Demonstrative children of
Communication and the child`s attitude towards other people throughout preschool age significantly change. So, in the middle of preschool age (4 - 5 years) appears and the need for recognition and respect begins to dominate. If till 3 - 4 years children derived direct pleasure from game with toys, then now it is important to them to know how perceive and surrounding people estimate their actions . The child seeks to draw attention of others, sensitively catches signs of the attitude towards himself in their views and a mimicry, shows offense in response to an inattention or reproaches of partners. In children`s communication at this age the competitive, competitive beginning appears. The peer becomes a subject of continuous comparison with himself. Through such comparison of the concrete qualities, skills and abilities the child can estimate and approve himself as owner of certain advantages.
This stage is natural and necessary for development of the interpersonal relations. Having opposed itself to the peer and having allocated, thus, the “I“, the child can return to the peer and apprehend him as the complete, self-valuable personality. Usually by 6 - 7 years there is an ability to appreciate qualities and abilities of other people, desire to be on friendly terms, help, to do something together.However often demonstrativeness is fixed by
and develops into personal feature, a steady trait of character. Such children are most of all anxious with to show the superiority in everything. The positive assessment of people around by means of which it satisfies own hypertrophied need for self-affirmation becomes the main motive of actions of the child.with
Unlike sensitive and timid children, demonstrative children pronounced activity and distinguishes to
of Feature of behavior of demonstrative children aspiration to draw attention to itself in any possible ways . Such children are, as a rule, rather active in communication. However in most cases, addressing the partner, they do not show in him real interest or desire something to do together. Mainly they want to prove to be and cause admiration of others: speak about themselves, show the toys, show any ways of drawing attention of adults or peers. “You watch how I am able to draw, jump as I quickly eat, what slippers at me and so forth“ . The self-affirmation and delighted attention of others are for them a main goal and value. At the same time way of drawing attention behavior (“you look, what I good“), and the actions expressing aggression can be as positive forms. Demonstrative children very much of are focused on an assessment of people around , especially adult. As a rule, such children seek to receive by all means a positive assessment of and the acts. However in cases when the relations with the adult or with peers do not develop, demonstrative children apply negative tactics of behavior: show aggression, complain, provoke scandals and quarrels.
not only in aspiration to show own advantages and achievements. Possession of attractive objects is also traditional form of demonstration own “I“. At many children keen desire to possess some machine or a doll it is connected not with own game requirements, and with desire to show the property (so, advantage) before others. As it is frequent, having received as a gift a new toy, children bear it in kindergarten not to play it and to show, brag.Quite often the self-affirmation is reached by
by of decrease in value, or depreciation of another . For example, having seen drawing of the peer, the demonstrative child can tell:“ I draw better, it is not so beautiful drawing“. In general in the speech of demonstrative children comparative forms prevail: better / worse; more beautifully / more ugly etc. They constantly compare themselves to others, and it is clear that this comparison always “in own favor“.
Demonstrative children show keen interest in actions of the peer : watch what turns out at others, do remarks and comment, at the same time their interest has obviously estimated character. So, Nastya D. (5 years 9 months) as soon as the adult gave a task to her partner, began to be indignant loudly:“ And why Nikitke was told to do, he is able nothing, and in a quiet time behaved badly. The teacher abused it. And I better will make, it is possible I, well, please“. At the same time she continuously watched Nikita`s actions, tried to insert elements into his mosaic.
Besides, the high normativnost is characteristic of behavior of demonstrative children : children often explain motivation of an act with the fact that so it is necessary. Using socially - the approved behavior forms, children constantly expect and demand a positive assessment of the actions. However their correct moral acts are unstable and depend on a situation. Demonstrative children can solve the same problem differently, depending on presence or absence of the adult. So, for example, in one of our researches the situation in which the child could share or not share candies with the partner was organized. In the first situation the adult was present at the room, though did not take part in the events. Demonstrative children shared with the peer, commenting on the act aloud, addressing the adult. For example, D.`s Lyusya (5 years 7 months), looking at the adult, speaks: “I will give to Katya candy because to it did not get. Good children always share with the one who was not given. However, I well arrived?...“ In the second situation the adult left the room, but all words of children registered in a dictophone. This time the same children also did not think to share with the partner, even despite their requests. Same Lyusya of D. in response to a request of the peer to give him a candy half, this time told:“ I will not give you. Why I have to? It I was given. Ask, maybe, and you will be given“. Thus, in behavior of demonstrative children the pronounced formalism is observed by . For them it is much more important to observe an external picture of the approved behavior, than to really give help to the peer. Thus, even making a kind act, the child does it not for the sake of another and to show to people around own kindness (a certain form of “ostentatious altruism“).
