Diet and family: how not to quarrel with relatives? History of the vegetarian of
all of us love ourselves stronger, than others, but we listen
to foreign opinion more, than to own.
you decided to go on a diet, to begin trainings, to become the vegetarian... Why your decision to change the life is so painfully accepted by close people? Unless change of habits of one person matters for people around?
Cynthia decided to become a vegetarian, than deserved extreme disapproval of mother of the young man Scott.She tells
- Every time when we together sit down to a table, she tries to feed me with meat. I was already tired to say that I will not eat meat, but it is perceived by his mother as a personal insult. She makes rows at restaurants and at parties, claiming as if I refuse to eat what to me is offered though I even bring the food and I cause nobody inconveniences. I try to be present less often at family actions from - for the conflicts which began to arise between me and Scott.I am always surprised to
Ya when I see how people offer alcohol to those who stopped drinking, or try to feed with sweet keeping to a diet. These are those “murderers of dream“ who very much disturb you when you try to reach balance between work and private life, or deride your desire to lead a healthy lifestyle, adhering to the principles of vegetarianism.
Why does that happen? Why not all acquaintances give you support and welcome changes in your life? Eventually, what to them put to you? They are frightened by the fact that you develop? They try to do much harm to you?
I do not think that it occurs consciously. But often we frighten surrounding with the fact that we begin to work on ourselves. Thereby we break their ideas of own safety (“she will stop loving me when she grows thin“), we force to envy (“he persistently goes towards the aim, and I - am not present“) or simply we nullify their internal beliefs that changes are impossible.
If you are engaged in the health, they can apprehend it as condemnation of their own unhealthy way of life by you. Perhaps, they should cease to drink and eat too much too, but they do not want to think of it. Perhaps, they will begin to feel the victims if you decide to give yourself half an hour every evening, it will mean that they will receive less attention of you. There is a huge number of the reasons for which they want to return back you, to old life and habits.
But the most important, such people can meet even in the immediate environment. Passed several decades since doctors recognized that the family is a steady system. If in one of family members something changes, then begins to be in a fever all others. The system, in turn, tries to involve the resources in aspiration to remain stable. Naturally, it occurs unconsciously.as a result the closest people can not support by
your choice. And even on the contrary, to begin to disturb in every way you. What to do with these sceptics and wreckers?
In - the first, just understand that you can not meet supports from a family and friends in that volume in which you would like. Therefore try to find such people who are ready to listen, but not to be sorry or harm. You can ask supports for a family or friends, to suggest them to join you, but is absolutely unreal to force them to arrive as you want that. It is a good way not to allow even to the closest people to dictate to you that needs to be done or as you have to feel. You adult.It can be rather difficult
if you got used to look for approval at other people. Get it together - the more you will assume responsibility for the actions, the result will be better. Perhaps, it will bring more benefit to your relations with people around. Having seen so strong determination not to turn from the chosen way, your relatives for certain will begin to respect you even more.
still the excellent option of actions Is - you treat the choice easier. Quite so Cynthia made:
- When we with Scott decided to get married, I understood - it is necessary to change something in the approach to a problem, otherwise there is a risk to quarrel with his mother forever. I began to play a trick on myself:“ There is your useless daughter-in-law and bears a vegetable burger instead of a barbecue“. It helped to remove stress in further communication.Cynthia made by
one more important thing. It began to treat remarks of the mother-in-law as to care which the woman tried to show even if it was absolutely not so:
- I began to speak: “Thank you that you care about we wash health. I very much appreciate it“. The trick worked. We gradually approached, and it accepted my choice. There is the best proof: when in five years after the birth of our daughter I declared that I will bring up her the vegetarian, my mother-in-law apprehended it rather quietly.
Try to take of Cynthia`s experience advantage. It is not necessary to explain, be protected or prove something. Just tell: “Thanks for the hint. I will surely consider it further“. And when to you will suggest to make something on the contrary, it is necessary just to answer:“ Thanks, I do not want“. Such option will be suitable for more persistent offers: “I will not drink (to smoke, eat sweet for a dessert). Please, accept my refusal as a final decision“. A positive side of such definite answer will become the fact that you once again confirm own intention and it will be easier for you to keep the promise made to yourself.be prepared by
Now for how you will behave with people around under any, even not most favorable circumstances. Think of how not to get into difficulties and not to refuse the intentions under the influence of external conditions.
From the book “This Year I …
How to Change Habits, to Keep the Promise or to Make That,
of What You Dreamed Long Ago“