Desired pregnancy of
Why people want to have children?
Planning the child`s birth, future parents will surely see a doctor, there will take place necessary inspections and if it is required, will begin treatment. Perhaps, they will even eat more properly and will try to lead a healthy lifestyle: such behavior already became a norm. But physical health of parents is how important for future kid, also their psychological state is so actual for it. And in this aspect central are those motives, obvious and latent which move future parents wishing to have children.to
It is obvious that motives of a child-bearing differ depending on whether there is future parent in marriage or out of marriage, the first is marriage or the subsequent whether it has children in the previous marriage about what child it is passed the speech. Men and women also differently consider this situation. Men speak to a thicket about a reproduction, and women - about self-realization. Fathers want to have the child who will continue their undertakings: inherits business, a surname, realizes fatherly aspirations. Mothers connect formation of a “full-fledged“ family, acquisition of meaning of life with the birth of the child. However decisive influence on why people want to have children, the outlook and personal features render. Certainly, the decision on the birth of the child is made under the influence of not one, but the whole complex of motives. Though some of them can prevail and play a crucial role.
to Everyone should reflect why it wants to have children and to answer a question: “Why to me child?“ It is possible that the honest answer to this question will help you to resolve or to correct those internal and external problems which arise in family life. It is natural that it is better to be puzzled with such questions even before appearance of the child on light, but also after the birth of the kid their judgment can help parents to find the necessary line of conduct in relation to own child. For this purpose the list of the main motives of conception given below is added with the consequences which are in detail investigated by psychologists which prove sooner or later.
It is natural that only one reason very seldom works, most often it is the whole complex of motives; one of them are leaders, others - minor.
the Main motives
we Will address the most typical, according to psychologists and sociologists, to motives which move the men and women thinking of the child`s birth. Let`s try to sort each of these popular motives, having realized cause and effect.
Calculations on support in an old age
It is about that notorious glass of water which will be nobody a tax. This thought usually comes in more - less mature age when the person begins to think that youth is not eternal that not so - that is a lot of around close people to whom you are necessary which will come to the rescue if suddenly something happens to you. And around - familiar families with children, also it seems that at them everything is so safe, they care about each other. Children, according to such people, are in the future obliged to take care of the parents - for this purpose and raised, dressed, learned.
At first sight, in such situation is present nothing unusual, within any traditional culture care of seniors, respect for them are one of the main values. This natural manifestation of universal humanity preached by any religion.However if such position passes
into the category of the utilitarian attitude towards own child and becomes the leading motive, then, most likely, on very long way of parents to the purpose waits for many disappointments.
In - the first to grow up and bring up the child, it is necessary to spend many forces - both sincere, and physical. And what result, irrespective of the enclosed efforts will be, nobody can definitely tell, development of the human person is forward and on it numerous factors besides education in a family - social conditions, stereotypes etc.
In - the second make impact, it is necessary to think that such obvious aiming at receiving practical result can play a role, and not positive. The matter is that the fathers and mothers expecting to get in old age to themselves a support and actively it is declaring, understand the servant who would help them as “support“ and carried out whims to which old men have the right. What can be told about it? Unfortunately, adults do not suspect that they plant a time bomb in the life: they constantly want to obtain the evidence of a good arrangement and guarantee of future care from the children, programming it in advance. By means of gifts and threats parents seek to cultivate ability to care and call of duty at children, but always doubt their devotion, torment themselves with suspicions of treachery and callousness of the son or the daughter. What most often occurs as a result?
Usually development of the situation has two very widespread options.
Or the child who grew up in such family grows up the weak-willed and dependent person, completely confident that on a coffin of life it is obliged to the parents, or from - for feelings of a protest moves away from parents who see in it first of all the debtor. And that, and other situation is fraught with violation of natural communications between children and parents and leads to the mutual conflicts, offenses and misunderstanding.Compliance to social expectations
Again - within traditional culture eyes of public opinion the people wishing to have children are estimated by
much above, than not persons interested. It is natural as a reproduction - an inherent value of religion and culture. Therefore especially intolerant relation is shown to the woman refusing the child`s birth.Besides, the desire to be “is important
for some people as all“, not especially caring for as far as it is important personally for them and as far as they are prepared in emotional, material and other meanings. The main thing - not to lag behind the girlfriend who already has a child, and how at me? Motive the simplest: to have children - it is correct, a family without children - it is awful. Most of all these stereotypes influence appearance of the first child. Sometimes it occurs illogically and contrary to even to such essential aspects as insufficient living and material conditions.
