Rus Articles Journal

It is ordered to endure

Youth - strange time. It is considered that it nearly the happiest in human life. But very many for some reason would not like to return there. Just leaving time paints the flown youth in nostalgic - pink colors. And problems of that time begin to seem ridiculous, thought up, frivolous.

But unless it is frivolous

: you are sixteen years old, on the street wonderful weather, and from it becomes only more painfully because you have nobody, at all there is nobody to go for a walk. Nobody loves you, and it seems that it forever.

A to you remain em only books in which for some reason all love each other, love, love...

Sometimes the most lonely in the senior classes, and sometimes later, children with soul and brains are em>. Those which call “widely-read“. Which go to music school or a fine art studio. Which do not have relations with footwear on enormous platforms, piercing and radical hairstyles - even if they try, then are all the same poorly similar on stars from the Cool magazine. Girls from this environment can be very pretty, even classical blue-eyed blondes, but they in the shoes remain to stand on a disco with a wall, and in the queen is beaten out some badly, but brightly made up frightened, begun to smoke in the fourth class.

there Will pass time, and a lot of things will rise on the places. The most demanded and happy in love can be clear heads from music school. I remember two girls from our class: one wrote wonderful verses, another as entertainment of a pricker of dolls from the Italian Commedia dell`Arte. Nobody up to final not demanded, even indulgently derided, became very successful models, remarkably married. Everything is good in its season - trouble that this favourite introduction of adults is very badly perceived by the tormented loneliness nobody understood by a sixteen-year being. And what to tell it? You see that your child is lonely and unfortunate, and, maybe, for the first time you could not it help with life is already his adulthood where everyone for himself.

At parents of punks of such problems does not happen. They have difficulties - the child for days on end sticks out at an entrance, it is unknown what is engaged, maybe, already plays about drugs... Children with whom girls - tearaways walk after sensible reflection would not be necessary to “good girls“ at all, but on an absence of fish of hopeless loneliness fifteen-year-old mummies sometimes cause in “good girls“ burning envy - all - they had something...

“Good girls“ is, probably, in general the most unprotected risk group. In the head - mad, obtained most part from books of idea of life and love, in heart - terrible thirst of this love, well though some, and at the same time - trustfulness, openness, vulnerability. “Street children“ who cook in the atmosphere of the evil as carrot in soup, at the same time are more protected from this evil - at them are experience and zadubely skin. At the girls who are brought up on classics, skin thin, and experience - any.

Alas, independent desperate attempts to escape from loneliness very often badly come to an end. Not always crime, it is frequent - just painful memory how you very much tried to be as everything, sincerely to fall in love with Hands up! group and gracefully to pour the speech obscene slang curls, but it was exposed and with contempt it is rejected - as always.

But even when attempt to battle against loneliness ended with nothing, each disappointment leaves a hem on a thin skin of heart. Each new blow to the ego becomes the word from the song that nobody loves you and will never understand. There passes time - and outcast teenagers clever, intelligent, so, most likely, both very vulnerable young person and begins to consider himself as some defective freak. Why all are loved, all have someone, and at me - nobody? So there is an inferiority complex, and such hunger of a restlessness for a long time settles in eyes that it already and in itself frightens off people. What nobody likes to do unfortunate-.

Some parents and a huge number of psychologists add fuel to the fire type maxims: “Look for the reason in yourself!“ - a pier if you are rejected, so you are insufficiently good. Does not come to their mind that the main reason and the truth in itself, only the axiom should be turned: you are too good. However, if to tell it to the suffering young being, it will become hardly easier for it - most likely, just will not believe.

And still something should be done to

.

Really, intelligence, sincere refinement and hopelessness on loneliness - not two more parties of a medal. It is possible to be clever and thin and to have the mass of friends. It is possible to prepare for receipt in conservatory and to have mad success in an opposite sex. The girl with the book in hands is not doomed to remain to nobody necessary yet. Harder and harder, and it gives hope.

the teenage conflicts the independence problem often is the cornerstone of

. The child separates from parents, from the world of adults, and begins to test in surrounding reality. For teenage “public“ a criterion of a maturity and independence it becomes frequent revolt. Abruptly and correctly to do what is not pleasant to adults: it is bad to study, to smoke, swear, use drugs, early to begin sex life, to leave the house, to have own teenage slang and to dye hair in green color. If you do all this, so you the - the adult. If you mature, without frightening mother and the grandmother, remaining in line with culture of adults - you study well, you read books, you listen to classics, you do not hang out on gates, you avoid rudeness, - it can not be understood.

Therefore to be independent and internally adult - it is very important

for success.