Demonstrative children very emotionally and even painfully react to censure and a praise of other children . When the adult gives a negative assessment to actions of the peer, the demonstrative child with great feeling and with great pleasure supports it. In response to a praise of the peer, he, on the contrary, begins to object. So, Ania R. (6 years 1 months), having listened to a praise to the contemporary, told:“ Well, maybe, and better, than last time, but it is all the same ugly and uneven“.
Very brightly demonstrativeness comes to light in character and degree of the help to other children. So, on one of occupations we suggested two children to collect the pattern from a mosaic - the sun in the sky, at the same time details of different color were distributed not equally: one child had details of mainly yellow color, at another - blue. Respectively, to perform a task, the child is forced to ask for the help the peer and to ask the necessary details. Supervision showed that most of demonstrative children in this situation carried out formally - the provocative help, i.e. in response to a request of the peer gave only one element which was obvious insufficiently. So, Mitya S. (5 years 11 months) noticed that the partner has no necessary elements of yellow color, but that silently sits and does not ask about anything it. Then Mitya addressed the partner with words:“ Sasha, if you do not ask for permission, I will not give you“. Sasha continued to sit silently, Mitya repeated: “Ask, and I will give“. Sasha very quietly asked: “Give me several zheltenky, and that was not enough for me“. Mitya smiled, put to Sasha in a box one element with words: “Here, you asked, I gave“. Mitya with irritation answered further requests of Sasha: “I already gave you. You do not see, I do too, wait“. Igor B. (5 years 8 months) in response to a request of the peer began to give him elements of any flowers, besides, which was actually necessary, at the same time he pretended as if he does not hear objections of the peer at all. Other children began to share, having only finished the mosaic, but did it very reluctantly. Such option of the help, without prejudice to himself, it is possible to call pragmatical. So, Rum C. (5 years 2 months) did not react to requests of the partner in any way to give necessary elements, pretended that does not hear, loudly sang a song. As soon as he completed the picture, with interest looked at the partner: “Oh, and zheltenky at you is not present. It is necessary slightly - to pour slightly... Be not afraid, we will give you“. Having put several elements of yellow color in a box to the partner, Roma turned back to the adult: “You watch how many I gave it“.it is visible to
From these examples that at these children the aspiration to surpass the others, to show the advantages is the cornerstone of the attitude towards others. It is shown in continuous comparison of the achievements with progress of others, in demonstration of the superiority in everything.other child acts as
For demonstrative children mainly as the carrier of a certain relation, he is interesting only in connection with what attitude towards him that shows - appreciates or does not appreciate, helps or not. For example, Nastya so tells about the girlfriend Katya:“ Katya helps me if I get to trouble, she is on friendly terms with me, can help me with drawing. Kind because plays with me. I, of course, too kind. I am such as Katya, even I am even better“.
That is the cornerstone of children`s demonstrativeness
So, ideas of own qualities and abilities of demonstrative children need a constant reinforcement through comparison with someone`s others as which carrier the peer acts. At these children the need for other people is brightly expressed, they need constantly society and communication. But other people are necessary to prove to be that was with what to compare. When comparing with another pronounced competition and strong orientation to an assessment of people around is proved .
One of ways of self-affirmation is observance of a moral standard which is directed to receiving encouragement of adults or to feeling of own moral superiority. Therefore such children sometimes make good, noble acts. However observance of moral standards has obviously formal and demonstrative character; it is directed not to other children, and to receiving a positive assessment, to the statement of in the opinion of others.Own “kindness“ or “justice“ are emphasized with
as personal advantages and opposed to other, “bad“ children.
