As to the woman to be heard by the man; as to the man to be heard by the woman of
the Key moments which have to consider women to force men to listen to themselves, and features which have to consider men at communication with women. Fulfilling them it is regular in practice, you will see that you to you began to treat with great attention.the woman in society long since is brought up by
owing to the developed traditions in the spirit of subordination and understanding of as weaker sex. In business negotiations of the woman seek to avoid direct confrontation and, unlike men, show more restraint and a step.to
However in the rigid business world from the woman also needs more determination. Therefore here we want to note four key moments which have to consider women if they want to force men to listen to themselves. If you regularly in practice work such line of conduct, you will quickly achieve real results and will see that you to you began to treat with great attention.
Strategy No. 1: confident tone and any justifications
Unlike men, women often speak nearly apologizing tone. Even the most assured from them sometimes involuntarily use the turns of speech testifying to indecision, reducing thereby the importance and power of other arguments. The similar manner of statements reflects their aspiration to avoid risk. However the one who looks for quiet life will not be able to achieve success in negotiations. Give on concrete examples we will consider what the woman has to avoid in conversation with the man.
Unnecessary prefaces and epilogs
It is absolutely excess words with which the woman can begin or finish the statement.
Preface . The apologizing phrases by which you precede your statement weaken sense and value of your words. For example: “I am not absolutely sure, but it seems to me...“
Epilogue . Approximately the same, only sounds at the end of the phrase and softens initial, apparently, resolute statement. “We have to take measures how you think?“ or “... isn`t that so?“, “... I correctly speak?“
Easy interrogative intonation with which quite normal affirmative offer comes to an end. However the question shade forces to doubt its correctness at the end and brightly shows your uncertainty. For the listener it sounds approximately so: “You do not agree with me?“ Or it is even worse:“ Please, agree rather that I was sure that I told something efficient“.
Think, unless other person can believe you if you doubt the words? Attentively listen to yourself or consult to close friends and if you notice in yourself this bad habit to speak interrogative tone, immediately get rid of it. The main thing - to realize the shortcomings, then it will be easier to fight against them.
the Specifying words
of the Woman cannot simply do without these numerous “as though“, “seemingly“, “such“ etc. They litter with them quite reasonable phrases and it reduce their informational content. These words can also be carried to the category of bad habits of which it is necessary to get rid already today. There are examples:
- “Partly, I think that...“
- “We probably and really...“
- “, It seems, / as if...“ “To you, perhaps, follows
Remember that these phrases contain not just excess words, but filler words which turn the clear and exact statement into the uncertain assumption, and you look at the same time uncertainly.usually rich phrases the weak places or unpreparedness to conversation try to hide
of the Woman. These quite streamline formulations can demonstrate also that you try to evade from the statement of the valid position or about aspiration to avoid the conflict. However it is not necessary to show similar indecision and fluctuations where it is necessary to express with all definiteness. These words can be applied if you consciously want to evade from a dispute subject (there are also such situations). It is all about to find the necessary phrases and expressions in each case where they are most pertinent and will lead you to the purpose rather.
Strategy No. 2: the brevity
For women conversation is a communication, for men is a means of exchanging information. The man`s and female friendship develops differently. For men the companionship is an intellectual rivalry, game in which it is possible to flash the erudition. Between them there is a cross testing by means of the questions “Who Won the Last Baseball Championship?“ - can ask one of them. If his friend knows, he appears the winner. If does not know, too it is quite good because at height there is another.
of the Woman are used by much more details in conversation in comparison with men. Therefore if you intend to tell something to the man, at once get rid of all these details. Watch attentively its reaction during conversation. As soon as his look considerably became gloomy, it serves you as a signal that it is necessary to reduce the number of words to a minimum. Best of all right at the beginning inform the man, what is the time will occupy conversation, and further you do not go beyond the minutes allotted to you. Men feel heavy responsibility for an expense of own energy and distribute it in strict accordance with a certain kind of activity. You can break their strict schedule, and such uncontrolled power consumption can enrage them.
Strategy No. 3: you speak directly - hints are not necessary
With men should be spoken about any things directly, in plain terms. Men, unlike women, in the same degree demand clarity, as well as brevity.
Strategy No. 4: avoid emotions
Rough manifestation of emotions, for example tears, are absolutely inadmissible in negotiations the same as we will tell, ultrashort pass. Such behavior undermines the woman`s positions in business. Men are initially arranged so that frostily show the emotions. They compensate it by other qualities, but it is already a subject of another story. As women in the social plan everything are differ from men, they also behave, respectively, differently. For example, they cry four times more often than men. It is confirmed by researches of Minnesota university.
of the Man and the woman behave differently concerning any hints. Women take of them the hint. And here the man can hint indefinitely and at last to tell almost directly: “As I love flowers!“ And that? There are no flowers also in mention. The woman goes further, and her hint becomes more than transparent - she shows to the satellite other couple where it gives it flowers, and again exclaims: “Look! As I like these flowers!“ He looked. And even did not come to its mind to make they are to present it a bouquet. Then the woman shows determination. One fine day she declares to it: “Darling, how you think that I want that you made for me?“
the Man pricks up the ears. It all - attention. He hopes that he now, at last, precisely learns that she wants. “What expensive?“ - he asks.She tells to
the following:“ I so want that you sometimes brought me flowers, for no reason at all, not as on birthday, and just like that“. Well of course, he understood everything! It is good that she told. Same it is so simple. And she receives extraordinary beauty a bouquet... in day of the birth. Nevertheless it is happy. Girlfriends die of envy. “You, probably, told it. He knew what to present to you. It is already not so romantic“, - they say.
