Light holiday of EasterTime hung heavy. Behind windows the sky gradually became covered by touching lambs of gray clouds, promising not a rain, not just one more cloudy April day. Began to tremble the branches of birches which bulked up kidneys suddenly covered by the run north. The sun dived for the cloud floating by, then again slowly it seemed then again all the orange head left for dairy barkhans of the condensed cumulus ridges. The titmouse who was joyfully chirping on the next ash-tree sadly became silent. The black cat who is basked in the yard in the sun, unwillingly jumped off from a bench and, discontentedly shaking here and there a tail, started wandering away. Day replaced gold color of pleasure with gray color of grief.
Despite changeable weather, Egor still stayed in fine mood. It seemed that the last several weeks, weeks of a post, refusal of habitual food and drink, faltering and such unusual reflections about sense of life, about God, about the good and evil, forever changed it. In himself he felt an unusual tranquil pleasure, heart included rest to it unfamiliar hitherto, all its movements found quiet slowness, confidence and not fussiness.
Now he did not understand as he lived earlier, without testing this warm pleasure, this quiet rest in the heart. The world, before chaotic and inconsistent, suddenly, found accurate lines. The truth for a moment showed it the passionless face. He suddenly received all answers to all questions, even without having set them. Everything became simply and clear. As in the childhood when white was white, and black black.
Hatred turned into love. The evil was melted into good. In weakness from now on there lived force, and he was not afraid of the weakness any more... From all this was and it is strange, and it is wonderful.
For the first time Egor did not feel need for life to anybody anything to prove. To it who constantly everything doubted - and in the right mind, and the appearance, where and as he lived that ate he and drank that he said how it went, sat, stood, slept... Now nobody should have proved anything …
It as the errand boy who was rushed every day off the feet, carrying out hundreds of orders of the senior colleagues under their humiliating snickers, trying to please, show how he tries, suddenly ceased to try … To please there was nobody. Colleagues oddly looked at it, noticing this sudden change. Someone discontentedly grumbled, someone started to respect.
But to it was all the same. But not as usually happens when you outgrow yourself, becoming stronger and more surely. In it there was no rage. There was no desire to revenge, humiliate the offender. There was no offended vanity. And especially acute, having suddenly caught this sudden metamorphosis which did not keep within “a usual framework“ of their understanding, recognized in it this force, though did not understand its reason.
On Saturday, before Easter, he came to work though it was day off. The car and therefore it was necessary that at office someone was could come for freight. He agreed itself, without grumble and with a smile after the others in five minutes fell out from - for the one who has to be on the place this time.
Having drunk a mug of fragrant arabica coffee and having responded to several e-mails, Egor leaned back on a chair back, considering fancy heaps of clouds in the sky. In the head slowly floated thoughts over which it was pleasant to think. Ahead there was Easter, Lord`s Revival for which day he for the first time in life sought not only a body, but also spirit. It was so important for it.
Behind there were forty days of everyday prayers and abstentions. He joyfully and easily thought of tomorrow, how he will for the first time bypass the neighbors and will congratulate everyone on a holiday, about a holiday table as the feeling of hunger often reminded of itself. The table filled with easter Easter cakes, colored eggs, various snack, a domestic wine was presented to it. For the first time he was stout the most good intentions. He wanted to love people, to forgive them them weaknesses, rage, nonsense, injustice, to help them. He was ready to embrace the whole world even if the world was cruel to it.
Time imperceptibly crept by two o`clock. The car expected all this time did not come. Egor switched off the computer. Put on a jacket. Slowly approached a window and looked out on the street. Through fragmentary tears of earthy clouds continually the orange sun ozorno looked out and playfully hid back. Wind still tenderly frayed branches of the birches which stood in the row.
“Well, be“ - Egor whether to sadly stopped things at office, whether still whispered to whom, left in a corridor, locked a door and slowly went to an exit.
On streets imposingly strolled vacationers, talked, laughed. For many of them ahead there was one more day off, for Egor it was not just output, day in a distance from habitual cares and vanity, and a holiday, a holiday to which it so long went, to which he so aspired, and to it it was joyful with this warm feeling inside, from this expectation.
