Your man and his former. Whether it is worth being jealous of the past? 4 good advices from the psychologist of
without leaving the house, now it is possible to learn very easily about being own husband on his personal page on a social network. As far as it is dangerous to marriage? Whether similar can online - the relations to destroy a family? What to do if the husband in “friends“ has his last girlfriends or even wives?
Establishing a family, each partner anyway brings in it the past. It can be silent till some time, without causing any inconveniences, and can unexpectedly rush into couple life. Including by means of the World wide web. The fact of detection of similar virtual communication often causes a complex of mixed feelings: alarm, jealousy, panic, rage, doubts, uncertainty in love and devotion of the beloved husband.“ What to do? How to arrive? Why it at it in friends? About what to them to be on friendly terms if now I am his wife? Perhaps to forbid it to communicate with it? And suddenly it will only be worse, and they will begin to meet secretly from me, and not just to correspond?“
Someone makes a row to jealousy, “cross-questioning“, demanding “to remove it from “friends“, and someone begins to suspect silently darling of incorrectness and to be afraid for the defects. Anyway, virtual life of the man puts under doubts the real relations in couple.
What actually these alarms, and in what the reason of such man`s behavior hide?
Marrying, many women will - bondage “appropriate“ the man, believing that they have the right not only for the real life of the darling, but also for his past. When we are two halves, it seems to us that we are obliged to know everything - all about each other. And then existence of personal secrets in couple becomes the direct proof of dislike, and joint life imperceptibly turns into hyper control and hyper guardianship over the man.
Many of us forget that each spouse has the right for the personal space, for the world which there is not always a wish to let in the second half. Especially it concerns men for whom the need for freedom and independence is one of main.Even when they marry
, to them recognition of as men not only from the wife, but also from other women is also important to gain. And communication with former even if on the Internet, allows them to make it. It is pleasant to realize that you not only the husband, but also just the man - strong, clever, sexual, charming.If the man “collects“
former on social networks, it can also indicate that it is not self-assured, and through online - flirtation, friendship he lifts the self-assessment, confirms the “man`s“ status, is proud love past, feels more significant, competitive among other men and, at the same time, attractive in the opinion of women.
What else mysterious words of the husband “we with being just friends“ can hide?
Any friendship between the man and the woman always comprises a hint on something bigger even if for someone one. She can assume transition to a stage of the love relations. Not an exception is also virtual communication - for being preservation of in “friends“ can mean a certain hope for communication renewal.
Actually the man, most often, cannot finish the previous relations, draw a line between what was and what is now it is difficult to tell final “no“ to the last love and to completely devote itself to a family.
In case in the previous marriage there are children, communication with former will happen all the same as for the children they forever will remain parents, even if couple broke up. But it is unconditional, here it is impossible to exclude also other occasions of “maintenance of the relations“.
What to do if being your husband held a firm place in his virtual life?
- Much depends on how you learned about it - incidentally, specially (looking through its profiles on social networks), or he told about it. One business when the husband himself reports about it to the second half, and absolutely another when it “sherstit“ the Internet, the mobile phone in search of proofs of devotion or incorrectness. A lot of things depend on it, to be exact, it shows at once what relations in couple.
- not to commit follies in your family life, splashing out the suspicions on the man, first of all, it is important to address himself. How it influences you? Whether you feel confident near the husband whether it is enough to you heat and love from him now? Often scenes of jealousy hide the saved-up tension long ago in couple when small claims fall a drop behind a drop - and turn into the fountain of words it seems “I and knew that you have someone“.
- It is possible, your family goes through difficult times now. The suspicions are stronger, the more you are not sure of yourself as to the woman, especially fragile you consider your relations. Virtual girlfriends of the husband - only one of signals to see it. Detection being at once sets thinking that, even being a wife, it is impossible to be completely confident in the husband, in the family. Even in marriage, each partner all the same remains just the man and just the woman whom the attention, recognition, flirtation is important. Irrespective of a floor it is important to us to feel attractive and significant. And virtual communication partially solves this problem.
. Exactly here not to do without sincere conversation. Most habitual “on emotions“ to make a row to jealousy and to demand “to remove all of them from friends“. Only as it will affect your relations whether will keep this proximity between you? Most likely, the man will move away, seeking to protect even more the territory, and will finally go to the virtual world. The virtual world of subjects is also good that it is possible to leave from daily cares, an infinite showdown. whether
- Should be jealous of the past? Except the man nobody will tell the true reason of his behavior including on Internet open spaces. The only exit - it is honest to admit to himself as you are influenced by this situation. As far as you trust each other? Whether you feel that in something you lose it to last girlfriends? The stronger you feel threat from virtual competitors, the less you are sure of durability of your communication with the husband. Before looking for new traces of its incorrectness, treachery, try to answer a question: what happened at you two? That long ago does not arrange you, but you are silent, hoping that the situation itself will be resolved, and “everything will be as earlier“.
But being the husband and will pursue you: safe they will become only when you feel readiness for open conversation with your man when you are ready to hear what he will tell, and also what he does not want to tell. And this its right as well as - it is sincere to tell yours to it that it disturbs you and inflicts suffering. >
If to you it is important to p to keep your family, first of all, find in yourself desire to appreciate what was and is between you, what does your couple unique and strong, what protects your love and devotion each other. Strangely enough it sounds, detection of “virtual“ women in life of the husband can promote development and enrichment of the relations. > it is difficult for p to pass
from control over the husband to trust and recognition that he is an adult who has the right for the private life. As if we wanted, the man makes the choice independently. The jealousy, desire to control, point to that with whom to communicate and with whom is not present is stronger, the it is less than trust and sincere desire to be together. The man lives with you not because it is “conjugal duty“, “a fidelity oath“ but because, chose you from all others, with you wants to divide the days with their victories and defeats.
Can further continue to be jealous, worry, afraid of changes, and it is also possible to see that the last relations of each other are that experience without which you would never meet, did not get acquainted and did not get married. There he loved too - but something went not so, time could not preserve those relations. And here it with you, and it - only your husband. At own choice. If you are proud present, then but do not plunge into the virtual past, you appreciate and protect heat of your love - and then you will not be afraid “third wheels“.