Crisis of middle age: when the man pulls down all. What to do?
Age of approach of crisis vary from 37 to 42 years - it is one of the most hard endured periods in the man`s life. It still sometimes call “the fortieth fatal“. How to endure crisis of middle age with the minimum destructions? Councils of the psychologist - for men and their wives.
If crisis of the thirtieth anniversary of the man generally beats with
his revaluation of the social role, concerns the choice of a way of work, self-determination in life, and at the same time private life suffers much less, then in forty is a real crash.
U of it several bases are - and they are incomparable to the identity crisis reasons.
In - the first, it is age of summing up. If the man considers himself by forty years successful, that is his social ambitions are satisfied, then he is a winner. And the award and a pedestal, both a storm of applause, and delighted looks are required for the winner. The man - the hero! A family at it as it should be, all on the places. It carries out a role of the head of the family, in his opinion, perfectly. It has hobbies, the circle of contacts, external attributes of success. The world is simply obliged to admire its achievements. And who inhabits this world? The wife who passed with it all way of its formation saw both “the injured nose“, and despair? It ceased to praise the husband long ago and to admire him, and to his progress treats as something quite natural. Will tell sometimes: “You still this well done! would be necessary...“ - also will continue quietly conversation on family needs. Not those it “copper pipes“ for which the man`s vanity, oh, not those is eager!Perhaps, the father his children who reached to his fortieth anniversary of teenage age admire
? I already see your smile, we will not even discuss. Here everything is clear.
So who will estimate the hero`s feat? Who will look at it the eyes in love full of admiration and delight? You too perfectly know it! The very young women captivated in the way “an alpha - a male“. And business here not in what pulled the man to exchange “the old forty-year-old wife on two very young for twenty years“. And not that he is spoiled or corrupted. The success is necessary to it as air! And the wife does not hurry with a laurel wreath - or appears not in time and inopportunely. And around there are a lot of enthusiastic girls... “If not now, then when?“ - the man thinks. It is haunted by a question: “What do I cost in life?“ - and the answer of people looks for not at colleagues and friends, it is the passable stage. It needs admiration of women. Now for it the main thing - the attitude towards his mighty personality.by
To hunger of recognition mix fears. Forty are not twenty and not thirty. The man exchanged the fifth ten. It is unknown how many remained to man`s life where triumph?Yes here also the body prompts
: youth flows away as sand through fingers. Lungs, a liver, vessels, a stomach, heart begin to play pranks... The man unexpectedly understands that an old age not far off that all the best remained behind that he will begin to lose forces soon that nothing can be turned back that he grows old.
First signs of erektilny dysfunction complete a gloomy picture. Dear ladies, do not try to understand that it means to the man. The cellulitis disturbing us, wrinkles and other easy troubles cannot give also to a shadow an idea of what is felt by the man! Any change at the hormonal level, the concern, fear of impotence, decrease of a potentiality, violation of an erection in the middle of life cause panic in men.
Impotence for the man is the end of life, a curtain. Forever.
Once we conducted philosophical conversation with mister of middle age. Spoke about meaning of life and death. And he exclaimed: “Death! It is natural and she waits for everyone! But it is better to die earlier, than you will understand that you cannot any more! Here that on (to the present it is terrible!“ It was sincere.
the Man becomes closed, angry. Looks at himself in a mirror: it seems, still anything, not the old man. And in the head knocks:“ You will become old and ailing soon. Hurry while there is a gunpowder in powder flasks“. And it hurries...health Desperately starts restoring
, sometimes doing itself harm. From it it is frightened even more. And if to consider that testosterone, aggression hormone, at a stress is splashed out in blood in large volumes, then it is possible to imagine without effort a situation in the house of the aging man. It seems to nobody a little. And the wife becomes “whipping boy“, as a rule.all sufferings are concentrated by
In forty years at men on its potentiality and intimate achievements. Self-identification, as as we already know, a phallus for it - a symbol of success and a victory, wellbeing and man`s force suffers.He is absolutely sure by
that its relations with the wife became obsolete, feelings evaporated, there was only a debt. Call of duty is what in the period of the fortieth inspires the man least of all. Call of duty cannot make it happy in any way, it is rather on the contrary. Therefore during crisis the man claims that he was tortured by the wife, it she does not give it the chance to breathe a full breast and to feel to young people. The matrimonial bed grows cold. And the wife “is guilty“ of it too.
the Man feels that nobody understands it, it is infinitely lonely, all from it that (that is necessary, it is not necessary to anybody. It can become sentimental, shed tears. The fact got down, pity to themselves and sentimentalities become a sign of an intolerable neschastnost for the man.“ If I began to cry, then life is indeed awful“.
the Following text can be unpacked and attached a magnetic to the refrigerator not to trouble blessed “composition“ of the reasons of discontent and disappointment.
