If youth knew...
All dream to live long, but at the same time nobody wants to be old and ailing... Perhaps, still similar sad thoughts did not visit you. And it is fine: means, fortunately, so far you and your relatives are rather healthy and full of strength. But the old age is relentless, and once there can come day after which physical or mental health of the elderly person will begin to give serious failures, and for you time of adoption of painful decisions will come. How adequately to find the situation?
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the Old age comes...
According to some information, today more than 30% of the population of the planet - people are more senior than 60 years. In this regard in many countries of the world including advanced, there were serious economic problems: at the expense of what and how to provide to elderly people safe or at least a normal old age. In our country the category “usual old age“ in all respects falls short of level, worthy life of the aged person. Unfortunately, so far - taking into account the income of the population, life expectancy, education level - Russia takes the 57th place in the world. But everything is not so sad: in a year we rose by six points above...
However if honestly to admit, Russia, as well as in the majority of the countries considering themselves civilized it is necessary to talk not about crisis material, and about crisis spiritual. Care of old men - more a problem moral, morally - ethical, than economic.
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That old that small...the Mentality of the elderly person is broken by
, and all consider that he sank into dotage - became worse than the whimsical child. Indeed. According to the world famous Swiss psychologist and the psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung, in old age we plunge into such state that again as children, we become a problem for others. The childhood and an old age, though extremely differ from each other, have something the general - absorption in unconscious. As the soul of the child develops from unconscious, in his psychology, too very difficult, it is easier to understand nevertheless, than in psychology of the aged man who plunges in unconscious again and gradually in him is dissolved.
In any situation the person has a choice. You can stay idle, mourn and feel sorry for yourself, complaining that you fell a victim of circumstances; you can defiantly keep from the solution of “others“ problems which “do not concern“ you you can accept a call of destiny and choose the new direction of the movement. If it was known that some certain act will bring you self-confidence and lifelong understanding of feeling of the fulfilled duty, you would make it? Certainly, in reply will sound full of enthusiasm “yes!“ . Now at you such chance appeared. The bible rule - what measure you give, such it will be rendered to you - will help to receive the desirable if you follow it in practice. Overcoming of vital difficulties to make what has to will require courage and forces. You do not have them? Or you are convinced that you have the right to establish the principles of personal decency?
Perhaps it is worth remembering a debt? By and large, you are obliged to care for elderly parents and to help them if they need it. For many years they constantly worked to give you a roof, food, education and education. In every way to support them in old age - your debt if you consider yourself as the person decent. Also it is necessary to behave in relation to other aged relatives, friends, neighbors. The neglect to old men is cruel and incompatible with moral standards. It is not enough to know norms of morals, they need to be realized.
Try to present yourself old, lonely and all the abandoned person, and you will understand the aged family. The best emotion in relation to them - sympathy. But do not forget that all finest feelings weigh less, than at least one good deed.
Foreign trouble I will make a helpless gesture...
you will not argue With wisdom of centuries: we are fair when we are not interested. However everything changes when instead of a role of the detached onlooker or the uncompromising critic - the moralist life suggests us to become participants of events.
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Make the right decision
Thinking how to provide care of aged or sick relatives, consider the following factors:
Elderly parents or relatives can remain to live in own house, to move to you or to move in special boarding house or nursing home where (you have to be sure of it!) the daily help and leaving will be provided to them. Near many cities there are such houses and boarding houses intended in order that elderly people could restore the health and communicate with each other. Besides, there are charitable organizations and social services which are engaged in purchase of the food for lonely old men and also rendering medical care to them at home and ensuring the round-the-clock leaving.
It is possible, you quite so think. All of us perfectly understand that the person has to be honest at heart, but not on circumstances. However in our century of the destroyed traditions and the reeled moral foundations it is often accepted to treat morality as some architects - to houses: conveniences are regarded as of paramount importance.
Certainly, you have a heap of good reasons why right now or “in principle“ you cannot undertake freight of responsibility and shift care of the sick or aged person to the shoulders. Work, study, the husband, children, the small apartment, the small income - each listed point and something else (very much and very important!) do not give you any chance to translate the grandmother (mother, the aunt) to themselves, to become the nurse and the nurse, the psychologist and the psychiatrist. And, in general, you now in such working flat out that there is no opportunity neither to employ someone for a while, nor to address in social services, nor to be engaged in searches of good nursing home, nor to make out a package of documents because if, in - the first... Stop! As soon as you begin to justify the act with difficult reasonings, be sure that you arrive badly.
