The East - business thin
All parents dream to live with the children in love and harmony. But as sometimes not simply in the course of education of children to keep calm and composure! Turn the looks towards a rising sun! The wisdom developed in the millennia will help to specify to our children a way to ability to obey How to reach family tranquility and how to behave in typical critical situations?
in the Morning your kid does not hurry to go to have breakfast and does not want to put on. As a result you are going to kindergarten in a stressful state and are late for work.
the Doctrine Zen says: “Here and now“.
A if it is concrete:When the parent tells
:“ We are late“, it sounds as threat which the child does not understand and (that it is even worse) it is frightened. That everything passed quietly, parents have to establish a strict daily routine: hour of rise, time for clothing, time of acceptance of food... If the child is still too small to cope with it alone, help him. You do not hurry the kid, explain what he does and in what sequence. But when it will grow up, he will be able to adhere to the established schedule without problems. It is very important that the child submitted to a certain schedule: so it will experience the responsibility for the order reigning in a family. The best-known provision of the doctrine a zen helps us to use completely “Here and now“ that only time which owners we are, that is a present situation in the present. Is not present any more yesterday, tomorrow does not exist yet, only what occurs “here and now“ is real. And for your kid only the present situation is real. Advantage of the childhood when reflections about the past and disturbing thoughts of the future are unfamiliar consists in it. Sensation of fear and a stress are fruits of our reflections, delay - result of badly organized present.
C to them the visit of shop becomes a nightmare. He runs to and fro, demands some candy, vanishes in department of toys, begins to be capricious at cash desk.
the Doctrine Zen says:“ When your consciousness is free, everything around you becomes free“.
A if it is concrete:
Before seeking the reason elsewhere, the parent - the zen will look for the reason of behavior of the child... in. Kid uneasy or scattered? Perhaps, he inherited, at least partially, these qualities from you. Before trying to change that person who is with you nearby at first it is necessary to look at himself strictly. Concern and absent-mindedness peculiar to you, for example, testify to your personal inability to keep calm. And the child just follows your example. The serene state of mind is similar to an ocean floor which remains quiet, even when on a surface the storm storms.also other explanation Is possible
: can be, you follow purchases after the long and tiresome working day, and your child - after classes at school? If this is so, stay some time together with the child to recover: walk to remove stress. If the kid continues to be capricious before coming into shop, warn him: if he badly behaves there, nothing good from this will leave. It is important that the rule and punishment for its violation were stipulated in advance, in a quiet situation, but not in an anger attack.
the Child wakes up in tears and calls you several times in a night because he is thirsty, hot or to it the nightmare dreamed it.
the Doctrine Zen says:“ If you are not anxious in this concrete situation, you will not be anxious in general“.
A if it is concrete:
Nightmares, fear of falling asleep at children - reflection of all those emotions and alarms which they cannot put into words. According to the doctrine a zen our fears are always expression of the alarms connected with the future. Only having returned to the present moment, having listened to the breath, having understood an essence of our alarms, we can overcome them. The philosophy also tells a zen:“ Day after day we prepare wellbeing of tomorrow“, that is we care for every instant, minute behind a minute, we live in the present (but we do not torment ourselves with assumptions that can or has to occur).
If children uneasy, it is possible to play every evening within 15 minutes the game “rest cloud“. The father or mother, and is even better both, take seat on a floor together with the kid. Exercise purpose: to teach him to relax. Suggest the kid to present that he is the blown-off ball. Then ask it to close eyes, to slowly make a deep breath a nose and exhaled a mouth. Repeat ten times. It is important to teach him to remove stress from all body, to calm down thanks to a special rhythm of breath. Tell the child that at his age other children feel the same fears, nightmares can dream them too, and it will pass when they grow up. According to philosophy a zen “transition of tranquility“ from one person to another is quite possible. If you stay in the weakened state, it will help the kid. It is also important to explain to the child that night exists in order that his body restored forces, his consciousness has a rest and the next morning he was full of strength. Explain that the father and mother need to have a rest too, but if to it it is very terrible, they always nearby, in the neighboring room.
you hardly entered the apartment, having returned from work as the child begins to roll up a hysterics behind a hysterics.
the Doctrine Zen says: “The blizzard was dissolved in the sea. What silence!“
A if it is concrete:
the Child storms. At first calm down, having made several deep breaths through a nose and exhalations through a mouth. Many are mistaken, considering that to follow the doctrine the zen - means to be able to control the emotions and to bear all difficulties with a smile. It not absolutely so. It is very important not just to represent coolness, and to be able to send the anger to the correct course, “to pass it round, but not to splash out right there outside“. To keep calm, it is necessary “to digest“ emotions at first.
