About a miracle and about the Bug. Part I
There now, the child snuffles on a balcony, and at last there was a minute to sit down and write down a long story about how was born the Bug. Long because there is a strong wish to tell also background, everything in our life is interconnected, and even troubles - only necessary bricks in construction of future happiness. Therefore I advise those who wants a reality about pregnancy and childbirth at once to pass to the following part. And I suggest to read a prolog those to whom it is interesting “about life“ and about miracles.
Ya married in 23, is later than girlfriends, but early to the western measures. And we with the husband at once went to live to full Europe: the husband - to work, and I - so far to learn one more language. Children were not wanted, and I did not want temporarily, and the husband - essentially. It seemed to me, years to 27 when we create strong base, we will be acquired etc., it will be necessary and to think of children. And the husband treated those people who from peep of the child behind the next little table of cafe warp, screw up the face, and strive to leave somewhat quicker. But me it was thought, give term, will mature, will grow wiser and I will get on back, and the drop - it, as we know, and a stone of man`s obstinacy sharpens.Parents, naturally, ate with
a bald patch. Where grandsons? And, if mine quietly whined sometimes, then fathers-in-law gnawed and growled. Like, you never know that he does not want? The boy, what he understands? Here you will give rise, he also will fall in love. On what I told at once that I deception will not become pregnant because the child has to appear at two parents by agreement. Offended fathers-in-law. They, by the way, initially were against our marriage. Well not rovnya I to their son, they though not oligarchs, but from other social group, from this, where build cottages and fly business - a class. And in dormitory areas to live disdain. And we not the poor, but giving at us on 6 hundred parts, and fly to holiday through tour agencies, and we live at terminal station of the subway. But probably, thought that if the sonny rested, made row and married, we will build good relations, and, you look, the granddaughter we will receive.is shorter than
, four years to us something all the time prevented to bring the child. At first were equipped, in a year I learned - German and found work in the specialty, and it do not rush, then Oleg went to study to business - school for 200 km from the house. It is necessary to pay to fathers-in-law tribute - they very much helped us, took out to have a rest to abrupt resorts, paid to Oleg MBA in this most super business - school in Holland.work to throw
Ya and with it refused to go, and one and a half years we seemed on days off and that not every week. Then he studied up, found good work with a big salary. And the first two years he has to move time in 6 months to other country and accumulate experience in different divisions. That is I could not work any more in any way. And then Oleg told the significant phrase:“ If YOU want the child, then now it is a high time for YOU to be engaged in it“. To me, the silly woman, still then for such words to send it the wood, but... We love, women to turn to such things a deaf ear. So I threw out contraceptive tablets, and process went. It is necessary to tell, I was tormented sometimes by doubts - whether and the truth I is ready to become mother? For what I want the child? Because it is so necessary, the age approached? But it not the basis. Perhaps I and the truth did not ripen yet? And Oleg is not really torn to become a father, he does it for the parents and not to be worse than friends who already get slowly posterity.
Process went month four, and everything is ineffectual. Oleg flew on a visit to the cousin, there communicated to the parents, saw enough on bratovo family happiness with the little daughter, and, having returned, declared:“ Cannot be that in four months nothing happened. You should descend to the doctor“. And I, by the way, at the doctor was before beginning that process, and the doctor gave “green light“. Moreover, I treated female health always responsibly, the gynecologist visited time in half a year all life, and problems never were, well the milkwoman unless. But I was touched more by statement of a question, and I, naturally, was indignant: it why I should descend to the doctor? Why not to it? On what to me it was reasonably explained that he is engaged at work all day long, he has no time, and here if it becomes clear that at me everything is OK, then he will throw everything and run will run to be examined.
Went to the import doctor. The doctor listened to me, and sent home to continue process because four months at our age - not term, they only in a year of attempts examine me can. I, actually, also did not worry as I understood that attempts were rare and not always in time. Our all time someone hung out and stayed, fathers-in-law, Olegova friends, and Oleg, sorry, hesitated to touch me if in 3kh - the room apartment in the neighboring room someone is. I told Oleg about visit to the doctor, and it on me was filled: the silly woman, could not tell lies that we try year! I looked and did not understand what he so is angry. Now I guess that his fathers-in-law wound. They, apparently, told it that I deceive him that, probably, I have problems by female part, and at once would give rise to that. But then I decided that I will not begin to wait for year, and I want to be convinced urgently that is with me everything is all right, and let then he is checked if wants.
