Rus Articles Journal

Partnership in sorts

Try to put out a feeler in a circle of the friends and acquaintances on the subject “partnership in childbirth“. Will begin to peck at once, and most likely, the rich catch will be provided to you. Here both charming horror stories, and slippery of uncertainty, unpleasant prickles and a heap of other emotions can get.

In my collection, for example, horror stories prevailed. The most popular was that after joint childbirth at the husband all sexual inclination in view of my total unpresentableness will be gone to me. Experts and witnesses assured that men have a weak mentality, and my husband is threatened by loss of consciousness from a type of blood. Among unpleasant prickles there was a phrase “to you at this moment nobody will be necessary“, and specifications in the form of the fact that on men at the time of delivery a full allergy as “from - for them poganets and we suffer“ are farther. Many just waved away and somehow vaguely hemmed and asked why I need all this. Generally, all rested on emotions and consequences, but nobody plainly told anything.

We judge

much by hearsay as we sacredly trust heard, especially when it is said very convincingly, also the main thing is powerful - it is checked by experience. To me it was told by women who already gave birth, or at whom girlfriends of mother, grandmothers or, at the worst, the sister of the wife of the cousin of the chief of the girlfriend gave birth. Talk with acquaintances, on the one hand, saves plenty of time - you are aware of everything for record-breaking short period, but, on the other hand, if to understand, plainly know nothing.

As well as many others, I treated partnership in childbirth as to single action, but not as to process, beginning long before childbirth and which should be trained to avoid all above-mentioned. We did not discuss with the husband in options earlier a question of how to us to give birth, is more faithful as to me to give birth. Our cares were connected generally with how to find the good midwife and the gynecologist. Thought of paid childbirth. I somewhere read about schools on preparation for childbirth, but at that time had no information on where to address.

the Remark of my local midwife “By the way, at us there above is the center where prepare for childbirth married couples“ was apprehended if not with enthusiasm, then with polite interest and the question “And All Can Register There?“ . Especially at the beginning of pregnancy I suffered from some kind of information hunger on the literature and information connected with pregnancy and as the sponge absorbed everything that came across. The midwife advised me everything to learn most, thus, having given a freedom of choice, not having burdened me with the pros and cons. However, I had already enough arguments contra childbirth with the husband, and here with it was pro more difficult.

In the center I not without surprise learned that partnership in childbirth do not mean the only option at all - the husband - the wife. It can be mother - the daughter or the sister - the sister. The list it is possible to continue, the main thing that the partner, the loved one who would give at the crucial moment help and support was near. Option to give birth to me with the husband attracted more. It is quite possible that here the stereotype played a role, but I also thought that when your partner in childbirth is the husband, the feeling of empathy, support can make a family of more solid. Nothing so pulls together as the difficulties experienced together. I thought that courses do not oblige to anything us. As far as I understood from the administrator`s explanations, on these courses used philosophy to Lamaza, the founder of philosophical school. The main task of these courses is the relaxation equipment and expanded knowledge which help to develop some kind of reflex on the pain arising during fights. And instead of shouting from pain, the woman in labor together with the partner who helps it carries out the corresponding exercises on a relaxation and breath. I thought, as expanded knowledge, and a relaxation will not prevent us, and to be or not to be together in the course of childbirth, we will already solve then.

these reasons I also stated

to the husband, having chosen a right moment (!) I listed it all that we can learn there, including methods of massage, a relaxation, information on how childbirth takes place how at the same time to behave as prepares for them, and also about advantage of breastfeeding. I decided not to insist on its presence at childbirth as I still itself was not defined whether I want it and besides it is always better when the person makes the decision. After rather short considering my husband gave a green light to visit of courses, but provided that does not undertake to be present at childbirth.

here the unwillingness adjoining with panic “would be desirable to dwell and explain me

I is not present!“ at men concerning presence at childbirth. I understood it then when we began to go to courses and to discuss seen and heard with the husband. All the matter is that at many men when they hear the phrase “to be present at childbirth“ at once there is a picture from the movie “Nine Months“ with Hugh Grant where mad husbands rushed around the wives suffering in attempts and fainted at the sight of needles. That is men understand as childbirth directly only that period when the wife lies in an obstetric chair in the rodzal. And when they hear in addition that childbirth can last nearly whole days, prospect to stand at the wife`s chair all 24 hours and to watch them at all this obviously does not attract. Yes, to look because quite so some married couples understand participation of the husband in childbirth.

I what for my husband it turned out p opening that in the rodzal it is not necessary to face directly a chair and to watch how the child directly leaves. Nobody will just let you, even at big desire there. In the States, however, sometimes put before giving birth a mirror in which they see how the kid is born. We also learned that the husband can help with the rodzal to the wife, doing massage and encouraging words. But, as it appeared, this second period of childbirth which the woman spends directly in the rodzal, the shortest. And the woman needs not smaller support during the first period consisting of three phases when fights begin and their increasing intensity brings that pain from which as speak, much want to climb on a wall

Everything heard considerably added at me arguments pro childbirth together, and at my husband of optimism that everything is actually not as terrible as it seemed in the beginning. He was not so categorical any more and told that he agrees to be with me during the first period, but about a rodzal doubted so far.

