each mother has immutable rules. One strictly watch a daily routine, others in every way fight against microbes, the third develop the correct power supply circuit. Well it or is bad, we decided to find out from Maria Kolosova, the children`s psychologist, the candidate of psychological sciences.Precisely to know
how good mother to become
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of Anastasius, 30 years, an osteostalemate, three-year-old Sasha and five-year-old Dima`s mother always I tell
Uncertainty - one of the most unpleasant experiences, and to each of us was necessary to fight against it more than once. One consider that it gives the chance to acquire something new, and others in panic are afraid of it therefore they turn life into a set of unnecessary rules. And not only the life. Let`s present such situation. The person accurately outputs for himself one or several rules and forces himself and all those who depend on him is strict them to follow. And then there is an illusion - the person himself disposes of the life in which from now on there is no place to any unforeseen situations and neopredelennost. All situations described above have one root, they first of all attempt of each of four mothers to prove:“ I am good mother“ and to insure myself from uncertainty. And if mothers are not strong in any area, it does not matter - it is always possible to consult with the expert, at least with the same gastroenterologist. And that will confirm: microbes really exist and it is necessary to fight against them. It is its work. Having invented the set governed, mother can go to bed every evening with quiet soul, washed up to the child of the handle of exactly 37 times or squeezed out 5 glasses of apple juice. Today she deserved the five, the thought of it heats it. Unfortunately, she forgets that the world of adults is not school and marks in it are not given for a long time.
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Veronika, 27, the accountant, six-year-old Kostya, five-year-old Katya and one-year-old Maxim`s mother
Any woman does not know
how to be ideal mother. But at the same time all responsibility for the most favourite and expensive - the child - lays down only on it. And suddenly mistake? To mother it becomes terrible, and she tries to drive fear deeply into herself. For this purpose she thinks out various spells:“ Bathtub every day - and everything will be good“. And the fear as did not happen. Unless there can be something to the child from whom well smells which eats properly goes to bed also in time? And, above all, it is not difficult to mother to track all this at all. And here to accept the child it what he is, or to allow him to choose, to study English to him or geography, a problem in power not of everyone. Forcing the child to do what is necessary and not that he wants, parents struggle only with own fears. To education of kids, in it the creative person the good or bad smell, refusal of chocolates and lollipops have no relation to development. The more the child suffers from imposed to him governed, the it is less than chances at him in the future to prove.
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Maria, 28, the designer, two-year-old Pavlik`s mother
Each parent wants to bring up the genius. But for this child it is not necessary to conclude in a framework - to drive on walk, in circles, sports sections. Those who are capable to break a habitual framework become geniuses and to escape out of their limits. And the parents who are under strict control living on hours of children have not enough chances to become them.Svetlana, 35, the secretary, eight-year-old Ania and seven-year-old Zhenya`s mother
Ya is absolutely sure by
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that in education of children the most important - a day regimen. I do not understand some parents who allow the children to watch TV late or to vanish hungry on the street. And how lessons?! They need to be prepared in time then also in time to go to bed. At PTA meetings the teacher Anechki is not tired to repeat: the child who only slept is capable to prove at a lesson. And I completely agree with it, and still I am sure, as on a hungry stomach the child is not capable to perceive new knowledge. My daughters know that the porridges eaten and drunk at breakfast, oil sandwiches, milk and freshly squeezed juice become “fuel“ for the person in the first half of day. By the way, in our family a breakfast - not only the first meal, but also something like family meeting. We are seated at the table and we begin to discuss plans for day. I, the husband and girls we get up practically in at one time, at 7 o`clock in the morning, even on days off, all of us are larks. On weekdays, having had breakfast, girls go to school, coming back home, they have dinner exactly at one o`clock in the afternoon, and in 13. 30 go to the room to take a nap. But more than an hour we it do not allow to sleep, everything is good moderately. Then short walk, lessons, a shower in 19. 00 and check of homework. That one did not idle while check lessons another, we with the husband divided duties, he undertook the younger daughter, I - senior. Exactly at half past eight girls go to a bed. Already every day. I am glad that my children live on hours and do not waste any minute. Also it is twice happy that the husband completely supports my point of view. I am sure, daughters of much will achieve in life, already now they not bad draw, are engaged at music school, learn English, go to rhythmic gymnastics. And many children from - under sticks should induce to be do at least school lessons therefore when say to me that I am too exacting to daughters, too I load them, depriving of the childhood, I understand: I am just envied“.
Self-realization at the expense of the child
It is indicative that all four mothers - not just mothers, and creative, clever women. But for some reason they decided to narrow themselves to only one role, to draw vegetables in tables and to script for themselves. Certainly, a role of mother - the most important role in the woman`s life, but not only. Both at Anastasia, and at Maria, and Veronika, and at Svetlana energy bursts forth, but they it directed all to children. And such powerful stream can quite become destructive.
That it is necessary for it
Let`s look at a situation not with eyes of the psychologist, microbiologist or gastroenterologist and even not eyes of mother. Let`s look at them with eyes of your child. The child`s task - most sometime to become the adult, to have the idea of what is good and that is bad. But it can be only its representation. What is imposed to it by adults - not it. And as often with regret it is necessary to observe such situation: reaching teenage age, the child begins to break a framework in which he was imprisoned by adults. In my practice cases when at the most diligent, keen and diligent mothers children at teenage age ran away from the house met more than once, missed lessons. They pulled down old system of rules and created new. And if the street or an entrance is the only thing uncontrollable parents space, the child will leave there.
Give to the child chance most to make the choice, to make mistakes. Nobody and from them is never insured, in life by two - three rules of mother not to manage. Impose nothing to your children, and only imperceptibly direct to the correct way. In it art to be good mother.