Child and computer: how to return it to the real world? 6 councils of
“At my child are computer dependence“, “It has just hysterics as soon as we ask to finish game“, “Him interests nothing, except games, it is normal?“ - even more often psychologists should hear from parents. What is found by children in computer games? Whether it is possible to return them to the real world? The author of the popular book advises.
of the Condition of development of modern children changed so considerably that it is even difficult for talented teachers and very loving parents to adapt. All educational systems of the world did not consider a possibility of leaving of children to the imagined worlds. Having got classical education, we are sure that it needs to be given to the child. First of all books, and then already computer. The computer forces out not only books today, but also living people.
In education of “computer“ children can note three main “hot spots“.by
- of Initially at them incorrectly created installations in relation to the computer . Purchase of new “car“ is still so significant for the child and is burdensome for a family that this already in itself increases its weight. While the computer and everything that is connected with it, is only the device created by hands of the person. Having bought
- the computer, we most often leave the child with it in private, using an opportunity to have a rest . I am a supporter of an oposredovaniye of any activity of the child adult at least at the first stage. It means that in any new situation the parent has to explain to the child as it is better to behave (to become the competent intermediary). “Really we have to not only earn and buy this expensive toy, but also play together with the child?“ - parents ask. Quite so.
- Nobody respects the rules of work at the computer, but something sometimes is arranged like “Saturday floggings“ . The computer is switched off, and remind the child who in the house the owner.
Situation 1. The computer and disciplineSix-year-old Olya can “work“ as
at the computer just like her father is a programmer. She on it writes letters, draws, plays. But Olya`s parents everything are for reasonable restriction of “computer“ time. The grandmother who arrived to stay for a while found out that the girl does not draw pencils and paints, does not mold, does not read books. And it has obvious logopedic problems - Olya does not utter “R“ and “Sh“.the Child refused flatly to draw
on paper, having explained that it does it on the computer. The father interfered with the conflict: “Olya - the modern child, is necessary to her the computer!“ And then the grandmother decided to bring order, having limited time of stay of Olya in front of the display half an hour. Exactly in 30 minutes she loudly demanded to switch off immediately the computer, but not that: “I will punish you! And I will punish your father that did not protect!“ For the psychologist in kindergarten such situation became typical for a long time...
|What we tell?||What they hear?|
|“You went crazy with this computer! You will grow up the moron!“||“We can love you - only without computer! And with the computer you are our shame!“|
|“I will punish you if you without demand turn on the computer!“||“I will destroy you and your computer! I will achieve a clear and unconditional victory over you! You will know who here the owner!“|
|to play. To you all to idle!“||“Your work on the computer is an overindulgence, and it is interesting to nobody that you about it think“|
the Comment of the psychologist . Aggressive interruption of game leaves much more serious mark in children`s mentality, than we can think. From the point of view of the child, the parent does not love him and does not understand if he is not ready to share with it his pleasure. We, unfortunately, got used to measure depth of the relations with people on as far as they are sensitive to us in difficult circumstances - whether they with us are ready to share trouble? And we, of course, know about ourselves that we will never leave in trouble of the child.
But children have other logic. They accept care as norm, and about love judge by that, the parent is how included in a joyful aspect of life. The ideal parent for the child - the preschool child - very cheerful and kind person, the Clown or the Wizard. With it it is possible to talk and agree about everything. He is ready to listen to it. He trusts it.
the Strict grandmother of Olya proved to be the “angry“ character at once. And who likes to listen to the ill-natured person? Olya protested against injustice, in some sense fought against evil intentions. Because “to punish for anything“ in representation of the child is, of course, crime.the Discipline and game are quite compatible
. But aggression of adults only hardens the child and creates effect of “forbidden fruit“. Therefore, in - the first, it is necessary to form the correct installations even prior to game: “All children of your age play on half an hour“, “Small play only with parents“. In - the second, game on the computer has to have alternative occupations: “Except the computer, we can play Lego!“, “And so it is pleasant to me how you play the piano... So any computer will not be able!“ .
Situation 2. Computers and need for love
When parents divorced, Petya was 6 years old. Divorce was initiated by mother - strong and not without ambitions the woman. As if apologizing for the inflicted suffering, mother bought it the computer, having solved about herself: “I will grow up the talented child, and nobody will tell that I am bad mother!“ .
Petya accepted a gift with pleasure especially as mother herself encouraged game on the computer, thereby as if confirming that he loves the son. Too it was easier for Petya to play and not to think of anything, than to stay in disturbing expectation of the worst changes. During week-end he did not see the father, parents did not communicate with each other at all, and on weekdays mother was busy. And the computer became something like the substitute parent.
the Woman bethought when the child went to school. By this time he lost interest in people and occupations at school that affected progress, peers seemed to it boring... But Petya any more also did not wait for anything good. He got used to shortage of love and learned to escape, becoming the virtual.
|What we tell?||What they hear?|
|“That you get under feet? Bought you such expensive computer. Go play“||“We are ready to buy to you expensive things, but not to love!“|
|“I was tired. There was such difficult week. Go play!“||“I have no forces you any more to love. You need to play waiting until I have a rest!“|
|“Nothing that the father lives separately now. But you have a computer!“||“Should derive pleasure at any cost!“|
Comment of the psychologist. To whom more attached the child - to mother or the computer? This question sometimes torments parents. We are jealous the child of the heartless car, however are not ready to spend time with it. Earlier the parent was happiness source against quite monotonous reality. Now parents can act as a background for bright, infinitely various virtual reality.
Empirical supervision show that if the child lacks cordial relations in a family, love, tenderness, caress, risk of any formation of dependences including computer, significantly increases. Pleasure which can be received easily and simply, - only a substitute of human love which the child does not know how to get. Children get stuck at a stage of simpler operations if are unknown to them or not on forces more difficult. And the computer, despite the difficult internal device, is simple as it is easy for them to operate. To compete with it, the parent has to have “a friendly interface“.