Unlike other problem forms of the interpersonal relations (such as aggression or shyness), demonstrativeness is not considered negative and, actually, problem quality. Moreover, now some features inherent in demonstrative children, on the contrary, are socially - approved: persistence, healthy egoism, ability to achieve the, aspiration to recognition, ambition are considered as guarantee of successful living position. However at the same time it is not considered that opposition of to another, painful need for recognition and self-affirmation are the unsteady base of psychological comfort and these or those acts. Not saturable need for a praise, for superiority over others becomes the main motive of all actions and acts.“ I“ such child am in the center of its world and consciousness; he constantly considers and estimates himself eyes of others, perceives himself only through the relation of people around, and this relation has to be enthusiastic. He is sure that others have to think only of it, admire its advantages and express the admiration. Such child constantly is afraid to be worse than others. This fear generates uneasiness, uncertainty in itself, constant tension that is compensated by boasting and underlining of the advantages. The main difficulty even not that such child incorrectly estimates himself, and that this the assessment becomes the main maintenance of his life , closing all world around and other people. He literally sees nothing except that think of it and tell others. Such tension can cause not only envy and jealousy at a meeting with more successful peer, but also various neurotic deviations. For this reason it is important to reveal demonstrativeness manifestation as personal quality in time and to help the child with overcoming of such competitive position. whether
Can overcome a competitive position of the preschool child
formation of a positive self-assessment Recently, encouragement and recognition of advantages of the child become nearly main methods of social and moral education. This method relies on confidence that the positive self-assessment provides emotional comfort of the child, promotes development of self-confidence. Such education really supports and strengthens a positive self-assessment, confidence that “I am the best of all“. As a result the child begins to perceive and endure only himself and the attitude towards himself. And it as it was shown above, is the main problem of demonstrative children. Such concentration on itself and own advantages does not give the chance to see another, turns it into the competitor and the rival. Therefore lack of estimates and comparison of children (who are better and who is worse) has to become one of the first conditions of overcoming of demonstrativeness.
Adults have to seek to relieve the child of need to ego-trip and prove the superiority. The kid and without constant praises and estimates has to feel respect for himself and love of close adults. Only then he will feel pricelessness of the personality and will not need continuous encouragement and comparisons with others.
needs to refuse also the competitive beginning in games and occupations. Competitions, games - competitions, duels and competitions are very widespread and are widely used in practice of education. However all these games direct attention of the child to own qualities and advantages, generate orientation to an assessment of people around and to demonstration of the advantages.the main thing - to show
For demonstrativeness overcoming to the child that an assessment and the relation of others - not the most important in his life and that other children are not concentrated on his person at all. They have the interests, desires and problems which it is not worse and it is not better, and just others.with
Of course to explain all this in words to the preschool child it is useless.“ It is possible to shift“ the child from such fixity on itself, opening for him new interests, switching to cooperation and full communication . Traditional occupations of preschool children - drawing, a molding, designing and, of course, game open rich opportunities for this purpose. The child has to feel pleasure from drawing or game - not because he does it best of all and it for it will praise but because it is interesting, especially if to do all this together. Interest in fairy tales, songs, examining of pictures distracts the child from an assessment of and thoughts of how others concern him. Other children have to become for it not a source of offense, and partners in common cause. He has to understand that other children exist at all not to respect and praise it. They have interests and desires which are not connected with his person at all. It is for this purpose important to create situations and to organize games in which children can endure a community and participation with each other in real interaction. These are first of all role-playing games, round games, simple games with rules and so forth
we Will give several games which will help to see better the peers to estimate them and to endure feeling of a community with them. From 2 to 6 children of the advanced preschool age (5 - 6 years) can participate in these games.by
before game does “warm-up“. The adult becomes before children and asks as it is possible to repeat his movements more precisely. It shows easy physical exercises, and children reproduce its movements. After that children break into couples and each couple in turn “addresses“ the others. In everyone couple one makes any action (for example, claps or raises hands, or does an inclination aside), and another tries as it is possible to reproduce more precisely its movement, as in a mirror. Each couple itself solves who will show and who to reproduce the movements. If the mirror distorts or is late, it spoiled (or curve). Couple of children are offered to be trained and “repair“ the spoiled mirror.When all mirrors will normally work with
, the adult suggests children to do what people ordinary do in front of the mirror: to wash, brush the hair, do exercises, to dance. The mirror has to repeat all actions of the person at the same time. Only it is necessary to try to do it very precisely, inexact mirrors do not happen!
