Rus Articles Journal

That`s nothing unusual

After disintegration of the Soviet Union the family unexpectedly stopped being a cell of society. Formally it remained former - the man, the woman, children. But steel relations between them absolutely others. Sociologists, priests told fifteen years to us about how the family and the relations in it for the last fourteen changed-.

the Poor and rich

First that changed, - financial side of marriage. In the late eighties people lost standard Soviet 120 - a ruble salary and turned into the rich and the poor. If the Soviet poor and Soviet rich family differed with the fact that the rich, figuratively speaking, were able to afford at 3 kilograms of sausage more, then now this difference is enormous. One can go every evening to restaurant and go for a weekend abroad, others are not able to buy children of fruit (by the way, it is an indicator of extreme poverty). Therefore in families from different sectors of society not just different level of the income - at them is absolutely different life. Marriages between princes and Cinderellas, princesses and swineherds consigned to the romantic past. Rich parents develop business qualities and abilities in the children, have an opportunity to give them a good education. And at the poor educational needs for the basic are reduced to the simple formulation:“ if only could earn to himself on a piece of bread“. In poor families both parents, as a rule, work, in the rich the wife often is engaged only in a household. Poor families often happen incomplete and having many children, and the rich - “exemplary“: two parents, two children.

the Ideal man

according to poll of IKSI Russian Academy of Sciences the modern ideal man according to Russians has to

:

  • to Possess the developed mind, intelligence - 36,7%
  • to Possess physical force, health - 36%
  • to Provide to
  • prosperity - 34,1%
  • not to have addictions - 26,8%
  • to be self-assured - 23,1%
  • to be true in love - 21,9%
  • to Have sense of humour - 17,6%
  • to be sexual - 17%
  • to Possess
  • good vneshnost - 15,7%
  • to be kind - 13,4%
  • to Love children - 12,7%
  • to be economic - 9%
  • to Possess easy temper - 6,1%
  • to be firm - 5,3%

would Seem, in a new social situation the image of the ideal man would have to change strongly. But here that surprisingly: as well as in Soviet period, the ideal man remains for the weaker sex in a romantic way: sexuality of the prince charming takes only the eighth place from fourteen. Even the sense of humour was ahead of her! And when the speech comes not about the ideal man, and about the husband, sexuality becomes even less valuable: only 7,5% of women called it among necessary qualities of the ideal husband!

At the ideal woman, according to Russians, sexuality too not on the first place. And the most important in us as ourselves also consider, is an attractive appearance, love of children, economy and a practicality, kindness, fidelity in love and self-confidence.

in marriage nevterpezh

Modern Russians consider that marriage is necessary:

- 29%
  • the Woman in marriage feels
    • For full education of children much more surely - 27%
    • Official marriage is not necessary to
    • , the main thing that the man - 18%
    • was near to
    • For creation of a material support of a family - 10%
    • marriage is not important
    • For the modern woman, it can reach everything one - 13%
    • Another -

    twenty years ago the youth often married 3% on reaching a certain age because it was so accepted. Society demanded creation of the next cell, and often intending spouses did not even think (and did not know) of what waits for them after a wedding. Rteper existence of a family imposes heavy responsibility on spouses, than in Soviet period when the state is thin - poorly provided with both workplaces, and a salary, and medical care. And many try to plan the future family life and to create for it material resources to a wedding - to get an education and a good job and if there is opportunity, then and to acquire own housing. Experts say that modern young people seek to get at first on feet, then to look for the partner, then, having found, to live with him some time to look how joint life in the conditions which are brought closer to fighting, and only then will look they are ready to go to a registry office. And as a result the number of weddings was considerably reduced, and average age of marriage in the large cities makes about 30 years. And give birth now, as a rule, not earlier than 25 years.

    Happiness is

    In the families which are not considering themselves happy, the main contribution to the family budget the Wife 51 brings

    • . 5%
    • Husband 17. 0%
    • Other family member 11. 8%
    • Everything make an equal contribution 19. 7%

    In the families considering themselves happy the main contribution to the family budget the Wife of 15%

  • the Husband of 56%
  • Other family member 2 brings

    • . 9%
    • Everything make an equal contribution 26. 1%

    Contrary to opinion of the classic, happy families are not similar one to another at all. Russians differently imagine family happiness. But main characteristic feature of our time: happiness almost stopped being romantic ephemeral feeling - “it when everything is good“ or “when you are understood“. It consists of concrete ingredients. In - the first, the true love, but not so much romantic feeling, how many feeling of confidence, stability and reliability is important for happiness. One more component, necessary for happiness, - children. On the third place - existence of a stamp in the passport: 69% of the women who are married consider themselves happy. In happy families the main contribution to the budget is made by the man (56,5%). And that is characteristic, among women who have no happy family and which doubt that they sometime will have it, the main breadwinner is she (51,5%). At the same time in happy families of the woman take active part in distribution of expenses - in 91% of cases she or disposes of them independently, or participates in distribution on an equal basis with the husband.

    One more sign of time - influence of social accessory on feeling of happiness. Wealthy women estimate the family as happy more often. Least of all happy women in families of ancillary workers (34%). And most of all - among housewives (63%) and women - businessmen (59%). It is surprising that at these polar, from the point of view of sociologists, groups very close “indicators“ of happiness. Most likely, the matter is that in both groups of the woman have an opportunity to realize themselves in that sphere which is important for them, whether it be a family or career.

    the Keeper of the center and the hunter

    If in the Soviet society was considered to tell p about money indecent, and good financial position tried not to advertize, then financial wellbeing today - one of the main components of happy marriage. Earlier the aspiration to material benefits was officially blamed - “with darling love in a cottage“, “not in money happiness“ though informally people sought to be provided - “with darling love in a cottage if the lovely attache“, “not in money happiness, and in their quantity“. Now the romantic type of the disinterested person which goes “behind fog and behind a taiga smell“ stopped being an example for imitation. The elect first of all has to be provided. Financial position, by the way, also became a stumbling block for modern Russian families. According to Institute of complex social researches, in the majority of families the main reason of the conflicts (which lead eventually to stains) are material difficulties (36% of respondents).

