Scandal at children - itself is more expensive. What is felt by the child?
For parents scandal or quarrel can be simple in the way to exhaust, and here children take each similar situation painfully. What rules should following to spouses if the conflicts in a family nevertheless arise? The writer Larissa Wright reflects.
Dinners three together, joint walks, visits of cinema - cheerful carefree pastime in the company of mother and father. What can be better for any child? And suddenly, like a bolt from the blue, - divorce and a problem of the choice with whom to live how to be and what now to do.
So happens? Of course. But such things all are much more often - “suddenly“ do not occur. The thunder and a lightning are preceded by the whole series of peals in the form of quarrels, squabbles, the pursed lips and intense molchaniye. If children also do not participate in them directly, then quite often become a change, suffering even more adults.
Of course, not any quarrel leads to parting of parents, but any of squabbles which witness was a child cannot but influence children`s mentality. In what way to us to splash out the emotions and to show mutual discontent so that not to do much harm to the child?
my friend Lyudmila is mother of two children - had not just explosive character about ten years ago, and resembled the real powder keg ready to jerk not that from the unpleasant word, and even from an objectionable look. Anybody of acquaintances had no doubts: Luda`s wedding with the groom Sergey will be quickly and inevitably followed by divorce. Young people swore so that neighbors had to cause militia that nobody killed anybody.
For a year of joint life they killed three services, several beautiful vases, tore five shirts and two evening dresses, raskoloshmatit quite decent stools and to everyone`s surprise managed to conceive the child. On puzzled questions of girlfriends of how it is possible to go to bed with the one whom so you hate, Lyudmila in reply mysteriously smiled and spoke:“ I love Seregu. And the abuse is just adrenaline. If you only knew what sex is after that“. Girlfriends were confused, but continued to argue among themselves that on one magnificent sex far you will not leave, and in advance to feel sorry for yet not born child.
I that? Children at couple for a long time two. The abuse and a beating of ware remained in the past, and in the near future they wait for the birth of the third kid. In response to my question of how it managed to pacify the violent temper, Lyudmila told such story. The first plate thrown by it on a floor after the delivery caused such deafening crying in the daughter that, having been frightened of consequences, she promised herself to avoid the increased loudness during scandals from now on.
- you do not swear any more? - I specified.
- we Swear, - Luda admitted, stroking herself on a pregnant stomach. - In a whisper. Before shouting or dropping something, I just count up to ten, and the desire to smash everything disappears around.
generally if you are excessively emotional and got used to exhaust loudly, learn to do a pause before flash, and then it will not be bright so to sadden existence of your child.
the Child - the powerful weapon for achievement of the purposes. She wants to go to a zoo, he - to roll about at the TV at home.“ Go, the child, tell the father that you very much want to look at polar bears“, - she says and revels in own ingenuity. The campaign in a zoo is provided, and small cunning remained unnoticed? Did not remain. Perhaps, the husband also closed eyes to this “thin“ reception, but the child, be sure, remembered it and drew a conclusion: it is so possible to work and it is necessary. Be not surprised then when in a similar situation your child with success tests this line of conduct for you.
A if you want to avoid similar succession of events, trying to reach agreement with the spouse or to insist on the, do not try to make the child the ally and to win round it. You remember: during “war“ children have to keep a neutrality.
If in a family there passed the love, then, in my opinion, you should not keep such family even for the sake of children. They are natures thin and everything feeling. They need the atmosphere of pleasure and mutual understanding, but not compelled patience of each other. Besides if you do not have enough this patience, and the child becomes the constant witness of a showdown between parents, its nervous system is exhausted and in literal sense becomes useless. Such children become closed, constraining, can begin to be written to a bed or to cry often without the reason. Believe, in a similar case it is better for child to live in an incomplete, but quiet family, than to be constantly in “a crater of the volcano breathing a lava of hostility“.
But, of course, in any even to the most remarkable and loving family quarrels happen. And sometimes emotions so read off scale that it is not possible to save children from unpleasant scenes. What to do in this case? Let the child will become a witness not only quarrels, but also reconciliations. When passions settle, embrace both each other, and the child, and let he will feel that his reeled world is again cloudless and beautiful. There is nothing more perfectly than a family where mother with the father love each other. And quarrels is a usual life, and in this life, as we know, “darlings quarrel, only play“.