Dispute ofWe, as always, quarreled. Fell out as only two educated, self-sufficient friends can have it, each of which is confident in the correctness.
- And I repeat: each person is responsible for the destiny, for the life! Everyone as it is not banal, - master of fate! - as always, ardently and categorically, Alexey declared. - Write-off on the heavy childhood, circumstances, times - for weaklings!
- But not all such strong as, for example, you, Alexey - losing patience, was thrown by me to it. - At everyone the threshold and a ceiling of durability, mind, will power. Temperament, at last! One from an izmalstvo choleric persons are the robust fellows ready to overcome any difficulties, and even finding in it the pleasure. And others, melancholiacs. The gentle, sensitive natures which are sobbing over the died hamster or depressed from - for a sidelong glance.
- At each of us the problems and difficulties. Understand that in a deplorable state all these drunks, bums, losers they are guilty, first of all! - Alexey was boiled. - Who prevented, for example, our schoolmate Borodin to enter the institute how to you or me? And neither you, nor at me had no wide back and a shaggy paw supporting to us trousers. I in general arrived from the third time. But arrived! And Borodin was pushed into University, two times deducted for truancies, and in the third kick distances, and be healthy! Now it fills in the fifth year the grief.
- Borodin is the guy quite good. In vain you. Of course, in many respects he is guilty. The wife left. Washed down. Discharged from office.
- And I also do not say that bad! Only rag! And he is guilty of the troubles! But not circumstances, difficult life or we are with you!
It was difficult to argue with Alexey. He always spoke vigorously, passionately, protecting the point of view and sweeping aside all others. If he entered the institute of construction and architecture, despite of the fact that it was necessary to live in others city, to remove housing, to work, he considered, as all others had just the same chance, the same will power, as well as at it.
If he, also, as well as the majority, having lost work in the ninetieth, found forces for a while to refuse the dream and to go in shopkeepers somehow to make ends meet, and then found forces to return to the at first teaching, and then creative activity, then as he spoke, and others could do it.
- Well, let`s leave Borodin alone - I offered. - Eventually, he is a young healthy man to which to us to put an end early. Pokurolesit and will get out. Light a wedge did not agree on wives too. But what you will tell about those, for example, about our neigbour Larisa. To the woman who at first quietly and peacefully became an inveterate drunkard while all of us also quietly and peacefully watched it, and then when her, her best friend to whom she helped so much with the broken hip and in delirium tremens wrote off to some lousy hostel, having forced to transfer the apartment to inheritance? You know its history, its destiny. The son in twenty years died. Froze on hunting. And afterwards the husband, the handsome - the lieutenant colonel whom she so loved met with some bartender and gave I tear up. What it, you, here you, such correct and categorical, know? When at the woman its perishes everything, her krovinochka, her only sonny, and meanwhile a trestle - the husband voluptuously copulates with some proshmandovka, and then leaves a note at all, the coward, and, having taken a koffer with an East German junk and all money, does auffiderzeen?
- There was nothing to be killed from - for these worthless things in shoulder straps. To become an inveterate drunkard from - for this goat? …
- But she loved it! - I killed it. - Really you do not understand! The woman loved, trusted, gave all herself to the man who as she considered, loves her. You remember when we were boys, they under the handle walked across Tsentralka? It is all such elegant, beautiful, with a wasp waist. And it, the young handsome - the lieutenant colonel. Went as if on a podium. And her burning eyes, I am a twelve-year-old milksop, and now I remember. It all so shone, and shone …
- All the same, there is nothing from - for officer worthless things of to kill. These majors and lieutenant colonels, as &ndash dress; vodka was guzzled and women were driven. All such …
- Listen, and her son? Yours namesake, Aleshechka, and? She earlier, will see you, all will grow stout in a sad smile: “Hi, Aleshechka“. Because for it you - as it. Coevals. Are similar. And what swear at the son to bury? In a coffin to iron light volosik. And? You, Alexey, mother were not. Therefore do not judge.
- And I also do not judge!
- Also do not judge!
- And I also do not judge! Only, you know, at all at us someone died and someone betrayed someone! My mother died. And except it, at me, itself you know, there is nobody. And how died? How was ill? You can present that own mother which also not old, to bathe, wash away, wipe up behind her?! You can submit what it, for it and for me, and?! And then to watch how it slowly dies away.
- It is heavy to lose Lesh, mother. But it is natural. And mothers to lose the son - slightly another. You to me here that tell. You are ready, from the belltower, the strong and healthy man now the aunt Larisa to condemn? To tell, as it how you, had to get it together, reconciles and overcome? It is ready?
