It was shock!
For most of the wives who learned about homosexual communications of the husband, news are similar to a bolt from the blue.
Talking to the psychologist, the majority of them tell that, having heard dreadful news for the first time, they could not believe to recognitions of husbands, - especially - to anonymous “well-wishers“.“ If it left to other woman, I, probably, would sob, was angry, tried to hold it, threw its things or something like that... And the unexpected declaration of love to the man plunged me into catalepsy, I did not know what to say how to work“, - one of them admitted. - “I was not ready to it at all“.
Unfortunately, having even left catalepsy, the wives rejected in favor of “partners“ do not know ways and ways of a solution.
From where they undertake?
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Homosexuality as the social phenomenon exists since the most ancient times. But scientists are inclined to consider that those prehistoric phenomena are connected with ritual ceremonies when hunters, asking from the gods of good luck, represented various scenes from life of animals. In Ancient Egypt homosexuality cruelly condemned, considering as a humiliating insult. The Drevnevostochny sacred writing also condemned same-sex communications which in the Veda are called precisely “defects of dogs“.
But in Ancient Greece homosexuality was brought nearly to the sanctity level, and in powerful Sparta it was part of educational system. >
Roots of homosexuality still the famous psychoanalyst Siegmund Freud tried to find p. According to its theory, homosexuality is a result of education of the boy in a family with the imperious, loving mother and the weak, spineless father. The child is suppressed by such strong-willed position of the woman and does not see a role model of man`s behavior.
Modern pediatricians, having analysed statistics for the last half a century, came to a conclusion that the women who had during pregnancy a rubella or chicken pox risk to give birth to the child with pronounced hormonal deviations. At the boys born by them the level of male sex hormone - testosterone considerably is reduced that naturally causes female behavior model.it is better than
later, than earlier
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according to the western sexologists, 4% of men are exclusively homosexual throughout all life, 25% had the casual and hidden homosexual experiences, 37% of men ever had homosexual moods.
in the childhood. Sexopathologists call this early (or nuclear) homosexuality. To seven - eight-year-old boys are interested similar, and at their sexual imaginations there are only boys. Over the years this interest amplifies. To girls and women there is a strong feeling of fastidiousness and disgust, especially to fatties. Homosexuals of nuclear type never marry. And if it happens, then soon they recognize that they consciously made a mistake - in the opinion of society they wanted to look “as all“.
Other type of homosexuality - late (or acquired) . Such men are, as a rule, bisexual though in most cases till 25 - 35 years are focused only on women. Many manage to marry, bring children. Sexual “reorientation“ at mature age is often connected with psychogenic reaction to intra family problems. Being in a depression of spouses unexpectedly gets under influence of stronger man who - unlike the wife - it “understands“. The understanding consists in a misogyny, in commitment of the theory “all evil from women, it is better not to contact them“.the Homosexual orientation can be also connected by
with early unfortunate love when shy courtings were rejected or roughly derided. In both cases there is an uncertainty in itself, the strong-willed position weakens. But the woman and fear of it is not always guilty of a late homosexual inclination. Sometimes this obvious hobby for the man, his acts, character, behavior manner. >
In the first case when marriage really was a mistake from the man when not the wife, but all women in her face is rejected, it is senseless to p to fight for the collapsing relations. But if behind shoulders several happy years of family life if there are children - everything can be adjusted. In this case psychotherapists advise the rejected wives to be more tolerant and not to slam a door before the stray lambs.
