To begin new life: since Monday, since the beginning of month... What disturbs us?
All great causes can be begun since Monday, to change life since New year and to lead a healthy lifestyle after a sign boundary in 30 (40, 50 etc.) years. But the exceptional case comes to an end with real realization of grandiloquent words in business.
On Monday we persistently ignore an alarm clock up to the critical mark “without 5 minutes was late in office“ and, certainly, to any gym we do not get. And we sit up before arrival of the severe security guard who is kindly interested in the evening whether it is time for us to leave the room, - and with grief we understand that with such schedule English could not be studied resolutely. On the second of January we find ourselves everything in the same close apartment with the television panel instead of the book in hands, and
Whether promises are not so important, whether will power we weak, whether have an immutable universal order to which to resist is useless. What occurs and how to keep promised most with a clear conscience?
Inga Makarova, the psychologist, a Gestalt - the consultant: >
“It is not enough to strong to descend from a native track, it is necessary to lay a new way“
Each of us grows and lives in the certain system of values and concepts dictated by our education and an environment. At first we meet what world around us and as ourselves are arranged. Then we live in already developed system of coordinates and with the ideas that we can. These are rails on which, certainly, convenient and so habitually are simple, predictable and safe to go. Really to begin to change itself, it is not enough to descend from a native track, it is necessary also to lay a new way, choosing its direction and understanding: it will be already something else, something new, and not the fact that it will turn out what we so wanted. It is risk to lose what is valuable to us today, without guarantee of bright future tomorrow.
Change of - no other than an exit from the zone of comfort out of which limits so there is no wish to vykolupyvatsya. However the sensible aspiration is better to be and live us does not leave, and the idea of change warms soul “tomorrow“, installing belief that the best already absolutely close and simply “did not come time yet“.are various
of the Reason of such “breakfasts“. We can be physically exhausted and are not able to wake up every morning on an hour for jog earlier. We can consciously or not make the choice for the present zone of comfort. We can be under the power of fear and alarm for the fact that actually at us nothing will turn out which hold down our consciousness and do not allow to risk. Or we consciously do not take responsibility for the life and decision-making. It is much simpler to go down stream. It is not always pleasant to meet these reasons of self-deception face to face, and often and it is impossible without professional support.
to Help to keep the word pledged to itself the understanding of accurate motivation, that is understanding of the purpose for which we strive, and its values for us can. And also readiness to take the responsibility for the decisions forming our life.
of Yuli Lapin, clinical psychologist:
“Beautiful dates help to draw a line between old and new life“
Why it is difficult to us to change themselves today, and we postpone this invention next day, week or year? At each person for the answer to such question the mass of the internal reasons, but the most important, in my opinion, this absence of the real motivation.
What we promise ourselves most often? To change the appearance? The habits? To find a congenial employment? But we have before eyes a set of examples when people just have to grow thin because excess weight threatens health; to change work because in a family the child appeared; to leave off smoking because the campaign to the doctor seriously frightened, etc., and all this occurs without promises to itself new life from tomorrow.
Of course, beautiful dates - birthday, New year, the first date, Monday - as though help to draw a line between old and new life, but actually the only thing that can force us to change, is a serious reason.during decision-making something to change
we create feeling that we already take concrete steps for realization of conceived. Moreover, such “decision“ gives to us a reason to praise itself:“ I will eat now this cake because I from tomorrow go on a diet“. And it can repeat every day “tomorrow“ just because such promises to itself enough for a superficial solution behind which the serious discontent with most often is.Similar promises to themselves and their the subsequent non-executions drive with
the person into a vicious circle of a bigger dislike for themselves today`s: “Not only that I thick, I also weak-willed, well anything, here since Monday...“ . But if to wonder why to me these changes, there is not always an answer which will give strength to limit itself(himself) in something, to change a way of life and to resist the habits.
If you noticed that you in increasing frequency promise yourself new life since Monday, take a sheet of paper and write at least five reasons what this “new life“ is necessary for you for. Perhaps, you will find strong motive for changes already now, at the same time and forces on such brave step. And it is probable, you will see that your today`s life with its habits and small weaknesses gives you pleasure too.
