Rus Articles Journal

Child and computer: how to return it to the real world? 6 councils of

“At my child are computer dependence“, “It has just hysterics as soon as we ask to finish game“, “Him interests nothing, except games, it is normal?“ - even more often psychologists should hear from parents. What is found by children in computer games? Whether it is possible to return them to the real world? The author of the popular book advises.

of the Condition of development of modern children changed so considerably that it is even difficult for talented teachers and very loving parents to adapt. All educational systems of the world did not consider a possibility of leaving of children to the imagined worlds. Having got classical education, we are sure that it needs to be given to the child. First of all books, and then already computer. The computer forces out not only books today, but also living people.

In education of “computer“ children can note three main “hot spots“.

  1. of Initially at them incorrectly created installations in relation to the computer . Purchase of new “car“ is still so significant for the child and is burdensome for a family that this already in itself increases its weight. While the computer and everything that is connected with it, is only the device created by hands of the person.
  2. Having bought
  3. the computer, we most often leave the child with it in private, using an opportunity to have a rest . I am a supporter of an oposredovaniye of any activity of the child adult at least at the first stage. It means that in any new situation the parent has to explain to the child as it is better to behave (to become the competent intermediary). “Really we have to not only earn and buy this expensive toy, but also play together with the child?“ - parents ask. Quite so.
  4. Nobody respects the rules of work at the computer, but something sometimes is arranged like “Saturday floggings“ . The computer is switched off, and remind the child who in the house the owner.

Situation 1. The computer and discipline

Six-year-old Olya can “work“ as

at the computer just like her father is a programmer. She on it writes letters, draws, plays. But Olya`s parents everything are for reasonable restriction of “computer“ time. The grandmother who arrived to stay for a while found out that the girl does not draw pencils and paints, does not mold, does not read books. And it has obvious logopedic problems - Olya does not utter “R“ and “Sh“.

the Child refused flatly to draw

on paper, having explained that it does it on the computer. The father interfered with the conflict: “Olya - the modern child, is necessary to her the computer!“ And then the grandmother decided to bring order, having limited time of stay of Olya in front of the display half an hour. Exactly in 30 minutes she loudly demanded to switch off immediately the computer, but not that: “I will punish you! And I will punish your father that did not protect!“ For the psychologist in kindergarten such situation became typical for a long time...

“Will drop down
What we tell? What they hear?
“You went crazy with this computer! You will grow up the moron!“ “We can love you - only without computer! And with the computer you are our shame!“
“I will punish you if you without demand turn on the computer!“ “I will destroy you and your computer! I will achieve a clear and unconditional victory over you! You will know who here the owner!“
to play. To you all to idle!“ “Your work on the computer is an overindulgence, and it is interesting to nobody that you about it think“

the Comment of the psychologist . Aggressive interruption of game leaves much more serious mark in children`s mentality, than we can think. From the point of view of the child, the parent does not love him and does not understand if he is not ready to share with it his pleasure. We, unfortunately, got used to measure depth of the relations with people on as far as they are sensitive to us in difficult circumstances - whether they with us are ready to share trouble? And we, of course, know about ourselves that we will never leave in trouble of the child.

But children have other logic. They accept care as norm, and about love judge by that, the parent is how included in a joyful aspect of life. The ideal parent for the child - the preschool child - very cheerful and kind person, the Clown or the Wizard. With it it is possible to talk and agree about everything. He is ready to listen to it. He trusts it.

the Strict grandmother of Olya proved to be the “angry“ character at once. And who likes to listen to the ill-natured person? Olya protested against injustice, in some sense fought against evil intentions. Because “to punish for anything“ in representation of the child is, of course, crime.

the Discipline and game are quite compatible

. But aggression of adults only hardens the child and creates effect of “forbidden fruit“. Therefore, in - the first, it is necessary to form the correct installations even prior to game: “All children of your age play on half an hour“, “Small play only with parents“. In - the second, game on the computer has to have alternative occupations: “Except the computer, we can play Lego!“, “And so it is pleasant to me how you play the piano... So any computer will not be able!“ .

Situation 2. Computers and need for love

When parents divorced, Petya was 6 years old. Divorce was initiated by mother - strong and not without ambitions the woman. As if apologizing for the inflicted suffering, mother bought it the computer, having solved about herself: “I will grow up the talented child, and nobody will tell that I am bad mother!“ .

Petya accepted a gift with pleasure especially as mother herself encouraged game on the computer, thereby as if confirming that he loves the son. Too it was easier for Petya to play and not to think of anything, than to stay in disturbing expectation of the worst changes. During week-end he did not see the father, parents did not communicate with each other at all, and on weekdays mother was busy. And the computer became something like the substitute parent.

the Woman bethought when the child went to school. By this time he lost interest in people and occupations at school that affected progress, peers seemed to it boring... But Petya any more also did not wait for anything good. He got used to shortage of love and learned to escape, becoming the virtual.

