How to grow up the optimist?
One of the most invaluable gifts which the child can receive from parents are an ability with optimism to treat world around.
Lazy midday, I sit with the four-year-old daughter Lena on a giving verandah, she tries to put a puzzle “The Lion King“. “It should be put here?“ - Lenochka asks and tries to thrust a puzzle piece in the form of an amoeba there where there has to be a right angle. Instead of giving a hand and to put the picture most, sentencing: “And this here“, I mentally beat myself this hand and I speak to the daughter: “Perhaps at first you will try to find parts which will rise in corners?“ At last she puts the masterpiece and shows it to me with such pride as though just won a medal at the Olympic Games: “It turned out! I want to put one more!“ As well as any mother, me not easy in the beginning to bring the daughter to the difficult moment, and then to step aside that she coped with it. But I see as far as it is useful: the daughter studies on mistakes, passes through small tests, but all the same receives that she wants. Whether she tries to win in checkers or to understand how it is more favorable to exchange some trifle with friends, - with each independently made decision the daughter becomes more and more in herself sure. She becomes an optimist. The optimist is not the one who always goes with the smile hiding gloomy thoughts. This is the person with the positive relation to life which is born from enthusiasm and self-confidence. Optimism is not so much suggestion to itself positive thoughts how many that basis on which these thoughts are based. Children - optimists look forward with hope because they believe that they will have enough skills and opportunities for the solution of complex challenges. And if you more often see the negative moments in different situations, than positive, nevertheless nevertheless can give to the child keys from a door to the world of optimists. Experts say that even children who, apparently, are given birth timid can learn optimism. For anybody not a secret that ability to be optimistical is that skill which does our life much easier. During one research it became clear that school students whom teachers consider as optimists communicate with peers much easier, longer and more productively their pessimistic messmates work on complex educational challenges, than. They feel better, are less uneasy, at more advanced age are easier restored after diseases and are much more rare than others are depressed. Fortunately, to grow up the optimist never happens too early or too late.
Impart to the child confidence that everything that it does, is important
At the children who are constantly feeling parental support it is more than self-confidence. When you calm the burst into tears kid or come to a school concert with its participation, you give to the child confidence, feeling of safety. If it has a feeling that care for it, then, getting to an unfamiliar situation or a situation, he will have the same feeling of confidence, feeling of the reliable back. Children learn to force events to develop as necessary in game time. Such things as the music box or the nursery a miracle - the book making sounds when pressing a certain button become a bright example of how actions are connected with result. And you will emphasize this communication once again, speaking after each productive action:“ Look - what you are a good fellow that at you turned out“. While children grow, attempts to be engaged in different types of activity - construction of lodges from the designer, playing musical instruments, applied art, board games and computer programs - help to understand they manage what best of all. And it is anyway very important to share enthusiasm of the child concerning his new abilities, but not to criticize what it does. Whether he admires the unpretentious picture which he just scratched pencils, or the toy boat which he made at manual training, - it is always necessary to encourage him and to say that it is remarkably made.
Recede asidethe Preschool child demanding to allow him to comb hair, most likely, will comb
to himself koltun. However the more opportunities to show independence we give to the children, the they become more self-assured and the more positively treat the independent solution of various vital tasks.
Experts claim that often parents do the kids of desire to be important for the children absolutely helpless. They cope with tasks of children, cultivating at kids feeling of insolvency in comparison with adults or feeling that there is no sense even to try to make something as this work will be all the same performed for it by adults, and it is one thousand times better. Mothers and grandmothers bearing backpacks with textbooks of the school students, believing that they thus facilitate their life, do kids a disservice. Even if the child just himself bears a satchel on a back, he feels more important and self-assured.
Actually we show where big love if we allow the kids to test all scale of feelings at the solution of any problem - from frustration because that so many efforts are enclosed for the sake of some nonsense, to full satisfaction when the child sees that at it something really turns out and turns out well. Try to impart them skills so that also to you, and to the kid it was easy to do something.
Let the child feels important part of “big life“
In addition to personal care the help with the house gives the chance to the child to feel important part of a family and helps to believe in itself. Give to your kid feasible tasks, for example let in his duty enters to display bread on a dish, and the eight-year-old child can quite set the table.
