The German diary or as I was a nurse in Germany of
Youthful maximalism - it is a special state of mind. When it seems that you can do everything. When you believe that the whole world lies at your legs. When you insist that everything around suddenly became perfect. Also you dream to prove to be, of course. I did not become an exception: went to work to Germany as the governess (around the world it is called au pair), and not only to learn language or to try work with children. Left with firm intention the country to look and prove to be...to
Here to me does not need an alarm clock. Because I am put to bed not later than ten o`clock in the evening. Memories of how wrote houses abstracts of lessons and drew grants to all class, remained somewhere on boondocks of consciousness. As well as in general work at school. I then dreamed to sleep, but here I just cannot sleep so much.
I Open eyes and I look in a ceiling, I dart a glance for hours.“ Long live year without cosmetics!“ - I speak to myself. And to what to me to be painted? Already a week my life silent, measured and quiet. It is not necessary to run, hurry anywhere, to be afraid not to be in time. I wrote to all friends that I live in the fairy tale. It I, probably, so calm myself. It is a little bit boring for me. It is difficult to call my working day present: with 8. 00 to 12. 00 and with 18. 00 to 19. 00, five days a week. And with what to occupy itself in the rest of the time, I do not know yet: I in others country only seven days, with anybody am not familiar and somehow it is scared to go somewhere so far, to get acquainted independently with the city.
Therefore I try to spend much time with a family in which I work. I live in other house - at parents of my hostess. And at desire I can not see even a good few of day of “the workplace“. I and did the first two days. Sat at herself in the room. Once wandered on the area, got lost, the whole hour went around. For the third day asked to remain with the hostess till the evening. She was surprised and delighted.
Ya I look after two charming kids. Leonie is one and a half years old, she already begins to tell something, but I almost do not understand her (children`s German is something!) . And to Bjorn only a few weeks. He so far only eats, sleeps and cries in breaks. They are remarkable and to be engaged with them to me in pleasure.
It is unexpected as in any fairy tale, troubles and tests rush into my cloudless existence. The hostess is left by the husband, and phones to her about it. One night I notice that it has red, swelled-up eyes.
- Maria, - Dorit says to me, - I have to you report it. My husband left me...I do not know
Ya how in German will be “to leave, throw“, but for some reason I understand it. Her hysterics and tears clear to me will be farther too, but I nothing - can help nothing to it. And I undertake care of children, almost completely, except for breastfeeding and night watches. I always - seven days a week - am nearby. Even if to me would be where to go, I just have no right to leave its one. It is the only support and the real help which I can render it in this situation. And I very much try.
Gradually understanding that Maria (that is I) always nearby, regardless of an operating schedule, becomes a habit. I became let not full now, but the family member. I madly love children and they reciprocate to me. Days go a train, a variety my life is brought unless German courses by two times a week.
Though, no, I had friends. Especially I became friends with Daina from Lithuania. It works in a family, as well as I, speak in Russian and takes great pain to extend me from mine “continuous employment“: acquaints with Dresden, its cafes, shops, small streets, the embankment. I feel in myself passion of recognition new, fast, noisy and cheerful life again. But only at several o`clock. Then I come back “to a family“, and life flows according to in advance stipulated schedule: breakfast, walk, lunch, dream, walk, bathing, dinner, dream.
That strikes me most of all, so is that the German children go to a bed in 19. 00. At this particular time they finish children`s transfer, sew analog “Good night, kids!“ . Also fill up! Also sleep peacefully till eight in the morning, but do not jump in five.
By the way, my continuous employment in a family affects also my culinary abilities. There passed only a month, and I prepare as the real cook, and my owners, laughing, say that they, probably, any more never in life will try such variety of dishes.though my eagerness already in few weeks is perceived by
I as due, the family does not forget to please me with small surprises. I admit, it is very pleasant: to find in the evening on a pillow the chocolate which is tied up by a festive ribbon or in Day Saint Nikolaus who on a legend puts gifts and sweets in shoes of obedient children, to find under a door of the room of the whole three boots with surprises. The German family tries to make my life comfortable: bought the tape recorder and the TV to my room, paid all expenses on a stationery when I began to study on courses. Take away to themselves kids, and release me to take a walk with Daina.
One night I sit and I miss in the room. To me the grandmother knocks and invites... to play. It gets a trunk with games, scatters the game field. You will not believe, but I with pleasure throw a cube and I move on sections of the gnome. In a word, all are happy and happy, and Dorit begins to leave a terrible depression slowly.
Together with New year global changes rush into my life. On the first of January we with Daina go to celebrate a holiday in Europe cafe. There I get acquainted with Nusko (the Yugoslavian name, here and sounds in Russian absolutely foolishly) and I fall in love. At first sight. As madwoman.I want to carry out
with it every minute. He tells some mad words about love... I fly, I feel happy, favourite, desired, necessary... I can continue indefinitely. But... my hobby is not pleasant to “my“ German family at all. I - that silly, consider that I worked there in a year ahead and I am able to afford to spend evenings outdoors. The disappointment occurs literally for the third day after acquaintance to Nusko.
“Maria, - starts Dorit conversation after a lunch when my darling already waits for me in the car under windows. - I think, it is time for us to talk. You came here to work, in the contract your operating schedule is stipulated. I at all not against that you met young people, but for this purpose at you also am free time. Concerning several evenings we can agree, but not every day...“
Ya I am silent, the proper and correct words which are not able to find. “Well, - I answer at last, - I will come to six today“.I pay
In the car. “How it is so possible? - I ask darling. - I worked for them almost round the clock, helped with everything, never refused, Leonie mother calls me...“ Words flow together with tears. Nusko explains to me what is here, that is in Germany, my help is perceived absolutely gratuitously, only for “thanks“, and on counter concessions when they are necessary to me, nobody will go.“Will drop down
for you for them so much to work, - he concludes. - The contract is the contract. You will come to eight and to go to twelve, and then to come back in the evening for an hour to expiate, feed and lay children“.
