Postnatal depression of
Soon after the child`s birth when all alarms, it seems, already behind, on you suddenly are rolled by a wave of inexplicable alarm and feeling of sharp loneliness. You became tearful, irritable and aggressive. Everything that you do, seems imposed and monotonous. You are pursued by thought that now for the rest of the life you will feed, wash, rock to sleep, to calm, and again to feed, swing, feed, swing...
Of course, after a while these feelings will pass, but, unfortunately, too often they leave a mark in the relations with relatives. Your offenses on misunderstanding, alarm for the kid, feeling of coherence - all this lays down a dark stain on the relations with the child and the husband.
the Entire period of pregnancy mother and the baby make a whole. The nature took care of as much as possible to reduce impact of external troubles on the child, having allocated the woman with ability to protect and preserve the little person. In nine months future mother gets used to a role of the defender, assumes huge responsibility for preservation of life, health and happiness of the kid. Now she will perceive a condition of the child as own, to feel his hunger, a fright, pain, pleasure, pleasure. And though such understanding guarantees to the kid safety and a survival in the first weeks of life, for mother weight of responsibility can be shown in the form of a postnatal depression.
Usually it appears in the first days after the delivery against physical weakening and hormonal reorganization of an organism of the woman. The condition of tearfulness, hypersensibility, strong alarm or irritability proceeds from several hours to several days and gradually leaves, giving way to other experiences. However sometimes the depression proceeds long enough (from one to one and a half years) and affects mother`s relations with the outside world.
After a while after the child`s birth you can have a feeling that all your time belongs only to it that you have no rights for the life, and its needs and helplessness fill all your day and all your thoughts. The shy desire to watch TV, to chat by phone, to go out for a walk or have a good time with indignation is rejected or replaced with alarm and fear: suddenly something happens?
Being in such suppressed, angry state, you become unpleasant to yourself and begin to notice that it is badly reflected in the child for the sake of whom you refuse to yourself everything. When unfortunate mother with a disturbing look touches the kid, talks with it by the afflicted voice in which tears are heard, the kid becomes disturbing and afflicted too. “All the time was sorry for me for the child from - that it has such unfortunate mother!“ - young mother Lena tells.
the Depression becomes a barrier between you and the kid, breaks contact and mutual understanding. This state is aggravated also with the fact that the child at first seems helpless, there is nothing to talk to it, his look is deprived of intelligence, and infinite shouts are monotonous and inarticulate. But there will pass only several weeks, and he will begin to recognize you, to smile. You surely learn to agree with it. Your mother could agree with you in due time!the husband somewhere is near to
the Condition of a postnatal depression is especially unpleasant also that the woman cannot change bad mood on good, alarm and sensitivity - to tranquility and efficiency. Being in a depression, enduring alienation from relatives, she is not capable even to estimate the condition adequately. And the fact that these experiences are not similar to the expected pleasure and simplification which would have to occur after the delivery (it seems, these feelings appeared only at relatives!), aggravates weight of position of mother. It has a feeling of loneliness, isolation, apparently, that nobody pays attention and does not attach significance at all to what happens to it, does not understand all importance of her concern about the child. It seems to the woman that her state is not interesting to the husband at all that he does not support and does not understand her.“ The husband took offense that I am engaged only in the child and I do not pay him so much attention how many earlier, - Lena says. - Only through some time he understood that it is not my whim and I need its help not only in washing of diapers“.
It is valid, your depression is not always evident to people around, and the husband can perceive it as indifference and loss of interest in his person (that, certainly, is offensive) or, it is even worse as whims of young inexperienced mother. However support of the husband appears the most valuable. Its readiness to help, to share care and alarm for the child, to understand uncertainty and concern help not only to cope with unpleasant experiences, but also to create more close relations.“ I could not cope with myself, everything irritated me, I cried all the time, I was heavy to approach the child. I seemed to myself not that the bad, just awful mother necessary to nobody and opposite. To me it was scary lonely, and here the husband told that he will love me even if at me nothing will turn out with the daughter. I am still very grateful to it for this support“, - tells 35 - summer Anna.