Foster its feeling of an involvement into society. It is much simpler to the people participating in some useful actions for general welfare to cope with own possible failures. Therefore your children can work according to the lights at community work days on cleaning of the yard or the next park, help the old woman - to the neigbour to go behind milk or bread.
Allow the child most to make decisions
the Children who got used to think for themselves is able to control the life better. It is necessary to train much to learn to make a right choice therefore as often as possible give to the child the chance to choose, offering the alternatives corresponding it to age: for example, ask the two-year-old, he wants to drink juice from red or from a blue mug; ten-year-old - he wants to learn English or German etc.
If the child has problems, then, leading, it is possible to help it to come to the correct conclusion. For example, if it is impossible to solve correctly a problem on mathematics, then instead of directly pointing to a mistake, ask: “Tell how you received this answer?“ As a rule, trying to explain, the child will be able to see the mistake and to correct it.Explain
to the kid that the result is always directly proportional to the enclosed efforts
the Psychologists studying communication between motivation and educational progress at children came to a conclusion that the pupils considering that you have to “be born clever“ to study well, give up after the first failure more often. But the children believing that knowledge comes only if very strongly to try, often continue the attempts until achieve positive result. To inspire such feeling of optimism in the child, pay attention to its efforts, but not to a product of these efforts. You speak: “You, probably, were very well prepared, wrote time such difficult control on the five!“ If the kid made something worse, than it is necessary, then discuss with him how it could improve the results. You praise it for assiduity and always note that the success is a result of its own actions, but not casual good luck.
Teach him to distract from negative thoughts
the Children perceiving each failure as confirmation that they ever will manage nothing, thinking that the world is incited against them, and feeling guilt for negative events which they could not influence in any way most than the others are subject to depressions. And though experts agree that there is a genetic component doing children more or less predisposed to positive thinking, lessons which children can receive from the experience, are also extremely important.
Optimists are inclined to perceive the course of things differently, than pessimists. When there is something negative, optimists do not see in it the fault, constant and inevitable. They look for other explanations and try to understand how next time it will be possible to avoid this situation.
For example, after quarrel with the girlfriend ask the daughter whether the girlfriend was angry only with it or this day it just had a bad mood, and she swore at everyone. Having seen other possible reasons of a situation, the girl will understand that her conclusion about own fault in quarrel not only correct.
If the kid is nervous concerning results control, then you can explain that though it also cannot change anything, but should not lose faith in the best. And if now everything occurs not as he wants, then it is worth thinking how to improve the results next time. Often the child can not cope with a task only because he has no skills yet or he did not grow to the necessary level yet. But in your forces to prevent its loss of self-confidence. It is possible to win against negative thinking humour. It is possible to teach the child to think out ridiculous tales that it could be even worse, than what happened. Then everything turns into cheerful game and the child forgets about those annoying events which happened to him.
A your child - the optimist?
When something good happens to the optimist, he sees in it the contribution, perceives it as a link in a chain of positive events and waits bigger in the future. And how your child perceives life? Pass this test and you learn!
your child: Wins in checkers against the friend and speaks to you:
A. “I well play in checkers“
B. “He(she) is not able to play checkers at all“.
that received the diploma at school for progress because:
A. > it is easy for strong to study at school;
B. well was engaged / las.
When it was sent to the director of studies, admitted that:
A. did not listen when the teacher spoke;
B. in general was inattentive this day.
Gives you a card which made at manual training, and when you admire it, speaks:
A. “At me well manages to do any things“ to
B. “To my parents some things which I for them do are pleasant“.
Brings the new girlfriend at school and thinks:
A. “I meet good people“
B. “I good therefore all want to be on friendly terms with me“.
Sprains a leg from - for chips in asphalt and says to you that:
A. “Did not watch where went;
B. “I lately became inattentive“.
on one point, all others - 0:
1A; 2B; 3A; 4A; 5B; 6A.
The more points at your child, the it is more optimistical. to
When, optimists do not see in it the fault - they look for other explanations and try to understand how next time to avoid this situation. >
It is very important to p to be able to share enthusiasm of the child concerning his new abilities, but not to criticize what it does.
the Optimist is a person with the positive relation to life which is born from enthusiasm and self-confidence.
Ability to be optimistical is that invaluable skill which does our life much easier.