What we tell? What they hear?
“That you get under feet? Bought you such expensive computer. Go play“ “We are ready to buy to you expensive things, but not to love!“
“I was tired. There was such difficult week. Go play!“ “I have no forces you any more to love. You need to play waiting until I have a rest!“
“Nothing that the father lives separately now. But you have a computer!“ “Should derive pleasure at any cost!“

Comment of the psychologist. To whom more attached the child - to mother or the computer? This question sometimes torments parents. We are jealous the child of the heartless car, however are not ready to spend time with it. Earlier the parent was happiness source against quite monotonous reality. Now parents can act as a background for bright, infinitely various virtual reality.

Empirical supervision show that if the child lacks cordial relations in a family, love, tenderness, caress, risk of any formation of dependences including computer, significantly increases. Pleasure which can be received easily and simply, - only a substitute of human love which the child does not know how to get. Children get stuck at a stage of simpler operations if are unknown to them or not on forces more difficult. And the computer, despite the difficult internal device, is simple as it is easy for them to operate. To compete with it, the parent has to have “a friendly interface“.

Why they prefer to

  1. of In private with the computer the child gets freedom which can not be enough for it in real life. Parental control is removed; the usual standards of behavior demanding tension, coordination, the accounting of interests of others change on rules of the game which are operated by the child. From the dependent performer it turns into the active player. This illusion of management of reality - the strongest motive of computer games . Especially for boys who seek to expand the opportunities, space and to raise the psychological status. They get chance to become winners in the virtual world.
  2. to a certain extent stimulate with
  3. of Game imagination , involving children in the new mobile, bright worlds. But obviously acting the hypnotic effect screen technologies is not studied . Mobile pictures, as well as any moving objects, can bewitch, rivet attention. High concentration at the game is similar to hypnotic immersion in a dream. Time in such state flies imperceptibly, and the space is narrowed to a screen frame.
  4. are made by
  5. of Manipulation with the computer easily . Ease with which difficult operations are made is extremely attractive to the child to whom everything troubles so far. It fascinates also some parents whose childhood passed without computer. It seems to them that their children are little geniuses and are allocated with special abilities. And children are encouraged by sense of superiority over adults.
  6. the Majority of games is constructed by
  7. by the principle of series : one session comes to an end - another begins, even more interestingly. Developers of games try to make very much game infinite that it was possible to play it again and again.
  8. Characters of games are exclusively attractive by
  9. . With the main character who moves to the purpose, overcoming difficulties, it is pleasant to be identified, it is interesting to follow him, with him the victory almost always waits.
  10. the Computer game as any gambling, is followed by production of hormones . Games are simulators not so much of the worlds how many certain bright experiences, strong emotions. Dependence on games is a hormonal dependence. If in real life the child does not receive emotions, comparable on force, he will prefer game on the computer.
  11. Computer games train operational attention and memory . Children like to study something new, and then to show the abilities. It is pleasant to them to feel how skills quickly appear.

How to combine real and virtual life of the child?

For a start solve
  1. : that the computer in your family , in life of any person means? Treasured prize? Welfare indicator? A window to the world? Technical assistant? Adaptation doing life is more convenient? Exaggeration of value of the computer by adults increases its importance in the child`s life. The exaggerated fears of the computer play the same role. Sakralizuya the computer, we create around it a superimportance aura. Quiet, almost indifferent relation to equipment allows to use it with a superior intelligence, accuracy and advantage. And, above all, will not lead to such deformation of system of values at which the heartless piece of iron with wires is idolized.
  2. the Low self-assessment at the child - here the soil for formation of any undesirable dependence. If pleasant incentives which give joy calm, encourage, surprise, make laugh, inspire, in life it is not enough, any pleasure, including game on the computer, can cause dependence. It means that, not only exaggerating value of the computer, but also underestimating itself, the child, we push it to be content with a role of the simple performer of someone else`s programs, including computer. Bigger it is also not necessary to it. And a low self-assessment - result of weak parental love.
  3. the Computer will hold a specific place in life of the child, if it has no friends and other essential communications with the world . It is the real problem during an era of individualism and life in the big densely populated cities. If you have though any opportunity to create conditions for joint games, stay in group of peers, do not miss it.
  4. Standards of stay of the child in front of the screen are approximately that
  5. . Till 3 years of any computers and prefixes! At least till 3 years... Because it is difficult for reality to compete with the virtual world in which all uninteresting is filtered and all “coolest“ is collected. After 3 years time of game has to be dosed and make at most half an hour, it is better in thrashing, for 15 minutes. You can get the rule: “The computer only on days off!“, “Either computer, or TV!“, “We play only together!“. Such rules - a basis of culture of use of information resources.
  6. Rule “We Play Only Together!“ it is especially important as guarantees the adult`s inclusiveness in game process. But the main thing, we teach the child to a game manner, we model the relation to the computer. It is easier for children to cope with irresistible desire to play more and more if they see how adults stop. Put clock nearby, explain that restriction of time is a condition of game.
  7. How to answer a question of the child why to limit time? In 4 years can tell the fairy tale about the monkey who very much loved oranges, but ate too much, and at it the tummy ached. Remind what little men have not only the head and hands which are so necessary for the computer, but also legs, a back, a tummy. They want to play, run about, jump too. Otherwise not the person, and a tadpole with a weak little body will grow up. It makes impression on kids! Put in turn outdoor games and computer. Children love that and another and quietly switch from one interesting occupation to another.

From the book “The disobedient child. Reset“