Conflict in kindergarten. Who is guilty?
Trusting favourite and often the only child to kindergarten, all of us hope that stay of the kid in new collective will be comfortable and joyful. But, unfortunately, sometimes our hopes turn in disappointment. Not because whether that often parents and tutors just are not able to listen to each other and get up on different sides of barricades?
It can occur both on objective, and for the subjective reasons.
the Objective reasons - for example, the unfair relation of tutors to the business, their low qualification. In this case you will hardly manage to change something, and the best exit - to take away the child from kindergarten and to find Wad Dra - gy.the Subjective reasons work with
, as a rule, both from parents, and from tutors. It is possible to refer unfairly positive or unfairly negative expectations of parents from preschool institution to them. Unfairly positive relation arises when parents, sending the child to kindergarten, think that the kindergarten “will teach everything“, and parents will need to do nothing. If these expectations are vain, there is huge tension between parents and teachers. Actually the kindergarten is capable to make a lot of things for development of the pets, but it has specific tasks and it will never be able to replace completely parents and educational influence of a family. If personal “kindergarten“ experience of the parent was unsuccessful or the parent did not attend kindergarten, but heard a set of talk that “it is very bad“, there is unfairly negative attitude. Such in advance prepared negative spirit surely is transferred to the child and not in the best way influences both it, and the relations between the tutor and the parent.Other subjective reason of the conflicts is connected by
with the fact that the tutor sometimes becomes a symbol of the power for parents, a certain controller who estimates their actions teaches them. When the tutor estimates the child, makes some recommendations, the parent very often mistakenly considers that estimate him, his solvency as person and parent. The same problems quite often arise also at the tutor when, for example, parents of pupils can remind unconsciously him the person with whom once there were no relations.
One more problem is a fear of parents, in particular mothers, to lose control over the child. When they see that the baby plunges into new life, in them the real jealousy wakes up on the fact that their child completely does not belong now to them. Such conditional side of “fight“ for children really exists. Than kvalifitsirovanny the tutor, than more he loves the work, especially jealously he treats children, trying to report to parents the idea of the most different parties of education and development of the child. In consciousness of parents there can be an opinion that the tutor “imposes“ them the point of view. Unfortunately, there are teachers who not only like to dictate to parents as it is necessary to raise their children, but also do it in rather categorical form:“ Your child is not able it, it, it. You badly prepared it for kindergarten. You have to do - so and so“. Naturally, such morals influence parents very negatively.
the reason which is indirectly destroying the relations between the tutor and parents Is, are features of the child. If the kid is well prepared for kindergarten (fits into the mode, is able to put on - to undress, independently to eat, it is accustomed to sit on occupations, attentively to listen), as a rule, difficulties does not arise. Problems can appear if parents did not take care in time of correctly to correlate regime of the child and kindergarten or if in a family special attention was paid to the child, did not limit in anything it, continuously entertained. In big collective it is impossible to provide to the child habitual amount of attention and full freedom therefore, without seeing the “due“ relation from adults in kindergarten, such child experiences inevitable difficulties and, as a result, a severe stress. Mother is nervous, assuming that the kid is capricious and refuses to go to kindergarten because there treat it badly. Actually the reason at all not in the attitude towards the child, and that he does not fit into the mode of kindergarten and into group of children.
Some parents very painfully react even to small scratch or the bruise brought by the child from kindergarten. The claim to the tutor who “overlooked“ for the child, or aggression in relation to “the malicious offender“ can be response. Excessive concern of parents only irritates the kid, incites him against kindergarten.“ Who pushed you? Why he so told you? And whether there were you the first? And why you were not given the poem? And why to you the teacher put one cutlet, but not two?“ - being very perspicacious psychologists, children quickly understand that the adult is interested first of all negative stories about children or tutors, and, humouring under the parent, the child begins to compose such stories of “especially for mother“. It usually occurs at the age of 5 - 6 years when children already understand how it is possible to manipulate people. Artificially creating the conflict, they stand apart and look, “that will occur“, deriving from it burning pleasure and satisfying the curiosity. Therefore parents have to learn quietly and with understanding to treat such things.
Any parent has the ideas of how it is necessary to raise children, but within each preschool institution there are certain pedagogical methods. At arrival of the child in preschool institution of parents usually inform on the mode, on things which need to be brought in a garden, how there is a payment what occupations exist. But neither the administration, nor tutors in 90% of gardens never speak about the pedagogical views - how life in group is regulated as the conflicts between children are resolved as it is possible to declare the claim to the tutor if you are dissatisfied with something how to resolve the conflict if you do not find a common language with the tutor. Modern parents adhere to various methods and theories of education, and often happens that their concept completely contradicts the system accepted in kindergarten. Therefore, without informing parents at an initial stage, we put a set of the conflicts. But parents have to understand also that habitual methods of impact on the child can not work when their child is in an environment of other children.
