Weight loss - 2 important conditions: support of relatives and forgiveness of of
Almost each diet is followed by periodic failures, and also provocations from the immediate environment which is growing thin. How to get support in weight loss process? What to do with sense of guilt, arisen from - for casual violations of a diet? Doctor Ionova continues to give a practical advice.
the Circle of support and saboteurs
Think who those people whom you can address if something is impossible to you. To whom can you be cried that is called in a vest when you face some difficulties? It is very important that in your environment there were such people. I will explain why. All the matter is that each person is an element of system (it can be a family, a social environment or working collective). And when one of elements changes, the system seeks to restore the status - kvo, having returned it to a former state, - such is the law of life. And in this situation many saboteurs act unconsciously, without any evil intention for the relative, the friend or the colleague. For example, your friends suddenly have a mass of reasons for holidays with a magnificent feast, and colleagues aim to treat with a cake or a candy.But most the closest “are zealous“
in this direction, as a rule. From the beloved husband or the wife it is necessary to expect the most active provocations (which are usually disguised under care) type: “As to you, poor thing, hard! Well, eat at least a little bit. Nothing terrible happens“. Or that it is even worse, the second half can establish over growing thin rigid control, vigilantly watching literally each swallowed piece. At the slightest deviation from the scheduled course “violator“ hears a disturbing signal:“ You cannot eat it! You what, forgot? Whether“ It is worth saying that similar “care“ always causes the return reaction - and to the person there is a wish, as they say, “to spite of mother to freeze ears“.If your friends or members of household arrange to
similar provocations, it is necessary to let them know that you should not do it. To achieve desirable effect actually not so difficult. At such moments simple questions very much help: “Why you do it now?“, “Why you tell it to me now?“, “Why you control me?“, “Your way, me self-checking suffices?“, “What you try to obtain?“, “What your true intention?“, “So what you actually want: that I ate this piece of cake or not?“Having carried out by
open discussion of a problem, it is possible, figuratively speaking to kill with one shot of two hares: to protect itself from provocations and manipulations from relatives, and at the same time to get their support.
A support is in general a separate subject. Unfortunately, our people in the majority are not able to ask about it. Probably, because very often similar request is associated with weakness. And maybe, because there is no it in our culture, and we did not see an example of parents. And when support becomes necessary, people “ask“ about it in the perverted ways - diseases, injuries, failures. Though if to think, ability to ask openly about support is, certainly, force indicator. Only the strong person is capable to recognize quietly the imperfection and to accept the help of people around, thereby having given itself an additional resource.Many are not able to ask
about support, but a smaller number of people are capable to accept correctly it - quietly and with gratitude. Support acceptance too for some reason often is considered weakness manifestation. Remember that you felt when people accepted your support? Really arrogance? Of course, no! Most likely, it was very pleasant to you that the friend accepted it, and you felt pleasure when you shared the force. So give the chance to your friends and relatives to feel the same pleasure, accepting their support!
So, you are able to ask about support? If yes, as often you it do that? And how? And whether you are able to accept support? And how you do it? Use this additional resource! Create the personal circle of support on which you can lean in a weak moment and resource depletion what is at all.
Failures and recurrence
you sometime thought of why it is so difficult to most of people to keep to a diet? One of the reasons is that any derogation from it (even if it happens not through our fault, and owing to vital circumstances) is perceived by us as failure which nullifies all previous efforts and achievements. Such single failure is called failure. Typical examples of failure - an overeating at the holiday table, the use of unhealthy food in business trip or at work.
Failure can happen at any stage of weight loss and demonstrates that the new food behavior still finally was not created. The main thing that needs to be understood: failures are an integral part of process of weight reduction! Moreover, their absence serves as a disturbing call to which it is necessary to listen. If at the person all turns out and does not occur uniform failure, it speaks about too strong mobilization which failure not just, and recurrence, that is return to former food behavior can follow. Or excess control in food can provoke decrease in control and trouble in other areas of life: at work, in the personal relations etc.
It is unconditional, any failure creates danger of recurrence. And in this situation depends only on the person whether he will overcome the arisen difficulties and will continue formation of new eating habits or will return to an old way of life.
What needs to be done to avoid recurrence? First of all to learn to analyze each failure and to consider it as a gift (it is as if strange sounded).
So, “blamestorming session“ has to begin with of recognition that failure really was . Otherwise the further analysis is simply impossible. Usually after similar gastronomic “incident“ of people has sense of guilt. And as this very hard burden, he begins to think out to himself justifications, trying to prove that failure could not be prevented.
I Will give an example. One my patient, having come with the child to cafe, gorged on pizzas much. And until this woman recognized absorption of a harmful product moreover in large numbers, as failure, she justified herself, saying that it had awfully difficult week. Like, it unexpectedly was left without nurse, and she had to be engaged in both work, and the child, and a household. If we on it stopped and I would tell: “Yes, I understand how hardly it was necessary to you, we will hope that further similar will not repeat“, we would not consider the happened failure as a gift because we just would not recognize it. As soon as the person says:“ Yes, it was failure“, - he takes the first step to a solution.to
the Second important stage which many pass, - to forgive itself . It is possible to make it only if you see positive value of failure and you accept own human nature (and it is not perfect!).
B than positive value of failure consists? In - the first, he gives the chance to distinguish “a risk zone“, and in - the second, can point to some unsatisfied requirement which is compensated by food. If to consider failure from this foreshortening, then need of forgiveness becomes obvious.
the Following step needs to understand the failure reasons . Ask yourself a question: “What I actually wanted at that moment?“ Most often behind failures there are unsatisfied requirements (we will tell, need to relax, reduce stress, as in the above described history) or external factors which provoke an overeating, for example, food for the company.
At last when the reasons are clear, we make the plan of their elimination . Think how you will have to act in a similar situation next time. In what ways, except food, it is possible to reduce stress or to get rid of feeling of alarm how in a different way to organize food in the company etc.
From the book “Healthy habits. Doctor Ionova`s diet“