Popular and unpopular children of
Parents for certain noticed that for some reason, the most courageous, the clever and raised children, those whom tutors of kindergartens hold up another as an example seldom enjoy general love of age-mates. And the most ordinary child who is not allocated with special talents, all peers are ready to invite to themselves to birthday or to take in “space flight“. What recognition of age-mates depends on? Why estimates of adults and children do not coincide?
how there will be the child`s relations with peers in group of kindergarten, the subsequent personal and social development of the kid, so, and future in many respects depends. If these relations develop safely, the kid reaches for age-mates, is able to communicate with them, without offending one and without taking offense at others, it is possible to hope, as in the future he will not have communicative problems.
Group likes and dislikes
Already in the senior group of kindergarten exist rather steady selective relations. Children begin to hold different position among peers: one become more attractive to most of children, others - less. Usually such preferred children for whom the others reach are called leaders. However it is rather difficult to apply the term “leadership“ to group of kindergarten. The leadership phenomenon always contacts the solution of any group task, the organization of collective activity. But the group of kindergarten has no accurate purposes and tasks, it does not have the general, the activity uniting all. It is more correct to speak not about leadership here, and about appeal or popularity of such children. Popularity, unlike leadership, is not connected with the solution of the general task or with the management of any process, but always reflects preference of this person (sympathy for it) from others.the Senior preschool children can answer
already enough consciously which of peers they prefer and who does not cause in them special sympathy. It is possible to ask the kid with whom he would like to be on friendly terms and with whom would not become whom would call to himself on birthday and whom will not call for anything; with whom he would sit down at one table and with whom - no. As a rule, such questions are not raised at children of special difficulties. They surely call two - three peers with whom they would prefer “to live in one house“ or “to float by one ship“. Even more surely they call those children from whom they would prefer to be far away. It is clear, that the child`s attitude towards peers depends on his personal experience (who with whom is on friendly terms) or from the latest events in group (who with whom fought). But usually two - three a name of the preferred and rejected kids different children will repeat. These children who are avoided and rejected by peers and have to become a subject of close attention.
Tutors of kindergartens can not always correctly estimate degree of popularity of the child among peers. Teachers are guided generally by discipline, success and good breeding of preschool children while for children these qualities are not criterion of appeal of the age-mates. There are cases when the most authoritative and attractive preschool children from the point of view of tutors not only are not popular, but also receive the maximum number of negative characteristics.
At the same time the attentive parents observing the kid in group of peers can easily define as far as other children reach for it, accept in game, or, on the contrary, avoid contacts with it. And the main thing - whether the child endures “isolation“, takes offense at others or is on the contrary confident in an arrangement of the peers and special disorders about it does not test. >
of the Reason of popularity and unpopularity of the childWhat popularity of the child among peers why one children become attractive to most of children of group, and others is defined by p
, on the contrary, cause hostility and pushing away?by
in search of the answer to this important question conducted research in which psychological features of popular and unpopular children were compared: their intelligence, sociability, initiative in game and so forthResults turned out
very unexpected. It became clear that these two groups of preschool children practically do not differ on a level of development of intelligence and thinking. It can demonstrate that informative abilities and even ability to solve the social conflicts do not do the child popular in group of peers.
in game popular children also do not surpass the age-mates In degree of sociability and initiative. However it should be noted that two extreme groups were distinctly distinguished from unpopular children on these indicators: closed and absolutely passive on the one hand and excessively sociable, aspiring to the management with another. Extreme lines of conduct equally push away peers and do such kid rejected. Persuasive aspiration of the child to leadership and the management, desire to order and impose the will not always admit and approved by peers.
All popular children take an average position on these indicators. However average degree of sociability and initiative (which was noted also at many other children) in itself does not provide popularity of the child in group.the Most essential distinctions between popular and unpopular children were found by
in the emotional attitude towards peers.
In - the first, the preferred kids, unlike unrecognized, practically were never indifferent to activity of peers, and on the contrary showed interest in their occupations. And this emotional involvement had positive coloring - they approved, supported, praised other children. Unpopular preschool children preferred to condemn actions of peers (“nothing is impossible to you“, “you are only able to draw kalyak“) and imposed the plan (“watch how it is necessary to do correctly, draw, as I“).