the Adult tells
“Echo“ to children about the Echo which lives in mountains or in the big empty room; it is impossible to see it, and it is possible to hear: it repeats everything, even the strangest sounds. After that children break into two groups, one of which represents travelers in mountains, and another - the Echo. The first group of children in single file (on a chain) “travels around the room“ and in turn makes different sounds (not the word, but a sound combination), for example: “Hey - at - at - at“, or:“ Tr - r - r - r“, etc. Between sounds there have to be big pauses which it is better for leader to regulate. He can watch sequence of the said sounds, i.e. show which of children and when should make the sound. Children of the second group hide to different places of the room, attentively listen and try as it is possible to reproduce everything that was heard more precisely. If the Echo works nonsynchronously, i.e. reproduces sounds not at the same time, it is not terrible. It is important that it did not distort sounds and in accuracy reproduced them.
the Adult solemnly declares that it has magic points in which it is possible to make out only good what is in the person, even what the person sometimes hides from all. “Here I will try on these points now... Oh, what all of you beautiful, cheerful, clever!“ Approaching each child, the adult calls his any advantage (someone well draws, at someone a new doll, someone well makes the bed). “And now let each of you will try on points, will look at others and will try to see as much as possible good in everyone. Perhaps, even what did not notice earlier“. Children in turn put on magic glasses and call the dignity of the companions. In case someone is at a loss, it is possible to help it and to prompt any dignity of his companion. Repetitions are not terrible here though it is whenever possible desirable to expand a circle of high qualities.
“A competition of boasters“
the Adult suggests children to hold a competition of boasters.“ The one who will better brag wins. We will brag not of ourselves, and the neighbor. It is so pleasant - to have the best neighbor! Look attentively at the one who sits to the right of you. Think what it what in it good that he is able what good acts he made, than can be pleasant. Do not forget that it is a competition. The one who will better boast of the neighbor who will find in him more than the advantages will win“.children around call
After such introduction advantages of the neighbor and brag of his advantages. At the same time objectivity of an assessment - actual these advantages or thought up is not important at all. It is not important as well “scale“ of these advantages - it can be both the loud voice, and an accurate hairdress, and long (or short) hair. The main thing that children noticed these features of the peer and could not only assess positively them, but also boast of them before peers. The winner is chosen by children, but in case of need the adult can express the opinion. That the victory became more significant and desired, it is possible to award the winner with any small prize (a paper medal of “The best boaster“ or a badge). Such prize causes even in the most selfish child interest in the peer and desire to find at it as much as possible advantages.
Children sit in a circle, giving each other a ball of threads so that all who already held a ball, undertook a thread. Transfer of a ball is followed by statements that children would like to wish others. There begins an adult, setting thereby an example. Then he addresses children, asking whether they want to tell something. When the ball returns to the leader, children at the request of the adult pull a thread and close eyes, representing that they make a single whole that each of them is important and significant in this whole.
the Adult tells
“Tsarevna Nesmeyana“ the fairy tale about the tsarevna Nesmeyana and suggests to play the same game. Someone from children will be the tsarevna who longs all the time and cries. Children in turn approach the tsarevna Nesmeyana and try to console her and to make laugh. The tsarevna will keep face straight very much. The one who will be able to raise a smile of the tsarevna wins. Then children change roles.
Such games promote formation of a community with others and opportunities to see in peers of friends and partners. When the child feels pleasure from the general game, from what we do together when he shares this pleasure with others, its ambitious “I“, most likely, will cease to demand praises and voskhishcheniye. The feeling of a community and interest in another are that base on which only and full communication of people and the normal human relations can be based.