4 types of bad fathers: what the child suffers from? Councils for mother of
in the middle of the last century psychologists began to study styles of parental behavior, and the first cones as it is easy to guess, got to mothers. But later researches closely concerned fathers and their educational misses! Scientists came to a conclusion that for children`s development by the most adverse four models of paternity are. We not only will tell what we, but also will prompt that can be made in each case.the Father - the despot
little Dima`s Life could call
fine if not one “but“ - the angry father. As soon as the father comes from work, cross-questioning begins. How many it is eaten candies? Why tell-tales are scattered? And you will sometime learn to put clothes properly? Once Dima tried to explain to the terrible father, from - for what cannot remove this second the machine in a box: he just built the excellent parking of the designer and wants to continue since morning to play it. “Does not interest me that you want, - the father answered with an ice voice, - you live in my house and will do as I will tell“.
of Cause and effect. Were frightened? The piece is that Dimin the father at all not the monster. Most likely, he loves the son, here only this feeling it is almost not visible from - for various “is obliged“ and “has to“. Possibly, the man himself also grew up in a family with the rigid, despotic father - he simply had no place to learn tenderness, understanding and generosity.
Alas, in a pursuit of implicit obedience such fathers lose love of own children - it is gradually forced out by fear. Even if the sound of the door opening in the evening causes thought in the kid: “I made something not so again!“ what here attachment. If it is honest, then the choice at Dima is small: or to become same as the father, or further to splash out offense and rage in asocial behavior. Grow up the successful, kind and respecting himself person in such conditions very few people manage.
By the way, the authoritative father, as a rule, appears also not less authoritative spouse and to build partner dialogue with it extremely difficult. But water sharpens a stone! Adhering to the verified strategy, mother can change a lot of things to the best.
of Corrective action. Forget about charges, criticism and manifestation of excessive emotions - these methods in our situation do not work. Talking to the spouse, by all means refer to authorities, the benefit about pluses of the warm and accepting roditelstvo psychologists wrote much. It makes sense to offer the husband of endurance from scientific works, the book on education (it is better those which are written by men) and to appeal to statistics. Ideally similar remarks need to be done in an impersonal form:“ recently found out “, “ here it is written“ - in other words, without showing excessive personal interest. Having informed the husband of new information, surely take an interest in his opinion.
It is important. Ask the spouse on the childhood. Perhaps, the husband will tell how was to him at the authoritative father as he was upset from - for parental severity and constantly was afraid of punishment. Very much can be that these bitter memories will help the father to activate “an internal resource“ of warmth, to soften temper and to correct behavior.
the Father - the jealous man
Not the beloved father`s daughter, but an annoying hindrance and misunderstanding - here is how feels
Alina. And it would be pleasant to you if the father forbade mother to be late at your bed in the evenings or to approach you when you wake up from a bad dream and you cry? If the father annoyancely screwed up the face in response to a request to go all together to cinema or on a visit? The father wants that mother listened only to his stories, and Alinki these minutes as though does not exist... Well, unless it is fair?
of Cause and effect . As a rule, at the man practicing similar style of behavior, extremely unstable self-assessment - and its maintenance is a secret duty of the wife. It is not too confident in own importance and therefore perceives the child not as successor of a sort and as the rival with whom it is necessary to fight for attention and love of the woman. The father considers time which the wife finds for the kid spent for nothing: as it is possible to exchange the strong and clever spouse for the innocent peanut!Usually the man does not realize
or denies own hostility to the child, hiding it behind statements in the spirit of “The daughter still small what with it it is possible to speak so long about?!“ or “You will approach it on the first peep - will mount upon a neck!“ . Generally, such father is similar to the jealous firstborn, in any way not the person interested to leave a title favourite and only. As a result the child constantly has feeling of alarm and doubts that the house is its reliable fortress.
of Corrective action. remind the husband More often of as far as it is important and significant. Surely find time for joint - without child! - visits of cafe, trips, a sit-round gathering with friends. Address the spouse as to the adult and strong person - “I do not cope one, your help very much would be useful to me“ - and you are not sparing with praise if the husband agrees to take part in bathing of the kid or to read it the fairy tale before going to bed. The child is externally similar to the father? Perfectly, this fact is required to be emphasized in every possible way! Bright similarity is not observed? Then focus attention of the father on common features of character, habits, manners, tastes - the father has to feel that not the rival, namely the successor grows.the Father - a cracker
If the Wife`s father not “is very busy“ with
, so he already “was tired to death“. In both cases the boy cannot run, rustle and come into the father`s room - “it is impossible to disturb the father!“ . And still the father often goes to business trips. Zhenya often imagines how the father comes back, puts him on knees and long - long talks to him... But the arrived father only hastily greets, quickly hands to the son a gift - and again disappears in the room.
of Cause and effect. “Indifferent“ this father is called conditionally - actually, it can be keen on anything: career, sport, healthy nutrition. Here only, unfortunately, the own child does not fall within the scope of his interests. Perhaps, the man belongs to number of those who really are married to the job and live only the profession. And maybe, the husband at heart - a narcissus, and is possible to show sincere interest in someone, besides himself favourite, to it with great difficulty. The reasons there can be a set, and here the result one - in nominally full family the kid actually remains without father.
of Corrective action. mother`s Task - to find for the father and the kid suitable joint occupation, and it which would be sufficiently significant for the man. If the child already grew up, the father can act as the supertutor in that field of knowledge in which it is really strong. The kid can persuade the father to employ excursion - let will tell the baby about nuances of a profession. Joint sports activities - too the excellent decision: in them passion, healthy rivalry and command spirit can be shown. One more way to lay a path to fatherly heart - to play on male pride. Unless the spouse does not want that his son became very best? Wants, certainly. Then let looks for suitable circles / sections, drives the child on additional classes, helps with the choice of grants and, eventually, praises for achievements.
It is important. needs to explain to the Cold, detached father that the child is not object for purely physical manipulations (fed - dressed - walked), and the original personality with whom, by the way, can be very much and it is very interesting to communicate!
the Father - the friend
At Tata the cool father, and all friends it envy
. Yet, he forbids nothing, does not reprimand, wishes to engage in hooliganism sometimes and perfectly understands all children`s hobbies. However, Tatina mother is very dissatisfied that the husband without a break spends days behind computer games, “all daughter`s mode“ and in general pulls down: “Any hope on it most it is time to send to a kindergarten!“ . What here cool?
of Cause and effect. Not so long ago in English there was a word kidult - something between kid - “child“ and adult - “adult“. Apparently, Tatin the father - typical kidalt, the behavior washing away border between generations. And it, this border, has to be firm - only in that case children grow with confidence that in this world, by and large, everything is all right.
of Corrective action. needs to talk seriously to the frivolous spouse and to explain to him that the basic house rules, bans and restrictions have to be observed always and despite everything. The child needs to know that the world around it is steady and quite predictable, otherwise not to avoid alarms and concern. If the head of family feels uncertainly, mother needs to try to support father`s authority. Also remember - any reproaches and charges of presence of the kid, only words of approval and support!