“And if I am asked to help still? I will not be able to refuse? I love kids as the family. They - that than are guilty?“
“To you nobody forbids to love them. And all the rest, a time off you will spend with me. Of course, if you want...“ - he adds with a smile.
Everything changes. In a family alienation is felt though obviously nobody shows it. Only occasionally we remain evening of the house with Dorit, we open a bottle of champagne and we stir as intimate girlfriends. But also in her words the innuendo is felt. My communication with Nusko is not pleasant to them. It for them the foreigner, in their opinion, too persistent (at first it comes every day in 12. 00, takes away me, then brings in 18. 00, waits to 19. 00 also takes away again). But the main thing, after my acquaintance to it they lost “the assistant for all occasions“. Now I too accurately learned that is written in my contract.their discontent leads
to the most different acts. For example, once I am asked not to carry with ourselves a key from the house if I go to the downtown (read - on a meeting with Nusko), and to hide it in a flowerpot about a door. The argument is adduced, in my opinion, strange - robed the neighbors living through three houses.“ And at you, - I hear, - it is so much doubtful friends“.
of Friends indeed increased. Nusko acquainted me with all the friends, I get acquainted in discos. And sometimes and just on the street. Now I have no time to miss. Sometimes on days off I come back home when my correct Germans sit down to breakfast. I sleep several hours and I leave again. The grandmother sometimes even tries to put off to me with herself apple, whether being afraid that I eat a little, whether being careful that does not satisfy a term of the contract where it was accurately told that I live on the terms of a full board.became Nusko`s
that strong incentive which helped me to start talking German, as on native. I want to communicate, understand with it it and to tell it about everything that was in my life to it. Only thanks to it I saw and learned Dresden and the nearby cities, got to the real circulation of life.Should notice
that my entertainments are not reflected in the relations with children in any way. I enjoy the minutes spent with them, and I dream of such little son as Bjorn. We together read, we make, we arrange cheerful games, and then all house stands upside down. They do not condemn me, love such what I am, and even cheerfully wave Nusko`s handles when see his car.
to All the end comes sooner or later. My German chapter of life comes to the end. We left Nusko, foolishly, silly and forever. The contract comes to an end, the return ticket is bought for a long time, the house is waited by the family, friends and... others life. I do not want to leave, at the nights I sob in a pillow though I understand that I will not remain even if such opportunity will be presented. The cause is Nusko.farewell tea drinking where I hear many warm, pleasant words arranges
of Dorit. I am quiet, I just forbade herself to show the nervousness. It is necessary to say goodbye to friends still.
the heaviest. Thoriate goes to take me home parents. The grandmother took Leonie to herself so with her I can spend an evening more. We drove up to a gate. “Say goodbye, - almost whispers Dorit, and I see that her eyes, contrary to everything, are full of tears. - With you he grew up and became big“.I take
Ya the kid on hands. We did not say to it that I leave forever, but he understands it. We feel each other as native mother and the child. I cannot speak, lips shiver, treacherous tears flow on cheeks.“ So far, my little, my darling, - I whisper to him and I kiss ridiculous cheeks, eyes and a nose. - So far. I surely will arrive to you, I will come to visit you“.
It it is strong - strong embraces and, having seized me hands, does not want to release. He cries, so bitterly cries, and I cannot console him. I put in a carriage, having kissed once again. I turn away, I wipe tears. Having said goodbye to Dorit, long I look after the removed carriage. It is part of my life, my soul, my heat.“ Riped a shred out of heart“, - I say about myself and I will long think quite so.
Then, already at the station, we say goodbye to Leonie. Feeling and understanding, she suits the real hysterics when I come into the train car. My little Leonie shouts that I did not leave that she does not want to be left without me and will go with me. I pay again, I pay almost all road while the train is lucky me in the airport. And on the plane I pay too.to
A later, on questions of the family and friends whether I miss, I answer with the only phrase:“ I lack two men - big and small, and one little girl. And I got used to other life again“.
P. S. In a year I go to Dresden again. In holiday. I very much miss, I want to see friends and, of course, children. Having hardly arrived, I meet on the street of one of acquaintances:
- Hi! Rada to see you.
- Hi - hi! I did not see you hundred years.
- Yes not hundred, but only a year.
- And where you were?
This question nonpluses me, nevertheless knew a year ago that my contract is complete and I leave home.
- Houses, in Moscow.
- What so long did not come back? Now - that forever? You do not know where Nusko, something I him did not see long ago?
At this moment I understand that not only Dresden became part of my life. I became the welcome guest here too. We stir with the friend as though we left couple of days ago, and it is madly pleasant.
Next day I go on a visit to children. I worry awfully. I know that they have already new nurse from Norway which call Maria too. I am afraid that they forgot me.
the Door opens for me Dorit. Nearby - little Bjorn. He peers at me as though he endeavors to remember. At last smiles. “Cannot be, - Dorit is surprised. - It seems to me, he remembered you“.
In a corridor Leonie runs out. Watches second at me and again rushes to the room. And we with Dorit hear its joyful shout turned to the new nurse: “Maria! You can back go to Norway! Our favourite Maria returned to us!“