Diary of young mother of
of I. Waiting for a miracle
on December 17, 1999
to go crazy! I am future mother!
lives In me, moves, shows discontent and my baby caresses. Mine! With the character not subject to me, desires, feelings. And it (or it, how nobility?!) nevertheless such defenseless, such small. I want to embrace constantly bulked-up stomach, to iron it and to talk.
As it is modern the conceiving mother, I know that it is necessary to talk to the child on - to the adult, seriously. But I lisp, I whisper any nonsenses. And me before happy squeal well from it. I love it, I wait for it, I want to press it to a cheek and to feel its myagenky movements.
Today at us from Avtoshkaya a small holiday - we are married 3 months. It is formality because 2,5 years we belong each other. And still there is a wish to make something unusual, not everyday, some surprise. It, sweetie pie, pleases me every day (though, maybe, just follows the instruction what pregnant women need positive emotions? - Joke!) . Yesterday he, my mad husband, presented me a rose. I nearly burst into tears for pleasure. I love it, I love, I love, I love.
I the lie it that is possible is married an abyss. Just the husband should be chosen properly!
on December 19, 1999
Tomorrow I go to hospital. It is very sad, I know, but also I know that it is necessary. For me and my kid. Doctors have to define whether I have a heart disease. I know that everything will be excellent, I will be not one there, and with my babies, it will always support me. Sadly that it is necessary to leave Avtoshka and not to see him two madly long weeks.my little poltergeist constantly drums
on my stomach from within, is torn to this world or calls to himself to see the dwelling? I am surprised to silly mummies who predict to the children unfortunate life in advance, saying that kids in vain seek to be born on this awful light. Anything similar! The world is beautiful, it is light and joyful! It is only necessary to be adjusted on receiving the kindest and light. When is born my small, I will congratulate him on the worthy choice of this world and I will wish it good luck and good luck. And then, I precisely know, all his life will become fantastic and successful, he will know that he differently is not.
Ya it is happy. > on December 24, 1999
my painful days in hospital - the most absurdly spent time among hunger and cockroaches Ended with p with
. Now I houses and with the husband.
Wants to be written on a door: “There lives happiness!“ . I am not afraid to maleficiate because really I trust only the heart and Avtoshke.
long - are long rung Every evening a door, and the pregnant woman opens. Long - long - it my husband came. How many new concepts of my life, my lexicon! The pregnant woman, in situation, the woman, a family, the husband, future child. Sometimes it seems to me that all this not with me. Miraculously.
A the kid turns, turns over, tickles. He communicates with me, I understand him. He wants to eat, he slept and kneads the fragile stones, he caresses. When Avtoshka puts a hand on a stomach, our zinger greets the daddy. Even more often I manage to observe its movements. The huge stomach starts moving, and someone small and strong moves from one edge to another. It gives me unprecedented pleasure. My baby! As I want to embrace you and to press to itself, but so far I am content with strokings on a stomach.
my nice a muzhchinka, my beloved husband sometimes whispers in a stomach on - Georgian. It seems, the kid will understand both languages at once if in mother`s womb he hears the Russian mother and the Georgian father. And in general, I do not represent how we will communicate with it. He, the son of the father, will be the real Georgian and will teach me Georgian. So I need or to wait for my little teacher, or most to become his teacher. And Georgian - such difficult.
on January 27, 2000
on January 19 I went to ultrasonography. As all - is interesting. The kid inside, sees nobody him, and here...
Ya asked the doctor: “And you will not tell who there?“. And it: “And whom you want?“. “All speak - the girl, and I feel that the boy“. “Correctly“.“?!“
It turned to me the monitor with the picture: “You see?“. “Forgive, I did not understand, you do not explain?“ .It took
a pointer and showed. My reserved and very sly child decided not to torment parents any more and opened in all beauty! As I wanted to have this first prenatal photo!Avtoshk`s
itself was as the child when I told it about what was seen. It is a pity that he could not see the Sandrik...
But, is said that ultrasonography - a thing not absolute. It can be so twisted a pupovinka. Perhaps in other cases it and so, but only not in mine. I knew long ago, felt that mine bangs me a kolobrozhka - the little son.
