How to endure an abortion?
Nine months of pregnancy - an unforgettable waiting time of the birth of the child. Infinite everyday efforts and preparations cannot eclipse joyful feeling of the coming motherhood. From this feeling of the new life which arose and growing in the woman she changes and all world around! And almost intolerably to think that not each pregnancy comes to an end with the child`s birth that the kid can be lost, without having given rise yet...
the Psychological state of the woman who had an abortion cannot be described in a few words. You endure huge loss. And it that is heavier that happened unexpectedly. It is impossible to be prepared for a grief in advance, especially when it is loss of the kid. You are crushed by loss and feel intolerable pain, the world scattered on one thousand splinters, everything lost meaning, dreams failed. There was only one question: “For what?“ .
does not want anything: is, neither to sleep, nor to speak. The heavy grief, sense of guilt and despair overflow you. It seems that you are destroyed and former life will never return. You feel such loneliness what was not yet. Sometimes it seems to you that you go crazy...
Restoration after heavy loss - one of the most difficult tasks. You should create yourself and the future anew. This way is very difficult and demands persistence and belief. Sometimes it seems to you that all efforts are vain, but it not so.
do not hide the grief
How many on light of people, there are so much ways of manifestation of a grief. However there are several characteristic stages of experience of loss through which all pass.
the First reaction shock happens. Hours or even days after an awful event you can be in catalepsy and practically not react on people around, or, on the contrary, writhe in hysterics. Anyway it will be difficult for you to remember later what happened to you then who was near and so forth. You remember one: ANY your reaction is natural and normal. It is good that the reliable person who can embrace silently you was near, to stay nearby, to take care of you. During this period it is better to limit the public life, you should not accept also important decisions counting upon the future.When shock comes to an end with
, loss understanding and together with it - pain gradually comes. It is the heaviest stage of experience of a grief. The depression, despair, feeling of exinanition and fault leans. During this period almost at all sleeplessness, appetite loss, weakness, exhaustion of forces, inability to do usual things is noted. It is difficult to believe, but it is normal reaction to the incident.
When loss understanding comes, psychologists advise to speak about the grief. You speak to any who is ready to listen, do not become reserved. It is very important not to hesitate at the same time of the tears. Cry! To be restored and continue full-fledged life, you have to allow to stream to tears. Your experiences are a tribute of love to not been born kid, mourning of hopes and all that was so expensive to you. It is not necessary to be ashamed of the feelings! In the mountain there is no prudence therefore the last business will be confused on the fact that “tears - a weakness sign“ and “I should not cry in public“. Tears - a healing sign, but not weaknesses!
Give the chance to other people, not relatives, to support you. Let it will be friends, colleagues, neighbors, the priest or someone another. Many do not know what to tell in such situation, but it is not important. It is important that they nearby. Tell it to all who will give you support. At this moment those who in the past endured loss of the child and coped with the grief can give the best help.
the Most frequent question which you ask yourself: “For what? This punishment?“ On this question there is only one answer: “No“. You are not guilty of anything. Bad it happens to all, and nobody is insured from losses. Even the best and worthy of us. The grief does not choose. It comes because we live in the imperfect world. There was what happened, but loss does not belittle life.Believe
that your grief has an end. You will cope and will return to full-fledged life. But you are responsible for the restoration . It is necessary to work on the experiences. Nobody will be able to undertake your grief and to return you to life anew, even the most understanding and careful people. The statement “time heals“ is not absolutely full. Treat time and - it is obligatory - work on itself.
At some turning point the question “For What?“ will be replaced by a question “How to live further? How to overcome a grief of loss?“ It means that you accept new life. It is necessary to help itself. What to begin with?
the Psychologist Bob Deyte, years working hard with the people enduring loss advises to write on sheets of paper in several copies the following statements:“My grief will end with
- “. “I will not always feel
- as now“. “I everything do
- “I will overcome loss as it was made by others“.
to the refrigerator, another - to a mirror in a bathroom, the third - about a bed, - put one more to yourself in a handbag or in a purse. Every time, natykayas a view of these leaflets, read words aloud, yet do not learn them by heart, then at the moments of deep grief they will begin to sound in you.
Take care of the health
- Think what you had a state of health before there was an abortion. Surely visit necessary experts, make tests and carry out all appointments of the doctor.
