Divorce during pregnancy of
Unfortunately, the majority of marriages break up, and with it there`s nothing to be done. The reasons and situations meet different. Each divorce is a drama. But during pregnancy of the woman I would call a rupture of the relations small death. When I lay on preservation in fine maternity hospital, the girl Tanya, about 19 - 20 years, with fights arrived at night. The term of her pregnancy was 26 weeks. Childbirth began. I remember how all of us got a fright (we in chamber were four). Ourselves lay with even small term (I was on 29 - oh to week).
Before it was taken away in patrimonial office, to us it was succeeded to talk to it. Tanya was married 2 years. The relations, it seems, were smooth. When she became pregnant, she from the very beginning had a big risk of a nevynashivayemost, and in this regard, doctors put a heap of bans. The intimate proximity was one of bans. The husband at first just waited, then began to terrorize it, to row, threaten... Tanya worried, tried to undertake something, but nothing left. Tannin pregnancy proceeded awfully. And the husband who would have to support her left. Then came for things, awfully happy, and told:“ I already forgot what is full sex as to me it was good these two days“. It took away suitcases and left, having informed Tanya that he is going to divorce her. And Tanya called “ambulance“, and it collected suitcases in maternity hospital. The child could not be rescued.
Similar, but not such dramatic situation was at my friend. They with the civil spouse always had very tense relations. It was solved on pregnancy in hope that it will change, having become the father. But Andrey did not wait for this light day and disappeared. Natalya during their joint life already did two abortions, according to persistent requirements of the husband, and did not want to repeat this mistake any more. What he would not be this Andrey, and without it pregnant Natashka could not live. Suffered, sobbed. Result - the premature child with violation of mentality.But we will not say
that only men are initiators of divorce during pregnancy. Often the woman in situation itself goes on this step. Motives are different.by
to anybody not a secret that in certain cases life with the man possessing certain defects is not simply humiliating, but also it is dangerous. For example, if the person differs deviating from accepted in the society of norms by behavior and the increased aggression. Such people are dangerous to all the family, but for the pregnant woman this danger is repeatedly multiplied. And there are situations which constitute the increased danger to the pregnant woman. Let`s say if her husband who is fond of alcohol or drugs besides seeks sexual entertainments elsewhere and regularly meets women, to put it mildly, of doubtful behavior, risking to catch venereal diseases which, in turn, can do irreparable harm to yet not been born kid.
What to do in that case? To rescue stray, but still beloved spouse and to endow itself or, while the getting is good, to run from a family which became hell? Of course, decision-making in such situation - business especially personal. Such decisions are often made spontaneously - “on a need of the heart“. It is known that in the Russian culture there is a tradition of a positive assessment of similar spontaneous decisions, as well as sacrifices - and as the patient victim the woman, as a rule, acts.However to us it seems to
that would be quite good if the woman who decided to offer everything for the sake of terrorizing it, but very beloved spouse, would consult not only to heart, but also with reason and tried to realize, than she endows and what risks. The doctors watching pregnancy development (obstetricians are gynecologists), connect the raised nervous tension (to it constant fears, alarms, the suppressed mood treat) during pregnancy with the increased risk of spontaneous interruption of pregnancy on any term, various complications of a course of pregnancy and childbirth (development of gestoz, premature birth, pre-natal lag of the child in development, the child`s birth with a low weight, violation of patrimonial activity). Many, having weighed all pros and cons, all of you decided not to get divorced and suffer: if you from their number:
- Try to ensure support of close people: agree that in case of danger you will be able to leave for some time, for example, to parents; if it is possible, stock up with keys from their apartment in advance.
- Ensure access to phone when you are at home; if there is no house of phone and you have no mobile phone, agree with neighbors that you will be able to call if necessary from them.
- And still think: and whether costs to you, in your situation, to burden itself and relatives with the efforts which are listed above?
If you got divorced from husband who terrorized you:
- be not tormented with the fact that could not “save a family“ and “to keep for the father`s child“. It is possible that your step just became rescue for you and for the child. Try to think more of the future, than of the past: now health and tranquility - yours and your child - depends only on you.
- do not become reserved, try to communicate more with friends and just with those people who sympathize with you.
- Most likely, you have girlfriends who raise children alone too. When you have a talk with them and will observe their life, for certain will understand that your situation is not as tragic as it seemed to you.
- If your emotional state continues to disturb you, and you cannot cope with the suppressed mood, there are fears and alarms, feeling of loneliness, uncertainty in the future, do not neglect the help of the expert - the psychologist or the psychotherapist.
. Often people are compelled for this step by more harmless reasons, than the use by one of spouses of alcohol or drugs. Such reasons set: the husband earns too little, the wife demands money too much, did not find a common language with his (her) mother, does not satisfy sex, one of spouses wants children, and another - is not present and just classical “we are different people“.