What occurs then when the duty to society is seemingly fulfilled by the child`s birth? Society does not seek to clap at all to young parents because it perceives the child`s birth in the nature of things, and here their life cardinally changes in respect of obvious infringement of a personal liberty to which the majority is not ready, and to make a complaint there is nobody. It is one aspect. Another - obvious violation of plans - study, work, material prosperity, purchase of the apartment appear questionable that too does not add positive emotions.
as a result it becomes very frequent for parents guilty of everything the child. However, when planning the second and the subsequent children for those who learned the hard way other motives are decisive already.
of the Requirement of close relatives
is the motive close previous. Both the wife, and the husband can act as the interested relatives, but this senior generation dreaming of grandsons is more often. Future grandmothers and grandfathers in every possible way persuade, promise the personal help and material support. However with the advent of the child priorities and aspirations of new fathers and mothers remain the same. There is no wish to be engaged in the solution of the problems connected with education of the child in it at all. Having given birth to the child, they appear in a bigger dependence - from parents and their help, and most often this help seems insufficient.
not so much with joyful how many with unpleasant experiences that is reflected in the intra family relations. Besides the relations with the senior generation which is quite often accused that they forced to overset vital plans spoil.
the Manipulation the partner
Though the public opinion attributes this motive to the woman, actually and for the man it is not a rarity, just acts in a bit different aspect.
the Woman can seek to become pregnant and marry the suitable partner. As speak - “to attach“ to itself the child. Though sometimes ongoing efforts achieve desirable result, there comes absolutely opposite effect more often. The man wishing attention instead receives additional cares and in every possible way seeks to evade from them. The husband can also try to surround the wife with children and in such a way or to prevent her leaving to other man, or to meet his expectations of family life and distribution of duties.However hopes for preservation of a family for the sake of children are quite naive and designed by
only for superresponsible parents. Much more often the birth of the kid only complicates a situation. >
Fight against loneliness
Fear of the person to be left p to one, without society, is strong incentive for acquisition by posterity. Children will always require attention and will not allow to remain alone with themselves, it will be always possible to deal with their problems and not to pay attention to the. Having despaired to become necessary to the man, the woman decides to give birth to the child “for herself“.“ To it - that I will be precisely necessary“, - she argues.
Such parents, on the one hand, care for the kid, and with another - completely subordinate the child to the will. But as soon as children grow up and cease to submit, parents fall into very difficult situation. Unfortunately, such circumstances can negatively affect destiny of the child as will prevent it to develop, gain harmoniously own life skills and reference points.
Quite often people consider the child as the continuation, a part of who after death will live in children, then grandsons and so on. All want to leave behind some trace in life and it seems that the child is the most available way. Parents dream that the child will inherit their best qualities, will continue the begun business.
the Birth of the child is considered by
as the following step in self-development, the next stage of life, acquisition of new experience, new experiences. It is represented to the woman that the birth and education of the child - her main destination. Respectively, process of incubation and the birth of the kid is an achievement. Not to mention that ability in itself to be a father or mother raises a self-assessment.
the Desire of the child of the defined sex
is traditional, especially men, want that the boy was born the first. All look forward to appearance of the successor, but hopes are not equaled, and the desire remains. And here the wife becomes pregnant and gives birth until the long-awaited successor is born. Or, on the contrary, if there is already a boy, the woman by all means wants the girl. It is one of motives of the birth of the second child and if the result is not achieved, then the third and so on.
Obtaining material benefit
Absolutely banal motive which meets both in marriage, and out of marriage. Both men, and women expect to improve the financial position by means of the child. Future parents already since the moment of pregnancy hope to receive material benefits from the lover, the spouse, parents and even from the state.
if expectation of pleasure of communication with the child, opportunities to show the love to it becomes the main motive for the birth of children. The child, even the smallest, is already independent personality and therefore it is not obliged to answer parental expectations at all and the more so to satisfy their requirements. Such representations are pledge of the close, confidential relations between parents and children.
Anyway to future parents it is vital to realize the motives and to orient itself in the healthy direction. How the new person will be died depends on a psychological maturity of parents. The modern psychology in the person of psychotherapists and psychologists - consultants gives a set of opportunities for realization of process of self-knowledge, the best understanding of the external desires and internal aspirations. Experts will help to realize psychological complexes and to cope with them, without resorting to the child`s birth. In the course of psychotherapy it will be possible to be adjusted on the close, confidential relations with the kid, to be going to cope together with problems and to rejoice to progress.