Ask the child to go to the room. Let it know that it should not flood the house with the shouts. When it remains alone, let`s rage finish raging. Then, when you will feel that you can control own emotions, talk to it. Allow it to state the complaints, remarks or requests, to explain the reasons of similar ugly behavior (do not forget that chagrin and fear often are behind anger). Listen to him, without condemning for what he tells (if only it does not offend you), then ask it to listen to you without interrupting. Concede only in those cases where it will seem to you fair. Define accurately what is acceptable and is subject to discussion and that is not present. Your internal tranquility will work umirotvoryayushche on the child: he will look at you as on the adult because you do not talk to it in his tone, you are able to listen to him, without condemning, you “issue“ for it the Law. The sea “absorbs“ a blizzard. It concerns also our emotions: they are similar to muddy water which becomes transparent when is defended.
you returned from work as tired. The child immediately begins to ask you tricky questions of type:“ Why at night sky black? From where wind blows? Who lives on the Moon?“
the Doctrine Zen says: “When you do not know the answer to the child`s question, find it together“.
A if it is concrete:
Each question of the child is a fine opportunity to learn something new most. But the tired father has the right to explain to the child that he needs to have a rest a little before looking for the answer to his questions. If you do not know the answer, do not tell what got if only to find desired rest! Look for the answer together: look at the illustrated books or visit the corresponding website on the Internet.
Sunday. Good weather. You were adjusted to go for walk, but the child refuses to get out of a bed and wants to watch the animated film.
the Doctrine Zen says:“ Do not reproach him that it does not hurry anywhere only because you always hurry“.
A if it is concrete:Sometimes it happens so that the child (as well as any adult) wants to sit houses, to feel
in safety, just to do nothing. The kid has the right for fatigue, both physical, and moral too. If it repeats not too often, it can propose several solutions: to watch the movie all family, and then to make quiet walk, is only shorter, than it was supposed. Anyway the father - a zen has to explain to the child that walks are very important in order that the body and spirit found rest and bad thoughts disappeared.
This evening it tried all ways to go to bed later: he is capricious, demands that read him still, does not want that you at once turned off the light...
the Doctrine Zen says:“ The inability to set restrictions is similar to inability to see the horizon“. And if it is concrete:
If it repeats not too often, it is possible to give to the child twenty additional minutes. Accurately designate the position: you understood that he wants to stay with you longer, it is pleasant to you (and it is the truth!), and you give it still some time to stay together. But observe the time limit strictly, emphasize exclusiveness of a situation and set restriction: for example, tell it one story, but not two.
In park your kid does not want to move a step from you and refuses to play with peers.
the Doctrine Zen says:“ To comprehend the doctrine the zen means to find itself. To find itself means to forget about itself. To forget about itself - means to find our natural state“.
A if it is concrete:
your kid is on a threshold of a new stage of a growing: he will be ready to leave soon that to it he is familiar to steep in uncertainty. Therefore - that it also expresses the fear, seeking to find confidence. To help the child to be oneself, it is necessary to see his fear, and then to try to understand it. The philosophy learns a zen that experience - our only assistant, and we cannot argue on what ourselves did not test, and especially to help others. Therefore, to help the child to cope with the fears, the parent - a zen will tell it about own fears at this age. Only after that he will tell the kid that, having become more independent, he learns a lot of new and interesting.
Between brothers and sisters awful quarrel ran high: the senior does not want to give younger the toys, and everything comes to an end with a fight.
the Doctrine Zen says: “How you will be able to settle the conflict between children if you cannot solve the internal conflicts?“
Rivalry between brothers and sisters - the normal phenomenon of family life. But the senior child always unconsciously seeks to involve in quarrel of parents that they accepted someone`s party. As it is often impossible to establish who began with the first, better to say:“ It is your quarrel, I here at anything. Solve the conflict and as it is possible more quietly“. Under a condition, of course, that younger is able to speak and can protect itself, and aggression of the senior does not take the form of physical violence. Parents a zen have to allow children to study to solve the conflicts independently.
He does not want to go more to kindergarten because he fought with the best friend and the teacher punished him as he considers, unfairly.
the Doctrine Zen says:“ The movements have to be measured, and think of a leak quietly. Enter a serenity cloud“.
Talk to it about what occurred in a quiet situation. What happened? Whether he is angry? Whether he is afflicted? How to settle everything? The father - a zen can tell the child that he endured something in the same sort too and was unfairly punished. Explain to him that similar happens in life and it is normal that the anger and crying will not help a solution, and quarrels always lead to chagrin. Help it to understand, without accusing him that its quarrel immediately conceived result: he from it is upset. Explain that the friend worries about it too.