It is difficult to be kind
It is known: not to pollute the nature production wastes, it is necessary to make production and its waste environmentally friendly. In this way “pure“ it is possible to make also the experiences. Not to pour out on neighbors the discontent, bewilderment, indignation which cause in us the most different negative phenomena of life - it is difficult. Not to wallow in an irritation bog, not to be soiled with abuse, not to be humiliated to anger... At first sight, it is even impossible. But the choice, I consider, no. Or rather, it is very simple: or we bring up ourselves the kind person - or we will not manage to raise the children so that to be happy with them, not to suffer for years over permission of their unsoluble problems, not to be sorry in old age about the parental mistakes.
Ya thought of it when suddenly noticed that my three-year-old sonny is oars absolutely not so often as I would like and as it would be natural at his age.
B than business? Tried to present how there passes it day. Here morning - a dependent rising, collecting and a trip to kindergarten which he does not love. But mother has no exit - and he submits. Here long - waiting for a miracle - suddenly mother will come long day earlier? Or there will arrive the grandmother? Or, at last, the favourite teacher will return from holiday?
Here evening. One behind another children is taken away. My every time shudders: for me? No... At last there are I. Of course, I hurried as I could. I was tired and nanervnichatsya at work. And now for me a pleasure limit - it is simple to hold it by a hand and to go quietly home. I have a rest. And kid?
He does not manage to have a rest. He knows already now that these minutes are short. And tomorrow the same heartrending experience is necessary to it. He carefully asks whether he cannot stay at home. In reply I, of course, am irritated: how many time to you to repeat... why you do not understand...
my irritation not a rarity and at other moments. Took place in dirty boots, poured soup, insists on the...“ I not iron“ - and here I already afford both an angry hail, and a slap...
generally, I was the most ordinary mummy. In other words, considered that the child has to fulfill some requirements and have some duties. It is desirable - sacred. And only the mental view of the events HIS EYES forced me to change the opinion.understood
Ya that I refuse to the child the right to be happy.you Judge
. To myself I chose work. Did not provide to the son of the choice - took away in that garden where it was succeeded to get the permit.I consider
Itself that neighbors have to consider my opinion in the solution of these or those questions which are especially concerning my life. To the child did not grant such right!I Hate
that on me raised the voice and to hardly anyone it I will allow - and I consider “to bring up“ the child with voices raised quite admissible...to
In a word, honestly having presented itself the son`s eyes, I was terrified. I made his life excessively heavy. Whether it is justified?
So, the first what I counted necessary for myself as mothers - to learn to estimate honestly the events from the point of view of the child and to arrive for the benefit of the child.
you ask what could be changed in that situation about which I told? Stalemates, as we know, do not happen. Then I refused a side job - the mood of the child is more important than some material difficulties. So there was opportunity a bit earlier to take away it from a garden. Managed to agree with the chief and to find to itself the day off among a week because the part of work did houses. Called to the aid the grandmother. Began a thicket to give to the son small pleasures: to ask what toy he would like to have, and together with him to go to choose the next gift... And it is possible to find on it means always: you buy to yourself “necessary“ things simply less often.
I conformed to This rule later. I can tell:“ spoiled“ my son did not grow. On the contrary, already the adult, he is able and likes to please the family, easily makes gifts - expensive and useful. Will rationally organize the work, effectively achieving desirable result. And, above all - he is just kind and attentive person.
If to tell shortly, my child taught me to the simple rule: the kid has to be happy every day, now, today. It is his only, unique life! And the person, favourite and happy since the childhood, and will be able to construct further the life successfully and successfully.
So, it is easy to correct all - today, now! To get it together and to pull out from the soul as carrot from a bed, this feeling of intense insistence to the child. Let near me it will be good, joyful, pleasant to it!
did not make lessons? And what exit you would prefer on its place? Here also tell approximately so: let`s try together, and most it is interesting to me!
Sits without coming off at the TV? And let`s persuade the hare to register in sports school, or together we will make a table for table tennis, or we will drive in the yard a column with a basketball basket, or... Generally, we will adjust the good healthy mode of life.did not make
on the house what you ordered to make? And to you unless there is no it? And we will try without irritation and it is honest: oh, as I understand you! I hate this work, but it is necessary! As it would be pleasant - you come, and everything is already pure...Knows to
: the kind word and the kind relation it is possible to achieve much bigger, than any orders and “directives“.I will tell
I, apparently, to myself now contradicting: kind to be very easy. This our natural, primordial, real state. It is what all life asks - our soul will not be interrogated. And we do not hear it and we go on, resting and being nervous: it is necessary, it is necessary, it is necessary... has to, has to, has to. .
- Well, and how? - someone will tell. - Really, has to - in school, for example, to go!
A I, for example, and do not force to go to school. Alarm clocks in our house in general are forbidden, in any case, for children. There is a wish to have a sleep in the morning? Sacred business! Yes, I sincerely consider (and it confirms long-term experience) that a sufficient and qualitative dream - a basis of health of the child, moreover - an indispensable condition of its mental health, steadiness, good character. We surely watch that not only in infancy the child properly got enough sleep. For this purpose all means are good: walks, physical activities during the day, the silent fairy tale, reading before going to bed or a motion sickness on hands, warm milk with honey or fruit and, of course, the silent, kind, warm atmosphere in the house.