My God the Almighty, give me to give birth strength and health to him, mine, not learned yet, but already beloved rebyatenk!
on February 16, 2000
Kid! We collected to you such dowry! Superthings for little Sandrik. Though sometimes it seems to me that I am the most unprepared mummy. My God, how many any subtleties exist in leaving for babies how many I do not know yet. The day when we meet you is closer, the I become more restless. I am afraid not to manage to be prepared physically and morally, I am afraid of the ignorance and inability to treat you, my little alien. You are an alien because you are not similar to us the tiny razmerchik, a fragile little body, unknown sounds and the amusing movements. Sometimes, when you do exercises in my stomach, I feel and I see ledges of your legs and handles, I feel percussions-headed. When you see this world, I will lose these feelings, the concerning movements in me - perhaps, I a little bit grudge it. But I will be able to get acquainted, acquaint with you you with your loving daddy who waits - will not wait for your emergence, with army of grandmothers who take the most active part in preparation of a dowry and my education, with grandfathers who carefully hide nervousness from expectation, but nevertheless madly want to see you, with the uncle Taras who still in fact itself did not grow to position of the uncle. So, the kid, you are looked forward, do not pump up!
of Sandro - so you will be called. I slowly learn Georgian not to be trapped when you begin to speak. Here you will see, I will not only understand secrets, your with the father, but also itself I will begin to be secretive with you.
Tomorrow at us from Avtoshkaya - half a year as we are married. My God, only anything, and such feeling, as if all life together!
on March 1, 2000
Thank God, passed a boundary - on February 29! I was afraid that I will give rise this day, and then at the baby birthday would be time in four years! Now there is no wish that and on March 8 - the boy and on Women`s Day! Though what difference, but all-: The kid, be born, please, on March 5 - it is ideal your birthday.The our acquaintance is closer than
, the all of us become more impatient. Mother leaves, and itself says goodbye and afraid that she more with a tummy will not see me. Alla Ivanovn every day calls and asks whether I am going to give birth today. Avtoshka calls from work, and itself, I know, worries whether fights began. And only one little man precisely knows when it happens, but persistently is silent, does not give a secret. He to such an extent manages me that even I do not know when and as all this happens. Well, little mister, we wait for you, be born!
of II. The person was born
on March 5, 2000
Sandrik was born on March 4, 2000 at 19 hours 40 minutes weighing 4,200 g, 56 cm in height. Hairy, even on a back. Dark-haired, sponges as at Avtoshka, it is violet - pink.
When Sandrik went, there was only a head, the midwife told: “Look - watch what handsome what eyelashes at it!“.the Umbilical cord was wound with
around a neck, but it was rescued, my sweet. He quite quietly entered this world, cried a little, swung hands. When it was measured, wiped and swaddled, it was brought to me. Having squinted one eye, my son with interest looked at the tormented mother. I stroked it on a cheek, a nose and told: “The daddy loves you!“ .
of Missile defense Sandrik`s foot was told that it is very big. Today I will spread on a stenochka to look at the kid.
U me internal and external gaps which sewed up. I practically cannot go and hardly and exclaiming I turn over in a bed.
It my first impressions when I, lying on a roddomovsky bed, a half a day later after the delivery remembered last days were p>
on March 23, 2000. Now, in 19 days after Sandrik`s birth, it seems to me that all this there was a dream.
on March 4 at night I had a strange feeling, an explanation for which I could not find. Something happened to me. I went to a toilet and found out that I emit pinkish slime. It a little bit zabespokoit me, but I so wanted to sleep that decided to postpone all alarms for morning. At 5 in the morning I finally woke up, and the fear slowly began me to seize. Having woken the Car, I told that I, probably, will give rise today. So I spoke every morning therefore reaction of the Car was unambiguous:“ Still early“. But this time I that is told, had a gut feeling that something will be today.
To seven I lay silently and was afraid. In seven the fear of something unknown won against my laziness and desire to roll about longer in a bed, and I got up and began to re-read chapters devoted to approach of childbirth of the book about pregnancy and care of the baby. That`s right: slime - the messenger of fast permission of pregnancy. A bigger fear captured me. It amplified also from the fact that I felt some unpleasant feelings in the bottom of a stomach. I did not know that it is weak contractions and if then knew, then, probably, would go for horror crazy.Fear of the coming childbirth I decided to muffle
everyday interests. I thought that if I set a specific goal for myself, then nothing happens to me until I execute it. More cleverly than nothing I could think up, than be accepted to preparation of apple pie. I kneaded dough, despite Car otgovor.
