The most cupboard love of
It is considered to be that love of mother to the child - the most pure and disinterested feeling on light. The ideal of mother is sung as one of the lightest images of our uneasy world. I dare to argue with it because I see before myself a set of the examples proving that sometimes the love of mother turns into tyranny, the destroying identity of the child.
Many women put love to the child on the first place, removing feelings to the spouse on the second, or it is even worse, on the last place in the life. “The husband is, and then him can not be, and here the child will be with me always“ - iron logic. But only at first sight.
For what we fell in love with the future elect? Definitely, something in it imposed us. Or perhaps it was the passion, or, on the contrary, cold calculation in hope to arrange private life. Anyway, future spouse already to a meeting with the bride was the created adult, with the habits and views. The woman had to accept it it what it is. Attempts to change the spouse, as a rule, come to an end with divorce therefore joint life is a continuous process of adaptation and a joint survival under the same roof.
With the child a situation other. To its birth future mother sees the kid as the continuation. “My krovinka, my child!“ Very often these words can be deciphered so: “My property“. Involuntarily parents transfer the unfulfilled dreams and unrealized plans for the child. They define the future of the child and try to mold from it certain own copy, without letting to it the slightest chance to feel the personality.
the Reason - in the mercenary nature of maternal (fatherly) love. Here the child acts as an implementer of complexes and plans of the mother (father). It is very easy to check my words. Making a trip in public transport, or going down the street, attentively look at children around. Whether you love them as own child? To tell the truth, other people`s children absolutely do not concern us (if, of course, it is not children of our relatives or they are not connected with professional activity).
It is unimportant, the own child or is taken from a shelter. Even, if the child is adopted, entering a family, he becomes “mine“.
With love to the man a situation other. The woman without problems can have hot feelings to foreign husband. The man - not its property, but a subject of her passion. In feelings to the child everything mixes up - love and feeling of property. Therefore so often it is more important, than the relations with the husband.
So, the love of mother to the child quite often appears the most mercenary feeling of which the woman is capable. What to do in a similar case? It seems to me that an exit is quite simple - to understand that the child does not belong to us. We love it, we bring up and we provide to all necessary, but it does not grant to us the right to dispose of his life. Love it as the personality - it is disinterested.
At last, do not make a mistake: do not forget that near you there is a person whom you married in due time. It can give a lot of things too even if he does not deserve it so far.