Rus Articles Journal

Help of parents. Carefully!

At the first lesson you got acquainted with the principle which can be considered as a basis of our relations with the child - bezotsenochny, its unconditional acceptance. We said about how important constantly to tell the child that he to us is necessary and important that his existence for us - pleasure.

At once the question - objection arises: it is easy to follow this advice at the quiet moments or if everything goes well. And if the child does “not that“, does not obey, irritates? How to be in these cases?

We will answer with

this question in parts. At this lesson we will sort situations in which your child is engaged with something, something does, but does, in your opinion, “not so“, badly, with mistakes.

Imagine a picture: the kid with enthusiasm potters with a mosaic. Not everything turns out at it as it is necessary: mozainka are scattered, mix up, not at once are inserted and the floret turns out “not such“. You want to interfere, teach, to show. And here you do not maintain: “Wait, - you say, - it is necessary not so, and here so“. But the child discontentedly answers: “It is not necessary, I“.

Other example. The second-grader writes the letter to the grandmother. You look to it through a shoulder. The letter touching and here only handwriting clumsy and is a lot of mistakes: “looking for“ all these well-known nurseries, “senets“, “chyustvy“... How not to notice and to correct? But the child after remarks is upset, turns sour, does not want to write further.

Once mother noticed

to already quite adult son: “Oh, as at you it turns out clumsily, you at first would learn...“ . It was birthday of the son, and he in high spirits hazardously danced with all - as was able. After these words he sat down on a chair and gloomy all rest of evening stayed, mother took offense at his offense. Birthday was spoiled.

In general different children differently react on parental “not so“: one grustnet and are lost, others take offense, the third revolt: “Times badly, will not be in general!“ . As if reactions different, but all of them show that to children not on temper such address. Why?

That better it to understand

, let`s remember ourselves children.

As long at ourselves could not be written to

a letter, to purely sweep the floor or to dexterously hammer a nail? Now these affairs to us seem simple. And so, when we show and we impose this “simplicity“ to the child for whom it is actually difficult, we arrive unfairly. The child has the right to take offense at us!

we Will look at

on the one-year-old kid who learns to go. Here he was unhooked from your finger and takes the first uncertain steps. At each step hardly keeps balance, rocks, tensely moves hands. But it is happy and proud! To very few people from parents will come to mind to teach: “Unless so go? Watch how it is necessary!“. Or: “Well you all shake? How many times I spoke to you, do not wave hands! Well - pass once again and that everything was correct?“ .

It is comical? Ridiculously? But any critical remarks turned to the person (whether to the child, adult) who learns to do something are also ridiculous from the psychological point of view!

I Expect a question: how to teach if not to point to mistakes?

Yes, the knowledge of mistakes is useful for

and it is often necessary, but it is necessary to indicate them with special care. In - the first, you should not notice each mistake; in - the second, a mistake it is better to discuss then, in a quiet situation, but not while the child is keen on business; at last, remarks always should be done against the general approval.

I in this art to us should learn from children. Let`s wonder: whether the child knows about the mistakes sometimes? Agree, often knows - the same as the one-year-old kid feels unsteadiness of steps. And how it treats these mistakes? It appears, more tolerantly, than adults. Why? And it is happy already that at it something turns out, it already “goes“, let be still unsteady. Besides, he guesses: tomorrow it will turn out better! We, parents, remarks want to achieve the best results rather. And it turns out often absolutely on the contrary.


Four results of the doctrine

your child to something studies

. The general result will consist of several private results. Let`s call four of them.

First, the most obvious is a knowledge which it will receive or ability which he will master.

the Second result is less obvious to

: it is training of the general ability to study, that is to teach themselves.

the Third result - an emotional trace from occupation: satisfaction or disappointment, confidence or uncertainty in the forces.

At last, the fourth result - a trace on your relationship with it if you took part in occupations. Here the result can also be or positive (were satisfied with each other), or negative (the moneybox of mutual not contents was replenished).


, parents are trapped by danger to be guided only by the first result (it was learned? learned?) . Do not forget about other three at all. They it is much more important!

So if your child builds strange “palace“ of cubes, molds the doggie similar to a lizard, writes with clumsy handwriting or not really harmoniously tells about the movie, but at the same time it is keen or concentrated - do not criticize, do not correct it. And if you also show sincere interest in its business, then will feel how the mutual respect and acceptance of each other will amplify, so necessary for both you, and him.

Somehow the father of one nine-year-old boy admitted:“ I so captiously treat the son`s mistakes that fought off him any hunting to study something new. Once we with it were fond of assembly of models. Now it does them, and does perfectly. However got stuck on them: all models yes of model. And here some new business does not want to begin for anything. Speaks not to a smog, it will not turn out - and I feel, it because that I absolutely zakritikovat it“.

I Hope, now you are ready to accept the rule by which it is worth being guided in those situations when the child is busy with something independently. Let`s call it the Rule 1.

do not interpose in the matter which busy the child if it does not ask for help. The non-interference you will report to it: “With you everything is all right! You, of course, will cope!“


Task first .

Imagine a circle of cases (it is possible even to make their list), with which your child in principle can independently cope, though it is not always perfect.

Task second .


For a start choose several cases from this circle and try to interfere with their performance never. At the end approve efforts of the child, despite their result.

Task third .

Remember two - three mistakes of the child which seemed to you especially annoying. Find quiet time and suitable tone to talk about them.