We just flew to Moscow for New Year, and in Moscow everything is possible, there would be money and acquaintances. Stopped at fathers-in-law. And my mother through the acquaintances found the doctor in clinic of obstetrics and gynecology at MMA of Sechenov which agreed to examine me for these days. The first survey and analyses revealed hormonal insufficiency and dysbacteriosis. Prescribed me Dyufaston that to urge on hormones. And dysbacteriosis to anybody did not prevent to become pregnant yet, but it should be treated that at further inspections not to bring an infection in a uterus. For this purpose there is Dalatsin - cream. First question to the doctor: and the husband should be treated? Also received a definite answer: these microorganisms (already I do not remember, what) at men do not live, do not take a steam bath, he in principle cannot get sick with it.
I then I make the decision: about hormones I speak to the husband, and about disbak - no. Because he at us the companion fastidious and sensitive, from those for whom the woman even just during monthly not only a taboo, but also “faugh“, he can inadequately transfer such news and long to abstain from sex and how then pregnancy? That it is possible to become pregnant - and it is necessary right after the end of treatment, against Dyufaston`s reception! You will tell, the silly woman? It agrees to all hundred, but on me whereas obscuring found. Everything came to an end it is deplorable. Fathers-in-law (I do not know, who exactly) rummaged in my things (do not ask, why, such people) and found drugs. Were horrified, decided that to them not to wait for grandsons. Instigated the familiar doctor, and he by phone explained to Oleg that these drugs venereal diseases treat. On the first of January Oleg stated me everything that he thought. That everything can forgive, except DECEPTION that it does not want to think on where and as and what I caught, but I put at risk its health, and had to it tell about everything. And now he cannot live with it.
I at this moment I suddenly understood that I do not want to justify myself that was tired to fight for this defects that his parents won against. Yes, I gave a reason, but it will be so better, the relations were rather friendly as it is, than matrimonial. And if he cannot live with it, then I - especially. I called parents and asked to take away me home. To my astonishment, my conservative father always repeating that in his family do not get divorced did not ask any question, told - now we will be. And in half an hour Oleg took out my suitcase on the street. Already then I learned that a day before it the father-in-law called my mother and in clear spoke:“ Help to part our children, they - not couple“. Mother answered that she will not climb in our family that ourselves will understand. But for this reason my request to take away home took nobody unawares.my first marriage So will end with
. At night on the first of January, 2003 I fell asleep on a sofa at parents unexpectedly absolutely happy. Because, that I should not prove to anybody any more that I am not a camel, because, that I am free, because, that nobody will dare in my address or to my parents to tell the bad word.
Oleg departed to the abroad, then arrived to file for divorce. And I solved, if began to be examined, I will finish business. Also I will be quiet, knowing that I have that everything is all right. GSG and a picture in which clearly it is visible were farther: both fallopiyeva of a pipe are impassable. And so that even operation, most likely, will be ineffectual. That is, if I am able also to have children, then only “from a test tube“. You know how happens if you get to bathe into a storm, and sshibt you a strong wave and few times properly will turn yes will take on stones? With me so was in youth. Here approximately also you feel when report about own infertility. At first even you do not understand what occurs where top and where a bottom.here after such shake-up me it became clear to
I that so I do not want no power on earth how to give birth to the child and that by youth and nonsense, apparently, an opportunity missed it to make while could. That all my torments and reasonings on a subject: and whether I am ready to become a mother - such nonsense, I want to press to myself a small lump, to care for it, to raise it, just to like and to give it life and to demand nothing in exchange! But now late., of course, it was scary a pity for
because that fathers-in-law finally were right: children were not through my fault. Yes, I did not know about it and deceived nobody, but to whom me now to tell it? The fact that I as “correct“, each half a year went to the gynecologist, did ultrasonography was even more a pity, made tests, and always heard only one: it is absolutely healthy, it is time to give birth.
So, in twenty seven years I summed up the sad result: neither families, nor children, nor works - anything. Also the lonely old age is in the long term possible. Decided to begin with the beginning as though nothing was. First of all new work - it appeared simply. In half a year on the new place it became quieter (as always, at first it is necessary to show what it is capable of, and then becomes more silent), and in the head thoughts on private life appeared. Well I will not be able to have a normal family - means not on the cards, but the woman - that I did not stop being!
In my women`s collective could not be caught, etc. I do not go to discos any more - with age became uninteresting. Scratched turnip, spat vanity, and came to a dating site on the Internet. After several the Internet - acquaintances when I was already going to doubt a male solvency, appeared Vitya. Everything began touchingly and romantically, but on the serious relations did not pull, for a role of the husband and “the father of family“ this person did not approach in any way. Therefore the speech about genital abilities also did not come. And in half a year when Vitya suggested me to marry it, I from surprise could not answer yes, is not present. That is, I knew that I love it, and in marriage for it I will go, but to tell “yes“ would be not really honest, the family is children. Well, it did not issue divorce with the ex-wife so I could delay clarification of this question, having told:“ Here you will divorce then we will talk“. And we just began to live together.