One my acquaintance admitted in confidence that during pregnancy it was on the verge of divorce. . sixteen times. Fortunately, her dreams of free lonely life were not executed. She admitted to me what thoughts brought it to such state. I asked to comment on them not experts - psychologists, and just the men having quite solid experience of family life. I think that it will be interesting to those readers who are overcome by the same doubts, as my acquaintance to learn that “opposite side“ thinks about it. (Material is borrowed from open sources of the Internet).
Should get divorced, while the getting is good. He loved me only when I had an ideal figure. And now I am not necessary to it. I notice how he looks at beautiful girls.
Mikhail, father of three children:
It is absolutely wrong course of thought. The man can look anywhere - it does not mean loss of interest in the wife. And sexuality and sex appeal of the woman do not depend on that, she is pregnant or not. Everything depends on how she feels and as behaves.
Oleg, father of two children:
the Man (normal) marries the woman not from - for figures, it is attracted in it absolutely by other qualities. And just these are that remarkable qualities during pregnancy are shown especially brightly.
It is an egoist. It is shown even in trifles. Now I am pregnant, I very need its help and care, and he does not understand it. It turns on the TV when I want to sleep. It never washes for itself(himself) the dishes. Earlier to me it was all the same, and now it is heavy to me to stand long at a sink. The husband during pregnancy on five times called the girlfriend from work, did massage of feet, mine went with it to ultrasonography, and...
Pyotr, father of three children: When the woman whom the man loves is pregnant with
, he, on the contrary, feels heavy responsibility for it, than earlier. Just he not always thinks of household trifles. The woman has more flexible mentality, than at the man. Therefore I consider that she has to take the initiative and just talk to it, but without hysterics and shouts. Each other will never prevent to sort out the relations and to discuss duties. Everything depends on how people treat it. It is important to choose even for such conversation a right moment. For example, you should not sort out the relations when both were tired.
It considers that it is impossible to communicate with me because I transfer any subject to the child. And he as it seems to me, is interested in our future kid insufficiently: inattentively listens to me when I tell about how it looks now and that “is able“. Besides, the husband requires attention and care, and I need it.
we asked to Comment on this thought several men of different age and with various life experience. All of them unanimously declared that it is always interesting to the father how his child develops. Therefore it is possible to advise future mother who is overcome by similar thoughts, to calm down and is more critical to treat itself: can be, your husband was simply tired, and you started talking to him while he was more adjusted to have a rest? You remember, to it now too it is heavy: it, most likely, works more, than usually to provide the worthy future to you and your kid. And your husband really requires attention and care. Therefore do not reproach the husband with a lack of attention, and try to calm down - and with it be more tender, and you will see that he will pay more attention to you too.
the Thought 4
seems to me that when I became pregnant, the husband began to hesitate of me. Earlier we always everywhere went together, and now it avoids to appear with me in public. Recently one went to birthday to the friend: told that all will be without wives there. Perhaps, the love passed?
Vladimir, father of the adult daughter:
Hardly the matter is that the love passed. Remember stories of our grandmothers. Earlier, when in families there were, as a rule, many children, pregnancy was perceived as a state, natural to the woman, and nobody especially turned attention to “interesting situation“ passing by the lady. And now future fathers, especially if they are very young, and the child the first, hesitate of that special attention of surrounding, those questions and jokes which fall upon them. People can be understood: remember when you last time saw future mother in the trolleybus. What to do in this case to the woman? Probably, not to be silent, not to conceal offenses in itself, not to splash out it on the husband in the form of a hysterics: it validly will be not good for a family. It is necessary to speak quietly with the husband, to explain, bring up. And in general - stock up with patience: believe when your spouse becomes more senior and is wiser, he will behave absolutely differently.
What can be told about it? Whether costs to you, so needing support - both material, and moral - right now to start difficult divorce proceedings with tears, a showdown, sharing of property and other integral “pleasures“ of this long and difficult business? Whether it is necessary for you? To solve, of course, to you. But before taking this very responsible step, it would be better if the woman remembered that, being in “interesting situation“, she can assess a situation not absolutely adequately. It is known that in mentality of the pregnant woman there are some changes caused by generally hormonal reorganizations necessary for pregnancy maintenance, and which are shown in unmotivated sharp change of mood. In such state the woman can react to trifles to which earlier she would not attach significance hypertrophied. Also it is not excluded that subsequently she will regret about the decision made during this remarkable, but such “nervous“ period of the life.the author wants to emphasize
in conclusion of conversation once again that he does not make bold to advise something, so far as concerns such serious business as divorce at all. But it would be desirable that, deciding destiny of a family, future mother made everything to keep herself - and, of course, not been born yet, but already favourite kid. The family, probably, is necessary to each person. And, certainly, the safe domestic surroundings are necessary for mother and the child. But the human relations are far from ideal, and sometimes happens that future parents become the former spouses. How to issue divorce during pregnancy how to save itself from an excessive stress in this already not joyful situation? How to provide financial position of a family which should become incomplete? And in general - with what procedures it is necessary to deal whether it is obligatory to appeal to court how long to wait for divorce? I will try to answer questions which concern the women who faced this problem. Divorce order. If one of spouses or both spouses consisting in the registered marriage came to the decision on impossibility of joint life, a marriage is dissolved according to standards of the family legislation in special government bodies: in the REGISTRY OFFICE or court. In the REGISTRY OFFICE In bodies of the REGISTRY OFFICE, according to Art. 19 of the Family code of the Russian Federation (further SK) and the Federal law on acts of civil status from 15. 11. 1997 No. 143, a marriage can be dissolved at observance of two conditions :
- a mutual consent of spouses on divorce;
- absence at them the general minor children.
