Experience - the son of mistakes
Own experience - the best school of life even for small children. If parents realize it, they should not resort to punishments any more.Who at least once touched with
a hot plate, keeps in mind: it is sick and dangerous. In the people speak:“ On mistakes study“. It seems, easy as a pie, but a lot of time that children`s education included the principle of education by means of natural and logical consequences was required.
For example, from - for the immemorial not concentration the boy came back home without favourite toy, - now all rest of summer will take old on walk. Let learns to watch the things because there is no that beautiful truck in shop already just. Such is reality. Influence of a logical situation is one child stronger than if parents abused it, called the bungler, posokrushatsya concerning high cost of the lost thing - and eventually reluctantly bought new expensive toy. What can learn at such reaction of adults? At best, to the fact that parents are responsible for everything. It is known that reproaches, the abuse, notations or shout do not affect many children at all.by
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Council to the one who decided to learn a method of logical consequences
Choose some collateral “battlefield“ - a question on which the antagonism with children did not become aggravated yet (easier to gain skill, intensity is less). Quite often such sideway, thanks to basic improvement of mood in a family, allows to reduce sharpness of the main problem.
Education by logical or natural consequences can significantly discharge the relations between parents and children. Often in a family the obvious antagonism is available, and it seems that a question only in the one who will win: mother adjusting the sluggish child or the child who wants to draw with the deliberate sluggishness its attention. As a result lose both because at the time of dispute harmony of their relations disappears.
Education by consequences means transition to a neutrality. Mother should consider what will occur if not to interfere? And - depending on a situation - or to allow it to occur, or to explain to the child the main point and to give him a choice opportunity. For example: “If you dig further, you will be late in kindergarten“. Or:“ I will take away you in kindergarten now even if you did not gather yet“. It is necessary to speak quietly, without rage and to be seriously ready to make it. Not everyone will be able to go to that the teacher before all children abused his child for delay that other children mocked at it for the fact that it was not brushed and in bedroom-slippers. But if the child in some limits bears responsibility for himself, it will be easier for parents to accustom him to act with consciousness of this responsibility. The less words will be spent by parents, the better. Besides laconicism will allow them to avoid emergence at the child of “deafness“ - on parental appeals.
Only what teach children of punishment to, it is a conclusion:“ Adults are stronger than me. Next time it is necessary to be more careful that to me did not get again“. Punishments to a thicket generate fear, and here understanding of fault arises only in rare instances.show to
- of the Consequence power of reality, punishment - the adult`s superiority.
Small children already well understand the principle of responsibility for the caused damage: poured juice - has to help to eliminate a disorder, did not clean the toys - be not surprised that tightened a fine detail the vacuum cleaner and the figure from the designer does not gather now, sit and play with food - means, is not hungry, leave from - for a table. Examples show: negative consequences logically follow from the corresponding actions. Even small children are able to understand: I am guilty of it.are directly connected by
- of the Consequence with the wrong behavior, punishment has no such logical communication.
Deprivation of pocket money, “moratorium“ on the TV, a new toy, “house arrest“, - are that standard punishments for offenses or mistakes. But for what reason it is necessary to forbid the five-year-old child to watch TV if it cut off ears at a plush hare of the younger little sister? Perhaps, it will be for it a hard blow, but it will acquire one: parents make decisions on punishment, and against it I can do nothing. And the logical consequence could be such: “You spoiled a hare, so will buy the sister new on money from the moneybox“. Or it: “Let it will take itself what is pleasant from your toys“.
- of the Consequence do not bear any moral assessment. Punishments often serve as “a moral sentence“.
If the child cries, complains, poor-mouths, there are two options of your behavior: to send it to the nursery, having told: “Go complain in other place, do not bother!“ But it will be punishment which the child cannot understand. More correctly - to explain that when he so loudly complains, mother cannot concentrate therefore let goes to the room if there is a wish ponyt and when calms down, can come back.
Thus, against actually hnykanye and the more so against the child nothing is told, but mother accurately shows where there passes the border. And the child is free to decide how to him now to arrive: to complain alone in the room or to play near mother.
- In conversation on consequences tone quiet and firm, at punishment - angry.
It is the most ticklish point. Intonation we show a difference between a consequence and punishment (as a result of a certain behavior of the child). Parents should try to behave. If during toothbrushing every time is played a performance, and mother discontentedly declares:“ You will dig, I will not read you the fairy tale“, - it, most likely, will worsen mood and it, and the child - there will be a mutual discontent.
Using reception of logical consequences, it would be better to tell:“ You will spend in vain time, there will be no it left on the fairy tale at all“. So the child will understand quicker that mother does not press on him at all, and depends on him what will be this evening.
- Education by logical consequences - not the recipe on all cases, and more likely installation for parents who want to work on themselves. >
Whatever seductive in the simplicity this principle seemed to li, it is not so simple.
If you want to bring up the child who is responsible for the actions it is necessary to believe in his ability to it. It is hard: naturally, parents seek to protect the child from a possible negative, internally oppose to give it the chance to acquire something on own bitter experience. To them it is heavy because they bear responsibility for it. A limit of “independence“ - evidence of danger: it is clear, that it is impossible to allow the child to run out on a carriageway that he realized as cars are dangerous. >
But also in other situations it is hard for p to observe an internal distance in relation to children and to speak to itself:“ This its business, it is not necessary to interfere, my child himself is capable to decide that to prefer - to hurry or be late. Four years - rather adult age to be responsible for consequences“. Of course, such approach is possible only when for mother it is really indifferent what will be the choice. If, for example, the child has to be brought in time to kindergarten because she cannot be late for work, then it is worth explaining intelligibly why now it is necessary to hurry.
the Tranquility necessary for education by consequences, is given hardly first of all use of this method - instead of pressing and punishment - especially often is required just in stressful circumstances. Only one will help: in advance to think how to react in the expected difficult situation, for example in eternal opposition from - for cleaning, clothing, food - and to work according to the made plan.Use of logical consequences demands
from parents of patience. The child should get used to a personal responsibility for himself, it occurs not at once and perhaps only in those areas in which parents can really consider him capable to make decisions. To prevent a solar burn, on the beach it is necessary to grease skin with sunblock cream is, of course, a problem of parents. And whether here to spend at a booth at once all pocket money - and then to be left with nothing - a problem quite feasible for six - the seven-year-old child.