Now I will concern problems which arise from tutors. When you address the last and you ask what knowledge is not enough for them for work with children, they practically everything unanimously say that they do not know how to work with parents! Really, all parents different, it is adults, and to everyone it is necessary to find a certain approach. It is possible even to tell that most of tutors are afraid of parents because perceive them as, in - the first, a certain force which fights for the child, for the power over it; in - the second as controllers who will come and will check what they do; in - the third, tutors just are not able to communicate and convey correctly information on the child in a nonaggressive form. Surprisingly, but the most part of preschool teachers never asks parents for the help with an occasion of education of children! Idea that teachers have to teach the parents who are not understanding questions of education of own offspring is formed, probably, within educational institution. And why tutors cannot ask parents for such help, parents are with the kid from the day of its birth and know the child much better?!
the Most effective way of resolution of conflicts between the tutor and the parent is a good work of the tutor. If he really works with soul, is keen on it, “is married“ to the job, then parents forgive him a lot of things. Such tutor, as a rule, has no conflicts at all! However in most cases the conflicts all - take place. Whether it is possible to minimize them?
First - to inform parents still before their children came to preschool institution, about what will occur there, not only in respect of the schedule and the schedule, but also in respect of relationship and pedagogical influences.- to show
Second to parents how “without serious consequences“ to resolve the conflicts if they arise. It is possible to create a special instruction in addition to the parental contract. In it there can be, for example, such words: “In our kindergarten it is not accepted to sort out the relations between the tutor and the parent in the presence of children“, “In our garden it is not accepted to do remarks to other people`s children in the absence of their parents and to investigate quarrels of children without participants of the conflict“. If “to register“ these rules, and in time to acquaint with them parents, then many conflicts just will not arise.
Third - to learn to convey competently to teachers information to parents. For example, reporting something negative about the child, always to begin with a positive response and only then to formulate a problem:“ Your Petya fine drew today, you remarkable, but have him one party which very much concerns me. You know the child better, maybe, you will advise something to me in this plan... I notice that it often beats Katya how you consider what it can be connected with? Let`s think together in what here business and as to help it...“ . It is a cooperation position, communication as equals, the address to the parent as to the knowing and competent person. Unfortunately, in the existing system such individual approach to the child is often complicated.
One more problem - training of our kids. From tutors, but not from parents ask result of work on the standard program: for example, all children of one group have to master the program of five-year-old children. At the same time the contribution of parents is not considered. It provokes tension, it is supposed that all children came equal. In the existing system, unfortunately, these numerous contradictions are not resolved in any way. If the tutor begins to realize all these problems, he will know why it accumulates irritation concerning the parent (she is very fine similar to my mother who oppressed me; or I am angry with the fact that at me not all children equally progressed in training and why, as a matter of fact, the child who came to me with lag in a year has to move ahead also successfully? Here neither I, nor the parent am guilty). After understanding of the similar reasons unconscious aggression against the parent partially is removed. Very often the tutor has claims to parents on the fact that they are not engaged with the child at home. Especially actually it, for example, in logopedic groups where children are given big tasks. It is more than enough of the conflicts! But the parent just is not able to go in for logopedics! Of course, here it is necessary to reconsider all system which assumes that parents will learn and finish learning the children of the house.
First . Parents first of all need to remember that the kindergarten will not replace your education. Now there were many various programs and techniques - Montessori, Valdorfsky, integrative pedagogics. You have to pick up that kindergarten which corresponds to your pedagogical views, but not to break yourself and the child under alien to you system.
Second . You have to understand that the behavior of the child who gets to kindergarten cardinally changes. At entry into collective the child tests big tension. It is necessary to show patience, not to be nervous if the stress is connected with adaptation. To understand what the problem - adaptation is rejection of the tutor or a protivopokazannost to the child of this collective, - only the expert - the psychologist can.
Parents also have to learn to convey to tutors information in a non-contentious form. For example, having asked the tutor to give to the child of medicine on hours, mother has to understand that the tutor has 20 children and it is necessary that he found for this purpose time. Your understanding and the help to the tutor can be expressed in the, at first sight, simplest things. Buying by the child clothes for kindergarten, choose such that fasteners and ties did not prevent it to put on independently, do not force the tutor to remind repeatedly you of greasing payment (naturally, repeating many times the same request, the tutor is irritated on the parent, and as a result, and on the child). Eventually, it is possible to hang up the announcement or to put a note in a locker to the child.
the conflict Problem between parents and teachers is a global problem of society in general, the education system. There is also a set of the subjective reasons which even at very good tutor and the remarkable structure of kindergarten generate difficult relations. But, fortunately, most of parents and tutors understand that only the correct and best exit consists not in a continuous antagonism or passive inaction at all, and in serious and thoughtful cooperation. To listen to each other and to act together is a hard work, but it is wholly rewarded by harmonious development and happiness of our children.