In - the second, popular children were able to empathize others. Progress of peers did not offend them, on the contrary, pleased, and misses afflicted. Unpopular children remained indifferent to an assessment of the peer or reacted inadequately - were upset from - for strangers of progress and rejoiced to failures. They could not agree with an appreciation of other kids, found at them faults and cited as an example themselves (“at it all the same nothing clearly, you look, at me it is better“). There were cases when the excessive praise of the adult addressed to someone to another made the rejected child cry. Condemnation and negative estimates of others caused in it an active consent and undisguised pleasure.
B - the third, all popular children, irrespective of the level of sociability and initiative, answered requests of peers, listened to their offers, sometimes supported them and very often disinterestedly gave others what was necessary him (toys, pencils, sweets). Unpopular kids never acted this way.
I, at last, popular children, even when offended them, preferred to solve problems peacefully, without accusing and without punishing others. Unpopular, as a rule, solved the conflicts by aggressive actions and threats.to
For example, to the child show the picture with the image of a situation familiar to children - one child broke a toy of another - and ask what you would make on the place of the offended boy (if broke your toy). Popular children, as a rule, sought to find a constructive way out of this situation: “Would repair“, “Would take other toy“, “Asked that bought me same“. Unpopular usually resorted to hostilely - to aggressive decisions:“ I will beat “, “ I will call the militiaman“ and so forth
Moral qualities of popular children
Psychological researches showed that the most important qualities distinguishing popular children from unpopular are not the intelligence or creative abilities, not sociability and even not organizing talent, but first of all those qualities which usually call moral: kindness, responsiveness, ability to help and concede, goodwill. The personal attitude towards the peer when other child is not means of self-affirmation or the competitor, and the self-valuable and unique personality in whom “I“ proceed own the popular kid is the cornerstone of these qualities. It “I“ is not closed in itself, not fenced off by psychological protection, and is opened for others and internally is connected with them. Therefore children easily concede and help peers, share with them and do not perceive foreign progress as the defeat. Such attitude towards other people develops at some kids already by the end of the preschool period, and it does the child popular and preferred by age-mates.
It does not mean at all that popular children do not quarrel, do not take offense, do not compete and do not argue. However at them, unlike unpopular children, it is not end in itself. Protection, the statement and recognition of the “I“ does not become for them the only vital task.
Strangely enough, absence of aspiration of all to surpass and to win creates conditions for recognition and the statement of the child in group of peers.
the Attitude towards age-mates of outcast kids
At children who are rejected by age-mates prevails aloof the attitudes towards other children. Their main task in communication - to prove own superiority or to protect the “I“ from others. Such protection can take the most different forms: from bright aggression and hostility before full leaving in. The similar behavior causes various difficulties in communication.One children seek to show to
the advantages - in physical force, in boasting, in possession of different objects. Therefore they often fight, take away toys from others, try to order and direct peers. Others, on the contrary, do not participate in the general games, are afraid to prove, avoid communication with age-mates. But in all cases they are concentrated on the “I“, closed on the abilities or shortcomings. Domination of the aloof relation causes natural alarm as not only complicates communication of the preschool child with age-mates, but also further can bring an array of problems - to both the child, and people around.Therefore needs to support by
the kid in overcoming of these dangerous tendencies, to help it to see with peers not of opponents and competitors or objects of self-affirmation, and close and related people.
How to help the child to win an arrangement of peers
Complexity of the solution of this task is that traditional pedagogical methods: an explanation, demonstration of positive examples, interpretation of works of art and furthermore encouragement and punishments, are powerless here. Such problem can be solved in real practice of children`s relationship, in communication with specific children.by
For the solution of this task developed the special program of correctional games and occupations including a number of stages. Let`s shortly stop on its description.
