The house in which I live
How to improve the relations with neighbors
When in the middle of the night behind a wall rattles a rhythm incendiary “points“ or in the afternoon your chandelier begins to be shaken here and there because children from above started soccer if every Sunday since morning a bit earlier the hardworking neighbor traditionally undertakes a drill, - it is possible to assume that hardly you live in a private lodge on the bank of the magic lake. Most likely your family lives in a typical apartment house in which it is difficult to present life without communication with neighbors.
Neighbours are different - suspicious and friendly, conflict and sociable, vigilant and careless. Differently there are also relations with them.
On what the relations with neighbors depend?it is a lot of
of Such factors, but it is possible to allocate the most significant of them.
- of Prestigiousness of housing
As a rule, the is simpler housing, the in closer contact there are residents. The people living in prestigious houses behave defiantly politely and more frostily on the relation to each other. Autonomy of each family is emphasized and the principle of non-interference to life of neighbors is whenever possible observed.
- of the Social level and financial position of residents
If the head of one family - the successful businessman, and their neighbor - the bus driver and the head of family having many children, they hardly begin to communicate closely since both one and others will feel awkward from the material resources.
- of the Age living
Is an important factor of development of the relations between neighbors. The people on age are closer, the it is more at them than chances to find common interests, to make friends the friend to the friend. And, on the contrary, the big age difference can cause the conflict of generations in the people living a row.Presence of children
- of quality of the relations with neighbors is very much influenced by presence of children. Kids or school students - they can promote origin of amicable, cordial relations between families. For example, mothers can get acquainted with each other, walking with kids in the yard, or the made friends school students begin to invite each other on a visit, and their parents are gradually involved in these relations. However, children can be also the reason of quarrels between neighbors.
- of Existence of animals
Pets - an eternal stumbling block between residents. Someone loves animals and with understanding treats bark and walkings of dogs in the yards. Others - are intolerant and accuse four-footed residents of pollution of entrances, the elevator and the yard.
of the Rule of coexistence
Living in an apartment house, people should follow some rules of the hostel:Should not reckon as
- that around there live people with different outlook and individual habits therefore it is necessary to be ready in something to make concessions. If neighbors started repair in the day off and disturb you noise, think of that, as your apartment once should be repaired. If to suffer a little, situations will surely estimate your understanding. Be attentive to each other. You treat neighbors with respect and smile more often. Do not forget to greet with each other and remind of it to the children.
- Carry out elementary rules of accommodation in an apartment house: observe purity at an entrance, on the parking adjacent to the house of the territory and in the elevator, and also do not break silence when all have a rest.
- Hardly neighbors will be delighted to acquaintance to you if you are: to smoke on a landing; to throw out garbage and other objects from windows; to put bottles and other objects near a refuse chute; to store things on a staircase; to drink alcoholic drinks at an entrance; to clean carpets and to walk animals at a playground.
- If you lodged in the house recently, then it would be quite good to get acquainted with neighbors in a landing (but do not arise on a visit at all if you are not called). The first acquaintance to neighbors, their behavior and reaction to your initiative will help to estimate with which of them you can have more close relations and with whom it is better to keep at. Find out
- whether there are some features of the organization of life on your staircase and at an entrance, for example watch along the general corridor. How the entrance is protected whether there is a senior on an entrance, whether there are meetings of residents for the solution of pressing problems? Thus, you will prove responsible and the resident, not indifferent to house life. When you do to
- repair, try to cause a minimum of troubles to the people living near you. If in the apartments surrounding you there are small children, consider that in the afternoon they sleep therefore choose time for noisy repair work, previously having learned about a children`s daily routine. Do not leave construction debris in the general corridor. Explain
- to the children that it is bad to throw garbage in public places and to rustle at an entrance. Teach them to be polite and to greet neighbors. If the child since the childhood was taught behavior manners in society, then he will never get into an awkward situation and will not offend residents.
