he understands that to compare itself(himself), being in this second, with itself last - is silly. In the same way as to compare itself to someone else as all people have different genetic sets and different starting conditions. And still, if you really well weighed everything and counted, then take steps to change of the life right now, without postponing them to “after new year“ or “right after a season of holidays“. Long indecision quite often remains in soul a painful wound because that arrived not as wanted, and again obeyed to circumstances.
However... I very much respect psychologists and psychoanalysts as connoisseurs of human souls and still... There is a seditious question: and whether there is it in reality, this crisis of middle age? Perhaps psychologists just invented it? In criminalistics there is a rule: if you want to find the paymaster of the crime, then find the one to whom it is favorable. To them - Aesculapians of sincere wounds - of course, it is favorable to have continuous inflow of impressionable clients. Those to whom forty and who, having read clever books and articles like this (joke), right there runs to them behind support just knocked, in full readiness regularly to pay the next 20 years for sessions, if only they were not left alone with awful and artful crisis of middle age.