They were on friendly terms from the first course: Yura, Sasha and Vera. The belief loved Yurka, but it did not prevent them to go everywhere three together. Before the termination of institute of Sashk admitted to the friend that it is in love with Vera that loved her all five years and dared to admit. It is brisk, without having told anything to it, went to a military registration and enlistment office and asked for army. The belief resolutely rejected Sasha`s courtings, having counted it as treachery, and began to wait for the Yurka.he for some reason did not respond
A to letters... They met only in six years when it had a little son from an unsuccessful marriage. He told about the “silly“ marriage which lasted only three months. So they found each other again and got married. But newlyweds had some relations “sterile“ - neither caress, nor tenderness. He laughed at Veriny declarations of love, said that as the doctor does not know body which is responsible for love.“ In ten years he slept with me so many time how many at us children“, - Vera admitted to me somehow (the general children at them two). When she tried to achieve proximity more persistently, he muttered, as “in youth“ slept with the first wife only three times - four. Then began to reproach the wife that she grew fat that from it badly smells, and one morning, having seen on a sheet a spot from periods, so grew furious that broke off linen to pieces. Soon it left a family and decided to live temporarily at the friend.
Then - that at it also appeared suspicion about the husband and his strange friend - the eternal bachelor. It appeared, as the student`s friend Sasha was his secret passion which he did not dare to admit to anybody then.Yura did not remind
of himself, forgot about children. But Vera never told children of the bad word about the father. And recently their already adult daughter admitted that she lacks the father that she very much feels sorry for him and does not blame for anything.
About well-cared husbands and the exhausted wives
the myth that all homosexuals effeminate, soft, with the wagging gait and a sugary voice Exists.“ It is one of many delusions of inhabitants, - doctors say. - Among them there are a lot of strong-willed, courageous men whom nobody also dares to suspect of “blueness“. But if to compare this category to “normal“ men, then it will become noticeable that the first are incomparably best of all dressed, watch appearance more jealously, they better developed sense of taste.the Big percent of homosexuals among people of creative professions confirms to
opinion of doctors - biochemists that this phenomenon can be initially connected with pre-natal hormonal violation therefore the child is born more emotional and sensual. It does not mean that in a working environment “blue“ do not meet. Simply there it is more difficult to survive: men learn and inadvertently a wrench “will caress“. To them is more comfortable among thin natures: artists, actors, fashion designers. >
But as shows experience, to two men it is much more difficult to p to build the family relations, than the man and the woman. Their communication reminds game of children in a sandbox: among peaceful conversation unexpectedly quarrel suddenly breaks out. As a rule, in such union there is no place to concessions, compromises, balance. But what positively distinguishes homosexual marriage from monogamous, so this ability of partners to watch itself, to be always in shape.
One of the thrown wives who was inconsolably grieving for the unfortunate destiny, with the tormented nerves, turned gray and grown old, tells how she met in shop of the ex-husband once. He looked younger, got prettier, according to her, became irresistible. But he recognized her not at once. Only then she understood that she came it is time to think of herself. Return to reality went long and painfully because it with anybody could not discuss “shameful“ leaving of the husband. Experiences had no exit, became the secret grief destroying soul from within. Later, absolutely incidentally, she learned about “the girlfriend by misfortune“. Together at once it became easier for them.
A through some time they were adjoined by the third... The small community was so formed - women developed the way to revival. The program consisted of only four points and was surprisingly simple:
- to Help others.
- to Learn to rejoice. to Learn to understand
- that there are situations which need to be accepted with Christian humility.
- to Hope and believe what ahead of you waits for love. >
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the Comment of the psychologist
the Most unprotected in similar situations remain li children even if they are small and “understand nothing“. Kids not so much need the truth how many the feeling of safety which proceeds from parents is necessary. But the family world falls at them in the eyes. Therefore how there were further relations between spouses, the wife should not forbid the husband to see children. It is important to children to know that the father still loves them, and all is equal to them who and with whom sleeps now. For children is more senior it is necessary to find the correct words and an adequate explanation of a situation: it is impossible to be silent because the probability of rough and cruel rumors is high (at school, in the yard and so forth). It is necessary boys more difficultly - their friends do not stand on ceremony, discussing similar problems in the circle. Parents first of all are obliged to protect children from rumors and sneers and only then to understand the experiences. Thinly feeling wife can understand, the hobby of the husband is how serious. Happens that he agrees to the offer on visit of the psychotherapist - then spouses manage to make much less mistakes.