- When neighbors complain of your offspring, do not hurry to justify youselves or enter with them quarrel at once, also you should not hurry to lecture the child. Very much can be that neighbors, inclined to the conflicts, exaggerated his offense. Quietly answer that took their remark into consideration and try to recreate an objective picture of an event.
Owners of animals
hold a Specific place in the interroom conflicts problems of owners of dogs. Once again not to cause irritation of neighbors, try to follow the following rules whenever possible:
- At an entrance and the elevator do not forget to muzzle on a dog. Passing
- with the canine friend through the yard, you lead a dog in a string.
- do not leave a dog unguarded.
With owners of the animals who are not leaving the apartment, problems, as a rule, it is less. But also there can be small troubles. The cat with ease gets on the next balcony where to it, perhaps, will be not really glad. Small rodents and Amphibia if they freely move on the apartment, can escape on a staircase and frighten neighbors. Besides, if many animals after whom do not clean in time live in the apartment, from the apartment on a staircase unpleasant smells can filter.
If your pet makes a lot of noise, it is more correct to organize good sound insulation in the apartment, than to prove that “such is its nature“.
It is possible, observance of these rules also will not save you from captious residents, but you, at least, will precisely know that you in return made everything correctly and claims to you are not quite reasonable.
of Relationship with neighbors
So, you moved, got acquainted with neighbors, acquired the rules got at an entrance and plunged into the atmosphere of communication with residents. It is possible to allocate three types of relationship between neighbors: friendly, hostile and neutral. >
it is always pleasant to p to be on friendly terms. To realize remarkably that absolutely nearby, can be even on one with you to a landing, there lives a remarkable person to whom it is possible to glance on a tea, together with it to be run on shops, to throw for the period of the child, to ask salts, torments, to be cried in a vest or, on the contrary, to share pleasure. Such relations are magnificent, but only in case both parties welcome a similar involvement into each other life. If only one party aspires to the close relations, in such situation there is a persistence problem.
Importunate neighbors. True-life stories
Having used openness and friendliness, the persuasive personality can turn upside down your initiative as happened to Irina`s family: “We with the husband and two children moved to the new apartment recently, and the first with whom I got acquainted, walking with children, there was a neigbour from above, the charming girl with the son who instantly found a common language from my Katyushkaya. Having been glad that the daughter so quickly found to herself the friend, I two times offered that the child of the neigbour stayed for a while with us. The boy`s mother, probably, decided to make it a good tradition and was moved to bring the child every day - without preliminary call, without asking a question - whether it is convenient to me with the three-months kid and the daughter - the first grader to look for the neighbour`s child. My indecisive objections encountered its resolute: “It is together better for children, communication is so important for them“. And on my offer that children played at them, the neigbour waved away:“ We have so not enough place, they and will have no place to be developed“.
Many delicate women become the victims of such impudence. Irina history ended with scandal. Without having sustained, one fine day Ira turned the neigbour out.
the Similar story was endured also by Marina:“ I very much was delighted, having made friends with the coeval from our entrance. It seemed to me such unprotected, vulnerable, caused resistant desire to help it.
I I with pleasure rushed it to the aid, but through some time noticed that she exploits me at the slightest pretext, without hesitating at all. My “mild“ friend could call late at night and ask trifling council. In my opinion, she had just nothing to be engaged, and I began to think of how to arrive that it lagged behind me“.
At each person the distance which it holds, communicating with other people. Can let in someone the world, but in certain borders and when these borders inconsiderately break, the person feels the most negative feelings. Both girls made mistakes at the very beginning of development of the relations with neigbours therefore also the final of both stories is similar - irritation and disappointment in the person who very much was pleasant in the beginning.
What our heroines made incorrectly?