What it is important to know to family members correctly to react to the angry, disturbing and whining mood of mother after the child`s birth? In - the first, people around have to understand that this mood is not pleasant also to the woman, but she cannot change it. You should not appeal to her reason or will power, it will only increase its sense of guilt and discontent with. In - the second, the help which you give is very important even if you are told “thanks“ for the washed diapers or a heap of purchases not at once. You surely receive an official message of thanks as soon as mother leaves a depression. And, in - the third, the most important support to young mother is your readiness to share her alarm and to try to understand.the kid can help
the Birth of the child breaks off the relations of mother and the kid which developed in nine months, however hidden, but quite strong communication between them all - remains. The child lives the first crisis - crisis of the birth. He for the first time tests horror, and this horror is transferred to mother. The kid cannot neither realize, nor report about the fear of the world and life which came to it in the form of bright light, loud and sharp sounds, heat and cold, belly-ache for hunger or the crowded intestines. The affection of mother for the baby is stronger, the more sharply she feels his requirements and empathizes his state.
Being in tension, mother tries to be removed from the child, to separate from it and to be at the same time as it is possible closer to care for it, without distracting for a minute.
the Birth is, of course, separation, but not parting. Unconsciously both mother, and the child long for peaceful and pleasant co-existence in which there are no borders and there is no fight. But also in new life you will be able to find stability, pleasure from recognition of each other, an opportunity to grow and develop. It is very important to endure this change in your relations, to accept your opportunity to be divided necessary, by the way, to both mother and the kid. This sincere, psychological work stands behind your nasty state. It is necessary to learn to be together with the child, to understand him, to feel and be a “certain“ person. To learn to love the kid, but not to belong to him completely, keeping a part of the life for itself. To learn to care for the child, to give him attention and heat and not to do him by the property.
the Child and career
Among other things, after the child`s birth the woman is switched off from the usual social life, and its work, progress and recognition for some time remain in the past. To fill lack of professional activity, some mothers seek to achieve the best results in education of the kid. But the child is not means for statement and achievement of the objectives, and such behavior with it can complicate your relations only. Now to the kid careful presence of mother, but not her achievements in area of education is much more important!Try to look at
on a situation from other point of view. Emergence in your family of the new person who actively grows and develops gives to all other family members the chance “grow over itself“. You can study too, being improved every day. While you cannot even imagine how much interesting you should master and make! If you will try to find an opportunity to do favorite thing and still to be in shape. Do not refuse the help from close people or the nurse. It will help you to overcome feeling of own uselessness and a vyklyuchennost from life that will be estimated as a result also by your child to whom much more pleasures will be given by a look happy life, the cheerful and loving mother. >
it is important to p to realize that work will not be able to cancel your affection for the child. For a long time you will be necessary to it, and each time when you are able to give something to the kid, you will open something necessary and valuable in yourself.
How to help itself?Begin
with the fact that make a pause. And even if you near at hand have nothing crackling and chocolate, stop and look on the parties. Pay attention that near you there are close people to whom you are necessary (for this reason they pout and take offense at you) to which you are pleasant and who love you. Stop to reject their help, allow them to make something good for you. Look at the kid. Pay attention that it any more not such weak and helpless as several days or weeks ago. Time on your party, and soon your child will become even stronger, more independently - help it with it. Of course, to the kid it is difficult too, but you could grow up, so also he will be able.Then look at
on yourself, tell yourself something good, remember that you always anyway, coped with the most different complex challenges. Set to yourself the attractive object on the future.
It is possible, you wanted to learn something long ago, where - nibud to go, prepare the new project at work - let it there will be not the most grandiose task, but that which you would like to solve in a year or two. Talk to somebody about the mood, let mother, the best friend or if the depression does not pass, the expert - the psychotherapist will become your interlocutor.Here you see
what set of various experiences can become the reason of the upset health after such joyful event as the birth of the kid. We hope that this article will help you to orient with them, to find the correct way out and your happiness only will grow.