    Characteristic feature of our time - women win serious positions, do career, make a significant contribution to the family budget. But, despite it, most of married women want to see the man the head of the family and consider that he has to be the getter.

    to

    It is interesting that the relation to cast in a family in general remained the same. According to Public opinion Fund (FOM), the husband (64%) has to be the main supporter of a family, according to Russians, but in practice only 48% of respondents noted that so it also is. The wife as the main getter was called only by 1%, but from practice of 10% of wives earn more than the husbands.

    our fellow citizens consider

    has to earn More Who usually earns more in families of your acquaintances has to be in Charge of housekeeping Who usually is engaged in a household in families of your acquaintances?
    the Husband of 64% of 48% of 3% of 3%
    the Wife of 1% of 10% of 24% of 48%
    Both equally of 28% of 22% of 72% of 39%
    were Found it difficult to be answered of 7% of 20% of 1% of 10%

    the Love boat crashed against life...

    Modern Russians that the reason of the family conflicts at them happen:

    Material difficulties - 36%
  • of Disagreement concerning education of children - 19%
  • Distribution of family duties - 15%
  • Incompatibility of characters - 14%
  • Alcoholism, drug addiction - 13%
  • of Relationship with parents of spouses - 13%
  • the Choice of a way of carrying out leisure - 9%
  • of Disagreement concerning a circle of contacts - 8%
  • of Change, jealousy - 5%
  • of the Problem in the sexual relations - 3%
  • In present Russia can be bought

    Sexual revolution exerted

    strong impact on Russians. Tells growth of sexual culture which is that use of contraceptives increases about it, and the number of abortions, on the contrary, falls. These are positive consequences of sexual education, but there are also negative: the age of the beginning of sex life decreased, the number of the partners replaced during life grew up and, respectively, the number of changes and cases of infection with diseases, sexually transmitted increased.

    Once for “amoral behavior“ could take off easily from institute or from work, and at ten in the evening on a threshold of the hotel room there was a strict person on duty and demanded that guests released number. Now in hotel will come to nobody to mind to look whether you have a stamp in the passport, and the civil marriage is perceived as something natural: 31% of Russians consider that it is absolutely optional to conclude official marriage. According to the last population census, 3 million consist of 34 million married couples in a civil marriage. And the incident of census consists that in Russia now married women are 65 thousand more, than married men. Sociologists explain it so: the civil marriage for many men is an illusion of freedom, and for women - employment illusion. However there is an interesting fact: 69% of lawful wives consider themselves happy. And among the women living in a civil marriage, only happy 40%.

    Control and the account

    In Soviet period existed mechanisms of control of a family. The family was considered as a cell of society, and family life - a public affair. Communist Party committees, local committees and All-Union Leninist Young Communist League committees could interfere infinitely with relationship of spouses, and often the wife practically operated the husband by means of these omnipotent organizations, handling in a district committee of Komsomol or party any, even intimate, family problem.

    Now the state withdrew from participation in family life, and hardly you will be understood if you call, say, prefecture with the complaint that your husband shirks performance of matrimonial duties. However in conflict situations come to the rescue public and commercial (as a rule) the physician - the psychological organizations, and in especially hard cases - legal. For example, of a manhandling and roughness of the spouse complain not to a district committee now, and to the women`s crisis centers. That intimate life is not got on, speak not to the girlfriend, but the sexologist now, and about what bad husband and what ungrateful children, speak not to mother, but the psychoanalyst.

    the Youth forgives to

    change easier, than representatives of the senior generation: if it is considered by inadmissible 65% of people 60 years are more senior, then among 18 - 24 - summer also answer a question only... 32%. Change, in addition, - one of the last reasons of the conflicts, only 5% of their total number. Sociologists claim that such tolerance allows a modern Russian family “to fit“ into the all-European tendencies that at preservation of the Soviet family traditions would occur much more slowly.

    Opinion of experts

    the New social ideal is the free, realized, successful woman halving homework and education of children with the husband. Of course, not all modern women are ready to follow this ideal, but all women and men would like to see the daughters such. The standards doing shameful position of the woman who gave rise without husband, control of marriage by collective consign to the past. People gradually got used that the family can be any if only to her members it was comfortable.

    the same changes which happen to the Russian family researchers noted

    in the European countries in the second half of the last century. The number of official marriages decreased, but at the same time civil marriages became more frequent. The age of people at which people establish a family increased, give birth to the first child. One more characteristic feature: in marriage began to give birth less, the number of illegitimate children, and also the families which are voluntarily remaining childless grew up. Earlier the state actively supported a family, now it is provided to itself.

    Of course, the family changed in recent years. And in these changes there are positive moments and negative. It is bad that children are raised in the spirit of egoism, inspire in them that it is necessary to take the best situation in this life, to bypass others. When such egoists meet in one family, it is difficult to them to depart from the habits - unless the egoist will endow himself for darling? Some look for in marriage of pleasure, without thinking that the family is a deep spiritual bond and mutual sacrifice. The positive moment is that people became more open in questions of belief. They, without being afraid, go to the temple and if in a family there are problems, many ask for the help the priest. And we try to help parishioners with settlement of the family conflicts. Now, in comparison with Soviet period, began a thicket to get married: several times it is more priests, many temples opened. And it is good: people begin to understand that without the spiritual basis family life is impossible.

    Data of polls are provided to

    by Institute of complex social researches of the Russian Academy of Sciences.