How “not to fade“ after divorce of
what I want to tell you part of my vital history, it happened personally to me and my child. I want to make a reservation at once - in my narration there will be no theoretical calculations on the subject “divorce“. Everything that I will tell - it is my personal experience and my perception of a situation. I hope that for those who will consider my experiences actual my personal history will help to resolve a crisis situation or to make it at least less sharp.to
To me happened what occurs, unfortunately, with many - my marriage broke up. If to sort who was right who is guilty and whether it was possible to rescue this marriage, then there will be one more history with the separate plot. But about it as - nibud another time.
When divorce was already come true fact, the desire to soften transition from one family (mother, the father, the child) to another (mother and the child) for my son became the most important for me. Of course, and after divorce the father remains the father and does not refuse about the child, but the real situation is as follows: reads the fairy tale for the night - mother, takes away the child in kindergarten in the morning and, as a rule, takes away - too, listens to all childish news, opening and chagrin in a day - of course, mother! Without saying that mother makes a dinner, irons a pizhamka, sews to a hare an ear, puts a pure handkerchief in a pocket etc. (the list can be continued). The father becomes the coming character, all loading on the house, on care of the child lays down on mother`s shoulders.read
Ya much clever articles about how divorce as it is important to mobilize all the sincere forces is psychologically difficult to recover from crisis. All this is right! But tell where to take forces even simply physical to be in time both for work, and in kindergarten, and to sew up, and to stroke, but also - to look, despite everything (or whom). How to find 25 - y (26 - y, 27 - y …) hour in days to read the magazine or to descend on the favourite website in the Internet, if we speak about psychological unloading and support?! All these questions were asked by me to myself the next time, going to bed rather falling in a bed for fatigue. And at some moment understood that has to find answers to these questions not to drive itself into the deadlock and not to turn a poslerazvodny stress into the long depression turning into absolute apathy.found
Ya time for itself, considered a situation and understood a lot of things. I want to share the conclusions with all and to give advice how “not to wither“ after divorce:stop being
- During the poslerazvodny period perfectionistic in a household, at least for some time. I do not urge to leave mountains dirty weeks of ware. But it is important to learn to concentrate on main and necessary in household chores, not to hesitate to involve sometimes in them relatives and relatives, and clear-out can be postponed, at least, for a month. Now forces and time, and to your child - the attentive and benevolent, but not overdriven, irritable mother more than ever will be necessary for you.
- you do not blame yourself. If everything so developed as it developed - means, so to that and to be. Everything that becomes - to the best. Of course, I for a full family also urge to try to keep to the last love and a family, but if divorce is inevitable or already occurred - accept this fact and do not blame yourself for anything! When there passes time, you will look at a situation from outside, will analyse and will draw conclusions. But it then. And now - accept the divorce fact as neutral, not good and not bad, it is just new stage in your life, with new difficulties and pleasures.
- you do not blame the ex-husband - you destroy by it yourself, and to it already all the same. Do not express negatively in its address in the presence of the child in spite of the fact that after divorce of passion still, perhaps, boil. do not feel
- guilty to the child. If the child already rather adult, try to explain him what you will consider it necessary (but without estimated definitions to the father - you remember, your ex-husband remains to your child the father until the end of days). If the small child as it was in my case (when we left, the little son was about two years old), try to make visits of the father part of ordinary life of the child, such as arrivals of the grandmother and other relatives that the kid did not perceive appearance of the father as something special, outstanding. Do not do of visit of the father either a holiday, or a day of mourning on the left marriage. Try to avoid phrases of type in conversation with the child:“ Today the father to us will come on a visit“. And of course, stipulate with the father that his visits of the child have to be regular. do not try to try to begin to arrange to
- for the day following after divorce the private life - at this stage it will be unsuccessfully, and here the self-assessment in case of failure can strongly suffer. Direct the forces and time for communication with the child - you in this moment of life are necessary for it more than ever.
- Last conclusion, most important: love to the child - that holy well which gives strength to stand after divorce, to accept the new status and to be ready to the new relations.
So, at least, it happened to me.