The sky finally dragged on heavy lead clouds. The beginnings it is lazy to drizzle a spring rain. But at Egor`s heart it was still solar. The people who were meeting halfway seemed to it strange familiar and even the family. The feeling deja vu that all this already once happened to it, to dizziness pulsed in cold temples. It suddenly wanted to approach and it is gentle, to fraternally embrace each of them, to ask forgiveness for the evil thoughts, unreasonable words, bad acts. He quietly smiled, having presented as it approaches, embraces and tells some mad words of forgiveness to these people, presented their surprise and confusion. As it is ridiculous and awkward. To it it became ridiculous.
For the forthcoming holiday it was necessary to buy which - that to a holiday table and, having counted money in a wallet, it went to the supermarket which is nearby. Having climbed steps, already slippery from a rain, he pushed a heavy door and stepped inside. “So what there the wife told? It is necessary to buy sausages, cheese, meat on a shish kebab. Vegetables and fruit it will be still necessary to buy. What else? … There we will look“.
Here Egor`s look fell to untidily dressed person who was standing meters in five from it, most likely, of the bum. That stood, having leaned against a wall of an extreme stall with various means of hygiene, and very clearly as if showed an anti-advertizing of various toothpastes, brushes, soaps, shampoos and other conditioning agents.
It was remarkable nothing: usual, high growth, it is dressed in some long gray raincoat, like a loose overall, the person with enough regular features which acquired the black, mixed-up beard, dark hair to shoulders. His head half was thrown back back, poluzakryta eyes as if he dozed or to it was badly. At his legs something reminding lay a dirty cap or the cap flattened in pancake with several crumpled pieces of paper of money. It was unclear how it was let in, and whether it came behind alms, whether turned here simply to take cover from a rain, on a habit to itself(himself) under legs a dirty cap. The people hurried by, fastidiously glancing towards the dirty ragamuffin, or with an air of detachment turning away in other party, with a counterfeit look examining multi-colored show-windows.
Egor also passed by, having had a strange feeling of fastidiousness in relation to the bedraggled tramp, strange because never had similar feeling. His hand, can generous and it was impossible to call, but nobody would dare to reproach him with indifference to similar lishenets of destiny. It always gave to beggars some trifle, and it even gave it pleasure. “As it let in only“ - flashed in the head. And still this person bore to him to someone a strong resemblance. Whom, however, Egor could not remember and he on that had no time. It was necessary to hurry to shop.
Egor bought all necessary: cheese klinyshka, a smoked sausage, a piece of gentle pork for a shish kebab, vegetables and fruit - money were enough for everything. Easy excitement from purchases seized it. To tell the truth, all of us like to spend money for any pleasant miscellanea. And Egor was not an exception.
On the way back handles of heavy packages painfully cut palms and Egor decided to stop to grasp pleasant freight of purchases it is more convenient. Having put the burden on a floor, Egor became straight and here his look fell to a familiar figure of the bum again. This time his head was not thrown back back as earlier, and it is lowered down, on a breast. In a blinoobrazny cap still lay two - three crumpled pieces of paper - were visible that the people not really that favored badly smelling beggar, or simply buying was once, they hurried on the important issues. Egor`s heart took pity, and his hand stretched to a wallet, but, having got it, he saw that that is absolutely empty - Egor spent everything to kopek. While it thrust a purse back into a pocket, the bum, appear, regained consciousness from the dead sleepiness, raised the head and stared at Egor. His eyes oddly were not swelled up a little, red from incessant drinking as it usually happens at similar public, and it is rather on the contrary, they were surprisingly pure, as at the innocent child, and deep as two black wells. Without blinking, they looked at Egor. “What does he want? Handouts?“ - flew in Egor`s head. All type of the dirty tramp very much reminded him someone, it is possible even someone whom Egor personally never knew personally and did not even see how it seemed to Egor. To it it became awkward, he hasty picked up full packages and walked to an exit. Having left in a huff and having taken several steps, he turned back, itself without knowing why. In a silhouette of bright fires of internal lighting the figure of the stray bum staring to Egor in a trace accurately appeared. His look seemed to Egor very sad as if feeling sorry for him. “Why he so looks at me? Around hundreds of people same as I, and he stared at me. Or just it seems to me?“. Egor mentally swore and tried to switch to more pleasant thoughts: about a tomorrow`s holiday, a holiday table, guests. But the face of the homeless beggar was still always on his mind. “Devil! Spoiled all mood!“ - Egor was obviously upset.