“Well, - she answers, - can be, I also told it. Let he even knew about it. But I all the same received flowers. I dreamed that presented me flowers and I am so glad that I have them“.
Later when they discuss this case, it can ask it: “Darling, when I repeated two years to you that I adore flowers what you thought at the same time?“ This question is pleasant to it. It is formulated analytically.“ Yes, I remember, - he answers, - always so it was pleasant to me. It is so womanly. I decided that you want to grow up flowers“. The phrase “I love flowers“ men take literally, but not in sense “present me flowers“. So they are arranged. They do not understand hints. Romanticism of the man and the woman is understood differently. What is romanticism for the woman? “He reads my mind and foresees all my desires!“ How you think what it means for the man? Work, hard work of thought - you will please it or you will not please. It is too heavy process for them, and they hate it. They can lose face. Here what is romanticism for men the woman precisely reports to him about the desires. It carries out them. It owes it for it generously reward. Only it is also acceptable for men.
your work is the first place where you have to learn to control the emotions. The crying woman, of course, causes sympathy in people around. But tears and sobbings it is also a sign that the person is not capable to own a situation. Especially tears annoy and anger those people who got used to hide the feelings and emotions. If they are capable to show restraint, then usually demand it and from others. Men usually consider that if the woman is inclined to tears and hysterics, then she can be operated easily.
cases when nothing can be done Happen. If you feel that you here - here will burst into tears at a business meeting, then fast you apologize and leave. In the female room make toilet, dry tears, make a deep breath. Come back to negotiations when you feel that you completely regained self-control. If you are by nature inclined to tears, we advise you even to carry drops for eyes to avoid their reddening.
What to do to the man that the woman listened to him
Some characteristics of the man`s speech are so unacceptable for women that men lose chance to be listened in spite of the fact that to them is what to tell. This not just theoretical conclusion. Women in today`s society compete with men on working and senior positions and therefore men should change the style of communication to adapt to women. Each person to a greater or lesser extent perceives the existing distinctions between the man and the woman. But even for those who do not recognize these distinctions at all all of them are reality because negotiations should be conducted both with men, and with women, and they behave differently. The following items contain four strategic moments which have to consider men at communication with women.
Strategy No. 1: keep advantage
of the Woman like to talk “about the, about female“. If you can appear at such conversation, do not try to humour under its tone, do not concern female subjects, do not abuse diminutive words. Women it can forgive. For the man to talk in such spirit it is absolutely inadmissible if he treats the woman with respect. Leave it for the house and for intimate relations.
Strategy No. 2: discuss, making the decision
cannot Discuss aloud the course of the thoughts at men. For them a traditional manner is “the silent reflection“. Before the man states the judgment of a subject, it has to be created completely at it in the head. However the woman always wants to divide with you this thought process. It has not enough of fact that you will state the ready decision at the end.your silence she will regard
as an inattention to her words. It can lose completely interest in conversation from - for lack of feedback.
Strategy No. 3: share something personal
do not perceive it as an appeal to courting or flirtation. It is not about it at all. The woman appreciates the informal relations even if she sits with you at one negotiating table. Talk to it about the house, about a family, about simple human problems. Possibly, it will seem to some men strange in the beginning. Begin with the story about how spent days off. It is possible to add a detail. Women very much love it. Even if the subject has no relation to a subject of negotiations, you come into more confidential contact with it.
When I deal with women, I often tell them about how I grew up the three daughters. The working mothers very much appreciate these stories. I often discuss with women with whom I deal at negotiations, problems and pleasures of education of teenagers. And we very well understand each other as and they have same children. However I want to emphasize that this non-business talk is possible only in time suitable for them. You should not distract on this attention at discussion of professional questions.
Strategy No. 4: avoid to show emotions
the Increased tone, abuse and fieriness it is destructive affect any negotiations. Such behavior undermines the man`s positions in business. By the nature men are quite reserved and from all emotions most brightly they show anger. Nevertheless many of them consider the increased tone admissible even in business relations. Really, the last researches show that men allow sharp expressions at work more often.
your work is the first place where you have to learn to control the emotions. The man who gave vent to nerves and language does not cause any sympathy any more. As well as at the crying woman, his behavior demonstrates that he lost control over a situation. Besides, his behavior causes shame and indignation in people around. All (and not only women) feel that the man losing control over himself shows weakness, and it can be operated easily.
If at negotiations you feel that you here - here will break, apologize and leave. Calm down, make a deep breath and only when you feel that you can behave, come back to the room. The person who quickly flies into a rage loses the image. For anybody not a secret that in most cases irritation and anger - a right mask of fear, uncertainty and weakness. All the same nobody will try to outvoice you. You will look very ugly. Men and women have to study each other. It is necessary to respect features of everyone and to change the style of behavior to come to the best mutual understanding. You can consider yourself as the businessman, best in the world, but if you are not taken seriously, then your words have no value.Material is published by
in translation from English.