- you Monitor the food. Perhaps, the food is not of any interest to you now, but you need forces. A variety and quality of food - here that is necessary. Determine regular time for meal and to have a bite. Drink more liquid to avoid organism dehydration. You watch the weight (if noticed considerable changes - see a doctor).
- do not abuse coffee and alcohol At all! Accept multivitamins better.
- Adhere to a usual day regimen. You go to bed in usual time in the evening even if you do not want to sleep at all. Avoid high regular doses of sleeping pill.
Should talk about one very important point concerning a state of your health. One of the main reasons for loss of the child are various “malfunctions“ (hormonal, exchange, anatomic and so forth) in the woman`s organism preventing it to take out the kid. Therefore you have to learn surely from the doctor what served as the abortion reason (the speech, of course, does not go about tragic accidents: injuries, falling, poisonings and so forth) . If your state does not allow you to concern this sensitive issue now, then let someone from close relatives will deal with medical issues or friends, people soberminded to which you trust. You should not postpone clarification of the reasons of the incident.
If you pay this visit to the doctor, then, in - the first, be psychologically prepared: calm down, gather. In advance write down all questions which you want to set to the doctor in a notebook and do not hesitate to use it because in a stressful situation you should not hope for memory. It is also best of all to write down answers of the doctor at once. It is known that the blunt pencil is better than sharp memory. If during conversation with the doctor to you something is unclear, do not hesitate to ask again or specify as it is about the most important. This your right - the nobility that happened to you to prevent repetition of misfortune.Watch
daily maintaining the magazine can become the Important step of psychological recovery. Each record has to include such data:
- Date, time.
- That important occurred today.
- C whom you met today. What changes you observe
- in yourself.
- your plans for tomorrow. It is better for record to do in the evening, at the end of the day.
at the beginning of every week on a separate leaf of the magazine the following questions:
- What you should make this week?
- What to you prevents to make it? Whose help to you can be necessary for
- What you would like to make next month? What spiritual resources to you should be found
- in itself to live further?
Write down progress in achievement of each of the planned purposes in the magazine. Replace the purposes, impracticable in practice, with real. You treat yourself more tolerantly (but it is not indulgent!) do not demand from yourself too much. In a month see initial entries in your magazine. You will see that your state changed to the best. Can even surprise you, how far you promoted on the way of psychological recovery during this time.
Seize skills of relaxation
to learn to relax and calm down, master several simple, but effective breathing exercises.
- Conveniently lay down on a floor on a back, under knees and a waist it is possible to put the towels curtailed by the roller. Close eyes. Exhale. Slowly considering
- to four, inhale, at first filling with air a stomach, then - a thorax. Hold the breath on a breath, count to four. Slowly exhale
- , counting up to four. At the same time at first pull in a stomach, and then lower edges, having exhaled air from lungs. Before making the following breath, again count to four.
When you will feel in yourself forces and desire, think of change of clothes, of small repair of the house. Perhaps, you will want to go to a trip to visit those places where long ago wanted to get, but it was impossible?
New pregnancy it, most likely, at all not what you think now of. Nevertheless it will be. There will be an expectation, nervousness, a sinking heart. But all this will occur somehow in a different way, and, the most important, you will be already absolutely another. Therefore you need to understand and to accept internally psychologically the reasons for which this pregnancy ended with an abortion. It is known that very many women in such situation incline to charge reaction. Accuse or themselves (incorrectly ate, worked hard, it was irregularly treated), or other people (inattentive doctors, eternally busy husband, the selfish mother-in-law, the chief, etc.) . Let not at once, but it is necessary to refuse such view of a situation. It is not simple, and can even seem absolutely impossible. But this step has to be taken, and it is result of big intelligent work on itself(himself).
do not think that the purpose of these councils - to help you “to forget“ loss “, to jump“ through it. What you endured will change you and forever will remain part of your life. But it is necessary to remember that such misfortune if you met by his face to the person, can be creative. You lost a lot of things, but also found a lot of things. You became stronger and wiser. You understand others better and could transfer the attention from household trifles to a sacred aspect of life.
Almost all women who endured an abortion become happy mothers of healthy kids subsequently, - and it is absolutely indisputable fact. Surely you remember that yours life goes on, and it same full, as before.