How not to rely on last experience?When I studied in the first grade, we were given a task to draw an illustration to A.S. Pushkin`s fairy tale “Goldfish“. In total me drawn always it was similar to “a portrait of work of Pablo Picasso“. I asked the father to draw something. My father surprisingly precisely redrew any pictures, but itself could not think up a plot. Therefore he took the book with the fairy tale and promised that in the morning drawing will be ready.
in the Morning, looking at what was drawn by the father, I not that was surprised (thanks to high-quality education of parents in general heavy to surprise me), but to me it was somehow strange after goldfishes and Xing - blue sea abysses of my schoolmates to show to the teacher the image of the sad old woman with qualitatively traced trough in the forefront.
The most interesting that at that moment my father, having realized that he is an artist and has own image, drew the old woman not with spitefully - the warped person, as in the book, and with surprisingly peaceful, senseless expression. She resembled the person who just regained consciousness from a coma and it was even a pity for her. A human face which lost everything... well, except a trough.
All life me was pursued by fear of loss, fear to lose with a chipped washing-tub. I strainedly held everything that was sprained to me under hands: people, objects, events. I tried to be very good, to react to all remarks and claims, to change as asked, sooner demanded, people around.
Few weeks ago I read to a ritmomer “Elimination of lie. Purity“ for the third time also I pay attention to lines: “Accepting a ritmomer, you learn to see reality, and it will bring you to purer, light, truthful, expected. You receive huge saving of time which at you left on dismantling with world around and with itself. Every time to speak with itself - huge expenses in time. “I want to be better than myself“. Will shake kachel - and it will want to be much worse than itself as the state “zero“ gives only a ritmomer“.
That here began! I knew earlier that ritmomer make changes to life, but this time even I was surprised. My world began to collapse gradually. All I held and that was certain dogmas (in the principles, the relations, people), began to turn over and show the opposite side. The most awful that there was a wish to lean on this opposite side. The habit to correspond forced to submit to the changing standard. There was a wish to become worse than itself.
Send me the reference to broadcasting to this moment something from an outer space there. About herself thought: “I could not leave in an outer space, I am afraid of height“. And here I catch on thought: and at what here height?! There is not present highly, deeply, far... Boundless space... without support on habitual... It is possible to live, without trying to grab what can eventually became it is irrelevant, but you got used to put it in the center of the life because your parents, grandmothers, grandfathers so did, so they brought up also you.
Having caught this state, I felt that it became easy for me. Everything calmed down around, the world around was again developed by the person, but so far I do not want to run behind it, to correspond to it and to prove... I take a new ritmomera from the shelf and with impatience I begin to expect what will happen to me that new I for myself will open.