Rus Articles Journal

About work in Belarus, customs and not only Part I

The one who follows reason - milks a bull,

the Clever man will be at a loss for certain!

is more profitable to play the fool,

Because reason in the garlic price today Presently.

Omar Khayyam.

Promayavshis month four in search of not a sinecure, but the place which would manage to provide me and my family with a piece of bread it is desirable, with a piece of remarkable Belarusian sausage, I, at last, was accepted on - I quote - “enterprise for release of so and so, largest and oldest in Belarus“. Number working at plant - 600 people, age - year of education of 1954. It is necessary to notice that in Belarus, small by the sizes, and also thanks to gentle, quiet disposition of Belarusians, here everything takes a bit different forms, than in the same cheerful Ukraine or, especially, in boundless Russia where “a taiga - not the wood, hundred poods - not weight“. Any insignificant incident here easily can accept outlines of a significant event, and even tragedies, is frequent in the form of the farce.

(Small retreat). For example, the gain of a bronze medal at the Olympic Games, increases in scales of national success, and accident on the road in which one person died, looks as the national tragedy.

In the evening report of criminal news it is daily told, with a hot pomposity on - Belarusian and surprised pripodnyatiy eyebrows as indignation, about terrible Belarusian criminals: thieves, tyrants, counterfeiters.

Here the dealer“ with fifteen grams of marijuana was detained Belarusian “drags. Received eight years (!!!) . And here the Belarusian maniac is detained. In elevators he stuck to girls with obscene offers, made some dissolute actions … with anybody did not enter sexual intercourse, but it does not belittle its manyachny essence. Receive, the Belarusian maniac, 10 years (!!!) . And here dashing Belarusian counterfeiters. Students Sasha and Pasha of 17 - 18 years, “nakserit“ on the color printer of Belarusian “hares“ and went to the next shop to buy beer where were vigilantly exposed by the vigilant shop assistant. Both are threatened by considerable term now.

And about all this it is proud well-fad Belarusian militiamen thanks to whom all these awful crimes are solved report.

As easily in Belarus it is possible to be stuck “from - for nothing“, from - for obvious a trifle, I learned by own experience. In one of my business trips it happened so that, for an hour till midnight, I, knock at the closed door, disturbed the porter of hotel, and, being at the same time, after a banquet, slightly under a shafa, I did not understand yet that I “violated the public schedule which ordered to go to bed not later than ten o`clock in the evening“. I understood it right after, having repeated the artful attempt to get into the room of the porter by means of knock by fingers of the right hand at a wooden door of the person on duty and by that, having strongly excited her and having disturbed, on me the squad of militia which missed somewhere nearby, waiting for artful Belarusian maniacs and drags of dealers was called.

Frankly speaking, at first I was taken aback when I in the doorway of the number uvidat two kind molodets of well-fad appearance in the acquaintance since the childhood, “cheerful“ mouse color, a militia uniform. “Children, you have nothing to be engaged more?“ - having been struck dumb, politely escaped at me. On what to me, in not less polite Belarusian form, suggested to pass in office. Those weak fumes of wine that before so comfortably wandered at me in the head, instantly disappeared. I became more sober than militiamen and the disheveled watchwoman in addition.

Do not carry me to office, the protocol did not begin to be made also (interestingly and what they would write there? What was I having drunk? Or that disturbed the public peace - read a curfew. It is interesting how?) .

And what, I learned next day. I was moved, exposed from hotel (the old Soviet system when “all were equal is remembered and everything was for the person“, that is a portly look the aunt - the person on duty, apparently, including herself is higher than you - whether by situation, whether on what, - haughtily, an oar voice, could “politely“ stop - to throw in your party as to the poor relative from Tambov: “Be moved!“). I was given on collecting half an hour, and at the same time the contempt to me did not express unless the domestic jolly-boat which was peacefully sending fleas on the dirty hair. Only he was also glad to me.

All road, I asked myself a Hamlet question after the own fashion “the Criminal? Not the criminal?“, for some reason, with everyone the subsequent, similar to the Chinese torture, asking, feeling more and more guilty. From what?

At first, having drenched me with the petty-bourgeois prezreniyets, - as such “fulyugan“ only the earth carries? - most likely, without having found what to carp at, I was accused - I quote “In beaten windows and furniture“ from what I nearly choked on own saliva. “What beaten windows?! What, mlya, beaten furniture?!“. I peacefully overslept all night long, turning over a dream behind a dream, and having woken up accurately made a bed and took out garbage, without having left behind also a trace of stay as if I am shade.

