Rus Articles Journal

Conversation with parents on adoption of the child

Gradually the relation to adoption changes also already priority there is not a preservation of secret, and a question how not to shock with such decision of the relatives and subsequently to make them allies. As it will be good to have to the adopted child not only the loving parents, but also not less loving grandmothers and grandfathers!

Certainly, it is absolutely optional to tell all and everyone about the decision, but the immediate family can seriously take offense that did not trust in them, did not consider their opinion, and it can cause originally rejection, refusal in the help and acceptance of the child, and also offense and jealousy.

Here a lot of things depend on what relationship at you already exists with (potential) grandmothers - grandfathers as you put yourself. It will be simpler to those adoptive parents at whom close, cordial relations with the parents remain. But even in this case there can be a misunderstanding.

It is natural, each normal parent, even for the overage child, wants the better lot, tries to save from mistakes and understands that appearance of foreign child will create additional problems. From here reaction and questions follows natural negative. Why to create to itself new difficulties if they and so in life are enough? Why to take foreign child if there are children and if there is a wish more children, then it is possible to give rise? Why to undertake such responsibility if the state helps nothing, especially the situation in the country is very not stable and anybody has no confidence in tomorrow? Who will grow up from this child if he has genes not of royal blood? (Especially this question will concern parents - physicians and those who studied genetics). Can spend better money for own child(children), but not make investments on education of the orphan (so children now expensive pleasure)?

Of course, many these questions are familiar to you because until recently you to yourself set them. You have on them answers, and reasoned. Quietly and kindly explain the position to parents. Do not insist on the point of view. Your parents are not obliged to look at adoption process by your eyes. They can have the opinion about it. The main thing now that parents supported you, accepted the thrown child and equally treated as the native grandson (if he is), and reception. Better to understand the parents, put yourself on their place. What you would tell the child in 20 - 30 years if he decided to adopt the child. What you will feel while he tells it to you. Probably, you will be proud of the child, but do not tell him about it. And most likely will jam heart, so more carefree life wants for the child, so there is a wish to protect it from difficulties....

In conversation with parents, it is desirable to find out degree of their awareness and the relation to adoption and orphans in general. Joint viewing of movies, for example, “The rule of wine makers“, discussion of article or transfer, the story about the acquaintances who adopted the child will help with it. If parents read newspaper horror stories, it is necessary to pick up accurately positive material about adoption and to demonstrate specifics of mass media on popular newspapers: the more in them it is printed materials about horrors and sex, the better they are on sale. Therefore in our newspapers and magazines of so poorly positive information.

do not demand

from parents of the immediate answer or positive reaction. You made the decision not in one day too. Parents some time have to get over that they will have a grandson or the granddaughter soon.

Thank parents for education which they gave you. Tell that it thanks to their attitude towards you in a childhood, you understood the value of the childhood and learned to love children. Parents will most quicker support those adoptive parents who already strong stand on the feet, first of all morally, and then is already material. Those who not gray hairs and wrinkles, but acts and behavior proved the maturity. Those who have a happy matrimonial life and the harmonious relations with own children. More misunderstanding will be met by those adoptive parents who have no above-mentioned qualities, and your decision on adoption will be regarded as a whim of crisis of middle age or as an extravagant and frivolous act. Prepare that if parents supported you or just have no objections into the account of your decision, some of them will fall in love with the adopted child not at once. They will look narrowly at it, can look for shortcomings, compare to the native grandson or to you when you were small and only over time will accept it as the. As fine incentive your example for this purpose will serve: unconditional acceptance of the child and sincere love to it.

Even if you got support of parents, try to count first of all only on yourself. Nevertheless it was your decision, and quieter life is already necessary for your parents, i.e. do not shift the problems to their shoulders. And you will always be helped by them while there are forces and health.

If parents nevertheless it is categorical against adoption, try to understand the reasons of their behavior. From outside sometimes it seems to know better. Maybe your relations with the second half hang by a thread, and you try to live in a fool`s paradise? Poor health can at you, and you spend much time in hospital? And suddenly you treat that type of parents at whom children are on a five-day week, and on the weekend walk with the nurse? Maybe you only actually are considered as parents, and the grandmother with the grandfather are engaged in education of children? Maybe you quickly light up some idea, begin to realize it and do not finish business? Listen to the parents - their councils often happen correct and help us to change to the best. Can really at first it is worth changing something in itself, in the relations with people, and then to adopt the child?

Sometimes parents oppose as

categorically adoption and the reasons of negativism are covered not in the best lines of their character. In my opinion, there are only two main reasons for rejection of the orphan by potential grandmothers - grandfathers, the others are their derivatives.

the First reason is when parents still use authoritative style in relation to the matured children for a long time. You have to obey and submit to them implicitly. If you arrive against their will, they it will not forgive you, or will long take offense at you, not to talk to you, to damn you, to say that you the disobedience will send them to the grave, to reproach that you preferred the father or mother to foreign foundling etc. and in the same vein. Parents will manipulate the same means and ways which used all this time in communication with you.

the Second reason - future grandmothers and grandfathers never loved children, either the, or strangers. The most interesting that they do not admit to themselves this quality. For themselves and for society they were always approximate parents: children used various benefits, did not know need and deprivations, studied in prestigious institutions, had a rest in the best resorts. But at heart children always disturbed them, irritated, irritated and forced to get rid of them (a five-day week, the round-the-clock nurse, study far from the house, for example the abroad etc.) . I.e. parents under different pretexts sought not to communicate with children in spite of the fact that there was both time, and opportunities.

It is known that the are become more senior by us, the more difficult for us to change. Would be a real miracle if such parents changed the outlooks on life. But practice shows, it happens seldom. Therefore limit contacts with the parents before adoption. Do not allow them to sadden pleasure of a meeting with the long-awaited child. You are ready to listen to opinion of people who gave you life, but important acts in your destiny should not depend on will even if closest people. Arrive as prompts your heart. If after adoption parents do not want to meet you and the reception kid, do not refuse the fathers and mothers. Understand them, I`m sorry, everything people make mistakes. Visit them (without kid so far), you call, only do not touch upon an adoption subject in talk. Pretend that as though nothing occurred. If parents the first start talking about the adopted child, let`s them express. Let the offense and anger leave with words. But do not allow them to speak about the adopted child badly. It is necessary to protect the children. And then, today parents at you badly speak of the child, tomorrow they will be able to say directly to muck to the child. Unfortunately, there is also it. Over time the parental offense will pass. Parents will want to improve the relations with you and the reception kid. Prepare the parents for a meeting with the child. Show photos, tell about advantages of the kid, find common features between the reception kid and you. And surely talk about the requirements in education of the grandson or granddaughter: what cannot be spoken and done at communication with the child. Make it in a soft and correct form that parents did not take offense again. Parents have to accept your conditions or requests, otherwise they can injure inadvertently and so still weak mentality of the adopted child. Fortunately, such cases that grandmothers - grandfathers long did not accept the adopted child, are small. In most cases, at adoption the child finds the real full family: the loving father and mother, the brother or the sister, grandfathers and grandmothers.