Young mother and care of the child: how to preserve the peace in a family? Many endure
that cope with the parental responsibilities worse, than others. Such thoughts can create a syndrome of bad mother or mother - honors pupils. How to keep self-confidence - so and the quiet atmosphere in a family - after the firstborn`s birth.
As it begins
we Will consider a typical plot. Young mother comes back from maternity hospital. She is still weak, not up to the end realized the new situation. Around - relatives. The husband goes to work, brings home money - he is a good fellow. The mother-in-law grew up the child, and even several children - too is successful in this field. Other uncles and aunts - everything are busy with something and somewhere succeeded. And in the center - she burdened still with unfamiliar duties: to feed, bathe, dress, walk, to treat... And whether she will be same “clear head“ as all others, - it is unknown.is not present
of Experience, the senior generation constantly gives advice. The husband looks appraisingly. Suddenly it turns out that it, the adult woman, it is necessary to study very much and practically at once to take examination in “the passable material“. Who knows whether it will be possible to receive the five? And newly made mother begins constantly doubts herself or... turns into a perfektsionistka.
Here what mother - gold directly!
the Syndrome of bad mother and the honors pupil`s syndrome - two parties of one phenomenon: uncertainty in. “Bad“ constantly reflects: suddenly I incorrectly nurse, insufficiently carefully I iron diapers, I walk with the kid a little.“ The honors pupil“ gives herself installation: I owe everything best of all do. It is obliged to turn by means of the iron diapers into a work of art. Also I will walk in any weather: let pools knee-deep, and on the person are whipped by heavy rain if only the child breathed fresh air.Than the aspiration to exist the best mother is bad
? The matter is that the sure woman does not compare herself to neigbours and girlfriends. She just rejoices to pink patches, dimples on chubby cheeks of the kid. In the same way is tired towards evening and it is simply happy when the child falls asleep and allows it to have a rest. Nothing terrible if the grandmother nurses with the baby, and she descends in a hairdressing salon at this time - and all without remorse.constantly is afraid of
“Honours pupil“ that will underfulfill the debt, and tries to embrace immensity: to provide ideal care of the child, to do everything on the house, even to the detriment of own dream. As it is almost impossible to combine all this, the next surges in uncertainty in themselves are inevitable: “Really I am not the best? It is necessary to try!“ The vicious circle turns out...
Who in risk group
- of of Mother with the honors pupil`s syndrome. not just former pyaterochnitsa, namely those who in the far school childhood sobbed from - for the fours and did not forgive themselves mistakes. At such many chances and in motherhood to give in to a persuasive commitment to excellence. To walk - so for three hours, to be engaged in development - since the birth. If for long walks there are not always enough forces, and the grown-up kid does not test special enthusiasm in groups of early development - it has a stress.
- Successful at work. Until recently everything turned out: high salary, approval of the chief, career development. Means, everything is solved by the woman. And mother it has to be ideal. But duties new, the schedule unrationed, the system of encouragement is unevident, but if something does not leave, it is visible at once. Here also you are afraid: and suddenly you do everything incorrectly?
- the being “gray mice“. At school, with work not really - that turned out - but now when there is a child, I will prove that which - that I can in this life. For example, to be mother, best in the world. And the child cries from - for the cut teeth, becomes covered by specks from - for food allergy, having hardly learned to run, breaks to himself knees. Generally, all the time it is necessary to be afraid for it and to reproach itself, such imperfect...
- Lonely mothers. And in legal sense, with a crossed out section in the column “father“, and in human. If the woman raises the child one, she wants to give him everything and even more that grew without feeling of an incomplete family. And constant fear: and suddenly it will not turn out?
How not to feel bad
Have less than comparisons! the Girlfriend drives the son in educational studios, and you in one did not write down the? The acquaintance carts carries board games from children`s shops, and you even still did not buy a mosaic? So what! Still it is unknown whose way is better. And especially you should not compare children. If the neighbour`s child started talking before yours, do not hurry to execute yourself: each kid has the way of development.
do not set excessive tasks for yourself. Attempts to embrace immensity bring one disappointments. Decided that by a year the kid thanks to your pedagogical talents will learn to eat with a spoon, without being soiled. Here to it year and two months, and it still sprays porridge in a meter radius from itself(himself). Aimed to teach to draw it by two years of the little man, and he and in three years prefers to “painting“ of a song. Here and an occasion to accuse itself: “I am bad mother...“you Remember
: to have a rest - it is normal. If the kid was hurt all night long by a tummy and he did not allow you to sleep, and in the morning calmed down and blissfully breathed heavily, lay down to doze a couple of hours. It is better, than, impetuously yawning, to go to walk. You played all day with the child in machines, horses and a game of tag - have the right towards evening to lie down with the book on a sofa, having provided to the kid to be engaged in the toys alone. Constantly refusing to itself rest, you risk to reach serious overfatigue and as a result nevertheless will fall flat-out. And it is necessary to have a rest all - only longer.Dare to help
. to Hand the baby to the father, and most to take a bath is not a crime, but norm. To send the mother-in-law for walk with the kid, and most to do the cleaning - quite everyday situation. To give the child for the weekend to the grandmother and the grandfather - the classic of a genre. You did not throw it, did not leave, did not betray, and just allowed to communicate to other relatives.
Pleasure from a role of mother
If you read to
this article, so “bad“ mothers are not any more. Because you are not indifferent to the kid. Yes, it is possible, you feel the imperfection, you understand that you allow misses. But who in this world is ideal? And recognition of the mistakes - the first step to their correction.
you want to be the best mother. But for whom? For the girlfriends, acquaintances or the mother-in-law? Here also do not spend force to meet them approval! If you bring up the child differently, than they, it is normal - you another.
For the husband? But you it is much more necessary to it as the wife, most beautiful in the world.
For the child, certainly! And for it you already the best. The most beautiful, mother, kind, clever on light. In its nature the love to you, as well as in yours - love to it is put. Even when you sometimes do things, unpleasant for it, - for example, abuse if was naughty. Even if you bring up it not on any clever advertized pedagogical system, and anyhow. And even if in his life it is less of you, than it would be desirable.
In my practice. The young woman had to go to hospital for a long time. Very much worried that the eight-months daughter will forget it. Three months they saw each other only on days off, and parts. The grandmother put bed the girl, on the street with it walked the aunt or the father. But when it, at last, it came back home, turned out that the baby wants to walk and fall asleep only with it. Because there is nobody better than mother. I always tell about it to the working women who worry that they seldom see the children.
Of course, all this does not mean that it is not necessary to seek for self-improvement. To read literature, to consult on friends, to work on the mistakes - it is useful and it is correct. The main thing that the care of the child did not turn into a heavy cross. It is necessary to derive pleasure from a new role. Good mother is first of all that which likes to be mother.