- Also it is ready! Once again I will repeat, everyone is responsible for the life. And to everyone rightly. You thump - you will finish the days in a mental hospital or under a fence. You are lazy - you will become impoverished. You have only yourself to blame. It is necessary to work. And to do something, but not to whine.
- Interesting you are a person, Alexey. It seems and the quite good man, and on yourself you equal all. Yes as you do not understand that today and you healthy, clever, with means. And tomorrow you will grow old. Your best friend will turn away from you. Your beloved will find to herself the sponsor poobespechenny. Or will find on you what melancholy. Melancholy. God forbid, there the tumor of a brain happens. Will press to you on some center, and you will begin to forget everything, and you will not be able to raise hands. The state our nice will pay you so many that will be enough only for an oat squash and pampers. And will be near here as you, correct to repeat: “Everyone - master of fate, master of fate“.
- I do not thump as these drunkards. I work, I play sports, I watch myself, by the way …
- As you do not understand that not all who became an inveterate drunkard, appeared under a fence or died from this life were such sample drunks, idlers and weaklings with what you imagine them. As you do not understand, as we, here now strong and in chocolate, live at their expense. At the expense of these losers and losers. We at them, weak, selected a piece more fatly. We bypassed them. Outwitted, deceived. Even when under the law, on honor - all the same fraud. Because were younger, quicker.
As you do not understand that suffer, the best break, first of all. The most honest. The most fragile. And survive who is more feasible. More impudently. More quickly. We, people, gave this fight on a survival a certain shape, convenient for us. Improved as if. And in practice, still we carry our old men to Death Valley. As well as sick and incapable of life.
Really you really think that Mayakovsky who shot himself, Tsvetaeva who hung up himself, and our schoolmate Matveev who was accused of theft of cool money dishonored before all school that that cut to itself(himself) veins, - only losers, weaklings, which good riddance?
And we are with you, so all such white and correct. Watched quietly fifteen years as the same aunt Larisa becomes an inveterate drunkard. As goes on apartments begs for money as thumps on - black somehow to fill in the bleeding soul as breaks to himself a leg as in its apartment there are some suspicious muzzles as it is thrown out in a bomzhatnik, and we, so having given it once rup on wine and a piece of bread on snack, here not and, huh?
&ndash at all; I did not give money for wine to it. Bread gave, gave eggs when it came and
cried. And then that I, ambulance, the psychotherapist, heart-to-heart to talk to everyone, to pick out each of his own shit? I hundred times could already become an inveterate drunkard and die. For now it is live, and even I prosper.
- Any violent blossoming, Alexey, often happens at the expense from what earth you moisture exhausted more, than they. Took places more. Absorbed the sun more. So far they in
of your shadow dried up.
- Yes you went! - it did not sustain. - Too to me the preacher - the moralist was. John Donne, pancake. I am obliged to nobody to the success. Only to the diligence and persistence.
- Yet really? - to me the coarse confidence of my best friend began to anger. - Means, only you also are obliged to yourself? And nobody has more? Mother your lonely, by the way, could hoof out after army to you, on some plant - a leader of the bent industry. Go, work, the sonny. On the contrary. Gave the chance and three years to prepare for examinations, and then sent the translations to you while you there to yourself broke teeth about granite of science. And your business not from bankrupt Sashki Lomtev? So far he was in debt as in silks, you all cajoled him. Bribed some muzzles, whether from district executive committee, whether from the Executive Committee of the City Soviet of People`s Deputies …
- Yes as you dare! I collected this business on a grain! Earned an ulcer from it! At the nights did not sleep! And bribed? Yes, gave! And that you do not know that if did not grease where creaked, - a her that at me would leave! And half a year more on taverns drove enforcers of these. And you would try on my place! Yes at the expense of this shop five live, needs do not know!
- Means, you are not a violator of the law, not the criminal, and it seems as even the philanthropist. Mammoths. Frosts. Benefactor …
- Yes I if you want to know, took your friend to myself! Forgot?! You asked me!
- Asked. Also it is visible in vain! - I did not control myself any more. At me with an incredible force hands were combed. So there was a wish to give on this stoyerosovy head of the best friend that I not to give in to temptation, quickly jumped, and, having left in a huff that there were forces, jumped out on the street.
Outside there was a March. Warmed the weak spring sun, and at heart it became warm. In the distance the truck roared. Nearby some birdie chirped. In the yard, on the contrary, three bums were picked a tank for dry waste, exposing in a row empty bottles and examining some worn to a hlamya. I passed by, examining their faces. One of them, the old woman, was approximate one age with my mother. “And it, for certain, has to have children“ - I thought and not to spoil to itself slowly leveled mood, hurried away.