Why we are lazy? How to cease to postpone affairs for later
Are such unpleasant phenomenon - a prokrastination is what we do to cope with the concern arising at the beginning of work on a task and in attempts to finish begun. Someone, avoiding an important issue, it begins to be dug in in small and not urgent, someone on the eve of the annual report remembers that he was going to sort things in a case long ago... How all - to cease to postpone affairs for later and to pull to the last?
“Why you postpone affairs?“ The most frequent answer to this question sounds so:“ Because I am lazy“. However even the most inveterate procrastinators are not deprived of motivation and energy which they use in some areas of the life - sport, a hobby, reading, care of other people, music, investment, gardening or sitting on the Internet.
Many make progress in those fields of activity which to themselves chose, but at the same time are not capable to get to work in other spheres at all.
According to my theory, neither laziness, nor disorganization, nor any other lack of character it is impossible to consider as the reason for which you prokrastinirut. It is impossible to explain a prokrastination and the assumption that people by the nature are lazy and therefore for motivation they need pressure from outside.
my system is based on the theory of positive psychology of doctor Martin Seligman which doctor Susan Kobaza from the Chicago university calls “the psychological reference points increasing human initiative and ability quickly to restore a sincere and physical state“. According to its research in The Hardy Personality, optimistic interpretation of human behavior often is not taken into account when the speech comes how people cope with difficulties. In this way in Anatomy of an Illness and The Healing Heart Norman Kazins says that the modern medicine actually does not notice vital salutary forces which we possess by nature, and prefers to be focused on an illness while humour, positive emotions and thoughts possess medicinal properties.
“If the person is allocated with ability to be positive and active, then why we are afraid and we postpone unpleasant?“ - you can ask. Denis Ueytli, the author of The Psychology of Winning and The Joy of Working gave one of explanations. It defines a prokrastination as “a neurotic form of behavior for protection of the personality“, in particular own advantage. That is we prokrastinirut when our self-respect or independence are under the threat. We begin to be lazy only when is exposed to danger or does not receive an exit our natural invincible desire of fruitful activity.“ Nobody prokrastinirut it is bad to feel, - Ueytli says. - Only for a while to reduce the deep internal fears“.
What the deep internal fears forcing us to look for such unproductive forms of disposal of them are? Doctor Theodor Rubin in the book Compassion and Self - Hate assumes that fear of failure, fear to be imperfect (perfectionism) and fear of expectation something impossible (when we are filled up with different tasks) do not allow us to work properly or to achieve attainable aims, to build up the relationship.
Fear of failure means that you are convinced that even the smallest oversight is capable to prove your otioseness. Fear to be imperfect means that it is difficult to you to accept yourself it what you are - imperfect and, therefore, absolutely human, - therefore any criticism, rejection or condemnation from other people puts your thin understanding that it is perfect under threat. The fear of expectation something impossible signals about your fear that even after you nicely worked and reached objectives, all new and new, more difficult purposes promising lack of rest and time for enjoying fruits of the works will be your only award.
These fears, according to the doctor Rubin, also do not allow us to reach that standard of living when we feel sympathy for ourselves and to respect themselves here and now - for the one whom we are and where we are at present. This sympathy to itself is essential in overcoming of the main reasons for a prokrastination. It is necessary to understand: the prokrastination does not mean that you have a problem character; it is attempt rather - though unimportant - to cope with the fear which is beating out from a saddle to expose itself on general condemnation.the Fear of condemnation originates of
in excessive identification of with the work. This fear follows destructive thirst for perfectionism, rigid self-criticism and fear that you should lose free time to please to the hidden judge.
Advantage of a prokrastination
Having worked as
with thousands of procrastinators, I understood that there is one main reason for a prokrastination: it grants temporary disposal of a stress. The main reason for which we get some habit according to doctor Frederik Kanfer and doctor Jeanie Phillips expressed by them in the book Learning Foundations of Behavior Therapy is that even the most bad habit leads to remuneration. Prokrastination reduces tension, distracting us from what we perceive as a source of pain or threat. The more discomfort it is expected from work, the more actively you will try to avoid it and to try to find rescue in something more pleasant. And the more you will feel that infinite work deprives of you pleasure derived of free time, the more actively you will avoid it.
In some sense we look for a way to temporarily reduce the alarm connected with its performance in business postponement. If it becomes clear that work which we considered necessary does not need to be done actually, we feel justified and we earn double reward for a prokrastination. It turns out that we not only used it to master our fears, but also preserved forces.
the set of situations in which postponement of affairs for later is rewarded and appears a solution Exists.
- In a random way the postponed boring task is performed by someone another.
- If you long postpone purchase something, then eventually will wait for sale or this thing will stop being fashionable. Often the prokrastination passes
- with impunity: practically everyone in the childhood at least once worried from - about the fact that he was not ready to control or to examination, and all this inhuman tension in one second passed, it was worth hearing news that the teacher got sick or for any reason it is not necessary to go this day to school, - all this teaches you to prokrastinirovat in hope that again there will be a miracle.
- Having taken a break to cool down, you avoided serious quarrels with parents, teachers, the administration or friends. Difficult situations are sometimes resolved by
- if to wait for additional information or to rely on will of a happy occurence etc. >
It is considered li that a prokrastination - rather independent problem, than a symptom of emergence of other problems. And, unfortunately, this diagnosis instead of directing your efforts to a rupture of the cycle “pressure-fear-a prokrastination“, only worsens a situation as lays on you blame for so awful habit. People around unanimously repeat that “you need to gather; just make it“.
I you try hundreds of different methods, make lists, develop the schedule that with a scratch to force itself to get down to business, but results are unfavourable because similar methods attack a prokrastination, and at the same time and you as its source instead of attacking problems which led to it.
When we identify the value through work (“I what I do“), naturally, without having protective psychological mechanisms, very reluctantly we take the risk. If you consider that, condemning your work, people actually condemn you, then perfectionism, self-criticism and a prokrastination and become necessary forms of protection. Seeing your indecision preventing to get down to business or, on the contrary, to finish begun, the person controlling you, or family members - often from good motives - begin to encourage you or, on the contrary, to press, and even to threaten. And when there is a conflict between your internal fears to make a mistake or to be imperfect and external requirements of other people, you begin to look for rescue in a prokrastination. And it can lead to a destructive cycle.
does not begin this behavioural stereotype. It is only reaction to perfectionistic or unreasonable requirements, and also to fear of the fact that even small mistakes will cause destructive criticism and will become the failure reason.
Can learn to use a prokrastination in three main cases:
- as an indirect way to avoid administration pressure;
- as a way to reduce fear of failure, justifying the behavior, far from perfect;
- as the protective mechanism against the fear of success keeping us from an opportunity to prove.
having More thoroughly studied the main reasons for a prokrastination, we will be able to understand what of them allow to establish the reasons of our own problem.
From the book “Easy Way to Cease to Postpone Affairs for Later“