Birth of the second child: how to prepare the firstborn of
the Birth of the second child - an important event not only for parents, but also for their firstborn. Whether it is necessary to train the child for appearance of the baby? When to tell about pregnancy and what the senior child has to know?
Some parents do not pay special attention to these questions. “It still small, all the same will not understand“, “Why to speak, and so everything will be clear“, “Let it will be a surprise“...
But children, irrespective of age, feel changes in family life, catch differences in mood, react to quarrels. With the arisen changes at them the day regimen can be broken, appear tearfulness, concern or refusal of food. The small child cannot ask a question, tell about the experiences, but it well interprets a condition of parents. > Therefore it is important to p to tell
about the forthcoming changes. Then, as a rule, children adapt to a new situation and a new rhythm of life of a family better.
we Will talk about it
At early age the child begins to learn the world and feels in it still not really surely. Rest and a stable situation therefore too long expectation can cause concern and alarm is important for kids. For
it is not necessary to discuss With children of preschool and younger school age in detail and too beforehand a subject of the forthcoming appearance of the baby, they do not love long expectation, it can be replaced by irritation and discontent: “Well when it appears?“ 3 - 4 months are better to begin Preparation for
Expectation of the second child - the good period to strengthen emotional connection with the firstborn. Try to spend more time together. During conversations remember that time when your senior child was a tiny baby future kid. All can watch together photos of the firstborn where it still small. “Here you absolutely small, you were only able to sleep, suck a breast and to shout. And now you are able to go, speak, play, jump“ (list achievements of the child). “When will appear the brother, it will be such small too what was you. It will not be able to play with you at once, at first he will sleep, ask to eat or look at you“ .
Visit friends who have a newborn that the senior child could study the baby, consider, present it a toy.
the Senior child can participate in registration of the nursery or a corner for future kid. To draw drawing and to hang up it over a bed, to choose the poster or to hang up the photo.
Give to the senior an opportunity to open gifts which will bring to the newborn. Prepare a gift to the firstborn from future kid and do not forget to hand it at acquaintance of children with each other.
the Teenage period has the features. The teenager does not need to explain what is the baby and from where he undertakes. But it is important to keep the confidential relations with the child and not to conceal information, waiting when senior “itself understands“ . Do not wait when the child guesses, or will incidentally hear your conversation, or learns from friends or acquaintances. In this case he can think that you do not reckon with it or it is awkward to you to report about pregnancy.
News about pregnancy of mother involves attention to sexual life of parents. It is worth speaking about it quietly, tactfully and without confusion. Girls are often disturbed by physiological aspect of pregnancy and childbirth. “Will be painful to mother, it is terrible, and suddenly something happens to her?“ Treat with understanding to feelings and experiences of the daughter. Use books, children`s encyclopedias, video records (corresponding I will increase) and dispel fears of the child. Encourage questions and try to answer them sincerely.
How to reduce alarm of the child before childbirth?
to reduce uneasiness and fears of the child on the eve of the birth of the kid, it is possible to use the following receptions:Tell
- to the child that you will not be several days. Let he will help you to pack necessary things.
- do not isolate the child on the eve of the birth of the kid, sending it to stay for a while to the grandmother or to relatives without explanation. You should not show the baby as “surprise“. For the senior child it is very important to be with you during this period.
- So far you will be in maternity hospital, relatives can organize leisure of the child (a visit of cinema or of park).
- Give to the child on storage some subject which has for you the value (the favourite book, a toy, an article of clothing, ornament). The child will know that you did not throw him and will surely return.
- Charge to the senior several duties for a while until you (feed a cat, to water a favourite flower, to check mail). Let him feel as the important person.
- Agree about how you will communicate during your lack of the house (phone, e-mails).