Irina`s Mistake. Obviously, expectations of the neigbour concerning Ira were unfairly high. Similar people bear in themselves installation that all who are called their friend (and they place any who showed to them friendliness in the category of friends) have to make advances in everything to them, help, forgive and understand. At the same time in relation to requirements at such people, as a rule, underestimated. Ira should have put the end at once over “i“ as soon as she felt that it begins to be used as the free nurse and to insist that the campaign of children to each other will occur on a visit in turn. Thus it would dispel illusions of the neigbour concerning itself. But having even lowered the rating, would inform it of a true view of their relations.
the Marine too quickly started sponsoring the new acquaintance. Unfortunately, it is easy to use such openness. It is necessary to help people, but considering that there are many fans to solve the problems for someone else`s account. Made some noble act - look what will follow reaction. If the person takes your care for granted, - most likely, this is the chronic timeserver who got used to sponge.As if it was regrettable
, we cannot choose to ourselves neighbors, and besides friends enemies also can occur among them. >
to Some people it is boring for p to live in tranquility. Without having thought up what to be engaged, one have a good time by means of squabbles and quarrels. Others, thus, get rid from collected emotional tension and anger. And the third, on the contrary, compensate for the deficiency of emotions.As if it was sad
, the conflicts - inevitable costs of communication between people. Each person has the, in his opinion, only the correct idea of a peace arrangement. Interests of one people often do not coincide with interests of others. The conflict situation is a collision of opposite directed purposes, interests, positions and views of different people. Unleashing of “internal wars“ is promoted by active actions of opponents.
- As if provocatively aggressively did not behave your neighbors, do not give in on provocation. Do not fall to their level. Try to constrain the feeling of injustice overflowing you ready to escape in the form of anger.
- Try not to take aggressive attacks in the address very much to heart. Present that at the level of a breast at you the open door passing through you all caustic words of the offender.
- Extinguish own aggressive desires, do not allow them to be splashed out outside. For example, without stating to the person the discontent, having come back home, give vent to feelings - complain to the family, a popinayta a pillow. It will be so better: in - the first, you will not lose the face before other neighbors; in - the second, you will avoid more unpleasant emotions, than anger. It is known that most often act as consequences of own fieriness sense of guilt and shame. To Valentina there was a history which witnesses were numerous residents of the house:“ On serene Sunday we with the daughter walked a puppy near a playground. The neigbour in an entrance lifted terrible shout, demanding that we cleaned after a dog. All yard was witnesses of our quarrel. The daughter was frightened, and I flatly refused to clean after a dog - all walk, and I what? Worse? We have not Europe, eventually. In the same day I found a bag of dirt under the entrance door. Having got furious, I jumped out on a staircase and brought down the anger on innocent neighbors. It was already simply impossible to constrain emotions. I spoiled the relations with many residents and now I try to come and leave unnoticed an entrance. And at the daughter of friends became less“.
Before us the typical conflict between neighbors. Right is not present here - both parties, and first of all - from - for the inadequate reactions at each other are guilty.
Valentina did Initially wrong, setting at the same time not the best example of the daughter. If the neigbour who made noise and dishonored Valentina on all house behaved more reserved and more tactfully, this history would end in the same place, in the yard, - is silent and intelligent. In practice banal quarrel turned into free show moreover had unpleasant continuation.
Neighbours - envious persons
They deserve special attention. They perceive any good luck of “fellow countrymen“ as own defeat. The new car, good repair, furniture - it is difficult to hide all these family pleasures from baleful looks of the envious persons living in your house. Envy extremely negatively influences relationship between people, does the person irritable and spiteful.
Externally the envious person can be expressly is friendly and kind. But while he will hospitably smile and be interested in health, its subversive activities can gain with might and main steam - distribution of gossips about you among residents of the house, collecting the compromising information successfully to apply this knowledge at a well-chosen moment.Such people are, as a rule, quite coward
. Happens rather strict man-to-man talk to expose the similar avenger and to discourage further activity.Rowdies
more often more conflict appear
people of advanced age. They know everything that occurs in the next apartments, and are always dissatisfied with it, and often do not notice really large offenses. They are always irritated by the dripping crane, noise of the refrigerator or a shuffling of slippers. Usually it is lonely people, without hobbies and interests. Actually they just want attention. Any, even if negative. Small squabbles for them - leaving from constantly oppressive feeling of loneliness. If you show attention to such person, then will be struck, its claims how fast will disappear. It is the best of all to give to such person the chance to make a speech at general meeting with some idea on improvement of life of the house or to involve it in any socially useful work. It will undertake it with the same eagerness with what fought against shortcomings of inhabitants of the house before.