Meanwhile fights proceeded, became frequent and amplified. Repeating about itself that else absolutely early and everything will be as it should be, at the slightest belly-aches I broke into tears. Seeing my panic state, did not sustain the Car: “You what, you are going to give birth at home?“ . I stretched in the forenoon, and then gave up. The ambulance arrived in five minutes. The doctor examined me and told that I will already give rise in the evening. Oh God! It means will occur soon - it is something unprecedented, terrible and sick. At that moment I did not think of childbirth as about the child`s birth, then I was faced by fear of the unknown and as speak, intolerable pain.
On the way to maternity hospital I continuously roared, promising the Car to get it together, to gather from the remains of forces and not to cry any more. But pity to itself got the best again, and I was filled in more.on April 23, 2000
I Very grudged for
then the mixed test. To distract, I asked the Car whether we switched off a plate, the washing machine, whether he will forget about dough, whether will collect the newborn`s set, whether will call mother.
I here I in maternity hospital. Strange, but as soon as we left the Car, I was mobilized and ceased to feel sorry for myself and, therefore, to cry. At last reached me that I came here to give birth.were engaged in me in
After drawing up necessary documents closely. First of all, I was undressed and dressed in silly a look a dressing gown. And you will not call it a dressing gown: without any hint on fasteners or buttons, it was incredibly short and did not agree on a stomach, thus, it could not even apply for a role of a fig leaf.I went to give to
In new vestments clothes of the Car. Farewell came out short and pathetic. I, almost without looking at the husband, put to him a parcel and told:“ Well, all right, so far“. Whether I realized that there can be everyone, and it “so far“ forever will remain with it? Confused with the type and feeling of awkwardness then I could not even say goodbye properly to the Car, to calm him and to smile. I was absorbed by thoughts and fears of the close future.
Ya returned to the midwife. My God what only with me was not done! It took blood from a finger, greased with pacifier brilliant green. Velev to me to lay down on a couch, it trimmed to me a pubis and gave an enema. Then I did not think of shame and took down all these unpleasant procedures silently and coolly. Upon completion of all actions I put on a fresh shirt and this ill-fated dressing gown. The only thing that I had mine - a paper icon of the Mother of God, Assistants in labor.
We went on 2 - y the floor - patrimonial office.the Glazed boxes gave to
the chance to see everything that there occurred. Not to be frightened even more, I laid down on a bed and began to look in a wall, trying not to listen attentively to groans and shouts of rodyashchy. Different midwifes approached me, asked about the frequency of fights, checked disclosure of a uterus. Punctured a bubble that waters departed.
Then I asked God about that rather everything ended.
was Pricked in a vein, took blood, again watched disclosure of a uterus.Me it seemed to
that it will never come to an end. Time stopped. When you lie and you wait for pain which will be more terrible, than earlier, everything changes: both the world around you and your feeling of the world. That life which you leave behind walls of it at home ceases to exist for you. Is not present and there was never neither Car, nor love, nor a joint nest, nor long happy months of expectation of the kid, nor the consciousness that this kid in several hours will become reality. There is nothing. Only glass walls, motionless flew down hours, terrible shouts from the neighboring boxes.
Then I did not think. In general. To me poured in some sleeping pill, and I from fight before fight “departed“. Gradually intervals between fights became shorter, and pain amplified. I could not restrain any more, and quietly postanyvat. Somewhere I read that fight lasts minute, and the rest of the time an organism has a rest, prepares for following. It gave me forces. I did not note time between fights, I was in a semi-conscious state.
Pain, appear, became continuous. I groaned, rushed about on a bed, gnawed a gray sheet. More painfully and more painfully. Someone awfully strong tried to turn my hips inside out. I began to read to “Pater Noster“, but through couple of lines of a vzvyval from pain and lost touch with the world. Began...the Midwife asked
whether I want in a toilet. I did not refuse. Having sat down on a duck, I felt how all my interiors directed down. Twists bones so that I cannot sit, and I am curved back. Also I make an effort, make an effort, I make an effort. It occurred so involuntarily that I could not understand anything that happens to me.
of the Midwife began to fuss around me. “Stop to make an effort, climb on a bed!“ . What there! My body was separately from me. I could not neither make an effort, nor not make an effort. Everything occurred besides my will. The child climbed, opened of himself the way, was torn to the world.