- You became not sexual and uninteresting. As the man in a skirt. you could not be spoken to
- C, you have no interests, except household chores and the girlfriends.
- You ceased to understand me, in a family I am absolutely lonely. You do not play
- sports therefore also the odryabla blurred.
- You are busy only with the career and rags.
- You treat me consumer. to
- to me needs freedom, and you constantly spy on me. all life plowed
- Ya, now I want to live for myself.
- of the House - continuous problems, you so raised children! I was busy, got money. And in what you were engaged, unclear.
- You always talk to me with metal in a voice.
- Ya the idiot that I suffer all this! I have one life!
- do not stick with foolish questions! You all the same will not understand what is with me.
of Change for which the man in forty years is eager already concern bases of his adjusted life. It is escape from prison where the show is run by the witch. And around there are so much beautiful and fairy godmothers! These are withdrawal pains of all habitual and settled, it is thirst of “other life“. Really another!
Middle age is when still you can do the same, as earlier, but prefer not to do.
Man`s crisis of forty years is an earthquake in ten points. The person goes racing. Everything goes racing, thirst of freedom reads off scale. Neither work, nor habitual hobbies rescues. Everything depreciates. Only the last car of the leaving train in which it is possible to jump on the run is important. And the man jumps!
Yes, in forty years the man is eager for the romantic relations, “high feelings“, sincere acceptance of, without any claims and reservations. In this regard he is similar to the teenager and thinks and feels is also disturbing and is vague.
In forty years, having become more sentimental and vulnerable, the man not just gets petty intrigues to check the sexual solvency. No! He falls in love! It needs understanding and an unconditional recognition. His soul demands inspiration, as in youth. And only the woman not similar to his wife can give it.
Here one more interesting moment is. If at the man by forty years the amount of testosterone begins to decrease, and it does it more sensitive and sentimental, then the woman, on the contrary, becomes more self-assured, stronger. And the man needs a soulmate, gentle and sensual. Such woman becomes for it sexually attractive. And begins to seem to the man that he will not return to a family any more. Who will begin to come back to prison voluntarily!
the peak of stains falls
on this period. If the man divorced and established a new family - with the fairy godmother, certainly - through some time he will begin to compare it to “the old wife“, to try to create her copy.
to me happened to come up against the situations similar is theater absurdities more, than on real life. From them it is visible what confusion occurs in the head of the man.
“We got married with the fifth year of institute, to both was slightly more than twenty. Together grew professionally. Then there were one by one a daughter and the son. The wife took care of children more, than career. And I all life worked, worked, worked... Lived together twenty years. The wife became native, almost like mother. We live as close relatives. But we still young! There is no romanticism, there are no feelings. Life became sulfur. A year ago I got acquainted with the woman. In total as in twenty years: wings behind the back. The head I understand that, probably, these new feelings sometime too will end. And suddenly not? But also there is no wish to leave a family. Twenty years in a window you will not throw out. Before children it is a shame, they will definitely not understand me. How I will leave all of them? Here also I run around like a mad. I cannot see the wife! She knows everything. The irritation is huge. To children I cannot look in the face, it is a shame with thoughts of withdrawal from a family. I go to the wood and there I pay. I am broken off on pieces. Terrible torment! Both love mad, and despair, and shame, and impossibility to live so further... All rolled into one. How to me to settle all this? Perhaps, all somehow will resolve?“
I this person sincerely believes that it will be able to settle somehow everything, all by itself will rise into place. Both wolves will be full, and sheep are whole. He can even declare to the wife who learned about the mistress:“ Well you so worry! I am not going on it to marry! I do not leave a family. Give me a little bit freedoms!“it he tells
I, having mixed forty with sixteen, and the wife with mother. His wife decides that the husband either went crazy, or lost both reason, and conscience.
Actually the husband very much needs support and the help of the wife, but does not know how to ask about it how to explain that awful that happens to it. As the man behaves aggressively and is inexplicable, in reply to him condemn and push away. Crisis will sometime end, but the suffering man does not guess it. Its problem - “forever“.
From the book “An alpha - a male? Yes!“