Feelings of your child
Achievement of emotional comfort is not less important for the person, than satisfaction of his informative, physical and spiritual needs. Any merit can be developed if correctly and purposefully to be engaged in it. It belongs also to “emotional intelligence“ of the child, to its stability and positive perception of and surrounding reality.
Emotional development of the baby
the child experiences the First emotions at once after the birth. It the experiences connected with the physiological reasons. The negative emotions expressed in shout, crying carry out protective function, signaling about some trouble of the kid: it is hungry, sick, wet, wants to sleep and so forth. The adult, reacting to them, provides favorable conditions for the newborn`s life.
That it is good and that it is bad, the child just feels, but feelings, emotions is that first experience which defines development of the general attitude: positive or negative, optimistic or watchfully - pessimistic. Emotional experience of small children is shown in their curiosity and sociability, in their fearlessness in relation to objects, in their hypersensibility concerning other people.
of Emotion are a peculiar reference point at creation of behavior of the kid: the world of his positive emotions is richer, the it is more than opportunity for interaction with others. If the child receives though a little positive emotions, then it is as vital for him as high-quality food and fresh air. Feeding of the child a breast in this regard - not only food for the kid, but also education true, since. such relations with mother which in other situations are simply impossible are established and develop. The maternal love acquires the new contents, the woman endures feelings, new to it, and they are transferred to the child, on people around, forming the new human relations in which the personality develops.
After the third week of life the child has the first social reaction - a smile in response to tender conversation of the adult and the person inclined over the kid. In 3 months positive emotions are a part of “a revival complex“ - specific behavior concerning the adult. In 4 - x monthly age the baby smiles and joyfully moves as soon as hears mother`s voice, loudly laughs if the adult raises it and sharply lowers. The joyful condition of the kid speaks about his good health, positively influences physiological processes, increases the general activity, promotes touch and motive development.
Still before the baby begins to understand the speech, it reacts to emotions and feelings of the people surrounding it. The kid knows when his mother is quiet and relaxed or when she is strained and upset. It sensitively reacts to an emotional situation in the family, experiencing these or those emotions. Small children have same feelings, as well as at adults. They can not understand the words “angry“, “sad“, “cheerful“, “happy“, “scared“, but they on the experience are familiar with these concepts.
By 6 - 7 months of emotion of the child become more expressive. Emotional reactions by means of which the child reports to the adult about the state are the main means of communication during the doverbalny period. And it has no other means yet. If parents answer these reactions, then further the child will use them for the introduction in contact. If adults notice only negative experiences, then the kid with their help will influence the adult, even having learned to speak.
Within the first months of life of the child his emotional reactions to the adult develop in three directions:
- from “local“ reaction - a smile - to expression of the “full“ pleasure entering a revival complex;
- development of emotional reaction to the person or adult`s voice;
- of emotion become selective.
After 8 - mi months babies begin to feel fear in the presence of strangers which at the sensitive attitude towards the kid passes approximately in 1,5 - 2.
It follows from this that experiences of positive emotions are caused by receiving the impressions first of all connected with adults. Emergence in the kid of new emotions is defined by development in it of new ways and needs for communication.the baby addresses
In the second half of the year of life to the adult already and negative emotions - offense, discontent, anger. But at the same time he begins to distinguish positive and negative estimates of himself from the adult, reacting to his behavior. Children are very sensitive to emotional manifestations. In what atmosphere the child grows, and becomes it. Emotions at the kid are very unstable, his mood quickly changes. But at this particular time at the baby the love and sympathy are formed.
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We talked about what changes undergo emotions of the child in the first year after the birth. Now we would like to tell about what the parent for development of feelings of the child can and has to make to help it to become emotionally successful and full-fledged personality.the Child needs to be proud of
Children look at parents, as in a mirror. They estimate themselves as they are estimated by parents. It is very important that the child saw that parents love his all the time, even when they are angered. But one love has not enough (“of nothing that you ugly, but we love you“). It is also important to be proud of the child. Researches in the field of teenage suicides showed that school students who tried to commit suicide seldom felt that parents are proud of them. Teenagers thought that parents are not glad at all that they have children. To be proud of the child it is better to begin directly with that moment as you for the first time saw each other.As the child can learn
that you love it? He feels it when you smile to it, touch it, talk to it, watch it, listen to what he tells you. When you with it also care for it. Tell children of the fairy tale about them. It is pleasant to all. And never you speak: “I will not love you if you...“ or “I will love you if you...“ .
If you become angry or are upset, tell about it to the child, and explain the reason. Children feel emotions of parents and can think that they are guilty of what occurs. If you really become angry about the child, he needs to know about it. As well as that it not forever. Be self-controlled and the feelings.
When children feel disappointment
Children master new skills which are necessary for them for growth and development, and at some moment of their attempt to make something unfamiliar suffer a defeat. For example, at the kid it is impossible to take several steps independently or to hold a pencil in a hand. And he feels such huge disappointment and discontent with that he begins to cry, be angry and behave so that parents are surprised: “Into what my angel turned?“ . Have patience. As soon as the child copes with a task, he will become quieter and appeasable again.Try to imagine
that is felt by the child from this or that situation, and then you will be able to understand what to you to expect from it. It is obvious that after long “walk“ on shops with parents, the child will come back home exhausted and overexcited. Such state almost for certain will pour out in tears or tantrum. Keep calm.