I here if my quiet, pacified child overslept a lesson, he feels some discomfort, speaking on this subject at school. Naturally, next time he will try to avoid a similar awkward situation - so, will correct the mode, since evening will lay down a bit earlier. And, above all - he will make it, will analyse a situation (I unless will delicately suggest it the correct idea), itself will make the decision and will carry out it. And on my morning question: “Well, how you today, sonny? Perhaps it is better for you to have a rest still?“ will vigorously exclaim:“ No, I in school! Everything is great!“you noticed
how easily and unostentatiously we achieved the desirable? And as a gift received for kindness and endurance still the whole bouquet of pleasures: the child undertakes the solution of the problems and copes with them, learns to organize the time, and we can already dump freight of this care from soul. From “podgonyalka“ and “reminder“ mother turns... Well, in someone like the fairy godmother.
Probably, already clear, as in other cases kindness and understanding - the shortest and natural way to overcoming of difficulties. Of course, it is necessary to leave at home the kid if he feels unwell. Of course, it is necessary to regret it and to help if he does not want to go to school from - for not developed relations with children or teachers. I know many cases when the family moved to other region, parents changed a profession and a way of life to transport the child in fertile climate, to strengthen its health or to rescue from “the bad company“. >
I it turns out p that if to the child to treat with approval, to respect its interests (and carefully to grow up them), not to press on it the requirements, it becomes not spoiled as many think, and... independent and responsible! And we, parents, receive only pleasures again. In - the first, same it is very pleasant - to say to the child good about him. In - the second, a great relief of our formidable life - to go down stream of our kind relations, without undertaking its problems and cares, and only incidentally helping (if asks about it).
I Hope, mothers well understand me and already found at heart this fertile spirit - to be dobra, it is necessary just to allow himself it!it is more difficult than
with fathers. For some reason many consider that it is possible to bring up the real man only through violence and humiliation. Actually all these slaps, clips and children`s fights are not harmless at all. This violence in relation to weak and humiliation of younger. Punishing thus the child, we teach it to offend another - any more to nothing!to Become constant, sincere
, “chronically“ kind both mother, and the father will be helped by one simple thought: the child never and is guilty of anything. If is capricious, is malicious, “frays to us nerves“ - means, we did not provide it the correct day regimen, good sufficient rest, did not take care of that it had many hobbies... In other words, the child could not be reproached - it is only possible to reproach himself.
But we will not be engaged in excessive self-criticism, and we will better master several simple receptions which will help to fix “a habit to be kind“ in daily communication with children.
First. We try not to forget under no circumstances that to us it is improbable, it was surprisingly lucky: we have this miracle - the child!
Second. In the speech (and mental too!) always and surely we call the kid tender words. “Washing pleasure, the sun, the hare lovely...“ The word really has great force. Telling tender words, we are involuntarily adjusted on a quiet harmony, pleasant heat spreads in our exhausted soul, and now even the instruction or the remark to the child sounds as a praise:
- sweetie pie, you did not gather yet? As if to us not to be late, the small fish you is my gold!
Third. There is a sense to look at each situation with eyes of the child and to work in his interests. You remember a parable dispute of the sun with wind - who will force the person to take off a coat rather? As flew wind - the traveler only muffled up in clothes more densely. And once the sun warmed - and the person himself with pleasure undressed under its tender beams. In the same way and in our relations with children. It is just more favorable to us to be kind, understanding and patient - then we try to obtain the desirable without problems, scandal and hassle. I, for example, prefer that the kid quietly threw out all linen of a box, played enough them and went further to travel on the room. I also quietly imperceptibly will collect this linen - and all. If I begin to forbid, to close a box, to explain what works I should keep order - business will drag on for a long time, will turn back tears. What the child really cannot touch needs just to be cleaned in advance so that it was for it inaccessible.
Fourth. We try to avoid a negative in the speech (so, and in thoughts).
- do not run - you will fall! Why stones collected - look, hands now dirty! Well you shout?
But the normal child also has to run, moderately fall, collect stones, chips and rubbish, other from our point of view! And where also to shout how not at a playground? Therefore it is clear that all similar statements are senseless. Besides they are spiteful in a form - you noticed, in offers there are no tender addresses? They are harmful also according to contents: in them there is no concrete information, they only make general impression of not clear threat to the child and his condemnations. Far more pleasantly, walking at the same playground, it is simple to rejoice that you have such remarkable child, to help him with all his undertakings (except life-threatening), and also to sing or read verses - generally, to live happily, but not to turn into the grumbler.
to put listed into practice, it is required to listen to himself as if from outside and at the same time to control the internal spirit. But these efforts are compensated with interest to that by grace which sets in in soul when you get used to be kind. Surprising business: you find as if big degree of freedom! You simply are not irritated any more, are not angry and do not take offense because you learned to understand and forgive. In other words, really to love the relatives and to create for the children the most important - the atmosphere of kindness and understanding.
I Expect objections: for what life you train the hothouse children? Unless they will cope with problems of our severe time if not to temper them adversities since childhood? I will answer simply: and you look narrowly that occurs in the greenhouse. In fertile conditions the fine seedling grows and gets stronger. To a plant with such roots neither change, nor a drought is then terrible.
And on the contrary - to saplings which since the beginning of life had to fight hard for existence, any more never grow up fine trees. Injuries of early age forever undermine their viability.
And therefore - let children since the childhood get used that life has to be joyful and happy and learn to do it such. And that we could teach them to it, let the better always win that is in our soul.