the Problem of the first stage is overcoming of an aloof position in relation to peers, destruction of the protective barriers which are fencing off the child from others. Fear that you are underestimated, reject, generates aspiration to be approved in any way through aggressive demonstration of the force, or leaving in itself and full ignoring of people around. The emphasized attention and goodwill of peers can win against this fear. For this purpose arrange games in which children have to tell each other something positive, give tender names, emphasize in another only high qualities, try to make something pleasant for friends. For example, looking in eyes to the neighbor, it is necessary to tell him several kind words, for something to praise, promise or wish something good, to choose a gift and to hand it. It is possible to offer the child, having put on “pink glasses“, to try to see as much as possible advantages in the peer. It will be especially pleasant when then someone sees these perfection also in it. The main task of similar games - to show to “difficult“ children that all others treat them kindly and are ready to tell and make for them something pleasant. However not all aggressive or closed kids are ready to praise others, to tell them pleasant words or to make gifts. It is impossible to force them to do it at all or to abuse for non-compliance with rules! Let they at first observe from outside, joke or just are silent. Experience shows that when unpopular children hear laudatory words in the address, receive gifts, they cease to play about and ignore people around and derive undisguised pleasure from similar manifestations of friendliness. Such attention and recognition of age-mates causes response sooner or later.the Following stage of work is directed to
to teaching children to perceive correctly peers - their movements, action, the statement. Strangely enough, preschool children often do not notice them. If the child is concentrated on himself, he pays attention to other children only when they disturb or threaten it or when in their hands he sees interesting toys. The adult`s task in these cases consists in drawing attention of the child to other children, to teach to listen and look narrowly at them. The best way for this purpose - reproduction of someone else`s words or actions. Ability to such “likening“ - an important step to formation of feeling of a community and participation in another. Many childish sports are directed to formation of this ability. For example, “Chinese whispers“, “Echo“, “Mirror“, “Where we were, we will not tell and that we did - we will show“, etc.
Further correctional work is in giving to the unpopular, isolated child the chance most to express support to others, to help them with difficult game circumstances. Such support and the help to age-mates even if it is stimulated only with rules of the game, allows the kid to have satisfaction from own kind act. The mutual care and participation in needs of the partners unites children and creates feeling of participation each other. This support does not demand from the child of the special victims as it consists in simple game actions: to rescue from “tag“, to help with game to helpless “doll“, or “the old grandmother“, to give way to someone on the narrow bridge. But children make all these actions, without instructions and the adult`s appeals.
Joint activity of children
At the last stage of correctional work can organize joint activity of children when they need to coordinate the actions and to agree with each other. Quite often formation of the interpersonal relations of children is offered to be begun with their joint activity. However at the hostile, aloof attitude towards another when the child “does not see the peer“, tries to show the advantages, does not want to consider his interests, activity of kids will not become rather joint and will not be able to unite them. As shows experience, the general occupations are possible only at the developed interpersonal relations. The children with difficulties in communication concentrated on themselves (both aggressive, and closed) are not ready to association. The games given below promote adjustment of the normal relations with peers and train “difficult“ children for cooperation in which the general problems are solved. > Joint activity at first it is better for p to organize
in couples where two children create the work independently, “in confidence“ from the others. It promotes association, induces kids to agree and coordinate the efforts. And such tasks have to be not competitive, but productive character. Let`s give several examples of possible occupations.
of Steam of children receives a mosaic which details share between them equally. To put an overall picture, it is necessary to conceive a plot, to distribute efforts, to consider and continue actions of the partner. Upon completion of work “work“ is shown all rest, and kids try to guess that was represented by authors.to
For this occupation will need the mittens which are cut out from paper with not painted over pattern. Two children have to as soon as possible and (the main thing!) it is identical to paint mittens. To each couple only 3 pencils of different color are given.
“We draw lodges“
Two children have to draw the general lodge on one sheet of paper and tell who lives in it.
It is only some plots of the childish sports stimulating mutual aid and care of another. Not only tutors and psychologists, but also parents can use them. Everywhere, where your child meets peers - on a visit, at a playground, at a house table, - it is possible to try to direct its attention to another. These occupations do not demand special conditions or the equipment. Naturally, each game can be added or changed depending on your imagination and specific conditions. It is only important to keep a main goal - to induce to the caring and attentive attitude to peers. To stimulate not with appeals and notations, but an example concrete everyday or game situations in which the attention to the partner is a necessary and natural condition of joint game. It is also very important that these games excluded any comparison of children, their competition. Let everyone do in own way as considers it necessary.
This strategy can be applied not only in special games, but also in everyday family life. It is impossible to praise too one and to hold up it as an example another. Such assessment and comparison with the positive child, division into “good“ and “bad“ can only separate children and cause alienation. It is impossible to fix attention of the child on itself - on his shortcomings or advantages. It is much more important that he thought of result of the activity (whether it be game, drawing or construction from cubes). Then the kid will be much easier to do something together with age-mates and will win their sympathy.
the Main way of education of moral qualities and overcoming of difficulties in communication consists not in encouragement and censure of the adult, and in formation of feeling of a community with others, internal participation in them.