Help children to call their feelings words. For example:“ I am upset. I am angry. For me it is offensive. I am disappointed. I am angry. I am afraid. To me it is sad. I become angry. I am indignant“. For small children enough simplest names of feelings. With age the child can perceive more subtle difference between shades of emotions.Teach children to tell
that they feel. On the one hand, children see that their state is not indifferent to parents, and with another - all family members have an opportunity to understand better each other.should explain
to the Child that it is not a shame to cry. Tears are followed by an emotional discharge, and sometimes happens it is just necessary to cry. Also it makes sense to tell that the person can feel rage, either offense, or disappointment, but it should not do harm to anybody, including itself(himself).Self-confidence
of People with a normal self-assessment believes
in itself, in the forces. Ability of children to management of, to constructive activity depends on their self-assessment. It is very important that parents created an environment in which the self-assessment of the child will grow. How to achieve it?
The matter is that the list put, excessive for the child, is much longer than the list of occupations available to it. It is necessary to help the child and to create for him such environment in which it is easier to achieve success. For example, substitute a small taburetochka to a sink in a bathroom that the kid himself could wash up hands, choose for him such slippers which he will be able to put on itself in 2 years, etc.Let children will make by
something without your help! Let it will be not so well and not so quickly as it is necessary, but they will have incomparable content from performance of a task. Even if it is only about putting on of footwear. Plan the affairs so that you had time stock for independent actions of the child. If it asks for help - of course, help it, but avoid to intercept an initiative.
to Each person needs to be felt that he in some degree can dispose of the life. Children need to allow to make decisions, according to their age. For example:the kid who is not a year old yet can refuse to eat with
- green peas, it is not pleasant to it; the two-year-old child can choose
- what shirt he will put on today; the three-year-old kid can choose by
- to himself porridge for breakfast.
In all situations when it is possible, allow the child in some measure independently to dispose of itself. Of course, not everything will be smooth, but all of us study on own mistakes. To make the correct decisions is an art, and children can learn it only if try again and again.Encourage with
your child to express and offer the point of view to discussion. Consider his opinion seriously. Children can surprise you with unexpected ideas and ways of a solution! Treat children also politely and validly as you would like that they treated you. Showing a sample of good manners, you inspire in children self-esteem and set the standard of the relations which should be applied to all family members.
Love to an established order
Children feel confident and is quiet when everything goes on an established order day by day. When you have to make something unfamiliar, for example, for the first time at the age of reason to take away the child to the dentist, talk about it and acquaint the child with what will happen to it. Try to play with dolls a sketch on the forthcoming visit, or read to the child about kind doctor Aybolit to whom both the cow, and a she-wolf came to be treated. .
Warn the child about changes in the habitual schedule in advance. For example:“ Tomorrow we will not go for a walk on a playground, and we will go to visit“. It is useful to remind in the usual schedule to the child, “that we will do farther“. Children from the earliest age feel better if they represent what to them to expect. >
Emotional connection with the child
it is important to p to establish with the child strong connection by means of full communication and qualitatively spent time. The children`s psychologist M. Ainsworth allocates several signs that between parents and children there is a strong emotional connection. If it is about babies, then such parents:
- more often and quicker react to crying of the child;
- is correctly guessed that is wanted by the child;
- show to the child the good attitude;
- spend more time, communicating with it.
Sympathize with the child. For this purpose we have to not only understand his emotions, but also test them together with it. If the kid is happy - be happy for him if he grieves, share with it his feeling.
For example, the four-year-old child woke up in tears in the morning. Mother approached it and took it on hands: “Why you cry? What happened? You were frightened?“. But the kid cried and answered nothing. Mother told it: “I see that to you it is sad. I am with you“. It took it on hands until he calmed down and asked to give it a breakfast.
Why mother behaved correctly? She recognized feelings of the child. Instead of telling:“ Stop to cry“, she explained what emotions are experienced by the kid, and recognized the right for their existence. The child saw that he did not make anything bad, understood, as next time for a fright and tears he will not be abused, and calmed down.
Other example. The same kid sat at the TV and waited for the beginning of the favourite cartoon serial. Here the first sounds of a header song were distributed, the child for pleasure made a sound of the TV much louder, than it was accepted in a family, jumped from the place and began to sing and dance. Mother heard noise, came from kitchen … and began to dance together with the son. When the song ended, she embraced him, lowered a sound of the TV and returned on kitchen.
As mother behaved? She could abuse from a threshold the son for loud music. Or at all not to pay any attention to the events. Instead she recognized delight of the son and shared this feeling with it. This short episode of communication strengthened relations between mother and the child. The son felt that he is loved and understood.
One more situation. Seryozha and Nikita play at a playground. Nikita pushes together Seryozha from the bicycle, and that is pushed in reply. Serezhina mother approaches and speaks to the son: “It is impossible to beat Nikita. It will be painful to him“. “But it began the first“, Seryozha justifies himself. Then mother does the same remark to Nikita. Then she takes the son aside and speaks:“ Seryozha, I know that you are angry. You took offense at Nikita because he pushed together you from the bicycle. Next time tell it what so cannot be done because it is sick“.
What here occurred? Mother showed to the son that she noticed his wrong behavior, and recognized its right to experience negative emotions. She let it know that it is possible to have feelings, but it is impossible to do harm to others.
On the example show to the child the correct, in your opinion, external expression of feelings. Children copy us even in trifles. Teach the child to cope with negative emotions. It is impossible by itself, it is necessary to develop this skill. Children need to show how structurally to cope with defeat, the conflict or feeling of irritation. If this ability to develop in the childhood, to the adult is easier to overcome difficulties in communication subsequently.