What to do? To tell now that with children there can be problems? So we on children also did not speak still. That is, once Vitya told that if I became pregnant, he would not be frightened, and was delighted, but unless it can be considered as serious conversation? Not to tell anything? It would be deception. Decided that I will tell. But could not make it in any way - all it seemed, not that moment, not now, tomorrow....
there Passed some more months, and all of us - started talking about children. The child was wanted by both of us. And, appear, it was a high time to tell about infertility, but I could not force myself. How many times gathered - and was not enough for spirit. At some moment to admit would be already late, I was afraid that he will ask why I was silent all this time. And then I decided everything - to go for deception. In last marriage everything was frankly and what it ended with? So it will not be worse. I will pretend that everything is all right, and in few months I will tell that was examined and learned about a problem. We are not married yet and if Vitya leaves me after that - means so to me and it is necessary, itself is guilty. And if decides on EKO - it means indeed that person with whom I am ready to live for the rest of the life.
there Passed two months as we ceased to be protected. I resolved that in June I will declare a problem. During this time I managed to show that ill-fated picture to one more doctor, and there was no doubt left any - pipes are impassable. In June monthly did not come in time, but I did not attach significance: we went on fate - a festival, at work there was a working flat out, a stress, a heat - everyone happens. In a week pricked up the ears, but told herself:“ It cannot be pregnancy. Means, something not as it should be, dysfunction or still something. It is time to the doctor“. As urgent business did not seem, at first waited for an opportunity to escape from work that took nearly two more weeks.
Arrived to policlinic (work paid to me an insurance in JSC Meditsina). Doctor first of all: “The test for pregnancy was done?“ And I to it - at me pipes are impassable! It to me - just in case at first make the test, and then I will look at you.
I Go to a drugstore, I buy the test, from there in a poliklinichny toilet. Having made the business, I read the instruction ten times, only not to look, how bewitched, on a stick. Through the put time I look at a window - there bright plus! I again in the instruction - well, plus, so I am pregnant!I do not know
how I managed not to begin to sob. It was just necessary to get it together and to return to an office to the doctor. Ultrasonography was farther, and I was given a leaf with words: pregnancy 7 weeks and 2 days, heartbeat is defined, interruption threat, a postkhorionalny hematoma. The doctor advised to lay down in a hospital, but... The insurance does not cover it therefore look for an opportunity to make it not at us. Drink a noshpa, dyufaston, put vitamin E, candles with a papaverine, a bed rest, and look for hospital where you will put.
But all this was nonsense, at me in ears as if the layer of cotton wool was formed, heard nothing, knew only one: there was a miracle, I expect a baby. How it happened? Whom except God to me to thank? On this question I still have no answer. The rational explanation is: pipes are impassable, but in solderings there could be a gleam. And as GSG - quite painful procedure moreover at me is very low pain threshold, and it was painful to me very much, the gleam could be closed from a painful spasm, and in its picture it is not visible. But chances of such event are so insignificant that even doctors not really trust in it.
A still, I then thought at once:“ My God! Yes if not history with the first husband if I was not told by doctors that I have an infertility, and would arise then in me this life? Everything would develop in a different way! As I was lucky! This child - my destiny means, so all also had to occur“.
Ya left policlinic, the shivering hands got phone. There was no wish to call Vitya, such things should be spoken in eyes. Called mother, asked whether she sits. Also gave news. Mother grew dumb with happiness, and, having recovered, told that it is necessary to call that doctor from Sechenov which examined me and to ask to her for a hospital.
Ya mentally apologized to the child, and finished smoking the last cigarette from a pack (well, I did not leave off smoking, it was sure that children cannot be! And did not feel sick, the breast did not hurt, well any signs!) The pack departed to a ballot box. Now neither wine, nor beer, nor cigarettes - yes who needs all this! I have other dope now. It was necessary to go to work, affairs there was a heap. If me put in hospital, it is necessary to finish all affairs today and that I will not finish, to hand over to colleagues. So to sit to me at work till the night.
the Change in the head came in the subway, on the road from Mayakovskaya on Electrofactory. Oh, damn, what work? The bed rest is shown me! What affairs when mine d can besomething threatens an etka! Will be enough, I have all problems for certain because that I couple of days ago at work dragged two food processors from the second floor on the fourth (do not think what, product samples for poll of the population). I not of myself and work have to think now, us two in this body. And, having come to work, I told girls and the chief about pregnancy (did not gather, but it was necessary to explain why to me to go to hospital, and there was no wish to lie). Began to complete nothing, just submitted the cases to colleagues and went home - to lie and lead a pregnant life.