in usual procedure: marriage of the spouses expecting the firstborn and persons interested to divorce will be terminated in accordance with general practice. The certificate on divorce has to be granted within a month from the date of filing of application (or two separate statements) about divorce (item 3 of Art. 19 of SK). In court the divorce Order in court is established to Art. 21 - 23 CK. Presence at spouses of the general minor children is the main reason for consideration of the case about divorce by court. Besides, divorce is in a judicial proceeding made in the absence of a consent of one of spouses or his evasion from divorce in bodies of the REGISTRY OFFICE.
Pregnancy of the spouse in itself is not a reason for hearing of the case about divorce in court. However pregnancy of the wife can be the circumstance capable to affect the course (and an opportunity) judicial proceedings. It occurs if the husband acts as the initiator of divorce, and the pregnant wife wants to keep a family. In this case (Art. 17 of SK) disagreement of the spouse on divorce is the sufficient basis for refusal to the husband in reception of the statement of claim. (By the way, without the wife`s consent at the husband will not adopt the statement of claim and within a year after the child`s birth.) The husband can initiate proceedings on divorce only in the presence of the written consent of the wife - either her statement, or the joint statement of spouses on divorce, or the inscription made by the wife on the statement of the husband. If the wife at first agrees to divorce, and then changes the decision, consideration of the case stops. And here the woman keeps the right for initiation of proceedings about divorce and during pregnancy, and she can get a divorce even without the husband`s consent. Thus, divorce during pregnancy can happen only on an initiative or with the consent of the wife. Divorce through court is made not earlier than in a month from the date of filing of application. The court has the right to take measures to reconciliation of spouses, having appointed term for possible reconciliation within three months. Purpose of term is made for reconciliation sudyeyv dependences on the actual circumstances and the possibility of elimination of the conflict found in the course of trial. At not achievement of reconciliation the court continues trial and makes the decision.
At divorce the woman has the right for protection of the property interests. All receivership proceeding understand only court. Spouses by agreement can submit the agreement on the section of property and payment of funds for keeping of the child and the needing spouse (Art. 24 of SK) for consideration of court. In the absence of such agreement the decision is passed by court - taking into account the requirements stated in the statement of claim. We got used that the alimony is collected on children, however to the pregnant woman at divorce does not prevent to know that during pregnancy and within three years since the birth of the general child she has the right to demand the alimony and for the contents (Art. 90 of SK) from the former spouse. In this case the right to the alimony is not connected with existence of needs and working ability of the wife. The alimony is collected even in case the income of the wife exceeds a living wage. It is connected with the fact that during pregnancy and care of the juvenile child there are numerous additional expenses which both spouses have to bear.
the Order of payment of the alimony for keeping of the child and the ex-wife can be defined by two ways: or agreement between spouses, or judgment. The size of the alimony, in the absence of the agreement between the former spouses on payment and the size of the alimony, is defined by court proceeding from financial and marital status of spouses and other interests of the parties deserving attention - in the firm sum of money which is subject to payment monthly (the Art. of 91 RF IC). The alimony for children can be also paid either on the basis of the agreement, or when collecting the alimony in a judicial proceeding. But at the same time the size of the alimony established under the agreement cannot be lower than the size established to the Art. of 81 RF IC: on one child - 1/4, on two children - 1/3, on three and more children - a half of earnings or other income of spouses. There is a wish to hope nevertheless that divorce during pregnancy - an exception, and the rule is an observance of the principles of a family law enshrined in Art. 1 of SK according to which children have to be raised in a family, in the atmosphere of love and care from both parents. However if you had to face divorce shortly before the child`s birth, try to get out of this situation with the minimum losses.
This article I call all: and men and women to protect the not been born child . How future mother will feel, what your kid will be born depends. The husband can leave your life sooner or later, and the child with you forever. If there is opportunity, try to protect at least the period of pregnancy yourself from stresses. I was in a similar situation. Can do it not correctly. I knew that I will divorce still pregnant, but tried to convince myself that everything is fine. Was in good mood. Just removed a problem. Seldom saw the husband. Tried to walk, go to theaters more. Even it was necessary to lay down three times on preservation. There (strangely enough) was a fine moral situation, home did not pull... Cared for future child.Katya was born
absolutely healthy. In 30 weeks, 3. 700 (with my doberemenny weight of 47 kg), 53 cm she was the strong girl. I divorced when Katya grew up a little (about it my article “The New Father better or We Will Eradicate Violence in a Family“).
of All to you the best, future and real fathers and mothers. Let your kids will are happy!