By order of the midwife I climbed up a maternity chair. Put on legs in rag boots, helped to place as it is possible more widely.
of the Attempt - it was something unknown so unclear. Now I can tell that earlier I waited for more awful pain, intolerable. It is told by me now. And then...
the Midwife laid down on my stomach and began me to help to be delivered. It in unison with my attempts squeezed out a fruit. Three or four the effort through small intervals is impossible terrible. When there was a head, all were surprised, my how large child. On me swore that I am lazy mother that I do not help the child. I made an effort very much, but all tension went to a face, losing force. I did not even feel pain from gaps.
When the head appeared, in a break between attempts the midwife told that I touched a head. I was frightened and refused. Then she vzat my hand and applied to the kid. I with horror (why?) drew aside a hand.on May 13, 2000
Then to me it was very terrible
, I was afraid to hurt it. But that feeling forever will remain in my memory. It was damp, warm, pulsing. And big. It struck me most of all. I still am surprised how it through such small opening leaves such big head.
my touch lasted several seconds, and then breakthrough and still effort again.
I... here it! He was born! It was born! It, my child, my flesh and blood! My long-awaited baby!
As soon as I was told that the child already got out, I relaxed, all body became as if lifeless, “everything“, - I thought.
But right there the new fear captured me: whether it is live? The neck of the kid was wound by an umbilical cord. Midwifes accurately released the child. He cried. My God! This shout was not similar to art shouts of kids in TV series. It was live, exacting, touching, careful quiet shout. The kid did not shout heart-rendingly, he was not frightened of this world, he has just an effect: here I am what!
the Midwife lifted the child over me and told: “Watch who it?“. Absolutely surely I told: “Boy“. Also looked at it. The small violet lump covered with black volosika it contracted on a hand at the midwife. Yes, it was my son!
him was wrapped up in the faded blanket and put on a pelenalny little table near me. The kid groaned and silently tried to dump a blanket. Looking at the moving lump, I did not sustain and burst out crying: “He will live?“. “Silly, you should rejoice, look what he is an athlete!“.
of the Kid was developed and began to be measured. Now I could admire it quietly. It was covered with volosika nearly all: both back, and coat hanger, and handles.“ Happy will be“, - I thought then.
on June 27, 2000
After all waves with babies undertook me. I - that thought that everything ended, but not here - that was.
“Second childbirth“ - an afterbirth exit so is called. I so relaxed, looking at the son that just it could not be mobilized again. Fortunately, everything passed safely. But here gaps... The midwife, trying to distract me from concentration on pain, constantly sentenced: “Here, decided to save on threads, so was not enough. One more shovchik, suffer“. And it seemed to me that to these shovchik of the end and edge is not present. Without having sustained, I begged: “Well, how many it is possible! Then you will sew up, I cannot suffer from such pain any more!“ . At last they lagged behind me.
It is possible, I would not sustain this pain, but the kid as if helped me to suffer. Covered with an odeyalok, he constantly moved, tried to dump it from himself. And I did not take eyes from the moving lump. It simply rescued me and gave forces.
A he indeed was my little savior. He pokryakhtyvat, slightly cheeped and clambered from a blanket. The nurse took ego began to measure. 4200 - it about - go - go! Real athlete! Growth - 56 cm. Future basketball player!
A he silently took down everything that the nurse made with it. It was measured, wrapped up. Then the kid was carried away.
Ya quickly plunged into a semi-sleepiness, without feeling life in my body. I was covered and left one. And (unexpectedly!) the nurse returned with Sandrik (and no doubts that he will be called so, existed) and again showed him to me. Wrapped in an old faded blanket, he attentively looked at me, having squinted one eye. More than a minute our silent dialogue by eyes lasted. Then it was carried away finally.
Ya was not awake and did not sleep. Somewhere the child shouted hysterically, and it seemed to me that it is Sandrik. Not in forces to rise, I called midwifes. I was told that mine was already carried away in kid boxing.
took away also me A bit later.
Ya slept, probably, days two. I was so exhausted that could not rise even in a toilet. There were neither forces, nor desire is.
the lift attendant Came and brought transfers. I did not even watch that brought to me but only with greed read notes. Also cried, cried, cried. For pleasure, from consciousness that the little native man was born that I could, bore, gave rise that there, behind walls of maternity hospital my closest people worry, rejoice and are surprised. As it is good that then I was one in chamber, light, warm, cozy!me forever will remain
U memories of Sandrik`s birth as associations with a spring, light and joyful.