How to avoid konfliktogen of
of Konfliktogenami it is accepted to call words, actions (or inaction) which lead to the conflict. In this material we consider features of the conflictogenic behavior, types of conflict actions and the main mechanisms of leaving of control of aggression.can call Konfliktogenami`s
words, actions (or inaction) which lead to the conflict. A literal translation of this word - “the giving rise conflict“ because the termination “gene“ in a compound word means “born“.
we Will consider feature of the conflictogenic behavior and the main ways of its overcoming.
the Characteristic of the conflictogenic behavior
the Main manifestations of the conflictogenic behavior usually are:
- open mistrust;
- perebivaniye of the interlocutor;
- belittling of the importance of its role;
- underlining of distinctions among themselves and the interlocutor not in its advantage;
- steady unwillingness to recognize the mistakes and someone`s correctness;
- the underestimated assessment of a contribution of the partner to common cause and exaggeration of own contribution;
- continuous imposing of the point of view;
- insincerity in judgments;
- sharp acceleration of rate of conversation and its unexpected folding;
- inability to listen and understand the point of view of the interlocutor and still many other things that is usually perceived surrounding extremely negatively.
the Main words - konfliktogenam in business (secular, semeyno - household and another) communication are:
- of the Word, expressing no confidence: “you deceive me“, “I do not trust you“, “you do not understand“, etc.
- of the Word - an insult: the villain, the geek, the fool, the stupid person, the idler, a pettiness, etc.
- of the Word - threats:“ we still will meet “, “ I to you will remember it “, “ you still will regret“, etc.
- of the Word - a sneer: the four-eyes, lop-eared, mumbling, the dystrophic person, the pudge, etc.
- of the Word - comparison: “as cattle“, “as a pig“, “as a parrot“, etc.
- of the Word, expressing the negative relation: “I hate you“, “I do not want to talk to you“, “you are nasty to me“, etc.
- of the Word - obligation: “you are obliged“, “you have to“, etc.
- of the Word - charge: “all of you spoiled“, “you the deceiver“, “you are guilty of everything“, etc.
- of the Word, expressing a categoriality:“ always“, “never“, “everything“, “nobody“, etc.
As a rule, criticized, perceiving the listed above words, enters fight for himself and tries to include all arsenal of defensive and justificatory means. If it occurs, then the one who the first began to use words becomes responsible for such situation - are conflictogenic.
One more important feature explaining the nature of konfliktogen is that we are more sensitive to words of others, than to what we tell.
our special sensitivity of the words which are rather turned to us comes from desire to protect itself, the advantage from possible encroachment. But we are not so attentive and correct when business concerns the dignity of others and therefore not so strictly we watch for by the own words and actions.
Types of conflict actions
the Majority of the listed above conflictogenic actions can be carried to one of three types:
- aspiration to superiority;
- aggression manifestation;
- egoism manifestation.
that represents each of the listed types.
- of Aspiration to superiority . It is shown that one of interlocutors shows the following aspects of the behavior or the attitude towards the partner:
- of direct manifestation of superiority in the form of an order, threat, the remark (or other negative assessment), charges, sneers, jeers, etc.;
- the indulgent relation which is shown with a special shade as if to goodwill: “Calm down“, “Do not take offense“, “You the clever person, and you arrive...“ etc.;
- boasting in the form of the enthusiastic story about own progress and achievements. Usually it among people, “same as I“, cause quite obvious irritation because among equal do not suffer superiority;
- excessive confidence in the correctness . It is shown by the categorical statement like “I am confident in rather categorical form“, “I consider“, “unambiguously“, “out of doubt“, etc. Use of such statements usually causes desire to doubt it or to disprove this uncontested statement in the opponent;
- imposing of the councils . When the interlocutor imposes the opinion in the form of councils, people around in most cases have a desire to make everything on the contrary, but not to follow them. Advising in this case, having taken superiority position, as a rule, reaches a boomerang effect - mistrust and desire to arrive differently. Moreover, it is worth to remember, probably, that the advice given in the presence of others to a bowl of all is perceived as reproach;
- a perebivaniye of the interlocutor, and also increase of a voice or aspiration to correct another. The one who does it all look shows that it is only necessary to listen to it that his thoughts more valuable, than thoughts of others. The recommendation that who considers that his thoughts and reasonings are more significant, than at the others: think, maybe, good thoughts happen at you considerably less than you believe?
- of aggression Manifestation . Etymologically the word “aggression“ (from armor. agression) means “attack“. Aggression can be shown or as the line of the personality characteristic of behavior of the specific person, or, situationally as a way of response to the developed circumstances or as manifestation of natural aggression.
Natural aggression can be result as self-affirmation in the social environment (a family, collective, group of peers), and expression of a protest against a certain dependence on “leader“ (the parent, the chief, the senior under the provision or the status).should not forget
that, in - the first, the person with the increased natural aggression konflikten, is as if going conflictogenic; in - the second, the person absolutely zero aggression, not having “healthy rage“ to achieve the objective, and desire to surpass the opponents, risks to make in life much less, than those who at equal opportunities possess a share of a certain “reasonable“ aggression.