“The first that parents can make for the child, - not to detain him artificially at a mother`s skirt, - the psychologist Elena Volkova considers. - And it, unfortunately, quite often occurs. Sometimes parents, most often mother, do not even realize it. For such delay it is headed in the early childhood when parents for the best, preserving the child against our bad world in which it, meanwhile, should live, do not send the kid, for example, to kindergarten. Do not send to summer camp. Try “to filter“ friends, without thinking that the child needs to learn to communicate and defend himself in communication not only with ideal people.

are clear to

of Fear of parents, but their tactics can have bad consequences. Of course, at home, in a circle of specially picked up friends - most likely, children of parental friends - it is cozier, more reliable and in something it is better. If the child himself also at heart “house“, not really strong, not inclined to fight for leadership, such silent romantic - the dreamer, he can be quite happy in the house sink, in the world of the dreams - but only till a time. In the future it will be difficult for it to leave house “shelter“ and to become the among quite rigid and cynical teenagers.

to the Boy it is easier for p to escape from - under influences of a family, that is, as a rule, first of all maternal influence. It - other floor, and opposition with mother is put in its program of development. The girl risks more. Exaggeratedly womanly, unmodern as if descended from pages of novels - and the girls who are cruelly suffering from not demand often have big problems with mothers. These are their mothers with pride speak:“ We with the daughter as girlfriends“. Actually the girl - has to have senior pupils the girlfriends, the secrets. And the close friendship with mother interferes with her individualization. At such mother and the girl, and sometimes the boy risk to remain forever the children who are not able to defend themselves. This inability is distinguished at once by age-mates and almost never says goodbye“.

Certainly, seeking to make the child independent and strong, it is not necessary to push violently it in a state situation of a kindergarten or camp - some children suffering in such conditions nevertheless perfectly communicate with schoolmates and friends on the yard. But if the child in principle not against some way to show independence, it is worth grasping it - such experience, even through tamping of cones, it can be very useful.

Often to parents should begin

with itself.“ If parents are free, self-sufficient persons, it will be easier for them to cultivate independence in the children, - Elena Volkova continues. - Weak, not able independent it is more others to be inclined to hold children in the field of special attention. Such parents sometimes use emotional blackmail, “load“ the child responsibility for own loneliness, unfortunate life, bad mood etc.

Actually parents, on the contrary, have to push softly the child to depart, become independent, to catch any hint on desire somewhere to go to one, with the company. It does not mean that it is necessary to forget about safety and to completely release the child of waves. It is simply important to understand: the more at the teenager will be experience such - independent acts, trips, meetings in the companies - the it is less than bases for development at it of an inferiority complex, thoughts like “I am a freak, nobody loves me, I am necessary to nobody, I something frighten off people“.

Obrastaniye`s

communications, experience of independent life and adult adventures (not too mad, of course) is the armor necessary for each young dreamer entering the world. The imagined moneybox of achievements, compliments, friends and friends taken in this world for fight against the progressing inferiority complex can include communications and the acquaintances at first sight absolutely optional.

It is not volume whether this or that character suits for a role of the best friend. Just let it (they) will be. It is not necessary to approach, open too soul, to make far-reaching plans - just let will be to whom to call with whom to go to the cinema. Youth - maximal time, but loneliness - an animal with whom war demands cunning and compromises. It is the period in which not only quality, but also primitive quantity can be important. The your telephone book, the more around you is fuller than people to whom you can tell “hi“, the it is less at you than chances enter a vicious circle of despair, going on which, you really begin to frighten people - because each new acquaintance is ready to be appointed to a role of the savior.

Parents are, at first sight, powerless to help the maturing person with this process of an obrastaniye communications. At first sight, they need only not to disturb. But also parents can which - what to undertake. They already know a lot of things about this life and can think up where it is better to look for communication to give to the son - the daughter aiming. The ideal place for lonely hearts is, for example, some tourist section. Children who go hiking or seriously play sports, in general mature more cleverly and easier than others: they have other concepts of “steepness“.

Fortunately, loneliness it is possible to outwit. There are ways. Even it is not obligatory for little girl to wait presently until she is noticed and called. It is possible and is necessary to be able to take the first step - most to invite to walk, go to the cinema, doing it without sinking heart (suddenly will refuse?) and it is the quietest. You do not want - it is not necessary. It is impossible - can, another time. Anything terrible. It was not lucky - still will carry.

... Youth - silly time. Time in which the best and deep natures often should pretend to be at least not to be outcast. The few have the internal force and wisdom allowing is proud and staunch to remain itself, even alone, - and not to long for this occasion. The majority tries to copy the style making success and does a heap of nonsenses on this thorny road.

Fortunately or unfortunately, youth passes. These a lot of things place on the places. Having become adults, people begin to appreciate quality. And the good girls and boys who at last waited for happiness forgive to youth of her suffering over time and are sorry about time which so quickly left.