during classes which we attended once a week for eight weeks we learned

about gymnastics for pregnant women which can be engaged together. The truth we lasted only for few weeks from - for discrepancies of time of rise plus different weight categories. We practiced the well-known breath like a dog, learned to do massage (the most pleasant moment!) . The theory was successfully combined with practice, and also video records.

began to notice

Ya that my husband began to operate freely with many terms, from time to time arranged me scolding on the fact that I incorrectly eat that we were taught and so. And still he seriously thought that he will be a father soon. When distributed to us dolls during occupations, he got used that the kid will be absolutely tiny and easy. He learned a heap of all trifles, and also that, how heavy it for the woman business - to give birth to the child though I am sure that to the one who directly did not give birth all the same it is not allowed to experience it.

without being a fan of books about children and pregnancy, my husband with pleasure read any leaflets with useful information which distributed to us. Let not all this was remembered, but for me the main thing was that we became someone like partners in pregnancy. It was interesting to exchange it and other supervision with other five married couples in our group. By the way these courses enjoy popularity among married couples, and it cannot but please.

On 42 - y me was put to week in hospital. Courses already were long ago behind, as well as discussions on a presence / absence occasion. By this moment we agreed that my husband will help me during fights, but in rodzat will not go. Decisions were made by everyone independently, in sober mind and a distinct memory. The only thing, we worried, about that I could phone to the husband when childbirth begins.

In chamber my light intentions to give birth together with the husband were met by the surprise mixed with interest, and at someone and with scepticism. But I did not happen to hear special approval from anybody. When fights began and transferred me to delivery room, from the nurse I heard a familiar question: “Why to you this husband?“. “I need my husband!“ in process of increase of fights this thought drilled my brain more and stronger. Fortunately, it could arrive at once, and allocated for us separate chamber as to a married couple while other women in labor were placed in chambers on 3 - 4 persons. This circumstance as there was no awful wish to listen to cries same as I, the women suffering in fights could not but please me.

of Fight 6 hours lasted. And during this time we tried almost everything types of the massage and poses known to us relieving pain. Very much massage of a stomach on each side and massage of a waist helped. And as to do massage of a waist by not really conveniently, I sat down on knees to the husband, and it pounded to me a back below. His strong hands here very much were even useful. (However, it is similar, he overdid as then on that place I found bruise, and the husband was hurt by hands next day. But it, as they say, minor matter.)

the Husband tried to support by

me - massage, stories, jokes, put something to eat (though to me had no time for it), and even paid compliments that caused on my exhausted person something like a smile. His question about whether I am going to shout, was met in the beginning with a smile too. Then it became more difficult to smile. They say that singing relieves pain. I do not know whether it was possible to call my chaotically escaping vowels “and, oh, at“ singing, but really helped. When the midwife told me to try to relax really, my husband courageously held up the neck and told: “Hang!“ . And I hung. It helped to relax. The picture was just tremendous - my husband standing in the middle of chamber, and I - hanging on him and howling. The matter is that such pose which is usually recommended for relaxation in combination with voice there was the fact that it is necessary. It is good that it lasted not for long, otherwise our daughter would have a become deaf father.

Should note

that doctors and the midwife treated us with understanding, and no problems arose. My husband even carried out function of the courier - looked for nurses when attempts began, and helped them to cope with me at especially painful moments. When I was carried in rodzat, the doctor advised the husband to remain in chamber. The matter is that though courses on partnership in childbirth are also spent by the center in the territory a sort at home, it does not mean that all doctors from beginning to end approve this invention.

gave rise to

Ya in 15 minutes, and the husband was invited to cut an umbilical cord. Having courageously taken scissors in hand, he made it! And now still with pride tells about all this. After the delivery I was not sent as the others to a corridor on a wheelchair, we returned to the same chamber where spent our first hours three together. It very much pulled together all of us, and my husband had not to stand under windows subsequently in hope to notice to whom the child is similar; he did not avoid our baby when we returned from maternity hospital, and on the contrary missed her. It is so healthy.

and should note

I that neither for childbirth, nor we paid for chamber, also as well as for courses on preparation. But even if it was also necessary to pay for courses, then it is worth it.

All experience which I described - is especially individual

. It is impossible to tell, as at us everything passed according to the plan. For example, I did not manage to be adjusted to such an extent not to feel pain. They say that degree of feeling of pain depends on a sensitivity threshold which at all different. But I am sure that without preparation to me it would be even worse. The fact that my husband was not present at the rodzal gave identity of our situation too. But, all the same, it is incomparable experience for a family which very much pulls together spouses and helps the woman in this the vital moment, hard for it.

It is very important

that the desire was mutual. And here it is not necessary to press, put at all ultimatums because it has to go from heart. You resemble together courses, think, weigh everything, consult to the doctor. Courses on that also exist that each smog in the course of preparation to answer for themselves this question - to be or not to be together during the child`s birth. This surprising event which happens in life very seldom and you have an unusual chance - to meet this event together. Life on that is also given us to learn it. And what can be more interesting than knowledge of how the person is born?

We is frequent we refuse much from - for fear. Fear that something will be not so, not as at all. And actually all this from - for the fact that we lack information on many questions. And this ignorance gives rise to fear. And in some sense this article was attempt to share information and experience on partnership together that, maybe, someone realized that there is always a choice, even in such responsible business as childbirth.