Forbidden or “bad“ feelings
the long-awaited moment, you in an anticipation Came... You do not hurry to build the ideal scenario. Happens that the senior child, coming to meet you in maternity hospital, does not pay any attention to the newborn baby. Give it time - now it came to mother whom strongly missed. Embrace and kiss the senior, talk to him, and then show the baby.
do not project the feelings and hopes for the senior child: “You will surely fall in love with the kid, you will be able to play together, you will begin to care for it...“ Be ready that the senior child can experience also negative emotions: irritation, anger, offense, jealousy etc.: “I it do not want , let`s it throw out. Let it will be taken away. It is bad, without it it was better“ . Do not abuse it for it. Let the child will share the experiences, will tell that he disturbs him.
the reverse situation when the senior child seeks to be such what his parents want to see Happens: lovely and loving. “Look at how he loves the little sister“, “He so rejoices when he sees it“ . The senior child irons at this time, kisses and embraces the kid. It would seem about what to worry? But there cannot be all so ideal. It is not excluded that the child quashes the negative feelings in relation to the baby. Allow the kid to express negative emotions: in conversation with you, in drawing or game.
If negative experiences are suppressed by
, then through some time the neurotic symptomatology can appear (a kusaniye of nails, sucking of a finger, enuresis, enkoprez, tics, stutter, etc.) and then any more not to do without the help of the expert.
Remember that the child needs about half a year to adapt to the changed conditions. Try that its mode strongly did not change. He also sleeps in the bed, did not take away a toy from him to give to the kid, he continues to go to kindergarten or school, he can watch favourite animated cartoons or play on in the habitual place.Help the senior to find
the place in the room where it will be able to store the things and toys which will not want to share with the kid. Let it will be its personal space.to
Now to the senior child needs a lot of heat, - it is more caress and love, than before. He needs to be convinced that it is also necessary to parents.
Regress or the game “in the baby“
“It again as though became small. Asks a breast or a small bottle, pisat in panties, demands that it was shaken as baby. It became uneasy and whining“ . What happened to the senior child who lost the acquired skills?
It is so-called temporary regress (the child returned on the previous stage of development). It is reaction to the changed situation in a family. The child needs to stay in the past - there to it it was quiet and safe, mother was near. The main thing that this period did not drag on and the child continued to develop further.
If you faced regress, be not frightened and do not panic. Let better the child will openly express the feelings, than will hide them deeply inside. Therefore do not abuse the child for such behavior at all, he does it not specially.Try to support by
the game “in the baby“ - “swaddle“ the senior child, shake it. Play on
If you see that this period dragged on more than for 2 months, it is better to consult with the psychologist. Perhaps, experiences of the child are too painful, then the period of regression can drag on and cause complications.we Choose by
strategy of behavior
“ How to help the senior child during this period? How it is better to behave? Whether to ask it about the help?“ Similar questions are often asked to themselves by parents.
First of all, designate borders: “If you become angry about the kid, you can tell us about it, but you cannot beat him or shout“ .
you can ask the senior child about the help (to give a diaper, to descend in a drugstore, to bring a small bottle, to shake the kid), but do not turn it into the nurse. Remember that the senior has affairs and duties.
Addressing the senior, use a request ( “You could not help me?“ “If it is not difficult for you, please“ ), but not the order ( “You have to help me“, “To care about small - your duty“ ). Do not forget to thank and praise the firstborn.
do not push together children among themselves, holding up them as an example each other. “Look at how the kid well ate not that you“ . You can tell: “Show younger as it is necessary to eat, he did not learn to do it as well yet as you“ .
Ask the father or the grandmother to sit at least not for long with the baby, and go with the senior to shop (to buy something for it, but not for the kid) or to walk.do not force the senior to play
with younger. Body-checks will not help here. Let there will pass a little time, and the senior child himself will show interest in the kid.Avoid
in conversation of such phrases as: “You the senior - you have to concede to it“, “You already big, and he small and understands nothing“, “You already adult why to you it?“ . It can provoke protest reactions and negative attitude to the younger child.
Remember that on parents and the immediate family depends as the child adapts to the new role. Try to be gentle, tender and patient with both children. Do not forget also about yourself, find time for rest, relaxation, meetings with friends. If you are happy, then you will be able to make happy and the children.