The pact on attack of
Agree how not to fall into horror when your charming the baby suddenly begins to beat or bite peers. As it is sad, aggression - a stage through which there pass many kids. And to help them to cope with similar attacks of anger - a task of parents, the children`s psychologist Elena Voskovskaya claims.
“The teacher in a day nursery complains that my two-year-old Alyosha is the real fighter. He bites, pushed and fights not for self-defense at all. He is an instigator of all fights. I understand: he tries to be approved in group, but how to explain to him that so it is impossible to behave? To abuse, punish, stand in the corner or to take away toys? As it is better to arrive - whether to neglect everything, hoping that flashes of aggression will take place in itself, or that his cruelty did not grow together with it, to take urgent measures. But what?“ - asks a question 28 - summer Elena.many parents face
a similar problem. Flashes of rage are peculiar to many children aged from one and a half till eight years, especially to boys. You should not be afraid of it, in a varying degree aggression is inherent in any - both the adult, and the child. It is dictated by the self-preservation instinct which got to us from far ancestors. But with age people are accustomed to control it, otherwise it is difficult for them to get accustomed in society. Pugnacity - not a sign of early manifestation at the child of spiteful and cruel temper. First of all, parents need to understand the reasons of aggressive behavior of the child.
to Find and neutralize
Quite can turn out that the kid feels fear of world around. He is still so small, and around all such huge and novel. Therefore yours the baby begins to act by the principle “the best protection is an attack“. The fear will pass over time, but so far parents have to surround the kid with love and care that he felt safe. The reason of aggression can be covered also in a dissatisfaction. The child was born not so long ago, and everything is interesting to him. Everything should be touched and tried. It has no other “keys“ to comprehension of the world yet. But from all directions it is constantly straightened out:“ it is impossible “, “ do not take in a mouth “, “ depart, it is dangerous“. Yours the baby cannot satisfy the curiosity and does not know how to explain to people around that it needs to learn the world. He sees an exit in aggression. Without having received a desired thing, begins to rush toys, to beat parents and friends in kindergarten.Quite often aggression is dictated to
by jealousy. The kid can be jealous the teacher of other children, and therefore, having hardly crossed a threshold of kindergarten, becomes the instigator of a fight. He can try to hit the younger brother or the sister, but not because cannot divide with them a toy but because he is jealous them of parents, younger more attention always gets.
Should not dismiss also a situation in a family. If parents often quarrel, swear also set the child “cruel examples“, then and he will behave also. So far you for it - the most important people, and he in everything wants to resemble you. Therefore try to avoid the conflicts in a family. Even if all your quarrels happen on half tones and behind closed doors, the child all the same feels by the children`s intuition that over a family threat hung. He does not feel safe, and expresses the alarm in the only way available to it - rage flashes. And if you think that it is too small and is not capable of serious experiences, then strongly are mistaken. You should not underestimate the kid.Peaceful settlement
, to raise at parents and it is impossible to offend other kids. But the child of it will not understand. A task of parents it is quiet and sensible to explain to the child that it is good and that it is bad. However it does not mean that parents have to try to suppress aggression in the child. And especially to resort to physical methods of punishment. It will bring nothing good to either you, or him. Even on the contrary, suppressed, but not controlled aggression can develop into a serious problem, up to a mental disorder over time. Reduction as an example of other children is inefficient. You should not call the kid “angry and bad“, he, who knows, will imagine himself little Barmaley and will behave well matched to the literary hero, and it will be difficult to overpersuade him subsequently.
to Parents should not neglect everything. If not to stop aggression at once, in process of a growing of the kid it will be shown more and more. Those parents who do not pay attention to cruelty of the child are not right. It now it beats not painfully, but what will be when he grows up, without having learned to control rage flashes? He will still consider that everything is permitted to it. Yes, consequences from blow of a weak cam are not terrible now, but in adulthood can become the reason of big troubles. Having found out the reason of cruel behavior, try to correct a situation. Explain to the child that he is not right that, without having received desired, it is necessary not to rush on people around, and to discuss everything that is not pleasant to it with adults.the Child under any circumstances has to feel
that you love it and it is necessary to you. You do not speak:“ You will behave badly, we will give others the aunt and the uncle“. For you it nothing not meaning words, and for the child the stress capable to develop into aggression.
If you cannot meet desire of the child, explain to him why. It seems to it that all this results from - for absence of love to it, but not money in your purse. And any offense can turn back aggression again.If the kid was pushed by
to the floor, furiously knocks legs and shouts, do not calm him purchase of toys or sweets at all. He will understand that he found your weak place.Never answer
with aggression aggression. Answer it with love, the kid for the present in everything follows an example of you. Try to explain: if he without hysterics tells you, than is dissatisfied, he will have more chances to receive the desirable. And if it a hurricane rushes on a sandbox and to leave behind the destroyed sand palaces and the scattered toys, children will not want to be on friendly terms with it and it should play to one. But do not conduct similar preceptive conversations in the presence of other kids, children of it do not love and in reply can become embittered even more. Arrange to the kid of walk in the fresh air, buy him the bicycle or the scooter, register to the pool.
Distract it from negative emotions. Do not allow it to watch cruel animated cartoons and movies, they provoke aggression.
Gradually the kid will begin to understand consequences of the behavior, especially if children in the yard or in a garden refuse to be on friendly terms with the fighter. That children played with it, he should cease to fight and swear.Almost all children pass
through aggression and with age learn to control it. But only in case parents try to help them. Certainly, it is hard. Sometimes there is a wish not to spend time for infinite explanations, and just to stand the child in the corner. But it can cause in it still big offense. Be patient, and results will not keep themselves waiting.