Certainly, everything everything you will not tell. It seems to you that nobody understands, “what it is the difficult person“ as it is heavy to live with him (with it) in one apartment, to help him and to communicate with him on - kind. In this case calm yourself the fact that elderly people as, however, and ourselves, are children of the time with its customs and traditions that their views and lifestyle were formed under the influence of other family way, and character was built up as a result of overcoming of vital difficulties.
“When our children call us backward conservatives, we will be consoled that our grandsons will revenge them for us“ (I. Vilde). Possibly, you understand: what do you think of the parents, so, most likely, and your children will treat you. You should look more simply at vital circumstances - the sense of humour and ability to think positively will help with it. You do not refuse the child, choosy, innocent... And old men and babies often behave very probably.
It is possible, you have a nursed grievance on this person. Even if in the past between you not everything developed safely, forgive it it mistakes and be near. In this case it is better to undergo offense, than to cause it.
Unfortunately, days of the sick or old person are considered. Believe, it is very heavy to speak in emptiness: “Forgive me, mummy (the grandmother, the aunt...)!“ . Do not do what it is necessary to execute itself for the rest of the life for.
do not do much harm!
Try to visit regularly elderly parents, relatives, friends, to write them letters, to bring gifts, just to do something pleasant. The good deed is what raises a pleasure smile on a face of the old person.
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A few years ago in the television interviews mother Theresa said that it finds the most awful poverty and exinanition among rich men of this world. She noted that the need for creation of the missionary organizations which would bear love and spiritual food the poor in spirit is felt.
according to the lights something independently, both for yourself, and for you. It not only will help them to support itself in shape, but also will allow to feel the need and ability to bring benefit, making use of extensive life experience.
of Attempt to protect old men from all cares can be led to premature emergence of symptoms of age frustration in them.
Give the chance to the elderly person independently to make some decisions, to go for a walk (even if around the house), to play with grandsons, to work on economy even if it cannot do something so well and quickly any more as before.
If you want to see your old men rather healthy, help them to maintain the maximum activity and capacity without thinking about physical weakness and bad memory.Today you can find
detailed information on the most frequent problems of advanced age and ways to resist to them, about psychological consequences of retirement, about some physical illnesses arising at this age in special books, journal articles, the Internet.
All of us are interested in various theories of education, modern diets, recommendations about “bridging“ with an opposite sex. So why not to try to acquire the useful data helping us to create the harmonious relations with our old men?Too often we torment with
relatives under a pretext that we wish well to them all. Life of the elderly or sick person will not become better if you are guided only by knowledge, and in your soul there will be no mercy left at all. And the most sophisticated philosophy will not be able to acquit you if you bring suffering to the person who loved you.
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Having hurt the neighbor, itself you will feel pain
“Always with sincere sympathy read and watched transmissions about life of old men out of a family. Certainly, condemned the ruthless children and grandsons leaving elderly people to the mercy of fate or subcontracting care to the state. It was sure that to my relatives of it never happens. I heard and about harmful influence on the old person of change of conditions and tenor of life at its resettlement in special establishment. But there was what happened. We with the husband and two children live in the two-room apartment. Mine the grandmother and mother lived in other district of the city. Mother was on pension, earned additionally the tutor (she is the former teacher) and cared for the grandmother. We regularly visited them, and they more often than we, made to us gifts, helped me to raise children. Everything went well.
Half a year ago mother suddenly died. Bezdeyatelno circumstances did not allow to grieve and cry in a pillow. I rushed about between work, a kindergarten, school, the house and the house of the grandmother. For some reason it seemed that it could not be taken, and to leave me for a while one it was dangerous. For example, she, having gone towards a balcony, could tell that she goes for a walk. For some reason I also did not want to employ it the nurse though money was. Together with the husband made the decision: we will not come into inheritance yet and we will not exchange the apartment, we will define the grandmother in good boarding house. When the husband took away the grandmother, I sat at home and sobbed. Possibly, conscience did not allow to be present at the same time, and I found a heap of the justifying reasons. We were advised weeks by two - three not to visit the grandmother that she got used to a new way of life. Several times I called to cope with personnel about a state of her health. Answered that all are normal. And in ten days we were asked the grandmother to take away: she died, in a dream, quietly, one. Now time to grieve and sob is, I go to the psychotherapist, I swallow handfuls of the calming and somnolent tablets. Who and what can calm me?! The most terrible - me there is nobody to forgive now. Mother would not forgive me. The grandmother - she was kind, - can be, and would forgive sometime, but would never understand for what I with it acted this way. Besides, the most part of life she lived in the village where to throw old men or to send them to nursing home it is considered a terrible sin... “
From the letter of our reader Larisa P.