The next day passed very cheerfully. Egor managed to sustain a post up to the end, on Saturday he did not touch to ferial, than was very happy. On Sunday, by a lunch, guests were brought up: two of its came old the companion with wives, the neighbor, there arrived the mother-in-law with the father-in-law. All were in excellent mood, congratulated each other, kissing on custom on both cheeks.
The holiday table was filled with dishes, big and small, with hot and snack. Red fish, a fried bird, cheese, a sausage, shank, salads of five - six types, various vegetables and fruit. The alcohol also was much. Both owners, and guests saw to it about that there was in anything no shortcoming. Of course, the Russian person is able to celebrate, is able to have a rest.
Having generously rendered a food on a table, men left in a garden to smoke. Persons reddened from the drunk wine, jackets were left in the house. In total briskly and, interrupting each other, something was told, loudly laughed. The mood of everyone was on the ball. Only Egor internally felt some unclear weight at heart. Something oppressed him more and more. He all also laughed, briskly told something, but his thoughts were far. It seemed, something big and important left, left it forever. On heart it was heavy and sad. “Though be hung up, the devil would pobrat everything“ - it did not restrain. “Go to a garden to prepare a shish kebab“ - he called guests.
In a garden, having drunk still, he opened the heart with the schoolmate Oleg.
- You understand, that bum as if reproached me with something, with what I did not give him, perhaps.
Looked at me as though I ran into debt to it.
- Yes spit you - less scrupulous Oleg, &ndash advised; these bums divorced as dogs … Mine will, I them …
- No, you are not right - Egor, &ndash insisted; they are people too, they should be regretted.
- Yes for what to feel sorry there. It is necessary to work, but not to guzzle vodka also under fences as a pig, in the name of God, to roll - Oleg declared, pouring in a shot glass.
- Come on. With a holiday - and at once overturned a shot glass, having tastefully had a snack on tomato.
- You Understand, after that something occurred … I felt it, - Egor continued.
- Then? - Oleg threw a piece of a hot shish kebab in a mouth.
- After this meeting. As if the pleasure left me. All this time I as if flew, understand. Pleasure as if what was. Rest in heart, any vanity. The belief was. And now it is absent as if. Disappeared.
- Yes, forget you. Rejoice now. What table. Guests came, and you are sour. Give
, with Easter, - Oleg poured in shot glasses.
- And I cannot remember in any way to whom it was similar …
- Yes the bum, he be not fine.
- Yes spit you. Zakolebal already the bomzhy as though there are no other subjects. Let`s go, - Oleg, reeling, started wandering to group of guests who settled down on chairs at an old apple-tree.
the Sun sat down. Guests, having become heavy from eaten and drunk, rustling and laughing, at last, dispersed. The wife cleared empty plates, wine glasses and shot glasses the table. Egor lay on a sofa. His mood became even worse, than was. He almost hated himself. On heart there was a melancholy and despondency. Even the drunk alcohol, appear, did not make dizzy it. On the TV there was a transfer devoted to a light holiday of Easter. Some ecclesiastic, against gilded church ornaments and expensive icons acted. One of icons was more and more brightly than others. An icon with the image of a face of Jesus Christ. The father told something about the help poor, sick and old, about love and forgiveness of each other. In end he wished all good health and once again congratulated all on a holiday of Christ`s Revival. Transfer came to an end, the face of the priest disappeared, and on his place there was a face of Jesus Christ giving a precept to love each other. His eyes as if two drills, peered into the soul. And here Egor proshib cold sweat. He stared in the TV as if he saw this miracle of equipment for the first time. It suddenly found the answer to a question which the whole day haunted it. He suddenly understood who was reminded to him by the dirty smelly bum from a supermarket and that he wanted to tell.