Natalya Kundryukova, a Gestalt - the therapist, the psychotrainer:by
“You feel pleasure, lying on a sofa, - you lie“
Most often Big Promises which we give a shape of the purposes and tasks, do not correspond to our true requirements at present. You promise yourselves to grow thin, begin repair, to learn to cut a fret saw? You coolly plan and write down in the daily log:“ January 2. 10. 00. Charging, jog“. Wait. Listen to yourself: whether precisely you want it?Remember
: if you feel hunger, you do not promise yourself that you will approach a table in 2013, the truth? When in a stomach hums, not to plans any more, rather to eat - our true requirements so look. Or we satisfy them, or...All other ideas overheard in society, imposed by parents can be good
, but not have relation to you real. Trying to meet expectations of other people, you doom yourself to a dissatisfaction, alarm, shame for the outstanding promise.
What to do? To listen to itself, to learn to feel and trust the body. You cannot sit still, so there is a wish to dance - go to a circle. You feel pleasure, lying on a sofa, - you lie. In it there is much more honesty before by itself and fullnesses true your vital sense.
- to go on a diet
- to Begin to visit fitness -
- to Leave off smoking club
- to Cease to be late to Distribute to
- debts any more not to be lent
- more often to call mother (the grandmother and other relatives)
- to Change a job
- to Learn a foreign language
- to Begin to travel
- In time to go to bed
Maria Karpovich, the psychologist - the consultant:with
“Five principles of fight for new life“
In my practice very often on reception people who cannot leave a circle of infinite promises in any way come “to begin new life“. It is clear, that the answer seems simple - it is necessary to cease to deceive himself and to get it together, but as it appears, our will power is many times weaker than our force of laziness therefore I explain to the clients five basic principles of fight for “new life“.
Principle № 1.Begin small steps with
with small and feasible promises. If we speak about a diet, then it is worth setting at first to himself the task two times a week to refuse a dessert for dinner, then to arrange every two weeks kefiric day, etc. In case of success it is possible to reward itself purchase of new beautiful things or a visit of favourite cafe. The solution of such “modest“ tasks gives feeling that we move to the planned purpose, there are less reasons for failures. It is still important that similar gradualness develops at us a habit which remains for a long time.
Principle № 2. The help of the friend
For example, you decided to learn a foreign language - take with yourself several friends on courses! In - the first, you will feel somewhat responsibility to friends, in - the second, there will be a competitive effect - which of you will quicker achieve progress in study. The same can be made if you decided to register in sports club, to go to culinary courses or to go to a round-the-world regatta.
Principle № 3. We change Wednesday
Change the Wednesday surrounding you so that everything helped to keep the promise around and really to begin new life. One my client could not force to go to bed in time in any way - constantly “hanged“ on the house Internet, thus that could use freely it at work. Every morning, painfully trying to wake up, she promised herself that she will precisely go to bed today earlier. But everything repeated again and again until once there were any malfunctions on the line, and it was not left for several days without Network. When faults were rectified, she disconnected the Internet, having understood that it is the only way to keep the promise made to itself.
Principle № 4. Declare publicly the intentions
Development of social networks also helps to create additional motivation. For example, one my client promised himself at least two times a week to call the grandmother, but in vanity constantly forgot about it. Then he wrote in the blog: “Friends! I promise every Tuesday and to publish Thursday in the blog dialogues from my talk with the grandmother Nina!“ . Thus he not only could keep the promise, but also entertained friends amusing stories.
Principle № 5. Be not afraid of failures
All who did not keep the promises made to themselves, are inclined to blame themselves for it. However all who achieved success, claim that they were ready to periodic failures. It is necessary not to be disappointed and not to be given, and just as soon as possible to return to the drawn-up plan.
Those who, for example, leave off smoking sometimes come back again to an addiction to the periods of stresses. The main thing to find at such return the positive moments (“I already smoke only 2 cigarettes a day, but not two packs“) and not to give in on provocative thoughts (“Ah, well time nothing is impossible, then at all I will not undertake it“). It is necessary to come back to the first stage again - “small steps“ and to try to smoke not 2 in day, but one etc.
U you the cherished dream is to change to the best the life? Today new day, it is possible to begin!