All life companions reproached - derided me for mine tranquility and judiciousness. “Is not present in you to spirit“ - my Ukrainian friend Seryozha used to say. “Here you all with the book and with the book. To get acquainted with the girl, to take a walk, properly. Turned sour you live!“ - grimacing as from a lemon, he screwed up the face. It is remembered, my companions wildly were surprised when sixteen years a joy they suddenly noticed me with a cigarette. “You smoke?“ - with astonishment, as if I smoked not usual “Fell down“, but the purest marijuana which is just delivered from the cheerful island of Jamaica, they questioned. “Yes, and that? It is possible for you, and to me is not present?“ - popykhivy to irritation in a throat, and wiping tears from a stinking smoke, it is proud I answered. “On you also you will not tell. Excellent student!“ - they continued to offend me.

“Quiet, judicious, without spirit“, and here - on you! Made defeat in hotel! Bacchanalia! Killed all thirty two windows and broke all furniture in spill! Fuliugang! Bandit! Beast!

Then when their Excellency the CEO of hotel - at him was such mumpish look that there was not enough Award of a garter going from a hip to a shoulder, - in an environment of servile surroundings, samolichno surveyed my number, withering me indignant with a look - a gimlet. Without having found beaten glass and furniture, and without having moderated the contempt at all, to the watchwoman frightened to gastric colic, most likely, charged to revise the version of night robbery. Then, not for long understanding also with all the female ingenuity, that gave rise … not the son, not the daughter, and some unknown animal, having called her Harassment. “Stuck, walking up and down in one underwear“. Better beaten glasses and furniture, than this shame! To me it was worth leaving in pants and an undershirt in a toilet that was outside number as highly moral taste of this chaste vestal - watchwomen was fatally offended, trampled and crushed. It, poor, most likely and invisibilities, fell in deep faints, offended up to the depths of the highly esthetic heart at my shameless look.

On my return from disgraceful business trip, to my management the depeshka - a slander (by the way, Belarusians are able to smear and do it with undisguised pleasure) came from hotel in which as I guess, in all imaginable and inconceivable paints, in the best traditions of fantasts Isaac Asimov and Ray Bradbury, with elements of “horror“ from Hitchcock, my crimes against morals and morality were described. Paper was not allowed to read to me though I asked. But forced to justify themselves. The argument against me was reinforced concrete - “You were in a state of intoxication“ - with a grimace of deep grief, my boy - the chief showed me, itself suffering from the next bodun. As if, time is drunk, so is guilty a priori.

I do not know what nonsense of herd of gray mares and stallions was stated there, and at all the oar to a veseliya, I suddenly sadly understood that in Belarus the criminal can make any. It is possible the thief, the plunderer of the Belarusian property. It is possible the maniac. It is possible … yes anyone it is possible! Over the last two days, from - for the fact that I returned from a banquet tipsy (as if there go that to drink tea with candies) had the nerve to knock at a door on duty after “release“, and for the fact that dared to walk in pants to the bathroom, it was accused of defeat of a hotel room, sexual harassment and alcoholism. That`s the way it is. Never you know what demons doze in you. And in those who nearby.

However, I distracted a little. Means, I got a job hardly on plant. Wash “a work vast experience in the international corporations, in adjustment of corporate spirit among representatives more than thirty nationalities, logistic experience in the international oil companies“ and knowledge of three foreign languages on figs it were necessary for nobody, - all told “uaa“, but looked, how at the Zionist - the imperialist - but in my modest person the bureaucrat scribbling to a floor lime pieces of paper in the field of marketing and management was necessary “ïèñàð÷óê“. Work - sit do not lean out, be not cleverest, vsyak a cricket, know the perch.

Work in Belarus, - well, or is more true on ours “the largest and oldest enterprise“, however, I think that my plant - not an exception of the rule, but the Belarusian norm, - as here speak, “somehow“. The main postulate - be as everything, and catch desires of the administration.

And the administration love here. Only in the east, unless watch the Turkmen and the Turk, I saw such love to higher. Earlier that I believed that I here Europe, a civilization and human rights, and was convinced of what the same is feudal - a slaveholding system, as in the backward countries of the East.

For example as I understood at the very beginning of “vobelorussivaniye“, the administration needs to speak not that you think, and especially not that is actually, and what is necessary. It is necessary for it, the administration. It is necessary to speak so that to it, the administration, it was pleasant. And that it was pleasant to it, it is necessary to have rich imagination. And it, the administration, will also prompt to you as it is necessary to speak, and then, later speeches, pleasant for it, will in every possible way praise you and will render thanks.