Situational aggression , as a rule, you arise a type of reaction to the developed circumstances. It can be the feeling sick and mood, troubles in semeyno - household or business relationship. To bowl of all situational aggression you arise a type of response on received konfliktogen. By the principle “similar gives rise to similar“ (like “itself such“, “from it I hear“ etc.) reciprocal aggression provokes, in turn, still bigger intensity of emotions and an exchange of “courtesies“ in even more aggressive form.
- of egoism Manifestation . The word “egoism“ has the Latin root “ego“ that means - “I“.
strong conflictogenic for people around as the egoist tries to obtain something for himself, doing it usually at the expense of others. This injustice, as a rule, also generates a conflict situation.
Development of egoism and its transformation into the dominating orientation of the personality in many respects is explained by serious defects of education. High self-esteem and an egocentrism of the personality are fixed, as a rule, in children`s age. Especially egoistical beginning - “self-love“ - is peculiar to the only or youngest children in a family. At mature age similar superconcentration on own “I“ and an absolute indifference to an inner world of other people lead, as a rule, to alienation. Egoism of such people becomes hated to people around that can be reflected, in turn, and in the carrier of egoism. Such person it becomes really raised it is aggressive and, as a result, is more unpleasant to people.
How to keep from konfliktogen
we Will consider leaving mechanisms from aspiration to superiority, control of aggression and overcoming in ourselves excessive egoism.
- of Overcoming of aspiration to superiority . The aspiration to superiority is overcome usually next ways:
- granting to the interlocutor an opportunity to feel the importance and competence of your eyes;
- conscious belittling of own advantages;
- conscious understanding that the modesty is, perhaps, the only way to overcome own vanity and sense of superiority over others.
- of aggression Control . Aggression, as well as any other feeling, demands an exit. However its slopping on people around usually comes back a bigger aggression.
even to a mental disease. That is why the psychological discharge is extremely necessary for health, both physiological, and mental.
For removal of mental intensity in the form of the increased aggression to people around can use the next ways:
the Passive way is in that being uttered, “cried“ to someone. The psychotherapeutic effect of such discharge is huge as by means of sympathy, empathy to you from outside there comes the simplification. Moreover, when excruciatingly painful, psychotherapists recommend, without hesitating of someone, to cry because to tears there is a removal from an organism of special enzymes - the satellites of a stress exerting an adverse effect on nervous system. To give simplification is one of the most important functions of tears. Women in this regard are in more favorable conditions; to men, so it developed, it is not peculiar to complain and the more so to cry. However periodically (at least once a year) experts recommend to do it (naturally, out of supervision of people around) because it will keep the potential of mental health.
the Active way of a psychological discharge consists in physical activity. It is established experimentally that adrenaline as the constant satellite of intensity, is capable “to burn down“ during a physical activity. Any physical activity is effective here: from sports activities (run, tennis, volleyball, swimming etc.) before the work connected with loading at the solution of household tasks (work as the axe or a saw, digging of the earth, etc.) .
Logically - a psychological way of repayment of aggression you consist understanding that for improvement of the mood and health it is extremely important to replace a thinking orientation. When the person gives himself the “I Should Not Think of It“ command, - he only also does that thinks of it (the known plot about “a white monkey“). To struggle with the imagination - means to extinguish a fire by means of gasoline. That is why we should not think of people unpleasant, of envious persons and debtors because, thinking of them, we involuntarily become “unfortunate without assistance“. What can be the recommendation here? It is following: it is important “not to think“ of it (about bad), and to think of another (about good, positive, vital). Useful will be to remind the known principle of success which says success the one who thinks of categories of success tries to obtain.
Thus, logical “dokapyvaniye“ to a phenomenon essence, i.e. understanding that, driving away from itself unpleasant aggressive thoughts, we increase the aggression leads us to an important conclusion: it is necessary to be very careful to those thoughts which prevail in our consciousness because they are the beginnings of our acts.
- of egoism Overcoming . It is known that any extreme in something - a shortcoming. It of course concerns also the egoism brought to such state when the person becomes unloved everything including relatives.
But also other extreme - pronounced altruism - too not the best trait of character. It can be compared to the following: virtue, certainly, remarkable quality of the personality, but if to finish it excessively, it turns into defect. And in our case: egoism and altruism - extreme personal characteristics which, probably, should be avoided. In what way? The answer is as follows: having united them together. It is possible to be guided on life by the principles or “the educated egoism“ (the author - Aristotle), or “reasonable egoism“ (F. M. Dostoyevsky), or “altruistic egoism“ (this principle was proved by the Canadian psychologist Hans Selye). The essence of three approaches consists that, being good to others, the person does it first of all to himself. So, but through another. It also is, perhaps, that only way of interaction with people which will allow to overcome own egoism.