Alcoholics and people with unbalanced mentality
it is frequent as rowdies the people abusing alcohol and also persons with unbalanced mentality act. To get with them into argument time it is simply life-threatening. Never you will guess, than the showdown will end. The revenge of people with inadequate behavior can vary: from small dirty tricks before frank hooliganism. Communication with such neighbor has to be minimized. Alcoholics are able to press rather successfully on pity, to ask money and to complain of life. Do not attract such person to the apartment. Your money will not help it to cope with the illness but only will aggravate it. Learn quietly, but intelligibly to refuse to such people material support.
Unfortunately, do not have official measures for restraint of such “fighters“ practically. Today there is no such concept as compulsory treatment. In narcological clinic razbuyanivshegosya the neighbor can be attached only from his consent. It is dangerous to take independent measures for suppression of such contingent. It is obliged to struggle with the neighbor - the alcoholic who makes the life of all miserable militia, and directly local on your house. If the neighbor - the alcoholic intrudes upon your leisure at night: from 23 to 7 o`clock in the morning, it is possible to call safely a police squad - let them take measures.
How to begin dialogue?
So far you are in power of aggression, no constructive conversation with your offender at you will turn out. If the remark made you by quiet tone, really fairly it is worth apologizing and promising to try to solve the arisen problem.
Another matter if with a call make you an unreasonable claim or is obviously tried to be involved in the conflict. Try to listen to the opponent and only after he is uttered, carefully draw him into constructive conversation, showing that you are ready to discuss everything quietly. Take away it from discussion of the question “who is guilty?“, having retargeted on a question: “what to do? how to improve the situation?“ . The situation can turn so that having felt your readiness for understanding, the foe one minute can turn into the ally.
If at you with someone from neighbors already “chronically“ difficult relations, it is all the same possible to try to correct them. Some prefer to avoid the conflicts with the help of constant concessions. But it is not an effective method, at least because gives the chance to your opponent constantly to use your retreat. >
it is better for p to begin to improve the relations from far away, discussing the “trifling“, not relating to your common problems subjects. The subject is not important, the main thing that between you contact will be come, you will get used to hear each other. And already then it is possible to pass to constructive discussion of pressing problems gradually.the Relation to the conflicts to
Any conflict is unpleasant to
, takes away many forces and forces to worry. Try to change the relation to the conflicts: it - only an episode, only small part of your life therefore you should not exaggerate its value. Frictionless communication with neighbors has to begin
with you. Therefore, watching own behavior, do not act as provokers of quarrels and gossips.
such type of the relations as neutral Exists. Their adherents are fenced off from the general life of the house. Know by sight some neighbors and at a meeting are content with a polite nod. They do not visit general meetings, do not participate in any discussions. Just quietly live life. As a rule, they disturb nobody and do not cause a particular interest. Harm which they can bring, - unless to turn to the remark that their turn came a deaf ear to change a bulb in a corridor. But it is, as a rule, easy to agree with them. These people do not take out the conflicts and a long showdown.
Unfortunately, we live in such restless time when lack of information on those who live nearby can arouse suspicion and mistrust. Nobody urges you to be imposed in close friends to the neighbors, but nevertheless it is desirable that the minimum of information on you which will damage to nobody at the disposal of neighbors was.
the Peace in the home - guarantee of good mood, and friendship with neighbors - one more way to experience positive emotions and to feel necessary, realizing at the same time that near you a reliable shoulder.Be a little bit more tolerant than
, is a little bit more attentive to living in your house, and you will surely feel reciprocal sympathy and respect.