Rus Articles Journal

Virus of divorce

They were on friendly terms since the childhood, then families and when one family broke up - the others had some problems too.

Divorce in a statistics mirror

according to sociologists, in Russia 500 - 600 thousand families, that is one million annually break up - one million two hundred thousand men and women appear in a condition of divorce that makes more than 60% of all prisoners before marriages. At the total number of the population of 143 million people Russia takes the second place in the world (after the USA) by the number of divorces.

to our maiden friendship it is a lot of years. We went to one kindergarten, then to one school. Lyuska treated Ania in pedagogical, I went to journalism faculty. About each other we knew everything: who with whom the first time kissed to whom he went for appointment, who whom deceived or betrayed.

Lyusk`s

of the first married in a hurry, and for us it was surprise. Her elect from Ankaya was not pleasant to us at all: lysovat, starovat, nizkovat, it is rough. And we, faithful selfish girlfriends, reconciled to this marriage only because did not believe in its gravity and duration. But Anka had a groom - the handsome! They were the most effective couple from all our environment. And they had a love the madwoman! So each of us had a family, children. Threads of friendship began to weaken - owing to employment, but we never lost sight of each other.

Best is oftentimes the enemy of the good

Once on our hen night Anka came running especially beautiful. There was in it some secret, the devil in eyes jumped. Having drunk couple of wine glasses of champagne, she coquettishly told that it has a lover. These relations were for it a dope, worked as drug: she could not refuse the novel on the party any more - the family relations cracked. The handsome - the husband called us to the aid, but the girlfriend also did not want to listen to anything. Generally, she drove out of the house of “Alain Delon“ and with a bigger passion rushed in new love. On a face - a lascivious smile, on hands - fresh manicure, a suit very clean, weight ideal, in a voice - mischief and confidence. Vital credo: “Eh little girls, bring the young lover and you will understand as far as life is fine!“ Time went - our Annushka all blossomed. Coming on a visit, she tempted all men including exemplary husbands. “Look, - told somehow my blessed, - Anka - that as got prettier!“ And in this scrappy phrase which is pulled out from a consciousness stream I suddenly caught notes of temptation and envy. It was the disturbing signal.

was called by Lyusya Next day - so, to chat. And as if by the way noticed:“ Anka is the good fellow. Took and refused family routine. Unlike us with you she in any day can arrange herself a holiday. And I dream to sleep year and I cannot: the husband needs to be seen off for work, to bring together children in school. I have no time even in a hairdressing salon to descend. But the most terrible, as not really there is a wish. What for? Who will notice?“

She told to

something else about the lost feelings, sincere emptiness, and I did not find words of a consolation. There was in this sad monologue a big grain of truth. Besides Lyuska had much more objective reasons, than at Annushka, to run away from fresh life with the bald and fat husband. Little girls - extremists we understood it. But only now, seeing as the girlfriend got prettier, Lyusya suddenly dared to doubt correctness of the way. And her sharp, categorical husband, having intuitively felt danger, chose incorrect style of behavior - began to condemn “coquette Anna“ actively. Lyuska, of anything without being afraid, protected the girlfriend. In a family quarrels continually broke out. They steadily came to an end with the phrase: “At Anka learned?.“ It turned out that Annushka, naturally, without wishing that, became a cause of destruction of others marriage.

Echoes of “friendly“ problems

of Quarrel and quarrel of close friends often bring turmoil and in our relations. Sometimes someone from them comes to be cried to a vest, and you fall into a difficult situation - what to do: to protect? to condemn? to reconcile? But even observing for quarreling from outside, we involuntarily try on a situation on ourselves, we divide friends on right and guilty, we accept somebody`s part. And Lyuska - instead of becoming proud, praising itself for wisdom and patience in the solution of family problems, for ability to bypass acute angles, - caught euphoria of others love. It is simple to divorce, of course, but on ruins it is impossible to live, and it is necessary to build some relations again, and it is much more difficult, than it seems during a time of romantic love. Minutes of weakness we forget what ennobles not family happiness, but efforts on its construction. As once one actor wisely told, it is possible to change all life of wives and mistresses, to chase feeling of freshness and novelty, but as a result to remain the eternal repeater, so nothing and not understood in family life.

the Boomerang of disorders started by one couple can painfully strike

another. The situation is more dangerous by that, than influence is stronger than couples “making“ these at each other. The divorced man can tell the family friend about long-awaited freedom greedily. And on his invitation “to go to drink beer“ to that inconveniently now to refuse even if he promised the wife (children) to come today a bit earlier. Girlfriends, as a rule, do not exert at each other such undesirable impact (can, owing to the fact that women have much more responsibility to a family, children, than at heads of families).

in the reeled quadrangle also one more danger Is. In our case the divorced Ania so got prettier that men, like silly small fishes, swam up to a brilliant hook and swallowed it even without any bait. It seems that my partner in life was such small fish also. And if earlier she was “the friend`s wife“ and he could afford nothing “such“, then now when Anka became very pretty and was a draw - why and is not present? Without dramatizing a situation, I nevertheless fell into an idiotic situation: to pretend that you do not notice obvious, - it is silly, to quarrel - below my advantage. But Anka was the loyal friend - having coqueted with my hubby and having convinced of the irresistibility, she coolly puganut “the silly woman - a small fish“ away.

Too much us, girlfriends, made related and connected to neglect all this only to please to momentary ambitions. Though often the scenario develops more juicy and, the played friends - girlfriends, unfortunately, forget about nobility.

Psychologically it is explainable

: divorced, as a rule, do not perceive seven friends further as to steam. The friendship three together weighs them. And if the friend, free from family bonds, pays to your husband too much attention, inviting to sit in club, at restaurant, try to stop it. In purely men`s companies by all means there is talk on freedom, “girls“, and dreams are also easily embodied in real life. Really you so want to listen to empty justifications like the fact that “not guilty I, she came“?!

Who on the newcomer?

But also you perceive the getting divorced friends not as to steam any more. They become for you two independent persons. It becomes clear that someone one, and another - only the annex to it was a friend. Nevertheless, when the divorced friends have new passions, they for some reason seek to arrange “shows“ in your house. The thought that the former spouse (spouse), having learned about it, can take offense, be jealous on you - them does not disturb at all.

Opposite, they seek to approve the wellbeing and sometimes consciously hurt ex-to the partner, encroaching also on an arrangement of the former friends of the family. You fall into an awkward position: not to apprehend, ignore “novelty“ - to offend the old friend (girlfriend), to meet by bread - I will merge - to hurt the rejected party.

is not present neutrality

I here and cannot be. Probably, it is necessary just to realize that the new darling or the elect are not guilty of anything also for you they only guests. Treat them as usually treat unfamiliar people before whom do not plow up soul. It is not necessary to perceive beginners and as competitors (rivals) who forced out “the fifth wheel“ from your life. If “fifth“ was to you a true friend, he will never become superfluous and nobody will be able to take his place.

try to treat the new darling (elect) as much as possible friendly, give she (he) chance. Who knows, maybe, it was not simple to this person to cross a threshold of your house at all, but he made it, hoping for your friendliness. Eventually, the ticklish situation was created not by you, and your friends. Whether to them to take offense at you?

U me, seemingly, immunity against dangerous “infection“ is. At least, I am very sorry for all left, and I sincerely regret that my beloved girlfriend Ania did not carry by the first love through all life.