The child - apple of discord of
It is known that in family life people have different problems. And it is possible to solve them differently. But sometimes all ways seem settled, and there is “last resort“ - divorce. And if spouses have a child?
How to divide the child
Such situation the episode from the old Russian bylina about Ilya Muromts reminds. There was it against Tatars, took one of adversaries for a leg and let`s wave it to the right - on the left, beating other enemies... In the same way many spouses in the course of divorce swing the child as the tool. Also drag its everyone to themselves - just because at whom in hands this tool, that and won.
the Child - a way to show to society that the parent who won it - good and correct. And the second parent, so threw the child. That is he is a rascal (or the bitch).
the Child - means of obtaining additional dividends from other parent.
the Child - means of blackmail of other parent, means to keep the power over it. Like, you did not estimate me - you worse, now will not communicate with the child!
For the man the child (especially the son) often is means of socialization. Like, I did not find monetary work, did not become famous as the personality, but now I am realized as the father.
A for women it becomes frequent the child sense of all subsequent life: if now she is not a wife - the keeper of the center then mother, the teacher of future generation. She voluntarily refuses the subsequent family pleasures (which at competent approach can reach also after divorce, and in general despite divorce). But as a result the child suffers: such mother, in - the first, it is strong - firmly will tie him to the skirt, and in - the second, will expostulate him then that she sacrificed it all the life.
Mother or father?
In most cases the question of the one to whom to leave the child, is practically not discussed. Children are automatically left to mother with whom, perhaps, the child has no contact at all.
you Remember the movie “Crew“? There is a scene of divorce of one of pilots with the wife. They “divide“ the juvenile son who besides has stutter. Certainly, considering traveling kind of work of the father, the child was left to the ex-wife. But at the same time the true attitude of mother towards the son is unambiguously shown: the imperious lady all matrimonial life ordered the husband, and will order the child now. Also it is obviously visible that the father is attached to the son more, than mother. By the way, still it is unknown how there would be a situation, get the boy to the father: it is quite probable that the father would find an opportunity to change a job on quieter. And very much can be that from - for constant pressure of imperious mother the boy also began to stammer...
weakening of the central nervous system is the Reason of emergence of stutter. Occasions to developing of stutter can be various. Sometimes it appears after a number of infectious diseases when the organism is weakened. Often stutter arises after a fright or at a long mental nevrotization - the constant unfair, rough attitude towards the child. Can lead sudden change to stutter for the worse of vital conditions. Undoubtedly, the rough parental scenes in itself preceding divorce can provoke this problem too.Who is richer than
Recently, however, courts consider one more argument: presence at the parent - the applicant of sufficient material assets. That is the child that who has more money will receive. And whether it has (or at it) a desire to communicate with this child, to develop his intelligence whether there is an elementary psychological proximity with the child?
One family lived together 10 years. During this time the wife became the prospering businesswoman, and the husband lost work. But approached a situation soberly: if the wife is able to earn money, and I am not present - that let she and earns, and I can and stay on economy... The wife filed for divorce: to it it is simple - naprosto it “became a shame“ before the new circle of acquaintances that it has such husband. In total so, but spouses had a girl of 8 years. And at divorce, naturally, the child is left by mothers: in - the first, it is the girl, in - the second, it is so accepted. And in - the third, mother has money... And nobody considered the girl`s wishes stated in court that she would like... to remain with the father. And what in it surprising? Mother vanished all day long “on affairs“, and last time was rather close to the daughter, perhaps, only in maternity hospital. All the rest was done by the father. And to the child there was no business to a standard sheaf “mother - the child“, allegedly inseparable, to judicial traditions. But anyway - the daughter remained with mother, despite all tears and requests. However in three months the girl... ran away to the father, having left at home both the smart nursery, and dresses, and delicacies, mother and continued to work, and daughters... employed the nurse.we Will sum up of
... Whether but everything is actually so pessimistic in this area? At all not. And fear “to injure the child“ process of divorce of parents - not an occasion to keep actually broken up family. When the child lives with parents who are literally ready to kill each other or between whom several years go “cold war“, is for the child a trauma incomparably big. Also it is quite possible to save in general the child from similar injuries if in the course of divorce and to parents, and those who will decide destiny of a family, to adhere to some recommendations.than
Certainly, it is the best of all if parents all - agree peacefully to whom to assign the child. And for this purpose, as they say, it is necessary to get divorced in time: when both parents are still capable to some peaceful dialogue, but not just boil from abundance of the collected negative emotions. If divorce procedure nevertheless poured out in a conflict situation, then the child needs to be brought in general for a framework of this conflict.cannot be given to
On a question who is more preferable - mother or the father a definite answer. Because, in - the first, situations happen different and mothers and fathers too. In - the second that the main thing, - the child for harmonious development needs both parents! Therefore irrespective of with whom there was a child, with mother or with the father, this parent needs to remember: your former spouse (spouse) is as if hated was to you, he divorced you, but not your general child.to consider all features of a concrete family and adequately to determine by
destiny of the child, the competent and independent commission of experts without fail including in the structure of teachers and psychologists is necessary. It is necessary to weigh not only financial position of the parent - the applicant, but also psychology of relationship of the former spouses, proximity degree with the child and, certainly, the personality and needs of the child. Then there is rather serious chance to resolve an issue in ITS interests.
I the main principle “how to divide the child?“ - not to divide this child. And not to solve the interpersonal problems by means of such “sharing“, being covered with interests of children. Because if the child becomes the showdown tool about any its interests it is not necessary to speak already.